Chapter Text
He looked at the drops falling on the window, collecting on the glass. They looked like tears as they ran through it and disappeared due to the wind.
Minghao placed his finger on the cold surface, following the path of a drop, until he watched it leave. He did the same with three more drops, watching them move away.
The sound of the radio reached him vaguely, news that did not catch his attention at the moment. He could only think. The destination he was going to... he felt unable to let go of the thought. He wasn't even paying attention to the words of his friend, who was in the driver's seat.
“You've been very quiet…” he said in a soft voice, letting out a sigh. “Hao, I know it's difficult, but everything will be fine, they were found in time and none of them have life-threatening injuries.”
But the young man did not even want to blink, he felt that his body could betray him, that any sudden movement would break him.
“Hao, my cell phone is ringing, can you answer for me? Please.”
Minghao nodded slightly, with no physical energy, even less mental energy. But Junhui was driving, he was busy. He took his friend's cell phone and saw the screen with the image of the person that was calling. It was the photo that he had taken of Junhui and Wonwoo under the cherry trees on his trip to Japan two years ago. They looked so in love.
“It's Wonwoo hyung,” he said, before answering the call and putting the cell phone to his older friend's ear.
He turned his gaze to the window, ignoring what his two friends were talking about. August was the rainy season, since Wednesday it had not stopped raining, and now on Friday, it was barely 10:00 in the morning, the sky was still so gray and full of clouds, although with a light drizzle.
After a few minutes, already at the red light of the traffic light, Junhui took his cell phone and hung up the call, but he stayed for a few moments looking at the mobile device.
“Wonwoo is already there with Soonyoung, and Seokmin has already arrived, Seungcheol hyung and Jeonghan hyung brought forward their flight, but they will return to Yabbay until Sunday.”
“And their parents?”
His voice did not betray him, it was the first time since he received the news of the accident that he had spoken out loud.
“Mingyu's mother is on the way too, Seungkwan's are already there. Until 12:00 is visiting time.”
Jun put his cell phone between his legs while he moved through the traffic light changing to green. It was almost time for them to arrive at the hospital.
“A-are they... awake yet?” He didn't know how to say it.
His friend did not respond immediately and tried not to show his own distress.
“Hao…”
But the younger one knew what was coming, and he focused on the drops running down the window, while he frowned, holding back his tears. He had always been a very sensitive person, even though he didn't show it. He sometimes hated it, sometimes it bothered him. At that moment, he just wanted to be strong and not break before his time.
“Hao, Seungkwan is awake, when we arrive they will inform us better about his condition. But about Mingyu…”
“I understand,” Minghao said ahead of time. He didn't want to listen anymore. Junhui understood, so he didn't say anything else.
Upon arriving at the hospital and getting out of his friend's car, Minghao realized that the drizzle was beginning to subside, leaving only a humid breeze that intoxicated the atmosphere.
He walked behind the other man and entered the hospital, heading towards his friends, who were standing in the waiting room. Chan, Hansol and Jihoon were still yet to arrive, as were Jeonghan and Seungcheol, but Minghao recognized Seungkwan's parents sitting with a distressed expression.
Junhui went straight to Wonwoo, who greeted him with a hug. Soonyoung had come up for air.
Minghao smiled cordially at the parents of his friend, who also smiled in greeting, but that gesture was very weak. He couldn't blame them, they looked tired.
“Hao.” Joshua approached him directly, with his white coat on and the clinical uniform. He placed his hands on the younger's shoulders, who inhaled and the scent of antiseptic made him nauseous almost instantly.
“What is the status of both?” dared to ask.
Joshua was direct. As a medical intern he had no problem being the one to explain the situation. He knew that Seokmin and Wonwoo would struggle, and that Junhui would rather him do it.
“Come with me to the vending machine,” he said, with a soft smile, taking his friend's shoulder, who nodded.
They walked side by side down the hallway.
“Seungkwan has been awake since the accident, they are monitoring him. He is not in serious condition. He has four fractured ribs, he is stabilized, he also has a clavicle fracture. He has bruises and many abrasions on his chest, but other than that, he is fine. He does not have any altered state of consciousness.”
