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Sometime later, after the both of them returned from Port Townsend, Charles and Edwin sat together in their office. They had settled into their typical positions, Edwin sitting upright in the desk chair and Charles perched on the corner of the desk in a way which would have been uncomfortable for any living person. From the sofa in the corner came the even breathing sounds of Crystal, who had long since fallen asleep with her face tucked into her pillow.
It was another sleepless night for the both of them (they had gone through many together, of course) and so they sat in companionable silence (which they had done just as often). Edwin was reading a tome on otherworldly insects that he was only dimly interested in and Charles hovered over Edwin to scan the yellowing pages along with him.
“That one is interesting, isn’t it?” He pointed to an illustration of an iridescent beetle that seemed to shimmer even on paper.
Edwin nodded, flipping the page to read about it. “It also happens to be quite deadly, I’m afraid.”
Charles frowned. “Of course it is.”
They continued to skim through the book, Charles quietly offering commentary on some of the more interesting insects and Edwin pretending to be annoyed rather than charmed.
Once they reached the end, Edwin placed the book face down on the desk, toying idly with a fountain pen from the drawer as he began to speak. “So, I believe we should discuss the logistics of how everything will work from here on out.”
Charles raised an eyebrow. “Logistics?”
“Well, Crystal can’t very well sleep on the couch forever. And we have the Night Nurse now to contend with. There is much to be discussed and it isn't as if we sleep.”
“Mate, we just got back to London. Can’t it wait?”
Edwin eyed Charles. “Why should it wait? Do you have other plans I should be aware of?”
“Well, I was sort of hoping to talk to you before we start getting into… logistics. Can we at least do that first?”
“We’re talking now, are we not?”
Charles leaned back on his hands. “Come on, Edwin. I actually do need to tell you something important.”
“Can you please talk quieter?” Crystal’s question was muffled only slightly by the pillow. “Some of us actually need sleep.”
Charles sighed, grabbing onto Edwin’s forearm and pulling him towards the door. “Come on, then, let’s go talk outside instead.”
The street outside was relatively empty due largely to the fact that it was the dead of night. The only sound was sirens in the far distance and the tinny noise of a television through someone’s open window above them.
The overcast sky and fogged window panes suggested it probably should have been cold, but Edwin, like any other ghost, hadn’t been able to feel the temperature outside since he died. Often, he missed the chill of night time air on his skin, but it was senseless to dwell on something like that. If he thought too much about what he was lacking, he’d drive himself mad.
The two stopped just outside the door and Charles released his grip on Edwin’s arm. “So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?” Edwin asked, folding his hands in front of him.
Charles’ eyes were cast towards the ground and Edwin found himself worrying something was very wrong. “I was thinking a lot about what you said in Hell.”
Edwin grimaced. “We needn’t talk about that further.”
“Edwin, I’m serious.”
“Charles, I do not want you to feel like you need to apologize to me or whatever it is you are intending to do. I understand you feel guilty over the fact that you do not reciprocate my feelings, but I am not so sensitive as to—”
Charles reached a hand out to cup Edwin’s face and whatever the end of his sentence had been was instead swallowed away into a sharp inhale. Edwin knew that he could feel the touch of another ghost, he had felt Charles touch his face before. It wasn’t new, but the sensation of Charles’ palm against his jaw felt like a revelation nonetheless.
“Edwin,” Charles said, tracing his thumb along Edwin’s cheekbone in a way that made his mind go blank. “Listen to me when I say this, yeah?”
Edwin nodded jerkily. He didn’t think he could form a verbal answer if he tried. Not with the intense way Charles was looking at him, eyes narrowed and focused, his lips slightly parted. Not when he could feel the individual pads of Charles’ fingertips pressed lightly into his skin. Careful, like Edwin might just be something worthy of care.
“I’m not about to just… mess around with your feelings for fun. You’ve known me for how many years now? Would I do that?”
”No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”
”Then listen to me while I tell you that I’m in love with you, too.”
In love with him ? Edwin opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. He did it twice more before gesturing vaguely at Charles to continue.
“It’s like, I think some part of me already knew I was in love with you. It was hard to process everything you said in Hell, you know? I hadn’t ever thought about it like that before. Thought about us like that before. At least not consciously.” Charles’ words were rushed as if he had them queued up in his head for quite some time.
Charles’ eyes focused somewhere past Edwin’s shoulder. “Then the thing at Esther’s house happened and I dunno, it forced me to think about the idea of you not being around anymore. It was bloody unbearable to sit there while you were in pain, Edwin. It was the worst feeling in the world. It got me thinking how much worse it would be to lose you entirely.”
“That is… grim, Charles.”
“Maybe. But I mean it. It’s like I said in Hell, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Just… I’ve realized that feeling goes deeper than I thought.”
Charles brought his hand away from Edwin’s cheek to instead gently wrap it around his wrist and tug Edwin’s wringing hands apart. Edwin hadn’t realized he had started to fidget to begin with, but of course Charles had noticed.
Releasing his wrist to instead lace their fingers together, he continued, “It wasn’t just that, though. I wasn’t lying when I said you were properly missable, Edwin. I missed you while you were here and I was in Port Townsend. And when I finally thought about why I missed you, it started to make some more sense. Let’s just say you’re properly lovable, too, aren’t you?”
Edwin scoffed. ”Charles, that is ridiculous.”
“Oi, very serious love confession going on here, remember?”
“Right,” Edwin replied, giving him a sharp nod. “Proceed.”
“All of these things started to add up, right? And like, I couldn’t tell you about it right away. I could lead you on like that, could I? It wouldn’t be fair. So I waited until I was sure. You’re probably thinking that it’s stupid that I had to think it over, but—”
“I would never think such a thing.” Edwin squeezed his hand. “I understand more than you know.”
