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Fives stares at the body crumpled at his feet, wrinkled and smoking, in utter disbelief.
He did it. He actually did it this time.
What the hell is he supposed to do now?
There’s a shout behind him, multiple sets of boots pounding against the ground. Fives doesn’t have to turn to know an entire armada of coruscant guard troopers is headed their way.
He spots Fox out of the corner of his eye fumbling with his blaster, trying desperately to switch it back to stun.
Not enough time.
Kriff.
The bolt feels more like a sting than a piercing burn, though that might be because he’s gotten pretty used to the feeling of death.
~
Rex doesn’t want to believe Fives has lost it, but he’s making it very difficult to deny.
“The chancellor is a sith?” Skywalker asks, tone laced with skepticism.
Fives sighs. “You don’t believe me.”
“It’s not that we don’t believe you,” Skywalker begins, cautious. “We’re just concerned that-”
“Yeah, save it.” Fives massages his temples. He looks tired. “I don’t understand. I can’t possibly look more crazy now than the first time I told you.”
Rex’s brow furrows. What is he on about?
“What would convince you?”
“What?”
Fives grips Rex by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. “What would convince you I’m telling the truth?”
“How about evidence?” Skywalker retorts.
Fives’s face shifts, like the idea is something he’s never considered before. “Shit, you’re so right.”
“Halt!” A squad of coruscant guard troopers surrounds them.
Rex’s heartbeat quickens. Not Fives. They can’t take Fives from him.
Fives doesn’t look fazed at all. “Okay, Fox, let’s try for some evidence this time.”
Fox scoffs. “I suggested that four loops ago.”
“Yeah, yeah, just shoot me already.”
Rex screams as Fives’s body drops.
~
Fives and Fox pelt around another corner, narrowly avoiding the onslaught of blaster fire threatening to impale them.
“You call this evidence?” Fox bites out through heaving breaths.
Fives stumbles under the weight of Mas Amedda’s unconscious body. “Well, after the last seventeen recordings never made it out of the senate building, I thought we should switch tactics.”
A blaster bolt strikes Amedda squarely in the back.
“Fuck!” Fives lurches and drops him. Panting, he glares at the now useless corpse. “Thanks for nothing, you horned devil.”
“Maybe we should just give up on recruiting Skywalker and-” Another blaster bolt stops Fox dead in the middle of his sentence.
Fives sighs. Fox has a point; he’s getting tired of asking nicely anyway.
~
Anakin stares, completely dumbfounded. “You want my what ?”
“I promise I’ll explain later.” Fives’s hand is still outstretched, expectant. “Right now, I just really need to-”
“Borrow my lightsaber?”
“Yes,” Fives huffs, impatient.
The silence stretches.
“So, can I have it?”
“No, you can’t have my-” Anakin’s reply is cut short as Fives swipes the hilt from his belt and shoots back through the warehouse faster than Anakin has ever seen him move.
“Sorry, General!”
“What the fuck, Fives?”
~
Fives’s breath is ragged, shallow. He’s missing both of his arms.
Fox kneels beside him. “Lightsaber fight didn’t go so well?”
“Shut up, Fox.”
~
Fives has stopped listening. It’s not like he doesn’t know what they’re saying; he’s heard it a million times by now. He’s just too busy scanning the doors for Fox.
Fox finally appears, mouse droid in hand. Placing it on the ground, he begins thumbing the controls. Fives watches as it glides across the floor.
Smack! Straight into Palpatine’s legs. Palpatine’s voice falters. The droid bumps into him again. And again.
“What- what is this?” Palpatine queries innocently, still striving to keep up the kindly grandfather appearance.
Fives is absolutely howling with laughter, tears streaming from his eyes. General Ti studies him. If she didn’t think he was crazy before, she definitely thinks he’s losing it now.
There is no point to this one. No distraction or hidden blaster. Fives and Fox are just really really tired, bordering on delusional.
