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Phoebe knew she was hurting.
It was hard not to know. She'd been hurting for a long time. Even before Garraka. Garraka just amplified it all by tenfold.
Constantly, she'd wake up breathing heavily from nightmares. Certain words or actions would cause her to freeze, leading to her silently leaving the room if she could get away with it. She'd find herself staring aimlessly at the wall or at Melody's matchbox.
Phoebe knew what she was doing wasn't healthy. She should tell someone about it.
But she didn't.
Well... It was more like she couldn't.
She couldn't trust her family to listen to her.
She'd been hurting during the Garraka incident. She'd tried to tell her parents that. Even if it wasn't at the best times, she'd still tried to tell them.
And they'd completely brushed her off.
"It's three years, you'll be fine!" would constantly ring in her head whenever she grew tempted to telling her parents or Trevor everything she'd been feeling, everything she'd gone through.
They wouldn't listen if she did tell them.
Sometimes she wondered if they even loved her anymore.
Sure, they might not mind having her around. They didn't hate her, at least. That's what Callie and Gary had told her. Right before they recommended other things she could mess up on and said that they hadn't known where she was.
Phoebe couldn't trust their reassurance, but at least they didn't hate her.
She didn't think they loved her, but they didn't hate her.
That was what led Phoebe to be sitting at her desk, writing letter after letter, listening to the rain fall outside. She needed to tell both of them, alongside Trevor, how much she loved them. That she didn't hold anything against them. That it wasn't their fault that she was unlovable.
Her duffel bag was already packed. It contained clothes, food, money she'd been saving up, and small trinkets from each of her loved ones. To remind her of the good times, she guessed.
Just to remind her that she'd been cared about before.
Phoebe signed her letter and read it over. This was it; this was the one. This was perfect.
She folded the letter and slid it in an envelope, taping it to her door. She picked up her duffel bag and began to head down the stairs before she froze and looked back.
She... she was really doing this, wasn't she? She was running away.
...Did she truly want to run away?
Memories flashed through her; Trevor spinning her around while trying to play with her, Callie helping her with makeup and being there to comfort her whenever she was upset about bullies, Gary listening to her ramble about her experiments without judgement and encouraging her to create more.
A tear fell to the floor.
No.
Phoebe loved her family so much. She didn't know if she could just... leave them like this.
But she couldn't stay here. She couldn't stay, knowing she was hurting inside, not being able to tell her family about it.
She needed to get out.
But not permanently.
At least, not yet.
She ran back up the stairs and snatched the letter off the door, tucking it away in her duffel bag. Instead, in its place, she wrote a new one.
'I've gone to stay somewhere else for a while. Don't look for me. I need some time. I love you all so much. -Phoebe.'
Phoebe stuck the letter to the door and stared at it for a moment. Before she could second guess herself again, Phoebe turned around, ran downstairs, and fled outside, out of the safety of the Firehouse and into the danger of the rain.
She was leaving.
Hopefully, not for forever.
Janine stared in shock at the young girl shivering on her front steps, clutching a duffel bag close to her as she stood there soaking wet. "Sorry- may- may I please come in?"
"Oh- oh, of course, dear! Inside, right now, what in the world are you doing outside in that weather while all alone? Here, let me get you a towel, stay there-!" Janine gathered herself together quickly and rushed off to her bathroom to find the softest towel she could.
Okay. Okay. She could handle this.
If she could handle the world nearly ending multiple times, then she could handle this.
She hurried back clutching the towel and immediately wrapped it around Phoebe's shoulders, using the top of it to dry her hair. "Come sit down now, dearie- why, you're freezing! Is something wrong? Is anyone in danger? Ghost get out of control?"
"No," Phoebe whispered quietly. "Nothing like that. Nothing's wrong."
Janine frowned in worry, patiently guiding Phoebe to sit down on the couch with her. "Pheebs, it's the middle of the night and you show up on my doorstep absolutely drenched. Of course something's wrong. What's up?"