Minghao leaned against the wall and crossed his arms looking at his shoes. Again no one mentioned Mingyu's condition.
“And Mingyu…” Joshua's expression became crestfallen. “He is still unconscious. He had a concussion. He hasn't woken up since they found them. They suspect that he has some cervical injury, so they immobilized him. He has abrasions on his face from the glass that managed to hit him.”
Minghao didn't look up and felt him start to shake, hugging himself. His lips parted and his voice came out very weak, eyes still fixed on the white floor.
“Do you think he is... in a coma?”
Joshua took two cold coffees from the machine and handed one to his friend, who took it gratefully, but without wanting to try it.
“It's possible, it depends on the trauma, since concussions can come with a long state of unconsciousness... But they don't usually last more than 4 weeks, so don't worry.”
“And what if he wakes up with some bigger problem?” Minghao said, looking at his friend directly.
Joshua couldn't answer that, because he didn't want to worry Minghao any more than he already was. It was true, sometimes the worst came later.
Or the worst came before.
When he received the news, Minghao was on the couch, with the television on, trying not to fall asleep. He was worried. Sharing an apartment with his friend, Mingyu, he was distressed when he did not return, since it was already one in the morning.
But he was uneasy more than anything because that afternoon before going out, he and Mingyu had an argument. Minghao watched him leave, trying to avoid an even bigger fight.
That's how his friend was, despite being upset, he preferred not to hurt the others and walk away until he cooled down his mind, because he knew that once he started talking, he wouldn't stop and would do a lot of harm with his words.
And even though Minghao didn't want to let him go, he had no choice because he wasn't thinking clearly. He couldn't stop it.
That's why he spent the rest of the day restless, unable to calm down. Mingyu didn't respond to his calls or messages. He didn't even know the reason for their fight at that moment, he just wanted him to come back and apologize to him. Fix things as soon as possible. He could throw his pride out the window just to be in good terms with him.
His cell phone rang and the sleep had suddenly left him. He took his cell phone and found it strange that he received Junhui's call at that hour.
“Jun? What's the matter?”
On the other end of the call, he listened to his friend, who was agitated.
“Hao, an accident has happened.”
His blood ran cold, he felt his heart pounding hard against his chest.
“An accident? What? Who? How?”
No words came out, only broken questions.
“Seungkwan” Keys were heard flickering. “And Mingyu.”
Upon mentioning the name of his other friend, Minghao blinked several times to remove the tears that immediately came out.
“What…?”
“Seungkwan called Soonyoung, you already know that his parents are not in Yabbay, so he called them too, but he is the one who can get to them faster. They are on their way to the hospital in the ambulance.”
Minghao let his head fall forward, his eyes blurred and his hand holding the cell phone shakily.
“And Mingyu...?”
Silence was heard for a few seconds before Jun responded.
“I don't know, I don't know what condition he's in, because Soonyoung only mentioned Seungkwan.”
“What hospital are they taking them to?”
He stood up and his legs almost gave out. His hands were shaking a lot.
“Minghao, I'll pick you up, but not now. They are being taken to Yabbay University Hospital.”
He walked to his room, looking for clothes. Everything was falling out of his hands.
“I-I have to go now, if you don't come for me I'll take a taxi.”
“Hao, now is not the time, they are not going to let us see them, you will only be distressed. Soonyoung is the only one who will be there, and because it is the hospital where Joshua is doing his social service, he will also accompany him. I just got home. Wonwoo already knows this and called Seungcheol hyung and Jeonghan hyung who are still in Jakarta.”
“But... But Mingyu... and Seungkwan.”
“Why?”
“I know, but you have to wait, sleep what you can, I'll pick you up at 9:30.”
“Jun…”
Minghao dropped to the floor. He didn't even know what to say.
“I know, don't worry, they're both alive, and that's what matters. Get some rest, Haohao.”
The moment they said goodbye and hung up, Minghao threw the cell phone away from him. He clutched his head and let the tears fall. He remembered his fight with Mingyu in the afternoon.
It was because of Seungkwan.
Minghao made a comment about how close they had become lately, subtly hinting that perhaps they were acting as more than just friends. Anyway, Mingyu understood the comment and immediately defended himself.
