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Luke Skywalker sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His performance evaluation was due to Leia tomorrow, and all he’d come up with so far was that he’d helped Wedge fix an X-wing by passing him a hydrospanner.
“What’s eating at you, Skywalker?” Wedge asked as he clapped his hand on Luke’s shoulder.
“I don’t know Wedge, I just can’t write about myself…you know, all braggy?”
“Evaluation time, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Luke, you saved the galaxy from the Death Star. You could write about that?”
“That wasn’t in this performance cycle.”
“Right. Look, you should talk to someone to help you, man. Who is the cockiest pilot you know? Could make spinning a tall-tale into a good living? Or who probably already has?” Wedge waited patiently while Luke mentally scrolled through his list of pilot contacts.
“Leia?”
“Interesting…But not who I had in mind. Also, she doesn’t need to spin tales - she’s 100% authentic badass. Anyone else?”
“Janson?”
“Ha! You’d think, right? He’s been written up five times this year, the latest for mooning the Command Center. Don’t be like Janson, Luke.”
Luke tossed his head back and cackled.
“Chewie!”
“I mean, technically, but he doesn’t do reviews, and the last guy that tried to make him almost got his arms ripped off.”
“He really needs to stop doing that! I’ll talk to him again,” Luke added in an exasperated sigh.
“Ok, back to the conversation. Who’s the biggest con artist you know? 90% of what comes out of his mouth is pure bantha shit?”
“Han!”
“Bingo!”
“Thanks, Antilles. I’ll go talk to him.”
xxx
“Listen Kid, the key is to take some basic accomplishment and….” Han looked at Luke significantly, and shrugged.
“What, you mean lie?”
“Naw, I mean embellish a bit. Ya instituted a base wide safety protocol for all pilots under your command, and mentored the junior pilots on the importance of ship maintenance and safety.”
“But Han, I passed my hydrospanner to Wedge.”
“That’s what I just said. Pay attention, Junior. I’m trying to single-handedly restore the Jedi Order to the Galaxy here.”
Luke’s eyes widened in surprise, an impressed smirk tugging at his lips.
“I see what you did there. Do you think Leia will fall for it?”
“The secret is, you hafta say it with confidence. You’re a pilot ain’t ya? Act cocky.”
Luke suppressed a grin. “And you’d say that works well for you? With Leia, I mean,” he teased.
“Cute, you’re real cute, Kid. Scram, I gotta go see a Princess about a contract…Or should I say, I have to negotiate an intergalactic military shipping contract with the leader of a core planet to transport life-saving medical equipment.” Han winked as he forcefully walked Luke to the Falcon’s ramp.
XXX
Princess Leia crumpled up the flimsi in disgust. This was the fifth performance note from one of the Rogues that contained increasingly preposterous claims of performance excellence.
“Confess,” she commanded angrily.
“Ok, fine, but you didn’t hear it from me. Han helped me tease out my leadership and performance accomplishments…a little bit.”
“I see. How much, precisely, did he charge you for this service?”
“Uhhh, coupla jugs of jet juice?” Hobby Klivian offered.
“And you?” she looked sternly at Luke.
“An hour lightsaber lesson.”
She arched her brow at Janson.
“I mopped the floors on the Falcon .”
“I performed sexual favors,” chimed in Wedge, unprompted.
Leia’s face grew an alarming shade of red as it contorted in rage.
“Organa, relax - I’m joking! I let him take my X-wing for a joyride when you were away two days ago on that super secret mission with Mon.”
“Hey, you weren’t supposed to know about that!”
Wedge shifted back in his chair, his hands lacing behind his head as he smirked.
“I know lots of things, Princess.” He waited a beat, seeming to gauge whether she would hit him, before he winked at her.
Scowling, she looked each Rogue in the eye before she stood, hands held stiffly behind her back.
“You’ll each write accurate reports by 0900 tomorrow if you don’t want to be grounded for a week. Do you all understand?”
Groans of understanding and irritation chorused around Leia’s cramped office as she stomped out on her way to yell at Han.
XXX
Han looked up from the repair work he was doing to a circuitry board at the dejarik table as Leia marched into the lounge, clutching crumpled flimsis in a tight fist.
She pulled one open and began reading, “Single-handedly engineered a power system on the base through ingenuity and teamwork?”
Han’s face remained impassable.
“I know for a fact that Bey set up her cycle to a battery and you all take turns riding it to power that illegal distillery you all think I don’t know about.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Princess.”
“You’re trading favors and illegal labor for helping the Rogues write pure fiction in their reviews.”
“Is that a question or a statement?”
Leia glared at Han, hands going to her hips as she took calming breaths.
Tossing up his hands in surrender, Han then placed a hand on Leia’s shoulder until she met his eyes. “Sweetheart, this is all a big misunderstanding. I was mentoring the younger pilots on work ethic and confidence. You should be making me a general instead of yelling at me!”
“Han!”
“Leia!”
“You can’t do that!”
“I can’t call you Leia?”
“No!”
“Really?” Han’s face fell briefly before he scowled at her.
Leia rolled her eyes and heaved out a frustrated, long-suffering sigh.
“No, you can’t trade your storytelling con-man skills to fabricate the performance reviews for favors. Yes, of course you can call me Leia.”
“Ok. Sure…Leia.”
She looked up at him with a beguiling smile and fluttered her lashes comically. “You’ll stop? Please?”
“Only since you asked me so nice. You wanna stay for a drink?”
Leia hesitated a moment before nodding and taking a seat.
“Gotta be honest - I’m surprised ya agreed.”
“Well, Captain, I am building better morale and base unity by getting to know our most invaluable contractors through one-on-one courtesy calls, in which I will try to convince them to enlist, even if they aren’t immediately given the rank of General.”
Leia winked at the now grinning captain.
“You’re alright, Leia,” Han said with a laugh.
“I know.”