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He had first shown his interest after you began to watch his training with kido- it was easy for him to control it.
"It’s almost like ceros,” he said and yawned at the people gawking at him, “What, like it’s hard?”
You realized very quickly that it was that underestimation that he hated the most; those people that looked at him with surprise as he managed to complete all their tests in a few hours. It wasn’t all about his fighting skills though. You were present when they tested his knowledge and intelligence.
Grimmjow turned their questions around and used them to mock the shinigami. You felt anger on his behalf as the supervisors pretended to be surprised, even shocked.
But for you it was excellent that they proved to be stupid enough to underestimate the Arrancar- Grimmjow seemed to realize that what you did, what he had hated so much about your eyes, was nothing like pity as he had suspected.
“Oy, Kurosaki!” he yelled at you as you watched his kido training from the sidelines, “You think you could give me a hand here?”
You approached him and he acted much too fast for you to follow him with your eyes.
“You’re shit with reaitsu, huh?” he asked and grabbed your wrists, “Lemme show you how it’s done before you blow this whole building up trying to copy me.”
Grimmjow twirled you around like you were dancing and stopped only as the length of your body was pressed against his, your noses barely an inch apart.
“Focus now, Kurosaki,” he mocked, “You’re all tense.”
At first you were confused and maybe even a little angry at him and his haughty attitude. But then, with time, you noticed yourself getting calmer and calmer, his eyes drawing you in. They were cold and piercing, but also a point to focus on as he had said.
“See?” Grimmjow asked and smirked lopsidedly, “All better, isn’t it?”
Miraculously, it was. Your power barely even applied pressure on you anymore.
The second time you suspected he might be interested in you was in the winter after the war against the Quincy ended.
You were alone and christmas was just around the corner; a silly non-traditional holiday, maybe, but you liked it and tried to enjoy it as much as you could. It was your first winter away from home, as well. University was difficult, but nothing you couldn’t handle- if anything, you were bored because all your ties to the world of Hollows were cut. You had gotten so used to the fighting and the supernatural acquaintances you made; now everything else seemed bleak and boring. You hated yourself for thinking like that; you should be happy there was peace for you to celebrate.
But right now you were just lonely and cold and wanted to find some of that christmas spirit you used to feel when you were younger.
Grimmjow quite literally ran into you on your way back to your apartment. It appeared he was running from something; you were too busy falling over to think about that, though.
Your feet slipped on the icy ground as the body bumped into you; you struggled to stay upright, but gravity did not go easy on you.
“Careful, Kurosaki,” Grimmjow said and grabbed your elbow to help you steady yourself, “Didn’t see you there.”
And that’s how you ended up standing close to each other on a snowy night, the air cold and crisp. His cheeks were flushed and you could see snowflakes that had gotten stuck to his lashes. He looked at you strangely as you kept staring, his fingers curled around your arm; there was a curiosity in his eyes, an interest that you had noticed before as he pressed you close to calm your spiritual pressure.
“What are you doing here?” you asked and your mouth was so dry it hurt.
“Just passing through,” Grimmjow answered, “But the lights are nice to look at.”
He was right, they were beautiful. It felt like the setting to a cheap romance movie; the ones that were happy and infinitely naive.
You smiled and he smiled and you invited him to your apartment. It was strange, spending christmas with a dead man; but somehow it made sense and you felt at ease with the world for the first time in a long time.
“Why are your people acting like this?” he asked you as he dropped down onto your couch only to drape his body all across its surface.
“Like what?” you asked.
“All those lights,” Grimmjow mused and looked up at you, “All that music. Someone smiled at me today.”
“Do you like it?”
He seemed to think about it, his entire concentration used up on that single thought.
“Yes,” he finally admitted, “Human customs are not that bad, really.”
“You don’t remember any of this from when you were alive?”
Grimmjow shrugged and huddled close to the corner of the couch, pressing his body into the niche as if trying to force his body to get warmed up. Maybe that’s what it was; the cold, the lights, all things confusing.
You handed him a mug with cheap christmas punch, smiling at his surprise.
“Try this,” you said and took a sip out of your own cup, “You got things to catch up on.”
He eyed the drink suspiciously and then stuck his tongue out and licked across the rim of the mug. You laughed as he flinched away.
“It’s hot,” you said unhelpfully and earned a glare, “Be careful.”
“Thanks for nothing, Kurosaki,” he grumbled and tried again, more cautious this time.