Phoebe didn't respond, and Janine could see her clutching tightly onto the towel wrapped around her shoulders. "I-It's nothing."
Janine hummed. There was no way she was going to get anywhere with Phoebe if she just questioned her like this. A different method was needed, badly.
"You know, your grandfather used to do something similar to what you're doing right now if he didn't wanna admit something was wrong."
Phoebe looked up at Janine, surprised. "Really?"
"Yeah." Janine smiled as she recalled the memory. "He'd always retreat into those spores and fungi he was so proud of, and study them obsessively for hours. It used to take all four of us to pry him away from them and get him talking. Most times, we had to trick him into saying what was wrong."
"Trick him?"
"Yep- start asking him about said spores and fungi, and eventually transition into what was bothering him slowly. Ray was the best at that. He knew how to make Egon talk, that was for sure!"
Phoebe smiled slightly, before it faded quickly. "Did Grandpa ever get mad at you guys for doing that?"
"Oh yeah- plenty of times. Usually it was myself or Winston that calmed him down. Ray wasn't the best at it, and Peter usually made it worse." Janine shrugged. "But he always forgave us. He knew we cared about him, and that's why we were doing this. We wouldn't be doing it otherwise."
Phoebe looked down, soaking everything in. "I- I sometimes busy myself with work if I don't wanna talk."
"Do you, now?"
"Yeah- usually Mom comes to see me and give me a snack, or Trevor comes to bother me. Gary sometimes joins in. They don't normally trick me into talking."
"That's probably a good thing." Janine sighed. "But that means you're holding a lot of things in, doesn't it?"
Phoebe's silence said everything.
"Do you feel comfortable talking with me? I promise, I won't judge. You're safe here, honey."
Phoebe didn't respond for a moment.
"Aunt Janine, what would you say if I wanted to run away?"
Janine couldn't say she was expecting that answer. It took her a moment to gather herself. "Well- I'd first ask why you felt that way, and then I'd give you a hug if you were comfortable with it. I'd try to comfort you the best I can, but ultimately I'd let you decide what to do."
Phoebe looked up at her in surprise. "You'd- you'd let me decide?"
Janine nodded. "Of course I don't want you to go, I love you dearly, but this is your decision. You're growing up, not everything will be decided for you now. I have to trust that you know you, and you'll do what is best for you."
Silence reigned throughout the room for a moment before Phoebe whispered "I thought you were going to just order me around. Like everyone else does."
"Well, I think we've learned by now that ordering you around doesn't work." Janine chuckled affectionately as she booped Phoebe's nose lightly. "It's your choice, honey. And... I don't think I'm wrong when I say that I don't think this question is just hypothetical, right?"
Phoebe opened her mouth to say something, but what she was planning to say was lost to time. Instead, she broke down, sobbing into her hands.
Janine lightly touched Phoebe's shoulder and Phoebe leaned into the touch, allowing Janine to hold her close. As Phoebe cried, she babbled out all her troubles in a near incomprehensible way, and Janine tried her best to listen.
Janine held her for as long as she could, and eventually the sobbing quieted down. Instead, soft breathing took its place. Phoebe had fallen asleep.
The older Ghostbuster smiled softly as she saw how peacefully Phoebe was sleeping, and she carefully went and wiped away all evidence of Phoebe's meltdown. They could talk tomorrow.
Ten minutes went by. During those, Janine carried Phoebe up to her guest room, tucked her in, and turned off the light. She could sleep there as long as she needed.
As soon as she shut the door, Janine's smile faded.
Her heart ached remembering what Phoebe had sobbed out earlier. Had her family really neglected her so much that she wanted to leave them...?
Actually, yes.
They had.
Janine's heart sank as she remembered when Phoebe had been brushed off by her family. She had been there, watched as Phoebe stared helplessly after the Ecto-1 as it left her standing in the garage. She'd seen everything.
