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First off.
Where did they get the spawn is a great question? Bucky just came home one day with a newborn baby, like fresh out out of the oven. He claims he won it for a can of beans, everyone was mildly concerned because the fuck.
Second Off.
They didn't know what it was, for about two hours until Bucky and three officers wearing gas masks changed it, it's a girl.
Third off.
Her name is not B-17, chicken, mushroom, sourdough, sauerkraut, eggplant, egg, Jeep, and or wheel so anyone who says that don't believe them. Her name is Patsy, Jack named her after his mother.
Now to the rules so that she is a happy camper twenty four seven.
Number one, she is not Bucks and Buckys, very important because one it's not possible unless Bucky grew ovaries, two if you believe them we can not help you, we are not giving you the talk so please stop believing Bucky when he says he gave birth to her.
Number two, she is also not Curt and Dickies what is wrong with you people?
Number three, still isn't Crosby and Bubbless either, so stop comparing her to them it's making them slightly uncomfortable.
Number four, this is very important everyone gets an hour of baby snuggles, if you go past an hour you will have an uprising.
Number five, she can be used as a therapy object, but only for thirty minutes because we don't want her growing up to be a mass murderer.
Number six, Ham does night feedings, he does them don't stop him, you will upset him if you try to, he'll hiss at you.
Number seven, there's gas masks in every room for changings.
Number eight, please please don't take her near maps, mission plans, because we are getting tired of baby spit up on everything.
Number nine, please for the love of god stop asking the woman on base to breastfeed her, they aren't her mother so they won't magically have milk.
Number ten, don't take her to the pubs, you'll be judged.
Number eleven, stop using her as a chick magnet especially if you aren't ready for a committed relationship.
Number twelve, stop using her as an excuse to watch Disney movies, just be grown men and say you want to watch Bambi for the millionth time, we get it.
Number thirteen, please don't take her on missions please.
Number fourteen, Meatball is not a qualified babysitter, I do not care that he almost bit off Douglasss hand off when he tried to wake her up when she was asleep.
Number fifteen, don't use alcohol instead of milk, just milk the goats outside or the cow.
Number sixteen, if you uses cows milk, water it down she's got a sensitive tummy.
Number seventeen, stop trying to get her first word to be fuck.
Number eighteen, please please don't try breastfeeding her yourself, we're men it's not possible.
Number nineteen, if you can't get her to sleep find Bucky so he can sing Blue Skies, works everytime.
Number twenty, don't use her as an excuse to get out of something, it's not going to work.
Number twenty one, Blakely you can't use her to seduce people, so stop trying.
Number twenty two, she loves shiny things, so if she's upset steal Kens heart locket.
Number twenty three, don't blame Ken when you decide to take her in the air, he did not put her in your plane, you are not slick.
Number twenty four, Winks please don't put her in your cart behind your bike, it's not safe.
Number twenty five, if you take her for Jeep rides to get her to sleep, please make sure to hold her or securely put her in the Jeep.
Number twenty seven, Bubbles don't let her use your snow globe as a teething ring, just make some out of ice.
Number twenty eight, if she bites you, you can not use it as an excuse to get out of a mission.
Number twenty nine, if you are to throw her in the air to make her laugh, please use the buildings with high ceilings.
Number thirty, please do not crawl around on the floor to encourage crawling, your scaring the replacements.
Number thirty one, she hates the color blue, she will scream and or throw up, we do not know why.
Number thirty two, Meatball can be used as a Walker only with adult supervision.
Number thirty three, adult supervision equals Jack, me, Stormy sometimes, Smokey, Buck, Brady, Helen, Rosie, and Dickie. Anyone not on this list please find an adult.
Number thirty four, the baby whisper is Douglass, we don't know either.
Number thirty five, please don't play "toss the baby" I don't care that it makes her laugh, it's unsafe.
Number thirty six, you can't juggle her either, so please don't attempt.
Number thirty seven, if you wanna be put on the care duty instead of doing the normal chores, see Buck he has the schedule.
Number thirty eight, don't try to bribe Buck in changing the schedule, because he's the schedule wizard, somehow everyone gets an hour every day, with Ham taking care of her at night.
Number thirty nine, don't drool like her, alright she has an excuse, you do not.
Number forty, first birthday plans, don't let the party committee plan it, it will be terrible. Instead go to Ken.
Number forty one, no we don't know her birthday, we just have her Bucky won you day which has turned into her birthday.
Number forty two, she's almost one stop putting her in non matching clothes pretty soon it'll be considered child abuse.
Number forty three, her birthday cake isn't that important, please don't get into fist fights over it.
Number forty four, we can't get a B-17 shaped cake so stop asking.
Number forty five, no we aren't making a dog safe cake as well, Meatball will be fine Benny.
Number forty six, don't bring up the marble incident, Quinn already feels horrible. She's fine, it was just one tiny marble.
Number forty seven, she's almost one and sleeping through the night, so you can't say you were up all night because she was crying. That excuse will not work anymore.
Number forty eight, she is fine, stop taking her to Smokey at every little sneeze or cough.
Number forty nine, she doesn't like her eggs scrambled, she will scream bloody murder if you try to give her some.
Number fifty, if anyone ever asks you who she belongs to, just say she is yours, because she is. We aren't giving her up now.