You waited for him to pass his verdict; it was interesting to watch how he grasped the cup close with both hands; he handled it with care, though, gingerly holding onto it.
“It’s very sweet,” he finally said, “Aizen had tea like this he made us drink.”
“Well, this one is gonna make you feel better than tea alone.”
It was not your number one priority to get the two of you drunk; but it seemed like a good idea, like something that might calm him down even further. You liked the situation like this; he was amiable, even kind and you needed a friend right now.
Grimmjow listened to you rant for the next hour; you told him everything that came to your mind. He was quiet, looking at you from his safe spot on your couch.
It was a few moments after you talked about fighting Aizen, about almost killing and your eternal disgust for having to raise a blade with the intent to destroy, that he interrupted you.
“So you really meant that,” Grimmjow muttered tiredly and rested his head on the backrest of the sofa, “When you told me you didn’t want to kill me at all.”
He had kept drinking while you talked and you could see there was a pink tint to his cheeks; his eyes were slightly clouded, but he was not yet gone entirely.
“Yeah I did,” you agreed, “Did you think I was lying to you?”
He hummed and rubbed his cheek against the soft cushions.
“Maybe,” he said and yawned, blinking slowly, “Maybe not.”
You chuckled and refilled his mug as he held it up; you were not even sure how much he had by now.
“Guess you don’t know what that’s like, huh?” you asked as he gulped down the liquid like it was water, “Being the Espada of destruction and all.”
Grimmjow didn’t reply immediately; he looked at you and then he grinned, suddenly. His eyes were shut and his nose scrunched up. You almost couldn’t believe it was him.
“Oy, Kurosaki,” he slurred and huffed out a laugh, “I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. If ya wanna ask something, just ask.”
You laughed and leaned forward until your chin rested on your hands and your elbows dug into your knees. He sat to your right, still perched on the couch like he tried to sink down into it.
“Okay then,” you said and cocked your head, “Before I saved your life, you saved mine first. I want to know why.”
Grimmjow swayed a little and looked down onto the ground as though he needed to think about the question quite a bit.
“I wanted to fight ya,” he answered after a while, “Couldn’t let that Cuarta bastard kill ya like that.”
It was the answer you expected.
“That so?”
“It sure is,” he confirmed and shook his head, “You’re mine to kill, shinigami.”
It didn’t seem that threatening coming from him as he snuggled into the corner of your couch, his legs drawn against his body and his cheeks flushed. You felt the urge to run your fingers through his hair; he looked like a large cat inviting you to pet it.
“Yeah, whatever lets you sleep at night,” you muttered and set down your mug, “By the way, were you planning to stay here overnight?”
Grimmjow seemed to realize he had been here for some time; and the look that passed through his eyes was uncomfortable and embarrassed, if only for a second.
“Yeah, keep the comments to yourself,” he said and stretched, “I’m gonna be on my way.”
He stood up and promptly collapsed onto the couch again, landing with an undignified groan.
“Or not,” he added and pressed a hand against his forehead, “My head’s all fucked, Kurosaki.”
“I wasn’t kicking you out, anyway,” you said and got up to assist him, “I’ll give you a blanket and you can stay right here.
Grimmjow curled up on the couch and nodded, his motions slow with sleepiness.
As you returned with the promised blanket a few moments later he tugged it around himself quickly and then stayed perfectly still.
“You’re welcome, idiot,” you mumbled and the words were not spoken with malice.
Grimmjow hummed in the back of his throat.
“G’night, Ichigo,” he said and rolled over so that his back was turned on you.
It was only as you dropped down onto your own mattress that you realized how much you liked it when he used your first name.
It didn’t take an entire year for you to meet again.
“So tell me again why you are working for Urahara right now?” you asked and leaned over the counter, squinting at the newest addition to the shop.
Grimmjow shrugged and cocked his head.
“It happened,” he told you and rubbed a cloth over the wooden surface before him, “Sometimes things like this just happen, y’know.”
The most peculiar thing about this new Grimmjow, the one free from Aizen’s influence, was his ability to smile without moving his lips. Right now he had a very neutral expression.
Your eyes are smiling, you thought and had to cough to stop yourself from grinning.
“Things normally doesn’t include an Espada starting to work at a dubious shinigami shop,” you said, “So I don’t really believe you just ended up here.”
“You make it sound like this is a fucking sex shop,” Grimmjow muttered and rubbed his neck. You could swear a faint blush dusted the bridge of his nose.