But Minghao felt hurt, because he was in love with his friend and the thought of him having a relationship with Seungkwan, another dear friend of his, hurt him. It broke his heart.
Mingyu talked almost daily on the cell phone with his other friend, they used to go out every weekend. Even despite living together, Minghao believed that his friend lived more with Seungkwan than with him.
They began to argue, because Minghao reproached him and Mingyu said that he was exaggerating.
And knowing that he went with Seungkwan that day and that they both could have died in that accident, with Minghao feeling resentment and bitterness towards them...
He didn't care anymore. He didn't care if Mingyu and Seungkwan were together, he just wanted to see them well. He just wanted Mingyu to be okay, because he loved him and wanted the best for him.
He couldn't sleep like Junhui told him, he stayed awake, in the same place where he had collapsed when hanging up the call, until the clock struck 9:00.
At 12:00 it was visiting time. Mingyu's parents hadn't arrived yet and Seungkwan's parents had come in to see him.
Minghao had an unopened package of cookies in one hand. Wonwoo and Junhui had gone outside, because the man with glasses needed to breathe. After all, Mingyu was like a younger brother to him and that situation was not easy. At least he had Junhui to support him.
Soonyoung was also out, as he received a call from Jihoon, who was also out of town. The case applied to Hansol in the same way. Chan would arrive later. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were still in another country.
Seokmin had gone to the cafeteria and Joshua was busy.
So Minghao was alone. His eyes burned, not from crying, but from not having slept at all. He didn't want to eat the cookies Junhui bought him, he had only barely drank water.
At that time there were more people walking from here to there. People went to visit their relatives. He wasn't the only one looking bad.
There was no news from Mingyu. He was in intensive care and only one family member was allowed in, so he couldn't do anything but wait.
Twenty minutes later, Seungkwan's parents left the room where he was, allowing his friends to enter two by two. Wonwoo and Junhui came in to see him first. When they came out, it was the turn of Minghao and Joshua, who had returned.
Upon entering, they saw one of his younger friends in bed, immobilized due to his fractures.
Joshua smiled at him and Seungkwan did too, despite his injuries, he looked fine. In any case, that affected Minghao's entire being, it hurt him to see someone so precious to him in that state.
“Hey, Kwan, how are you?” Joshua asked, approaching him.
“Well, I already feel better with the painkillers they gave me, so I'm calm.”
Minghao wanted to ask him how they got into that accident, but he didn't know how to phrase the question without sounding desperate or rude. He just wanted to know how Mingyu, the one behind the wheel, a careful and responsible driver, had crashed. Was he drunk? Was it the fault of the other driver he collided with? He didn't know the details.
He found his gaze again at his feet. His neck weighed a ton. He wanted to sit down because his legs felt weak.
“How...?” It was the only thing that came out of his mouth.
The other two present in the room looked at him.
Seungkwan, unable to move much, just sighed and felt a sharp pain in his ribs at the action. He never thought that at some point in his life he would fracture to the point that even breathing would hurt.
Minghao looked at him, eyes bright with threatening tears. Seeing Seungkwan like this, one of his dearest friends, made him sad. But even more so, is the fact that just last day he had felt deep bitterness towards him for the belief that he might be dating Mingyu. And he no longer cared that that was the case. He wasn't selfish, he didn't want to be. He felt deeply bad.
His friend made a face of discomfort. He remembered the accident perfectly.
Him and Mingyu, raising their voices in the truck. Mingyu crying, Seungkwan trying to console him, a carelessness on their part, a minimal distraction... And some lights blinded them along with an impact that diverted them from the path and gave them no time to reflect on anything.
At least Seungkwan remained semi-conscious all that time, but unable to move due to the pain and seeing his friend hanging, totally unconscious, without reacting. For a few moments he believed that Mingyu had died. They were the worst minutes of his life, trying to make him react from his position being unable to do anything.
Until the paramedics, police and firefighters arrived. The vehicle that had hit them lay on fire, theirs completely overturned. He heard the sirens, the commotion that he couldn't see from his place, the darkness of the night being illuminated by red and blue lights, flashlights that were pointed at him and arms that helped him and Mingyu.
