Work Text:
When it came to the hermits, mental and physical health was always something spoken about without much thought. Not in the way of not caring, but they all talked and supported each other so easily, they never made it seem like something frowned upon. All forms of health were never something shunned, no one was ever made to feel bad about something they couldn’t control. It made bring up problems incredibly easy most of the time.
There was the time in season 8 when Etho developed an extreme form of agoraphobia, and every step of the way he was supported by the other hermits.
There was Grian’s OCD, which everyone was very well acquainted with. Everyone knew not to make him feel worse for the obsessions, and didn’t criticize any compulsions, as long as they weren’t causing physical harm to himself or others they all agreed they would help him work on it only when he was ready.
Scar was never criticized for using a cane one day and the next using his wheelchair. He was supported through any forms of imposter syndrome he had, even though it had become few and far between. Everyone had bad days.
There were others who didn’t talk about it as much, but their issues were still known, even if it was only mentioned on rare occasions. Tango was doing better since joining Hermitcraft, and after a bit of a downward spiral after double life, he was still improving. His rage episodes were rare now, he talked more about things that bothered him, and overall he seemed happier.
Gem loved that about Hermitcraft. She loved supporting her friends, always being nearby to help or listen, whatever they needed she would be there if they asked. In season 9 being so close to the other members of the soup group allowed her to get to know them so much more than in previous seasons. Gem got to learn of their every struggle, everything that brought them joy, the good and the bad, and she wouldn’t trade that for the world. She loved being close to her friends, she loved nothing more than being there for them.
It was fantastic, the support system the server had created, no matter what problems anyone was having there would always be someone ready to help at the drop of a hat.
Gem was eternally grateful that she didn’t need that support system. She was happy and content with her life, she knew how to communicate well with her fellow hermits, and sure she may have a pretty bad case of ADHD but there was never really a time she needed the full extent of the support system, maybe just a friend to sit with her as she got some chores done. There were plenty of other people that had it much much worse.
So during the day, when the sun was shining and she was fishing or building or visiting her friends all across the server, Gem was happy. Etho would bug her and take things from her base, Grian would fish, Scar would come around when he was feeling up to it (and not having to deal with the permit office). Tango was another close neighbor who Gem was glad she got to see outside the dark dungeons of Decked Out 2. Impulse was fairly busy a lot of the time, but never too busy if Gem came by, and Pearl was just a short boat ride down the river.
Not to mention the hermits Gem hadn’t gotten to know well in previous seasons, everyone was so close she would only need to hop in her boat to go see them. It was fantastic. Especially having Skizz and Joel on now, she had never felt so close to her family.
Which made it confusing when the moon would rise, and Gem would call it quits on building and turn in for the night, and everything just felt so… sad.
Gem tried to sleep, she needed to get her sleep schedule back on track after so many long nights working on her little fishing town. A good nights sleep always made her feel worlds better.
Getting there was the struggle. When it felt like the entire weight of the world was crushing her. She curled up into herself in bed, letting the blankets shield her from the outside world. It was so quiet, save for the gentle flow of the river as it rocked her tug boat, there was nothing to stop the tears streaming silently across her nose and down her cheek, nothing stopping her lip from quivering and hands shaking. No matter how she tried to distract herself it always ended back here. Just part of her nightly routine at this point.
It wasn’t particularly bad, nothing was really wrong, she was just crying. Thinking a little too much about the people she missed, or the mistakes she made, or anything her brain could think of to remind her that it wasn’t all perfect. It was pretty normal and when she woke in the morning she would be fine, all worries from the night would be gone from her mind and she would go about her day like nothing had happened. She just needed to fall asleep.
Sometimes she would pick up her communicator and think about messaging Pearl or Impulse to talk. Not even about anything serious, she just missed the nights back on season 9 when they would hang out so late that they’d fall asleep wrapped up in each other. Gem didn’t cry those nights. She missed it.
But Pearl was likely asleep and Impulse was probably busy, and Gem didn’t need them worrying. Gem didn’t need anything but a distraction. Someone to talk to until she was peacefully asleep without even noticing.
If she really took more than two seconds to think about it, maybe she'd realize it wasn’t a normal thing to do every night, that she did actually need that support system the hermits had, but she didn’t think about it. It was all too normal.
Gem flipped over onto her other side, before flipping her pillow to the cold side and settling again. The tears continued their silent descent. She tried to get comfortable. But the blankets felt suffocating. But it was too cold for no blankets. Her bed was a little too hard, and her pillow was a little too soft and it all felt wrong. Gem kicked around in her bed settling again on her back. Nothing helped. She couldn’t force sleep, it would come eventually, but in the meantime she would just cry for no real reason. Eventually it would wear her out.