“Right, point is, I love you.” He smiled crookedly. “It took me a while to say it because I wanted to make sure I was positive about it, but it’s true and now it’s out there. Now you know.”
“You love me?”
“Quite a bit, actually.”
It was as if Edwin’s world view shifted ever so slightly. Suddenly nothing made sense. Suddenly so many things made sense.
Edwin blinked a few times, stunned. “Charles,” he said, then cleared his throat. “I believe I am going to kiss you now.”
Charles’ lopsided grin gave way into a surprised laugh. “Yeah, okay. Seems only right, doesn’t it?”
Only problem was, Edwin hadn’t ever kissed anyone. Monty had been the one to kiss him before and it wasn’t as if that kiss was emotionally significant to him beyond some lingering guilt. It wasn’t even a kiss he could feel . Kissing Charles… well, kissing Charles seemed more consequential.
It was the first kiss that Edwin got to choose for himself. The first one he found himself wanting to begin with. The first kiss that mattered.
To say Edwin was intimidated would be an understatement.
Except it was just Charles, wasn’t it?
Charles who awkwardly stumbled his way through a love confession just because he knew it would mean something to Edwin. Charles who took the time to think his feelings through so as to not lead Edwin on. Charles who had been his best friend for thirty-something years and never once made him doubt that he was cared for.
Charles who so clearly wanted this kiss just as much as he did.
Edwin couldn’t take it anymore. He released Charles’ hand and instead grabbed him by either side of his face, closing the gap between them in one swift movement.
It was a disaster of a kiss. Their noses collided painfully and Edwin’s bottom lip caught on Charles’ top teeth. The force of it sent Charles stumbling backwards across the slippery brick street beneath their feet and the two almost lost their balance entirely. They bounced back from one another, the corner of Charles’ mouth quirking amusedly and Edwin doing something quite close to pouting, though he would never acknowledge it as such.
Edwin wasn’t quite sure what to do with his hands, so he decided on releasing Charles’ face and dropping his hands to instead rest on his shoulders, his thumbs settling in the divots of Charles’ collarbones. The fabric of his shirt was soft underneath his fingertips and without meaning to, Edwin found himself fiddling with the collar of it.
Charles reached out to wrap his arms around Edwin’s middle in return and pulled him back in, letting his forehead rest against Edwin’s. “Love the enthusiasm, don’t get me wrong, but maybe we should give that another go.”
This time when Edwin kissed him, it was a hesitant thing. A gentle brushing of their lips together, delicate and unsure. Edwin brought his hand to the base of Charles’ skull, lightly running his fingers through the short hairs there, causing Charles to exhale softly against his lips.
Edwin’s heart hadn’t beat in over a hundred years, but he could have sworn he felt it thrumming away under his sternum in spite of that.
It was far too much.
It wasn’t enough at all.
With his other hand, Edwin tugged Charles in closer by the collar, pressing their bodies together. In response, Charles tilted his head, deepening the kiss and tightening his grip around Edwin’s waist. Edwin made a low noise in the back of his throat that he found to be particularly embarrassing as he clutched at the fabric of Charles’ shirt.
It was as if he had been starving for quite some time, but hadn’t known how to identify the feeling until that moment. Could one hunger for something they’d never had a taste of to begin with? Was it possible to crave something while it was still happening?
Edwin hadn’t known what to expect out of a kiss. Sure, he had pictured it before, but it was always from a more practical, studied standpoint. The basic mechanics were easy enough to understand. Mouth on mouth. Skin on skin. What he couldn’t prepare himself for was the resulting emotions.
Kissing Charles was not unlike solving a particularly difficult case. It took some effort to figure it out, but once he did, there was an undeniable euphoria to it. Each time he found something Charles seemed to like, it was akin to the adrenaline he felt when he pieced the right information together after hours of study. Though kissing Charles certainly wasn’t a problem he wanted to solve, the exhilaration was one in the same.
Slowly, inevitably, they did have to part, though Edwin did not care to in the slightest. They stayed wrapped up in each other, chest to chest with arms draped around waists and shoulders, putting as little space between them as physically possible.
“So that was…” Edwin trailed off, thinking. “Well, I believe the term you would use is brills .”
Charles snorted. “Yeah, I reckon it was brills, wasn’t it? Might have to try it again sometime.”
“I suppose I could be convinced.”
“Could you now?”
“Only if we sort out the logistics from earlier first.”
Even at such a close distance, Edwin could still make out Charles rolling his eyes. “Mate, I think that is quite literally the least of our worries right now.”
Edwin clicked his tongue. “I cannot believe you’re calling me mate as if we weren’t just doing… that.” He gestured between the two of them.
“Snogging?” Charles offered.
“Precisely. Though, I’d rather you call it anything else.”
“What do you want me to call it instead? Necking?” Charles cocked an eyebrow. “How about sucking face?”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake, Charles,” Edwin replied, wrinkling his nose, though he was trying desperately to hold back a smile. “Don’t be so crass.”
“I make no promises, mate .”
Edwin shoved at Charles’ shoulder, shaking his head before ducking in to steal another kiss. Perhaps he couldn’t feel the frigid night air on his skin, but he could feel the warm press of Charles’ lips against his. And wasn’t that just as good?
Edwin was happier than he had any right to be. Drunk on a cocktail of lips and hands and shared breath, he realized this was the best he had felt in quite some time. Possibly ever.
Charles shuddered as Edwin leaned away to carefully trace the line of his top lip with his thumb. Watching Charles like this, disheveled and in awe, was a delightful thing indeed.
As he met Charles’ gaze again, it occurred to him that although the sky was starless and dim, the world felt no less bright.