Yet she'd done nothing. At first, she'd tried to speak to Phoebe, but Phoebe had left in a huff.
Janine had left it there.
She should have done more.
Hand on her head, Janine walked back to her room, spotting her phone sitting on her table. Her first instinct was to call Callie, call her to come get her daughter and talk things out with her.
Almost immediately, she rejected that thought.
No. She would call Callie, but only to tell her that her daughter was safe and to lecture her and the other two for neglecting her. She would not tell her where Phoebe was. Phoebe needed time. She needed to make her own decision.
Until then, she knew she had to call someone else. Multiple someones.
Quickly, she set up a joined call with Ray, Winston and Peter. They had to know. She didn't care that she was waking them up.
Phoebe needed a support system, and by god was she going to get one.
One knock, two knocks, three knocks.
Janine opened the door before the person there could knock four times, and she relaxed as soon as she saw who was there. "Ah, Winston. It's been a minute, hasn't it?"
"It has." Winston gave her a small smile. He held a bag in one of his hands. "I came to see the little lady, if that's alright?"
"More than alright." Janine sighed. "She needs someone there for her other than me, although goodness knows I've tried my best. She's really struggling with that brilliant mind of hers."
Winston stepped into the house, removing his shoes at the entrance. "Her family can't help?"
"Absolutely not. They're the reason that she's here in the first place. She needs her space from them so she can make a clear decision." Janine spoke firmly, with no room for argument. "I called Callie this morning to tell her that Phoebe was safe. She was distraught that Phoebe had left, I can't blame her for that, but I'm gonna go over there to scold her alongside Gary and Trevor for everything. I've seen them brush her off before, and it was never a joke when they did so."
"When was the last time they...?"
"From what I've seen, last time was when she was benched, on their first mission without them. She tried to go, and when she was refused, she was looking for any type of comfort or reassurance. They didn't give it to her in the slightest."
Winston let out a breath, recognizing how serious that was. "Jesus."
"Yep. She's hurting real bad, Winston. Be gentle with her." Janine's voice turned soft. "And remember, what she wants to do is her decision to make. You can encourage her choices, but you can't tell her what to do or scold her for her choices. I hear that the last time you tried that, it didn't turn out very well."
Winston winced as he remembered. "No. No, it didn't."
"I thought so. She needs an adult figure who'll support and comfort her, not one who'll give her a lecture. Remember that."
Winston nodded. "Thanks, Janine."
"Naturally. Now, get up there. She's in the spare room."
At Janine's words, Winston nodded again and headed up the stairs, quickly locating Janine's guest room and knocking once, twice. There wasn't a response. "Phoebe? It's Uncle Winston. May I come in?"
No response.
Winston was about to speak again when two knocks sounded from inside the room.
Winston froze for a moment, trying to mentally rewind to what those knocks could mean. Callie had told him about a knocking system that she and Phoebe had set up years before, and what each number of knocks meant...
Two knocks! Two knocks meant he could come in. He remembered now. Thank god.
Winston carefully creaked the door opening, spotting Phoebe almost immediately.
She was sitting, curled up into a ball, on the floor. She clutched her duffel bag in her hands, and she rested her head against the wall. Her eyes were closed.
Choosing not to comment on why she was sitting on the ground, Winston shut the door softly and approached her slowly and crouched down. "Hey, Pheebs. It's me, your uncle Winston."
Phoebe carefully nodded. Good. She was aware.
"Can I sit next to you?"
Another nod.
Winston smiled and carefully sat himself next to the distressed girl. "There we go. I'm surprised you're not on the bed. It's a lot more comfortable there."
Phoebe just shrugged.
Winston frowned. There was clearly no real point in pleasantries. Phoebe wouldn't respond to them. He needed to just get to the reason he was here.
"Phoebe, are you considering running away right now?"
At first there was no movement. Then, a moment later, Phoebe gave a small nod. She curled in onto herself a little more.