Gem sighed, the sound coming out more shaky. It was a suppressed sob more than anything.
It frustrated her. Feeling like everything was wrong, and the world was ending and not being able to fucking sleep. She sat up, legs crossing under the covers as she leaned forwards, forehead resting on the comforter. She felt exhausted but not tired.
A proper sob escaped her, the tears flowing faster as she let the feelings consume her. Like a buildup of pressure finally broke.
And so she sat there, sobbing, not even sure why.
“Gem?” It was quiet, coming from outside, likely on land.
Gem sat up fully, holding her breath as she imagined pushing all that sadness back into the jar that lived heavy in her chest. She had gotten very good at that, hiding everything away in a moment, like it was never there to begin with. The tears stopped, and the numbness quickly consumed her.
There was the sound of water splashing unnaturally, and the trap door onto the boat opening and closing. Pain spiked in her chest as she tried to rid her face of all the tears, all the evidence of how she felt. She didn’t want to explain how normal this was.
Light flooded into her small room, a lantern held in the hand of one of the people she really didn’t want to have to explain this too.
“Gem?” Etho looked at her, the warm light from the lantern highlighting his silver hair. He looked very normal. Gem figured she looked far from it. Her hair wasn’t braided like normal, her fox ears pinned down against her head in… shame? It felt like shame. “I thought I heard…”
He paused, really looking at her. It was different. There was such a stark difference when Etho looked at someone and when he really looked. It felt like he was judging sometimes, when he took in every detail he could see and put together the puzzle pieces. It was scary how perceptive he could be.
“Were you crying?” He asked. And sure that part was obvious, her eyes must have been red, and the tears must have still been clear on her face. But there was something else in his voice, in the way he asked. Perhaps not accusatory, but Gem couldn't help but feel like she was in trouble.
Quickly she shook her head, but she could feel that heavy jar start to crack.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Etho said, setting the lantern aside as he sat on the edge of her bed. The weight of him beside her was slightly grounding, and she hated how it made the jar crack even more, “Do you want me to call someone? Pearl maybe? Or Impulse?”
Gem looked down at her hands in her lap, trying to keep her eyes anywhere but Etho. She hated that he was seeing her like this. She was so normal any other time he visited, this was not the person he was meant to know. “No, sorry. I just-“
She tried to think on what to say, how to make this better. How was she supposed to make this better? Gem took a steadying breath, holding it again as she pushed her emotions back into their jar.
“I just… I’m okay.” Gem said, forcing some cheer into her voice, “just way over tired. If you need something from my place you can take it, I think I need to go to sleep.”
Etho was quiet. Gem hated it. She didn’t even need to look up at him to know he was staring into her soul, like he does. Etho may not have been the best at talking or really any social situations, but he was very good at reading people. Gem wasn’t sure why she even tried to lie to him. With how good he was at reading people he was even better at reading her, in that moment she had never hated that fact more.
Slowly, she could see his hand reaching towards her. She felt the familiar callused fingers take her hand, guiding her to flip it over. He was gentle as he held her hand in his, it was odd, Etho was rarely gentle with anything. They stayed there in silence for a long moment, and Gem couldn’t tell if he was waiting for her to talk or doing that thing where he thought every word over so carefully it left long silences between them. Gem wasn’t sure which one was worse.
Etho gently squeezed her hand, his breath changing just barely, Gem knew instantly waiting for him to speak was worse.
“You never lie,” Etho said, not rudely, at least Gem hoped he wasn't being mean. She didn’t want to hurt him by lying. “What happened, Gem?”
Gem really didn’t want to answer, she didn’t want to explain. It was just a normal thing that everyone was going to over think.
Maybe it wasn’t. Subconsciously she knew her unwillingness to talk about it meant it wasn’t something normal. She really didn’t want to think about it not being normal.
“I…” Gem took a breath, a shaking tentative breath. She didn’t want to like either. Slowly she looked up at Etho, her eyes trailing up his vest to his mask to that bit of the scar the was visible above it, and then to his eyes. The jar broke when she saw him, his eyebrows knitted in concern, but his eyes were still so kind.
Her lip was quivering again, one hand grasping onto her blanket and the other onto Ethos hand to prevent her shaking, and the tears were flowing freely and silently again.
“I get really sad at night. Sometimes-” she paused, correcting herself, “most of the time actually, when I’m alone. And I just cry until I go to sleep. And it’s fine, it’s normal, I just… it just happens.”