You were torn; on the one hand it was cute and you liked looking at it, but on the other hand you were also jealous. Whenever you blushed it didn’t stop at just a hue of red; your sisters used to joke that you finally did your name justice.
“Are you flirting with our customers again, Grimmjow-san?” Urahara’s voice interrupted your awkward silence.
“Shut up!” Grimmjow returned, considerably louder and with his signature scowl, “At least I’m not fucking sleeping in the back!”
You laughed and he turned back to you. When he was surprised his eyes widened comically; if he had been in his resurrección form his ears would be pressed against his head.
“What’s so funny?” he snapped and his surprise morphed back into a frown.
“Oh just, you know. You didn’t deny you were flirting.”
Grimmjow pinched the bridge of his nose and even if you could not understand what he mumbled then you were sure he was swearing to an impressive extent.
“Not you too,” he said after a while, still grouchy and quiet, “I swear, ‘s bad enough with Nel fucking pestering me about that.”
“About your flirting?”
“Shut up, Kurosaki.”
You laughed again. Teasing Grimmjow was always fun, especially when he played along.
“What, is the cotton candy hair not doing it for you?” you asked.
Grimmjow gave you an incredulous look and then turned back towards the hallway leading to the other parts of the store.
“Oy Kisuke!” he yelled and threw the rag on the counter before he made his way over to your side, “I’ll be off kicking this guy’s ass, someone else take my shift!”
“Aye, Grimmjow-san! Have fun!”
You were still laughing as you followed Grimmjow outside, his steps light and easy. Maybe it was too much to say he was bouncing on his heels, but his body language was easy enough to read.
“You can be so fucking annoying when you want to be,” he growled as he pushed the door aside and held it open for you, “Won’t even let me do my damn job now, huh?”
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” you answered and slid your hand in his while passing him by.
Grimmjow let you tug him along; it was something you did often and he never complained about.
“I got you coffee,” you said and smiled back at him, “C’mon, is that not supportive boyfriend™?”
Three months after that christmas spent at your place you had asked him out; awkwardly and without a great plan in mind of how to proceed. You were both horrible and inexperienced when it came to romance; but now it was December again and you were still here.
Grimmjow accepted the styrofoam cup and smelled its contents.
“Is it-”
“Yes, it’s your favourite.”
“With-”
“Grimm, yes. It is about 50% milk, 30% sugar. The rest is cinnamon. One percent coffee.”
He closed his mouth and quietly took a sip. A bit of cream stuck to the tip of his nose. You had to compose yourself before you could tell him.
“So you just came here to give me this?” Grimmjow asked and buried his chin in his scarf. Yuzu had made it for him.
“It’s the color of your eye markings!” she had said and smiled so bright you thought it had to hurt.
“That’s his eyeliner,” had been your only comment and you ended up being chased around the house until you admitted that yes, even if it were eyeliner, it was still absolutely gorgeous.
Grimmjow had kept the scarf and it was only a while later that you realized it was probably the first present he ever received.
“I came here because it is christmas,” you told him now, “And even if neither of us technically has the day off, I decided we are gonna do something right now. Live our lives. Y’know. The inspirational things.”
He blinked slowly, confused and yet still onboard with your plan.
“What’s the plan?” he asked and you realized you might have said that last part out loud.
Nervousness still pooled in your gut and your cheeks burned a little. The rush of a new relationship was not entirely gone; it had softened decidedly, was tamed and declawed now. But being a Hollow and a substitute shinigami didn’t exactly go together all of the time; so there had been weeks where you had not seen each other at all. November was so busy there had been no occasion to meet up; so you felt like you had to make up for it now.
“The plan is to, uh,” you started. Grimmjow started smirking as you didn’t continue.
“Pretending to be real smooth, huh, Kurosaki?” he laughed and crushed the cup in one hand before tossing it in a trash can, “And then you don’t even have any idea what to do?”
“Shut up,” you muttered, “I got the coffee. I was excited.”
Grimmjow hugged you from behind. He was still a little taller than you and enveloped you easily with his embrace.
His breath tickled the back of your neck and you shivered. You leaned into his touch as he nuzzled your skin.
“I have some ideas,” Grimmjow drawled, his voice low and throaty as he whispered in your ear, “Promise I’ll make it good for you.”
An hour later you were moaning and whining because your muscles were sore and your skin sticky with sweat.
“Are you satisfied now?” you asked and rolled your eyes, “I swear, you are insatiable.”
Grimmjow chuckled, completely out of breath and glowing with joy.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
He shuffled closer until his upper arm pressed against yours.
