Chapter Text
"Hello."
There was a pause at the other end of the line. "Wow. Is billionaire Bruce Wayne answering his own phone like any peasant?"
Bruce snorted in response as he adjusted the phone better between his shoulder and ear. "I knew it was you, Tony. Otherwise, it would have gone straight to voicemail."
"Why Brucie, such an awful, awful way to say I'm special," Tony replied, leaning back in his chair. "Okay, but just how much did you piss Alfie off that he let you answer your phone despite the lack of decorum."
"I think you're confusing me with yourself," Bruce grabbed a clean sheet of paper from the pile and jotted down a note. "And Alfred isn't home."
Tony took a moment to peer at the clock. He was well known for losing track of time when he was working on something, so it was always better to check. And yep, it was late. Too late for nice old butlers to be out and about in gloomy, terrifying Gotham. "Really? It's almost midnight. He got a hot date?"
Bruce snorted one more time, twiddling the pen between his fingers. "I finally convinced him to take some much-needed vacation time, so he's currently in England visiting his family. "
"Wait. What? Alfie has a family? Like ancestral, blood-related family? 'Someone that isn't you' family?"
"He doesn't see or speak with them very often, but yes, he still has family over there."
Tony had to have known Alfie had family other than Bruce, of course, but he must have forgotten. Surely a perfect testament to how little contact the man had with them. But, even so, Tony wouldn't have expected him to be visiting them right now. Just like he hadn't expected Bruce to be in so late. It was the perfect time for the Bat to be roaming the snowy and dirty streets of his beloved city.
But this was sooo much better. Made things a hell of a lot easier for him.
"How long is he gonna be gone?"
"A week is the longest I was able to make him agree to," Bruce leaned back in his chair, looking wearily at the paperwork spread across the mahogany desk in his study. He trusted Lucius to lead the company on a daily basis, but that didn't mean he didn't wish to know every detail of what was going on in his father's company.
Lucius and Bruce took most of the major decisions together, but he didn't always have the time to take a deeper look into the company's more mundane activities. The holiday season was a great time for him to catch up and read reports from each of the different branches of the company rather than a couple of reports encompassing it all, and make sure everything was working as it was supposed to.
That did not make the task any less boring, though.
"Hmm. And what are you going to do?"
Bruce rolled his eyes and lifted a hand to grab the phone. "Alfred will be gone only for a week, Tony. I think I can survive that long without him."
"You sure about that?"
"Of course. He left yesterday and I'm still here, aren't I?" Bruce countered "The only real issue is the food, but I don't need to cook if I don't want to. I can eat out or order something. And I can even eat something at the tower if I need to."
Bruce reached for his cup of coffee and took a sip of the warm beverage. Thank God he knew how to prepare coffee, or else he would have neverallowed Alfred to leave the Manor. Never.
Tony hummed softly, tapping his fingers against the desk. "So, he's going to spend Christmas in England, then."
"Of course," he replied after a pause. "That's why I insisted he travel now. It's been too long since he spent the holidays with his family."
"What about you?"
"Well, there are at least a couple of parties and functions I'm still expected to show up for," Bruce commented with a long-suffered sigh. "But, on the other hand, the annual Christmas party at the Manor is out of the question without Alfred to oversee everything, so I guess that will be my gift this year."
Tony rolled his eyes even if he knew Bruce couldn't see him. "Okay, but I was actually talking about you, Bruce Thomas Wayne, aka the Bat, not the idiotic buffoon you like to parade as around your city."
"I feel obliged to point out that idiotic buffoon acts uncannily like you, Mr. Stark," Bruce said dryly.
"You know what I meant. I wasn't talking about the gloriously fun bits, but about the part where you have to pretend to be a brainless moron pretty much all the time."
Bruce stayed silent for a moment. Even though Tony had been amused by the antics of his public persona on more than one occasion, his annoyance any time he was physically present when he acted like an 'idiotic buffoon' was not exactly subtle. Not that Bruce himself enjoyed acting like that, of course, but it was necessary.