It sure is funny watching Palpatine dance.
~
“You’re right. About all of it. The chips. The programming. And do you want to know something else?” Palpatine leans in until his lips are practically brushing the trooper’s earlobe. “I was the one who requested they be implanted in you and all your brothers.”
A smile graces his lips, gloating, as he pulls away. Hungry to see the terror in the clone’s eyes, the crazed desperation that will seal his fate.
Instead, the clone just stares, an almost bored expression on his face.
Palpatine’s smile falters. “Did you- did you hear me?”
“I heard you.” The clone examines his nails. He’s wearing gloves.
“But- you- I don’t-”
Fives almost starts laughing, but he doesn’t want to spoil the moment like he has the last three times he’s tried this.
This is not going the way Palpatine planned.
~
“You’re right. About all of it.”
Fives can see Fox shuffling Thire closer.
“The chips. The programming. And do you want to know something else?” Palpatine leans in until his lips are practically brushing Fives’s earlobe. It would absolutely disgust him if he wasn’t completely used to it by now. “I was the one who requested they be implanted in you and all your brothers.” Fives mouths the words along with him, and he’s a bit disappointed that Palpatine doesn’t notice.
Palpatine pulls back, expectant.
Fives glances toward Fox. “Did you hear it that time?”
“Nope.”
Fives groans, collapsing to the floor until he’s sprawled out like a starfish. Palpatine looms over him, nonplussed.
“Wanna just go back to fucking with him?” Fox asks.
Fives groans again.
~
“You’re right. About all of-” Palpatine sputters, the echo of a shot ringing in their ears.
As Palpatine’s body falls, Fives catches a glimpse of Fox’s smoking blaster. Then, the tip of a blue saber pierces his stomach.
Two seconds later, General Shaak Ti is bearing down on Fives.
Yeah, this is why they’ve never tried this strategy.
~
Fives’s eyes are glued to the scene in front of him. Ventress is definitely a force to be reckoned with.
Fox saunters up beside him, slumping back against the wall and practically oozing ‘I told you so.’
“Where did you even find her?”
Fox shrugs.
Lightsabers flash, yellow on red. The two Force-wielders are nothing but a blur until-
Fives sucks in a quick breath. “Ouch.”
“I guess it’s back to the drawing board,” Fox mutters, shoulders sagging.
There’s a hint of bitterness, but not because of the never-ending loops. More because Fives has the chance to one-up him again.
~
“Okay, what about this? We commandeer your entire unit of massifs-”
“Fives-”
“And set them loose-”
“Fives-”
“And they rip good old Palps to sheds, boom, no more chancellor.”
“ Fives .”
Fives scowls. “What?”
“Palpatine is a Sith Lord . What makes you think a pack of massifs can do better than the entire 501st, Skywalker, and Ventress?”
“The Force doesn’t work on animals.” He says it so confidently.
Fox drops his head into his hands with a groan. He must have finally lost his last brain cell.
“What? Does it? Wait-”
~
Fives sits on the floor of the warehouse, studying Tup’s chip. This is the first time they’ve managed to hold onto it. And probably the last.
“Hey Fox, do you think if I swallowed this, it’ll still be in my stomach the next time around?”
Fox doesn’t move, still sprawled out on the floor face down. “Wouldn’t hurt to try it, I guess.” His voice is muffled.
Shrugging, Fives downs the chip.
It does not, in fact, reappear in his stomach the next time.
~
The guards burst into the warehouse, blasters charged and aimed.
“Put your hands up where-” The shiny stops in his tracks.
On the floor, Fives and Fox have set up an elaborate and ornate tea set. A portable kettle, tea pot, milk and cream jugs, sugar pots, tea cups and saucers. The shiny watches, bewildered, as Fox tips the pot and pours two cups. The liquid is not steaming and looks suspiciously like whisky rather than tea.
Fives gestures toward their arrangement. “Care to join us?”
The shiny almost wants to say yes.