Gem hoped he believed that, even if her own faith was dwindling. Maybe she was just trying to convince herself at that point.
Carefully, Etho moved closer. Not entirely hesitant, but still holding back, maybe for her sake. There was an invitation there, in the way he looked at her, in the way he held her hand so gently and his other held palm up, waiting. She still hesitated. She didn’t feel sure of anything.
Something must have assured her, maybe the slight tilt of his head, a question. Maybe the slight squeeze of her hand. Maybe how he shifted again, just barely. Whatever it was it had Gem closing the distance between them, arms wrapping around his shoulders practically pulling herself into his lap. In the end she didn’t have to, the moment her face buried into the soft fur of his vest, Etho was pulling her the rest of the way, his arms around her waist holding her securely against him.
It felt safe. It was the only thing she could think as the tears fell faster and her sobs were no longer forced to remain silent. It was safe to fall apart in his arms because she knew he’d hold her together, he wouldn’t leave her broken.
The fur of his vest must have been ruined as she cried, but Etho didn’t complain. He only gently rocked the both of them, one hand rubbing soothing circles over her back.
By the time the tears stopped, Gem felt drained, she felt every muscle in her body protesting, more than she ever felt after any build. However, at the same time she felt a little lighter, her shoulders weren’t as tense, her heart wasn’t so heavy.
“You’re okay,” Etho was whispering into the side of her head, lips pressed firmly into her hair. It grounded her how soft his voice was. Under all his rough edges, Etho was nothing but soft and caring. Distantly Gem wondered if this was how all the other hermits felt, when they needed help and someone was always there.
It was something she thought she could get used to.
Waking up felt just like falling asleep, Gen wasn’t quite sure when it had happened, but it felt comfortable and safe the entire time. The arms around her were warm, and there wasn’t a moment where she wanted to get away, she didn’t question it for a moment.
Etho was there, she remembered. The sunlight filtered through the shutters creating a soft golden glow over his hair, the boat around them rocked slowly, the sound of the current creating a gentle rhythm. She took a moment to look over his face, his mask nowhere to be found. He looked so peaceful, the tense creases that so often were hidden beneath his mask had faded, the scar running jagged down his face didn’t seem to pull at his skin as much as it normally did. It was a good look on him.
Gem closed her eyes again, letting herself relax against the slow rise and fall of his chest. She let herself breathe, not worrying about how much time passed. It was just them, and it felt perfect.
Time passed without her notice, perhaps she had fallen asleep again, but she really couldn’t be sure. But it was enough for Etho to stir, his hand was in her curls maybe before he was even aware of what was going on around him. Part of Gem hoped it was subconscious, the idea of it made something in her chest flutter, that heavy jar in her chest forgotten, everything was lighter. No, not forgotten, but ignored. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was better, she felt better.
It took longer than she could say to pull herself away just enough to look at Etho. The stress hadn’t caught up to him yet, he still looked so peaceful as his eyes blinked open. Gem took it in as long as she could, before he looked over her face, his eyebrows furrowing and that worry coming back to his face. It took so much for her not to smooth out that crease in between his eyebrows, to try and return him to that state of bliss.
“How are you feeling?” Etho asked, his voice rough from sleep.
Gem smiled, “I’m good. I feel great.”
That eased some of that worry, but not enough.
“I promise, I feel fine now.” Gem insisted. “I told you, it’s normal for me. I’m always fine in the morning.”
They were quiet again, Gem could practically see the gears turning in his head.
The pause ended far too soon for her liking, “I think you should talk to Stress. X too.”
Gem shook her head, she didn’t need that. Maybe if things got worse she would ask Stress to talk but she really didn’t need to bother Xisuma with this, he’d want her to talk to a therapist or something and Gem knew she didn’t need that.
“It would be good for you,” Etho added, his fingers scratching at her scalp just behind her ear.
“I don’t need to,” Gem tried, maybe she could see the benefit in having someone else to talk to, but she was so sure she hadn’t needed to for so long, she wasn’t ready to admit that she might. Looking down, away from his eyes she focused on picking at a loose thread of his shirt, “I don’t want to”
Etho frowned, taking a moment to just look at her before he was hugging her tightly against him again. “Could you talk to me? If you’re comfortable?”
Gem considered it, “You don’t have to…”
“I want to.” Etho said. It felt genuine. His love always was.
“Can I stay with you tonight? Or if you want to come here… I don’t like being alone. Not at night.” Gem whispered, as if she was admitting something so much more.
“Whatever you need.” Etho said.
Whatever you need.
The heaviness was still there but she could feel him holding it with her.