As he was the only one with an intact consciousness, they asked him many questions, which due to his shock, he could barely answer. He only cared about knowing that his friend was alive.
He saw how they also carefully put him into an ambulance. And he knew nothing more.
All those stretches in his memory overlap, he didn't like to think about it.
He told that to his friends, with his voice almost broken. Minghao felt bad for making him remember, but he had to know.
Although Seungkwan didn't give him the answer he really wanted.
The events before the accident, the reason for the two of them in the truck, the reason for Mingyu crying.
“A couple fight?” It's all he could think about. His heart was mortified beyond what he could bear.
“Sorry, I have to go out for air.” Before almost running out of the place, he turned to give his friend a languid smile. “I'm glad it's nothing serious and that you're okay, Kwan.”
Afterwards he simply decided to go towards an open space. He felt like the world was closing in on him.
Walking out to the waiting room, he saw Mingyu's mother arrive, crying, being immediately comforted by Wonwoo. Junhui watched Minghao leave at a fast pace.
“Haohao…” he told him, but the other Chinese passed him by. He needed to get out. He really needed it.
Outside it was raining heavily, the day was only getting worse. He got wet almost immediately, he couldn't stay there. He wanted to do it for Mingyu, but that environment was too much for him. He just wanted to run and with each step everything would dissolve. He wanted everything to be okay. That it was a nightmare.
,,,
Mingyu just wanted to collect his thoughts, so he walked away from his shared apartment with Minghao to think clearly. He had to let his friend calm down, he had to calm down himself, he didn't want to say something stupid.
He came out and saw that his best friend was left behind. Mingyu had the keys to his truck, but he didn't know where to go.
Then he received a call from Seungkwan. He answered him, sitting behind the wheel, still not moving forward.
“Kwan? What's up?” he felt a pang in her heart as he remembered that Minghao had hinted that maybe the two of them were in a relationship and that he was no longer spending time with him.
“How could I...? How could I do that, Hao? If you only knew…”
“Mingyu, are you free?”
The older man sighed, looking out the window at the grayish sky.
“You could say, yeah.”
“Can you come to my house to share some drinks and play video games? I bought a multiplayer one.”
Mingyu looked towards the building where the truck was parked. Minghao up there, still upset with him. He wanted to go back, try to fix things, but he accepted Seungkwan's invitation.
“Yes, I'll be there,” he responded, with a sad look.
“Good! See ya.”
Mingyu hung up. He stayed for a few moments with his hands on the key, without starting the truck. Without being sure of anything. He just wanted to sort out his thoughts.
If only he were braver, he would go up right then and there to confess his true feelings to Minghao. Tell him that the real reason he met Seungkwan was because his friend knew about his feelings. Which was a great emotional support for him. It had never been his intention to neglect his relationship with Minghao.
But he couldn't, so he started the truck and let his thoughts continue to be an exhausting tangle that kept spinning in his head.
,,,
The drops accumulated everywhere. Seungkwan could hear them knocking on his window. The moment Minghao left, there was only the cold air of the room and Joshua keeping him company.
“It was my fault,” he said, looking lost.
His older friend looked at him confused and leaned on the bed.
“Why do you say that, Kwan?”
The younger then looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears.
“I told him to come to my house to drink and hang out with me.”
Joshua took his hand and looked at him with soft eyes.
“But Kwannie, how would you know?”
He was interrupted.
“I told him to go back to Minghao, that he had to talk to him now, because he must…” He seemed to hesitate. “To tell him his true feelings. But Mingyu was very sad and desperate, it was a moment of distraction... If I hadn't convinced him none of this would have happened.”
Joshua had no words to respond with, so he nodded, giving Seungkwan's hand a squeeze and letting him vent.
,,,
Minghao saw the rain creating puddles, his wristwatch was wet, he couldn't see the time. He didn't have his cell phone with him because he crashed it the moment he threw it.
He was outside the hospital, under a roof so as not to get wet anymore, waiting to dry at least a little so he could go back into the waiting room and check if there was any news from Mingyu. At least Seungkwan was awake, that was the only thing that was good, it calmed him down to know that. But very little. His mind couldn't stop thinking about the person he loved.
