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The date was fine. It was fine, okay? It was fine. Better than fine. So why did Buck have the sinking feeling that he had ruined everything?
At 8:00 Tommy had knocked on his door, looking amazing in a tight button up shirt and dark jeans. He gave Buck a kiss on the cheek, making his face embarrassingly hot. The drive to the restaurant was comfortable, with small talk and laughter and shy glances.
When they got to the restaurant, Tommy held the door for him and led Buck to their table with a hand on his lower back. He even pulled out Buck’s chair for him, which might have been a bit much. It felt good, though.
The conversation was natural and easy. Tommy was so cool, but he was also funny and sweet. His scrunchy smile made Buck feel insane. Buck could spend forever just trying to get Tommy to smile, but it didn’t seem like he needed to try too hard anyway. Neither of them could stop smiling. It felt so, so nice.
Then Eddie had shown up.
Needless to say, Buck hadn’t reacted well. Of all the restaurants in LA, why did Eddie have to choose there? There was already enough lingering weirdness between them from the basketball game. Of course Tommy was friendly and polite, but when Eddie left to enjoy his own date night, the atmosphere felt different somehow. Tommy’s smile wasn’t quite as constant. Tommy paid the bill and Buck cracked a joke, but it didn’t quite land.
The ride home wasn’t exactly tense, but it didn’t feel the same as their easy connection from before.
So here they are, sitting in Tommy’s parked car outside of Buck’s apartment building. They aren’t looking at each other, but there’s an obvious energy in the air. Buck needs to do something. He can’t fuck this up.
“Tommy.” His voice sounds small, and he feels so stupid.
Tommy turns to him and lets out a sigh, smile not reaching his eyes. “Yeah, Evan?”
Evan. No, Buck can’t risk never hearing Tommy say his name like that again. “Please come up?” He worries at his lower lip. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
Surprise flickers across Tommy’s face, but he quickly schools his features. “Of course, if that’s what you want.”
Buck wordlessly leads Tommy up to his apartment, heart practically beating out of his chest.
He turns to Tommy as soon as the door shuts behind them. “I know that I’ve been kind of a mess, but that’s just me. I’m kind of a mess.” He smiles ruefully. “I hope that I haven’t made you feel like you’ve done something wrong or made me uncomfortable. That’s not what this is about at all. I know that you felt a connection between us, and I hope that I haven’t ruined that.” Buck risks putting a hand on Tommy’s hip, and is glad when the touch isn’t immediately rejected. “I really like you. I want to get this right. I’ve been pretty unlucky with relationships in the past, and that was with women. I have been with a lot of women.”
Tommy snorts and tilts his head. Buck probably doesn’t deserve the way Tommy is looking at him, questioning and maybe a bit disappointed, but not angry. Yeah, Buck is a mess.
“I’m not ashamed. Not about myself, and definitely not about you. This is just so new and special to me. I just wanted to keep it for a while, you know? Just to keep something special for me, for us. You turn me into a blushy, stammering mess, and that’s not just the guy thing. The guy thing is pretty cool though. You make me feel safe and cared for. That’s not something that I’ve gotten from a partner before, that stability.”
He’s used to being the seducer and doter, the one who cares too much and too fast and gets it wrong anyway. Tommy steps a bit closer to him, eyes soft and thoughtful.
Buck sighs and continues, “I just really hope that you can give me a chance, give us a chance.” He finally feels himself crack. “Please. Please give me a chance. I want to be good for you too.” He has to look away from Tommy’s penetrating gaze.
“Evan.” Tommy’s voice is so soft, too gentle. Buck can’t handle it.
Buck feels fingers on his chin, not dissimilar to the kiss they shared in this room just a few days prior. He’s turned back to face Tommy, as always marveling at the fact that their eyes are on the same level, Tommy’s deep gray and piercing as they meet his own.
Tommy moves his hand to cup Buck’s cheek. “Thank you for telling me that. All of it. I like you, too. A lot. You’re right that I was a bit apprehensive. Your behavior at the restaurant was… disconcerting, to say the least. After everything I’ve been through to get to this point… I just can’t do that again.”
“I don’t want to put you through that either. I’m absolutely sure about my feelings for you. The thing is, it’s been literal days since I realized myself. I’ve certainly kept relationships private for longer than that before. It’s not because I’m unsure, it’s because it’s personal and… precious.”
Tommy smiles at that, and brings his other hand up so that Buck’s face is cradled in his calloused palms. “Precious, huh?”
Buck feels his face heat up, but he can’t bring himself to laugh it off. “Yes.”
Tommy leans in and rests his forehead against Buck’s for a few long seconds. “We’re fine, Evan.”
“Fine?”
Tommy sighs. “Better than fine.”
“Okay.” Buck pulls back so he can meet Tommy’s eyes again. “Come sit with me? Please?”
Tommy chuckles. “Of course.”
The couch, while imperfect, is much more comfortable than an emotional standoff in the entryway. Buck feels exhausted from all of the emotions swirling inside of him. Luckily, Tommy doesn’t seem to mind. Buck takes the chance to lean his head on Tommy’s shoulder, and he doesn’t let himself feel bad about it.
Tommy brings his arm up to wrap around him. “You know, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with another firefighter.”
“You haven’t been?”
“It shocks you that I haven’t hooked up with a coworker? Do you think I’m that easy, Buckley?”
This time it’s Buck who closes the space between them. This kiss starts much like their first, Buck's hand landing on Tommy’s cheek before moving to the back of his neck. Tommy reacts in kind, his hands finding Buck's waist. Buck has never felt so small and consumed, in a very, very good way. The kiss is passionate but gentle. Whenever Buck tries to push him further, Tommy holds him back. It’s nice. It’s right.
Eventually, they have to pull apart.
Tommy’s eyes are soft, and Buck feels like he’s going to combust. “I have a shift tomorrow and I haven’t been sleeping much lately, so I should go. But I’ll text you in the morning and we’ll figure out where you’re getting me that beer, okay?”
“Okay.” Buck gives Tommy one more chaste kiss before he leaves. Yeah, he could get used to this.