“Been a while since we did that.”
“Because it’s really exhausting.”
The air was clear and fresh and it calmed down your rapidly beating heart. With time your body began to cool as well, from head to toe until the winter’s chill reached you once more.
“So, any other ideas on what to do?” you asked, “Besides beating each other up?”
Grimmjow folded his hands on your chest and rested his chin on them.
“Aw, I thought it was fun,” he said and faked a pout, “My heart is broken.”
You poked his nose.
“Don’t be so smug just because you won. I went easy on you because you get grouchy when you lose.”
“Because you only win when you cheat.”
“How do you even cheat during a fist fight?”
“I’m still figuring that out.”
You rolled your eyes as he grinned up at you, white teeth as blinding as the few remnants of snow that gathered in some corners of the park.
Grimmjow made a small humming noise.
You wondered if he had figured out by now that you came to the shop in your shinigami form so you could spar in peace- pretending to be annoyed was just part of the deal.
“What’s up?” you asked.
Grimmjow was quiet and just shifted until he could swing a leg over to the over side of your body, bracketing your hips with his thighs.
“Pretty compromising, don’t you think?” you asked and huffed as he steadied himself. Ten fingertips pressing down on your stomach. Grimmjow was not rough with you outside of the sparring; he took great care in shifting his weight so you would not get hurt.
“No one can see us anyway,” you mused as he stayed silent, watching you.
The park was not frequented by many people at this time of day; some kids walked by a few hundred meters away and it still felt strange they couldn’t see you. Well, it was for the best.
You looked up at Grimmjow again and he did it again; he smiled with his eyes because everything else was still a little difficult.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked.
You nodded mutely, too flustered to waste a breath on speaking.
Grimmjow leaned down until his hair hung into his face, their tips tickling your temples. You were so close you could see the different hues of blue in his eyes, watched how his teeth worried his bottom lip.
No matter how much you wanted to close your eyes, you were too interested in his reactions, ached to see every little thing he did.
Grimmjow bumped noses with you, exhaled shakily, did it again.
You laughed quietly as you reached up to cradle his face. His mask cut into the side of your pointer finger once and you winced.
“My bad,” Grimmjow murmured against the corners of your mouth and pressed his lips against the skin once.
“Damn right, you savage,” you replied very quietly and ran your fingers through the short hair on the back of his neck.
Then you led him a little closer, beckoned him with the press of your fingertips.
Kissing Grimmjow had never felt strange and yet always overwhelmed you. Even a simple kiss like this was enough to make you gasp into his mouth. It was so much to take in; breathing the same air for a second, watching each other’s face because really, you both couldn’t close your eyes and not look.
You tasted the cinnamon on Grimmjow’s lips and your shoulders shook with laughter.
“Your taste in coffee is still horrendous,” you said and grinned as he leaned his forehead against yours.
“So is your taste in men, apparently,” Grimmjow replied and laughed, “You like ‘em dead and angry.”
You kissed him again, combed his hair out of his face, gently bit his bottom lip.
“Bastard,” Grimmjow huffed and pulled back.
“That’s so rude,” you replied and sat up, followed him until he sat on your lap.
Grimmjow moved to get up, but you stopped him with a hand on his shoulders. He produced a surprised noise low in his throat as you pressed a last kiss to his forehead.
“Gross,” he complained and got up, “You’re horrible.”
You just hummed as a reply because you could see his blush even as he turned away from you to hide it.
“So what was it that Nel said to you?” you asked as you walked beside him towards your apartment, “That annoyed you so much?”
“Ah, y’know,” Grimmjow replied dismissively and shrugged, “The usual.”
“What is the usual?”
“Just some of her damn questions, you know how she is.”
“Sexual stuff?” you asked and sighed as he stayed quiet. Bingo.
“You haven’t told her you’re asexual?” you continued, “I’m sure she’d understand.”
“I don’t need her approval. ‘s just annoying.”
“Do you think she wouldn’t believe you?”
His grip on your hand tightened.
“What did your people say?”
“Oh, they were great about it. Renji makes fun of me sometimes, but Rukia punches him before I even have to defend myself. She’s like the ace defense squad by now, what with her and Orihime being together.”
Grimmjow nodded. It wasn’t difficult to figure out he was still not happy; his brow stayed furrowed and the tension bled from his hand to yours.
“Hey,” you called out softer than you intended, “What’s this about?”
“Nothing,” he replied stiffly, “Forget about it.”