“It hasn't even been a day and I can't stop thinking about how long it will take for him to wake up”
Minghao looked at the sky and the gray clouds that seemed unwilling to leave seemed familiar to the ones clouding his mind now. They were thick, opaque, gloomy, but at the same time, they hid everything so that no one could see one's own tears. Everything was contrasted, the lights of the cars passing on the pavement, being reflected. The puddles, a mirror of the footsteps of others.
He was in limbo, and he couldn't help but blame himself, because he couldn't help but feel so desperate and overwhelmed. His best friend without waking up, his best friend who, upon waking up, could have serious consequences or not. The person he loved, perhaps loving someone else, the person he loved... Far from his hands.
The water accumulated in them, the clock still did not show the time.
,,,
When Mingyu arrived at Seungkwan's house, he looked so bad and so unwilling to fake a smile, that his friend noticed him immediately and knew what was the matter.
Minghao. That person Mingyu was in love with.
He let him sit and look at the floor trying to find the words. He handed him a glass of water, but Mingyu asked for a beer. Maybe it would do him some good, he supposed.
He told him everything that had happened between them that afternoon, after a while of collecting his thoughts, that argument he had had with Minghao.
Seungkwan listened carefully. He was the only person who knew about those feelings Mingyu had for his best friend, no one else. He had entrusted it to him, that's why he was his only support.
“Mingyu... Sorry that I am the cause of your misunderstanding, although I don't understand why Minghao got angry about that.”
“You don't have to apologize for anything, I don't know what happened either. I just would like to be able to tell him what I feel, but I don't want to be selfish. I love him as my friend, as a person he is very important to me, if something happened to our relationship because I confessed to him... I wouldn't forgive myself.”
Mingyu looked at the beer bottle and let out a heavy sigh.
“I know that's what you think, but Minghao didn't get angry for nothing, maybe…”
“No.”
Mingyu didn't let him finish the sentence, because he already sensed what he would say.
He finished the first bottle and took another, then looked almost severely at the younger, but Seungkwan did not shut up.
“Mingyu, it's a possibility.”
“Don't give me false hope,” Mingyu said, smiling bitterly. “I have known my Hao since we were 12 years old and at no time has he shown me signs of being in love with me, he treats me almost like a brother.”
“But Mingyu…”
“I'm serious, Seungkwan. There is no way. He got angry about something else, maybe I did neglect my time with him too much. Damn, I can't even be a good friend to him…”
,,,
On the second day after his friend's hospitalization, Minghao woke up after a nightmare, in which the doctor told him that his friend would never wake up and they had to disconnect him from life support.
They had not yet declared his coma, although it was obvious that was his situation. Minghao remembered Joshua's words that patients in that state didn't usually last more than four weeks like that.
That in the best case. But Minghao didn't know if that applied to Mingyu's. Uncertainty was what was eating him alive. The not knowing.
He looked at the clock on the side of his bed. He had woken up before the alarm went off. At 7:08 AM.
It was Saturday. There were no classes at the university, but he had to go to work part-time in a coffee shop. He wasn't in the mood, but he had no other choice. He picked up his cell phone with the crashed screen and sighed. He made a mental note to take it in for repairs.
He got ready for work with robotic and automatic movements, he did not feel alive, everything was gray for him.
He finished getting ready, but before leaving, he saw that he still had a little time.
As he passed Mingyu's room, he approached heavily and decided to go in and tidy up the place a little. It wasn't that his friend was a mess, on the contrary, he couldn't complain, because Mingyu had good cleaning habits.
His clothes were on the bed, those that should have been in the closet, but he didn't finish arranging them.
He took it and adjusted it as best he could, because he even knew that about Mingyu. He opened the curtains to let in some light.
And finally, he made the bed. He stayed for a few seconds with the pillow in his hands and couldn't help but bring it to his face, to dry the tears that escaped once again. He breathed in Mingyu's scent, the clean scent of his coconut-scented shampoo, and the cologne he used.
Minghao sobbed into it, hugging his chest and curling up on his friend's bed.
“Gyu... Please wake up.”
He urged him to feel his touch. Something from every day that was now absent.
So Minghao broke again right there.