"I will be patrolling, obviously. And if there is nothing major calling for my attention I'll finish early and have a quiet night in."
Tony grinned. That was exactly what he had been expecting. "Alright. It's settled, then. You're coming with me."
"Excuse me."
"You're coming to Malibu with me, cupcake," Tony explained. "It's been too damn long since we spent Christmas together."
The line stayed silent for a moment.
"I thought you said you invited your team over for dinner."
"Yep, I did."
"Then I don't think I should intrude."
"Oh, please. It's my damn party, so I can invite whoever I fucking want to, okay? Besides, it's a dinner party, sweetcheeks, not a SHIELD top-secret briefing or some shit like that," Tony countered. "Come, you cannot miss the chance to mingle with Mr. Stripes and Stars. And you've got to meet Banner. The man is a fucking genius and I should know about that, considering I'm one as well."
"Yes. And I'm sure it will be a delightful time for everyone, being in the same room when all I talk about is polo and the latest gossip." Bruce said bitterly.
"Well, you don't have to act like an idiot if you don't want to," he pointed out.
"Tony-"
"What? I'm not saying you should show up wearing the cowl and cape, alright? I'm just saying you can tone the dumb act a bit."
Bruce pressed his lips together and looked down at his clenched fists. He forced his fingers to relax one by one as he exhaled softly. It wasn't Tony's fault he needed to be Brucie Wayne in public.
"I don't think it's a good idea."
Tony made an irritated noise. "Stop being such a party popper. Pepper and JARVIS are going to be here too and-"
"Wait. You didn't invite Rhodey?"
"Of course I did, Brucie-bear, but he declined." Tony tipped his head back to look at the workshop's ceiling. "He's having dinner with the in-laws this year."
Bruce blinked. He couldn't honestly say he and Rhodey were the best of friends, but they did get along pretty well, so this was a surprise. Besides, Tony talked plenty about him. Lately, he had been calling him to complain whenever Rhodey didn't go along with whatever crazy plans Tony came up with because he was spending time with his girlfriend.
"I didn't know things between them were serious."
"Yeah, well, there are no wedding bells yet, so I wouldn't say it's serious," Tony dismissed before adding, "And stop trying to sidetrack me."
"I wasn't-"
"Like I was saying, Pepper and JARVIS are going to be here as well. You like Pepper and JARVIS."
"I do, but-"
"It's settled then. Are you flying here or do you want me to pick you up?" Tony's tone left no room for arguments- if the person at the other end of the line were anyone other than the fucking Bat.
"I didn't agree." And there it was. The fucking Bat. But, Tony wouldn't be where he was today if he couldn't handle a bit of a challenge.
"Oh, but you were going to say yes, Brucie-bear. I know you, but most importantly, you know me. So, want me to fly to Gotham to pick you up?"
Bruce stared at the paperwork on his desk one more time. He wasn't opposed to the suggestion of spending the holidays with Tony. In fact, he quite liked the idea of that. It was the knowledge they wouldn't be alone that was the problem. And while Bruce had nothing against the Avengers, he wasn't really comfortable with the idea of being in the same room for more than a couple of minutes, even if Tony and Pepper were going to be present as well.
Not that any of that mattered now that Tony had come up with the idea, of course. There was no way he was going to let him get out of this.
Bruce heaved yet another sigh. "No. No, that wouldn't be necessary. I'll ask someone in the company to take care of it."
Tony smirked at the resigned tone in the other man's voice. "You sure, honey? 'Cause I can get JARVIS to arrange it."
"I'm sure."
"Mmm. You do know that JARVIS wouldn't have any problem letting me know if you don't make the arrangements, right? I can simply fly to Gotham at the last minute in my suit to scoop you up and take you with me, so don't try me, Mr. Wayne."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Bruce said dryly.
"Great! Good to know we understand each other, cupcake."