"I thought so." There was no pity or anger in Winston's voice, only sympathy. "May I touch you?"
A small nod.
Carefully, Winston reached over and draped his arm around Phoebe's shoulders. Phoebe leaned into the touch, an accomplishment in of itself, allowing him to pull her closer.
"Pheebs, I'm not going to tell you what to do." He could feel Phoebe perk up with surprise at the statement; he knew she'd fully been expecting him to order her around. "But your family does care about you, even if it doesn't seem that way. Not just them, either. Everyone cares about you; Podcast. Lucky, Lars, your uncles Ray and Peter, Aunt Janine. We all care about you, and we understand that you're in a dark place right now. We all want to help you out of it, so we're willing to listen.
"Your parents are learning that how they treated you was wrong. They shouldn't have brushed you off like they did. Trevor too, although I understand that he wasn't doing it like they were. He feels guilty too. They all miss you, but they understand that they hurt you and you need time, and whatever you do next is up to you. They'd like you to come home but understand if you aren't willing to. They love you, Phoebe."
At that statement, Winston suddenly became aware of the unsteady breathing that was now coming from Phoebe and the tears that began to fall from her eyes. He pulled her in close and let her cling to him, letting her cry onto his jacket.
Winston didn't know how much time passed before Phoebe pulled herself away from him and looked up, eyes still glassy. Hesitantly, she signed, I'm sorry.
"No need to be sorry." He told her gently. "You're dealing with a lot of feelings. Speaking of which, I hope this will help with those..."
He took the bag he'd brought up with him and placed it in front of Phoebe, who studied it curiously. "It's a gift for you- well, multiple gifts. There's something from each of your loved ones. I went around to each of them, and they contributed without a second thought. Just to show you that they care."
Phoebe's eyes watered again, and she wiped her eyes. Carefully, she reached into the bag, and the first thing she brought up was a small box of chocolate.
Winston smiled. "That's from Peter. He knows you have a bit of a sweet tooth."
Phoebe studied it for a moment, then opened the box and took one out. Instead of eating it like he expected, she held it up to him.
"What? Pheebs, that's all for you. You don't need to share if you don't want to." Phoebe shook her head and continued to hold it out. It was clear she wasn't taking no for an answer.
More to humor her than anything else, Winston took the chocolate from her. Phoebe gave a small smile then, and Winston couldn't help smiling back.
If this small thing would help Phoebe smile again and learn to trust the love she had, then that was all that mattered.
Phoebe stayed at Janine's house for about a week.
Every day, she was visited by someone new. Ray, Peter, Podcast, Lucky, Lars, even Dana and Nadeem made an appearance. Each one of them talked with her, letting her process what she was feeling. They let her decide what to do.
Throughout all of this, none of the Spenglers came to see her.
Phoebe knew why, of course. Janine was deliberately not letting them see her. She didn't want them to influence her decision, and she wanted Phoebe to decide what she wanted.
She knew that her family wanted to see her, though. Every day, whoever came to visit her would bring her the well-wishing from her family, telling her their news and saying that the Spenglers missed her.
Phoebe missed them too.
It was because she missed them that she held the letter in her hands, not daring to open it.
The letter was from her family. Podcast had given it to her on his last visit, saying that they had written it special for her.
Phoebe didn't know how to feel about that.
It was nice to know they had taken the time out of their day to make her something. This letter.
Yet- what if this letter was telling her that they didn't care? That they wanted her gone? That they wished they'd never had a daughter like her?
Phoebe shook her head, trying to get rid of the anxiety. No. They did care; that's what everyone told her when they came to visit her. They cared. They wanted her to come home.
At least, she hoped.
Unable to bear it any longer, Phoebe carefully reached out and tore the letter open. Inside were three different pieces of paper. All three of them has tear marks littered across.
She picked up the first one.
