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After Charlie stood up, still a bit shaky, Nick and Mr Ajayi walked him to the cafeteria where he could take a seat to stabilise himself a little. “Are you sure you feeling alright, Charlie?,” asked Mr Ajayi, looking a little worried about the younger boy he cared so much for. He knew that teachers shouldn’t have their favourite students, but he knew that he always had a soft spot for the queer ones, like Elle and Charlie. He smiled as he remembered when he spoke at the meeting for this school trip. It seemed like their group of friends which used to be just four people, grew into the doubled size. He knew Nick and Charlie were a couple and he honestly didn’t know how no one of the students seemed to have caught up. Well, maybe it was because no one wanted to speculate about the so-called rugby king of the school possibly being gay. How all of them still thought that Nick was straight, after he run off the rugby pitch to went away with one of the only two out gay boy at their school was a hard question to him.
“Yeah, I just haven’t eaten enough today,” Charlie said, but Nathan couldn’t help but still worry a little over him. He knew that the Year 10 had always struggled a little with food. But he really didn’t want to ask Charlie or anything because he was scared that he’d scare him off and Charlie would never come back to his art room. He couldn’t blame him for that. He knew as soon as Mr Farouk would come with the sandwich, he’d leave with him. He was sure, Nick would look out for Charlie to eat and that. Maybe he just was overthinking everything again. He did that in his youth a lot, but learned how to deal with a never shutting up brain. He looked at Nick. He didn’t know the boy very well but he felt like Nick knew that something was up. Or at least felt it, too.
“If you need to sit down, or you just want to rest on the coach, that’s fine,” Mr Ajayi added, because he didn’t feel like he had said enough. He really wanted to say something to comfort the younger boy, but he really didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Mr Farouk arrived in just that moment. He placed a drink and a sandwich on the table and pushed them to Charlie. Then he sat down, too.
“Right, we’ll let you chill out for a bit then,” he says and Charlie offers him a fake smile. They didn’t notice, but Nick for sure did. That smile on Charlie’s face wasn’t the usual one, Nick loved so much.
“Yeah, thanks,” Charlie replied. The two teachers got up and Mr Farouk fist bumped Charlie. If the entire situation hadn’t been so cruel to Nick, he would’ve bursted into laughter right now. Mr Farouk and Mr Ajayi shot looks to Nick which could only mean, that he should take care of Charlie. He always suspected that Mr Ajayi cared about Charlie a little more than the other students. Or when he went away with Charlie from the rugby pitch. Maybe Mr Ajayi just had a soft spot for queer people, like Tao did.
Nick was sure, Charlie didn’t want to talk about it, but he felt like he had to. It just hurt to not know why his boyfriend seemed to struggle to eat. “Charlie… I’ve, uh, noticed you don’t really eat a lot. Um… generally.” Nick sees how Charlie’s expression became distant, but he knew they had to talk about it. Not only for Charlie’s but also his own well being. It worried him sick. “I don’t know....it kind of feels like it’s gotten worse lately? Like, I feel like you eat less than you used to.”
“Yeah,” Charlie replied, his voice barely about a whisper. It was quiet, but Nick was sure he heard it right. He wished he could do anything to make his boyfriend feel better. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Charlie went on. God, how Nick mentally cursed the person that made Charlie say sorry for things that weren’t his fault. One part of him wanted to scream at Charlie for saying sorry, another just wanted Charlie to go on, the last one made him take Charlie’s hand. He wanted to comfort Charlie. He-
“Hey, no… you have nothing to be sorry about. I just… I wanna understand,” he offered him an open expression on his face. He squeezed Charlie’s hand a little, to show him that he was safe. To reassure him that Nick was someone he could talk to. While it took Charlie a moment to let it out, Nick realised that Charlie probably hadn’t ever talked to anyone about this.
“I know I don’t eat like normal people. Some days I’m fine, but other days I feel like I need to… control it. I used to do it a lot last year… when everything at school was really bad.” Charlie seemed to hold something back, but then, “sometimes it feels like the only thing I can control in my life.” Nick was speechless. He wanted to help Charlie. Give him some comforting words, but what do you say to a person if they open up about something like that. He didn’t think that ‘it’s gonna be okay’ would help Charlie in any way. “That makes zero sense, you can forget I said—,” Charlie hastily adds as he saw the worried expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“It does make sense,” Nick said. He knew, he had no clue what to say to Charlie, but the last thing he wanted was Charlie to tell him something like that and then erase it like a mistake on an exam. “Okay, maybe I don’t totally get it, but… I still want to know if you’re feeling like that. If you’re having a bad day, or… if there’s anything I can do to make things less stressful. Cheering you up. You’re my boyfriend Charlie… And I…,” ‘I love you,’ his mind silently begged him to say. He knew that it wasn’t the right place and time to say it, but what could he say then? He needed to finish that sentence, but he really didn’t know a different way than those three words. Could he possibly say that right now. Fuck it, he thought. The worst thing that could happen is that he isn’t ready to say it back. I know it for a while now, and I want to say I love you to Charlie. “I love you,” Charlie’s eyes shot at him, widened in shock.
“I’m a burden to you, Nick. You can’t love me,” his voice is quiet. Almost too quiet to hear.
“Oh, boy, I do. I think I can decide on my own who I love and who I don’t. Char, I don’t expect you to say it back or anything, but I know, that I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.”
“Nick, I-I know, it doesn’t mean a lot, but I-I love you too.”
“Oh, that does mean a lot to me, Char,” he gets up and comes around the desk to kneel down in front of Charlie and pulls him into a very tight hug. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” he whispers in Charlie's ear before he gently cups his left cheek to kiss him. With a kiss on his lips in between every two words, he says, “and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life!” Charlie simply splutters a,
“Nick!,” while flushing red. “To be fair, I will, too,” he silently adds.