Chapter Text
It was a night like any other in the Greek camp. After five years of fighting, people have all settled down to a decent sort of routine: wake - fight - eat - sleep. Or wake - fight - die for some. Nightmares replace sleep every other day but after half a decade it’s the norm now. Today was even a good day as the Greek emerged victorious from the battlefield. Yet Menelaus could not find any rest. This year Hermione would turn 14, another year away from his daughter, another year in which the little girl had to grow up alone, another mark on his already blood soaked and dirt stained ledger, all for the woman he called wife. He could still not understand why-The Spartan King should not dwell on this thought longer. Not now. There is no time to question what has come to pass.
Realizing that lying still in his hut was futile, the auburn haired left and walked away towards the sandy beach. The sky was clear with stars glittering and the moon shining, the ocean expanded to the far horizon with the waves repeatedly overlapping on his feet gently like a lullaby from a sea nymph. Putting down some logs and branches for a small fireplace, he decided to make use of the alone time and enjoy some peace and quiet.
Or so he thought.
“ Why the hell are you moping here at this time of night?”
The Ithaca King. The sharp tongue, the quick witted Odysseus, who somehow was carrying a fishing rod and are those fish? Menelaus however was too tired to question things further.
“ Wanna join?”
The other King looked back and forth then shrugged,
“ Sure, why not?”
Yet he walked away for a few minutes, then returned with a bunch of sticks. He sat down in front of the fireplace, next to Menelaus. Then he pierced the fish with the newly found sticks and placed them on the fire. The occasional cracks of fire and fish were the only sound between them for a while, before surprisingly it was Menelaus who had to start,
“ Didn’t know you like fishing.”
“ Ithaca is an island, and there’s not much for me to do either way.”
“...”
“ The last time I went fishing, Hermione pushed me into the river, then stole my chariot. I had to walk home that day.”
“ She seems to be a handful. If I’m someone else, I would feel sorry for you. But I’m not."
“ A princess and on top of that a Spartan, it’s expected. I didn’t think it would be that much though. Worst case she could turn into the next Clytemnestra, but she might just be something else entirely. ”
“ Penelope and Telemachus would love her.” Odysseus laughed. Sometimes he did forget that Agamemnon, Odysseus and him were married into the same family.
“ You should visit us sometimes. Now speaking of babies, was she a horror spawn? Telemachus would not stop crying until I carried him along the seashore. In the middle of the night!”
“ With Hermione it was the stock barn. She only eats when a horse’s present.”
“ Did someone mention horses?” Now came Diomedes with his horse-loving ass. He looked at the two sitting on the sand, “ What are you two doing?”
“ It is exactly how it looks.” The Ithacan King answered and waved with the cooked fish, “ Grilled fish?”
The Argive agreed and now three of them were sitting on the beach, eating fish and drinking the wine the newcomer brought along. The story continued with how Menelaus and Odysseus handled their children during their first year of parenting, whilst Diomedes took in the information as if he was in their daily morning meeting.
Hermione was a nightmare dressed in daydream, at least for her father. She glued herself to him like an additional limb, even in the throne room. And whenever someone dared to raise their voice too high, she would make it everyone’s problem by shrieking even louder. Although Telemachus was a boy, it seemed that he was pretty easy and unaffected with the surrounding environment. He could sleep through the whole throne room arguing, the trip through the busy market and even the dock. However during the night, his father needed at least two trips back and forth along the nearby beach to get him to sleep. And he preferred to be held in a very specific way, his head must lay on the holder’s shoulder, always.
“ Penelope believes that pose helps him sleep easier.” Ended the Ithacan with his story.
“ Hermione sometimes likes to be held with one arm. My mother-in-law would kill me if she sees it though.”
“ How do you hold a toddler with one arm?” The Argive King spoke up after his long stench of silence, that both Menelaus and Odysseus almost dropped their food and drinks.
“ I can show you,” The Spartan King said after regaining his composure, “ but I need some sort of-”
Suddenly there was some barking nearby.
“ What in Zeus Almighty are you three doing?” The demigod Achilles seemed to decide the middle of the night was a good time for a dog walk, and a run. He was panting a bit, and behind his back were four puppies trailing behind.
“ Welcome welcome, godlike Achilles,” Odysseus started dramatically and even mock bowed, “ to our self pity party.”
“ What are you guys pitying yourself for?” The swift-footed ‘s face was the one of confusion. “ We won today. Diomedes, great job out there.”
He then clasped hands with the other. Diomedes returned the sentiment.
“ Self pity party of stuck-up fathers.” The Ithacan pointed at him and the Spartan King, then overlapped with the Argive’s I’m not a father yet with, “ Diomedes here will be a future member, wanna join him?”
“ Pleasee, I’ll join you two. I have a son myself.” The man sat down next to Diomedes with his dogs sprawling all around them, and took a grilled fish from Odysseus. While the other three opened their eyes in surprise.
“ You’re younger than me.” The Argos King muttered.
“ It’s more of a mistake. By the time I knew about it, well, there he was, an honest to god mini me lying in Deimada’s arms looking at me. I freaked out and ran, hit a stone pillar on the way, then passed out for three hours.”
“ Even Agamemnon passed out during his first child’s birth. You’re cool.” Revealing embarrassing information about his brother was actually a good bonding strategy.
“ So what was he like as a toddler?”
“ He was easy. Very easy. With everyone but me.” The demigod answered. “ I can’t even hold him still.”
“ It’s not hard to hold a baby if you know how.” The Ithacan started to reveal his prized expertise in parenting.
“ Show me then! ” Suddenly Achilles picked up one of his smaller puppies and pushed into Odysseus’s arms. “ I heard the Athene-blessed Odysseus was an amazing family man and father.”
Odysseus immediately turned the hold to one of Telemachus’ favorites and the puppy seemed to respond well. It even yawned.
His smirk made the godlike man’s eagerness increase tenfold as he demanded to be taught. Diomedes also joined in the impromptu dad 101 class by Odysseus and eventually Menelaus was wrangled in again to show them his one arm baby hold.
Both Achilles and Diomedes, and even Odysseus were impressed by this and they laughed hard when the puppy served as the impromptu baby had fallen asleep.
“ What are you four doing!?” This time it was Agamemnon himself, their laugh and talks seemed to have woken up the king of men from his slumber,“ Tomorrow is going to be a big fight and a chance to level Troy, yet you stay here to mess around.”
“ Hey, is it true that you passed out on your first child’s birth and hit your head on the bed frame?” The wine had gotten even into Achilles’ system by now. Agamemnon’s eyebrow was twitching, and he had that forced smirk . They should scramble, fast. Menelaus locked eyes with Odysseus, who was still awoke. Diomedes had fallen asleep sitting with the puppy on his lap whilst no one noticed.
“ And it swelled so hard that your child was always crying into your face for 3 weeks straight?” The godlike man had lost all of his composure and cackled. Agamemnon slowly turned to his brother.
“ Menelaus-”
“ NOW!” Odysseus threw the remaining grilled fish into Agamemnon’s hand and dragged Achilles away while Menelaus took hold of the sleepy Argive. The dogs woke up and instead of following their owner, they jumped up on Agamemnon for the fish and topple him into the sand, and the fire licked a bit to his beard, with half of his beard gone, the King of men screamed.
“ MENELAUS! I’LL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT! REMEMBER MY WORD!”