'Phoebe,
Hey, it's me. I'm unsure how to start this, if I'm being honest. You know I've never been good at stuff like this. Guess that runs in the family, huh?
I just wanna say that no matter what happens, you're my baby sister. I love you, and I'm sorry that I haven't said that more. It's just awkward, you know? Neither of us are fans of mushy stuff like that. It can be gross. But I still love you anyway.
I'm not supposed to influence your decision on running away and stuff. I'm not gonna do that. Just know if you did, I'd miss you. You can't stop that. I care about you loads, you know that?
Do you have Jaffy with you? I noticed he was gone from your room. I hope he's keeping you nice and safe.
I hope you're doing well and that whoever you're with is treating you kindly. I'll beat them up if they aren't. You know I would.
I'm sorry for everything that you've been through. I should've been there for you more. What kind of big brother leaves his baby sister hurting? I'm gonna be better from now on, in whichever way possible.
I love you, baby sis. Don't forget it.
-Trevor.'
Phoebe held the letter in trembling hands, rereading it over and over.
Almost without noticing what she was doing, she reached over and grabbed Jaffy, who sat near her on the guest bed. She held him close.
I love you too, Trev.
Hands trembling, she picked up the next piece of paper.
'Dear Phoebe,
You don't have to respond to this if you don't want to. Or do anything if you don't want to. I just want to apologize for everything your mom and I have done to you. It wasn't fair. We should never have brushed you off like we did.
Janine came and tore us all a new one for everything. Of course, we'd already started realizing just how badly we messed up before she arrived, but it's still an eye-opener, you know? We hurt you a lot. I can't apologize enough for that.
You know I've been wanting to be your dad for a while. I'll admit, I was thrilled when you called me dad for the first time. But you don't have to call me dad anymore if you don't want to. I understand I haven't been a father to you, if you're having these feelings and I didn't notice. Just Gary is fine. Whatever you're comfortable with.
We all miss you around the house here. Experiments are pretty empty without you, and don't get me started on ghostbusting. It was already empty whenever you weren't there, but now it's worse. If you come home, then I promise to be the father you deserve. But that's your choice.
I'm probably not helping anything here, am I ? Just know that, whatever you decide, I'm still gonna love you. Everybody's gonna love you.
I love you so much, lovebug. I'm sorry you feel like you do.
Love, Gary.'
Like Trevor's, Phoebe read Gary's letter over and over again. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed.
She missed ghostbusting with her family. Experiments with Gary. She missed them all.
She hugged Jaffy tight.
I love you too, Dad.
Heart pounding, she picked up the final letter.
'Dear Phoebe,
I don't know how to start this letter. I guess over everything, the things I want you to know the most are that I'm so, so sorry for everything I've put you through, and I love you so, so much. You're my baby, my precious girl, and I can't say enough how much I love you and how sorry I am.
It was so incredibly wrong of all of us to brush you off like we did. You were hurting, and we did nothing. If time machines existed, then I'd use one to go back and make you feel as loved as possible.
I promise, if you want to come back, I'll be a better mom. But if you don't come back, then I'll still be a better mom. I want to make up for how much I've hurt you.
Are you safe wherever you are? Healthy? Have you been eating and drinking? I hope so. I want you to be happy and healthy.
I miss you dearly. Trev and Gary do too. We didn't know who we had until we lost you, and that's hitting us like a train. I'm so sorry again.
I love you so much, baby. I hope you can see that in the future.
Love, Mom.'
Phoebe didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears drip off her face.
She reread Callie's letter over and over again, just like the other two.
I love you too, Mom.
It was at that moment when how much she missed her family hit her.
She wanted to hug her family again, she wanted to spend time with them.
Most of all, she didn't want to leave them.
She'd doubted their love in the past. But from these letters alone, she could see how much they loved her. The tear marks alone proved that.
Phoebe held the three letters tightly in her hand and stood up off the bed shakily, making herself run downstairs. "Aunt Janine?"