Grimmjow yelped as you tackled him. However, it was difficult to throw him off balance so you ended up with your arms around his neck.
“What even are you doing?” he asked and sounded more amused than angry.
“Carry me,” you said and ignored his protest, “Come on. I do that all the time.”
Grimmjow complained but gave in fairly quickly; you were right, after all. Whenever he was lazy he would use you for an impromptu piggyback ride; and you indulged him because he was warm and rested his head on your shoulder.
So now he just groaned and grabbed hold of your legs.
“Where did that even come from?” he whined after a minute.
You played with his hair and looked around as he made his way towards your apartment complex. There was snow lining the path he followed, some of it looking like it only just fell.
“Does what Nel said worry you because you had sex before?” you asked quietly and ignored the way he flinched. Like this you couldn’t see his face and that was what you had wanted; sometimes he couldn’t stand being looked at.
“What the hell do you mean?”
“I mean, do you feel like that disqualifies you somehow?” you reiterated and blew some air against his ear, “Like you can’t be asexual because you had sex. And enjoyed it.”
Grimmjow didn’t answer, but he also didn’t stop walking or threw you off.
“Because, y’know,” you continued and laughed, “That’s got nothing to do with it. You’re not just pretending or lying to everyone. It’s fine like it is.”
He made a disgruntled noise.
“We’re almost there.”
“Yeah,” you said and sighed, “Guess so.”
“Takes you back, doesn’t it?” you laughed as he dropped down on your couch with a cup of hot christmas punch.
Grimmjow sipped on his drink and shrugged non-committally.
“Guess so.”
“C’mon, where’s the spirit?” you teased and sat down beside him.
This time he did not feel as far away. This time you reached out and touched his hair, petted his head until he produced that rumbling noise he insisted was not purring.
“Get a blanket,” he said after a while and flicked your leg, “This is supposed to be romantic, right?”
You did what he said because there was not much point in argueing, at least not for now.
So this year you ended up under a blanket with him, wrapped so tightly around the two of you that it felt like the safest burrito in the world. You told him as much and Grimmjow just snorted.
“You gonna visit your family tomorrow?” he asked.
“You should come. Yuzu keeps asking when you will be there to strangle her stuffed animals again.”
“That was one time.”
“I will stop bringing it up as soon as the story stops being funny. Which is never.”
“Asshole.”
“You didn’t have to drag a crying and very drunk Hollow out of a ditch somewhere because they thought the road was a snake,” you reminded him, “I don’t know if I ever told you: It wasn’t a snake.”
Grimmjow punched your side without real strength behind it.
“That was also just one time.”
“No,” you said and grinned up at the ceiling, “It was the same time. My favourite evening.”
“You are not being nice and romantic,” Grimmjow mumbled, “Christmas is a lie.”
Two hours later you were beyond tipsy and still pressed together on the couch. Grimmjow rested on you like an Espada-sized blanket. This was how he usually slept, spread out on top of you with his face buried against your neck.
You turned off your TV with a lazy flick of the wrist, the sappy American film you had watched barely even over.
“I still don’t understand why the ghosts were nice, though,” Grimmjow said in a very sleepy voice.
“I wouldn’t say they were nice, exactly.”
“They didn’t eat anyone.”
You laughed and stroked his hair, listened to his heartbeat, watched his back rise and lower as he breathed.
“I mean, you can be pretty nice,” you said, “As far as people-eating spirits go.”
Grimmjow grinned and pressed his palm against your side, flattened it, shared its warmth. His hand on your skin was pleasant, so was the small circular motion he performed with his fingertips. Sometimes his affection was so gentle that it ached.
“Maybe you were right,” he said after a while, “With the whole not feeling like I qualify deal.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you insisted.
“Yes I do. And I wanna.”
“What do you mean? Why?”
"Because you're Ichigo," Grimmjow answered as if it was the easiest thing in the entire world, not even worth a second thought, "And I may just be madly in love with you, ya know."
He lifted up his head and asked you if you were okay as all you managed to produce was a strangled noise somewhere in the back of your throat. Just a guttural sound that spoke of total confusion and the overwhelming spark of affection you suddenly felt.
“C’mon, you coward,” Grimmjow said and grinned down at you, the smug bastard, “Isn’t like you didn’t know that.”
“You idiot,” you just managed to say and tried not to tear up, “You stupid idiot.”
“That’s rude,” he replied and smiled for real this time.
You kissed him three times before you managed to say it, too.