Chapter Text
Varian: I just got the best idea I've ever had in my entire life!
*Later*
Hugo, to Varian: That was the worst idea you’ve ever had in your entire life.
Yong: How petty can you get?
Hugo: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about
Varian: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.
Hugo: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.
Varian: This food is too hot... I can't eat it.
Hugo: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.
Everyone at the table: *silence*
Nuru: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!
Yong: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!
Varian: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Varian: Not you Yong. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.
Varian: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Hugo: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
Nuru: Do you need help getting up?
Varian: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.
Nuru: What do you call disobeying the law?
The Squad: A hobby.
Nuru: *crosses their arms*
The Squad: That we do not engage in.
Varian: You're not my friend anymore.
Hugo: I was your friend?
Varian: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver.
Varian: When it hits a corner perfectly, I’m allowed one good idea.
Varian: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Varian: That's why I own TEN guns.
Varian: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.
Yong: Hello Hugo, made anyone cry today?
Hugo: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.
*Varian falls over*
Hugo: Varian! Are you alright?
Varian: Is that you, God?
Hugo: What?
Varian: It's just, you sound a lot more like Hugo than I expected.
Yong: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Hugo:
Hugo: I'm gonna tell them.
Nuru: Don't you dare.
Hugo: The best person I know is myself.
Yong: Varian, what do you value about Hugo?
Varian: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but...
Hugo: That’s how I know they’re fresh!
Varian: If you want my advice-
Nuru: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.
Varian: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.
Yong: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.
Hugo: Two bros!
Varian: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Hugo: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!
Varian, to Hugo: I'm leaving for the weekend, so I hid 100 dollars in your room for food. Clean your room, and you will find it.
Hugo: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year?
Varian: If you say me, I swear I’ll—
Hugo: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!
Hugo: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Varian: What the hell!?
Hugo: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Hugo, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
Varian, whispering: Of course. What do you need?
Varian: I will send my army to attack!
Varian: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*
*during a group project*
Varian: *does 99% of the work*
Nuru: *has no idea what’s going on*
Hugo: *says they’re gonna help but does not*
Yong: *disappears at the very beginning and doesn’t show up again until the very end*
Varian: I can catch one of them. Let's go, Hugo.
Hugo: I didn't volunteer.
Varian: A stake out needs two people! Think, Hugo. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie?
Varian: Hugo and I are no longer dating.
Hugo: Varian, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Hugo: I’m this close to falling in love with Varian.
Nuru: Your fingertips are touching.
Hugo: Exactly.
Hugo: I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good, so I simply did myself.
Hugo: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.
Hugo: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep?
Varian: Yes?
Hugo: We’re in too deep.
*Hugo is telling a story*
Varian: Wow, Hugo, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!
Yong: Romance?
Varian: I have a crush on them.
*The gang is about to do something dangerous*
Hugo: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk?
Nuru: Go ahead.
Hugo: Be careful.
Hugo: Don’t die.
Yong: *Holds back a laugh*
Varian: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.
Yong: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.
Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you
Varian : Eat shit and die, Hugo!!!
Hugo: Eat shit and live, Varian.
Varian : I hate you!
Hugo: Wow! So much in common already!
Hugo: I'd roast you, but my mom says you can't burn trash.
Hugo: *slow-mo walks out of the room*
Varian : I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Hugo: Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Hugo, right after Varian leaves the room: I miss them already.
Yong : I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?
Nuru: Please don’t get arrested.
Yong : No promises! <3
Varian : Why not both? Get creative!
Yong : Wonderful suggestion, thank you.
Nuru: Please don’t encourage them, Varian .
Hugo: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).
Varian : Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).
Yong : How are you talking like that in real life?
Varian : Witchcraft (derogatory).
Nuru: Hey, Hugo? Can I get some dating advice?
Hugo: Just because I'm with Varian doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Yong : Varian , why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?
Varian : So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.
Hugo, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?
(Hugo after betraying the squad and also Hunter noooooo)
Nuru : Let’s not Hugo this into a worse situation than it already is.
Hugo: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Hugo: Did Varian just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Nuru: Yeah, they did.
Hugo: And did I just do finger guns back?
Nuru: Yeah, you did
Varian : "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?
Varian : My stomach growled super loud in French.
Varian : I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Hugo: Bonjour.
Yong : Le growl.
Nuru: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
Hugo, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK
Varian : Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.
( I died laughing on this one #Varigo)
Hugo: I hope no one lowkey hates me.
Hugo: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.
Hugo: Go big or go home
Hugo: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Varian : Burn the house down.
Hugo: And what did you do?
Varian : I made dinner.
Hugo:
Varian :
Hugo:
Varian : And burnt the house down.
Varian : Hugo, fuck off.
Varian : And by "fuck off" I mean "fuck off right back here and listen", you insufferable prick.
Varian : I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.
Hugo: Do you know that we are made out of atoms?
Hugo: And atoms never touch each other.
Hugo: So in my defense, officer. I did not punch this kid.
Hugo: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.
Nuru: Okay?
Hugo: …
Hugo: …
Hugo: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—
Varian : Fight me!
Hugo, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.
Varian : Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Hugo: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!
Varian : I would let you ruin my life.
Hugo: Sorry, I’m busy ruining my own. You’ll have to wait.
Nuru: This is a bad idea.
Varian : Then why are you coming along?
Nuru: Someone has to get your injured ass home.
Varian : Good news! I didn’t screw up!
Hugo: ...
Varian : I screwed up less badly than usual!
Hugo: ...
Varian : Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual.
*talking on the phone*
Varian : Remember how I said that Hugo and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?
Nuru : Yeah…
Varian : Well, we’re in jail.
Nuru : *hangs up*
Varian : *slams down an absolute doorstopper of a tome* I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Hugo: This is light?!
Varian : How do I make a date really romantic?
Nuru : Be mysterious