Janine was reading on her couch when Phoebe hurried downstairs and looked up immediately. "Yes, dear?"
"I- I wanna go home. I don't wanna leave anymore. I wanna see my family again."
Janine stood up immediately and took one of Phoebe's hands in her own. "Are you sure?"
Phoebe nodded, tears still flowing down her face. "I wanna go home."
As soon as she said it, Janine smiled widely at her and pulled her in. "I'm so proud of you for making your choice, honey. We'll get you home as soon as possible, don't you worry about a thing!"
Phoebe hugged Janine back, smiling lightly through her tears.
She was going home.
Phoebe sat anxiously in the back of Winston's car seat, fidgeting with her now much more full duffel bag. They had decided, to throw the Spenglers off where she had been staying, Winston would drive her home. Janine was in the passenger seat.
As the Firehouse drew nearer and nearer, Phoebe's anxiety grew more and more. She tried not to think about it, but it was still there.
She felt something squeeze her knee, and she looked up. Janine had turned to her, and Winston shot her a smile in the rearview mirror. "Doing alright there, darling?"
"...Yeah. Yeah." Phoebe responded after a moment. Janine could tell that there was more to it than that, but understood that nothing she said would help. They just needed to get Phoebe back to her family, and then everything would be solved.
"You let us know if you need anything, alright?" Winston said. "We're almost there."
"Alright. Thank you."
Phoebe knew that Janine and Winston had both given her another smile, but she didn't see it. She just stared out the window, trying to gather her thoughts.
Her heart gave a leap as the Firehouse came into view.
Winston parked in the driveway, and Janine got out immediately. She went to Phoebe's side of the door and opened it for her, despite Phoebe not asking her to. "Oh, one thing, Pheebs."
"What's that?"
"I... may or may not have not told your family that you're coming home right now."
Phoebe stared at Janine, but before she could respond, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Winston, is that you? What's going on-?"
Startled, Phoebe stepped out of the car and came face to face with Callie.
Callie's eyes immediately went to her, and she froze in place. Phoebe could clearly see the bags under her eyes, the way that she hadn't bothered to brush her hair. The sight made her heart ache. Clearly her leaving had affected Callie a lot more than she was admitting.
Callie stared at Phoebe for a moment. "...Phoebe?"
Phoebe managed a shaky smile, tears already building up in her eyes again. "I'm home."
Callie took a step forward, hands reaching out for a hug, before letting them fall to her side.
Phoebe wasn't going to let that stand.
She ran up to Callie, hugging her first, and she started crying again the moment she felt Callie's arms fold around her. Callie was crying too, she could tell, and for a long moment, the mother and daughter held each other, both of them sobbing their hearts out.
Eventually, Phoebe pulled away, and Callie let her. She had bent down to her level, and now she reached up to cup Phoebe's face. "Oh, baby, I'm so happy you're back. I'm so proud of you. I'm so sorry for everything. I'll be better, I promise. I'll be so much better."
Phoebe smiled wide, reaching up to hold one of Callies hands. "I love you."
Callie pulled Phoebe again, kissing her on the cheek. "I love you too, my beautiful butterfly."
More footsteps followed, and Phoebe pulled away from Callie. Gary and Trevor were there, both staring at her like she wasn't real, and Phoebe smiled wider.
She hugged Gary first, then Trevor. They both hugged her back with such warmth and love. They both promised to her that they loved her, and that they were gonna be better.
She believed them. Gary nearly started bawling when she referred to him as dad, even after everything. She allowed Trevor to spin her around, just like the old times.
Even with all of this going on, Phoebe didn't miss Callie giving Janine and Winston the biggest hugs she could muster before returning to pampering her.
A little later, Phoebe would thank them for everything as well. Especially Janine. Phoebe didn't know where she'd be without her.
For now though, she was allowing herself to be loved for a little while.
Because she was loved. Phoebe knew that now.
Phoebe knew she was loved.