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The tsunami affected him more than he originally thought. Buck really didn't know what to do. He knew Christopher was safe and he knew that he saved as many people as he could but did he know that? He stared into the running shower but couldn't walk into it. He really needed a shower but as soon as the water hits his hand he goes straight back to the tsunami, even just washing his hands is a struggle.
Can I go to someone? Does anyone actually care or do they just pretend because they feel bad for me? Why can't I just take a stupid fucking shower!
He can't stop thinking and it's overwhelming. The phantom limb pain was not helping at all. He turns off the shower, puts his leg back on and goes to the kitchen. What time is it?
11:47
Everyone would be asleep by now. He doesn't want to disturb them but he needs someone at the moment. Maddie is at work, so is Chim and Hen. Bobby is asleep with Athena and he said to call whenever, but Buck doesn't feel like he should, it was there last they'll see each other for 2 weeks because of shifts and he doesn't want to disturb them. Eddie?
Bzzzzz
Bzzzzz
He hesitantly turned the phone over seeing it was Eddie ringing him.
"Eddie, you okay?
"Hey Buck, yeah I'm good I just wanted to check in with you cause Christopher is having a difficult time sleeping because of the tsunami and, now knowing you were awake, I know you were probably also having a hard time sleeping at the moment Because of that as well with your leg..."
Of course Chris is having a hard time, buck brought him into the path of a fucking tsunami, lost him and now can't be sure what Chris saw because he won't talk to anyone. Buck did this to him, he can't get Eddie to deal with this and not get any sleep. It wasn't his fault.
"Yeah, the phantom pain is really not helping with anything. Do you want me to come round? I can help with Chris while you try get some more sleep?"
"Yeah. Just the coming round part, though. Chris is hopeful staying asleep for now, he's already woken up twice but he was able to calm."
"I'll be round in twenty"
"Thanks buck"
With that the call ends. He can't fix his mistakes but he can help the people affected deal with them.
~~~~~
Bucks parked outside of Eddie's house walking to the door. Eddie opens the door with a small, slightly grateful smile on his face and went to hug him. "Buck, thank you."
"Of course! If the small Diaz needs me I will always be here. You on the other hand..." Buck shrugs a smirks while Eddie fakes an offended look, hitting his arm.
"It looks like you haven't been sleeping well, do you wanna talk?" Eddie offers a reaffirming smile leading him to the couch.
Buck shakes his head "you know the drill, just been in a natural disaster with your son and losing my leg on the job meaning I can't work for a while. Other than that I'm all good." He said, fake happiness drowns his face. And it's obvious Eddie doesn't believe him.
"You know it wasn't your fault, right? He knows that you saved him in an especially hard scenario for you as you could just about swim again." Eddie spoke hoping the words got through to buck. "You are his hero, Buck. He loves you,"
The words fly in Buck's head "I... lost him. Eddie I lost him and he could have almost died. He..."
"Buck, you did almost die. You were in a tsunami while on blood thinners. You also lost your prosthetic as it happened. From what Chris has told me you saved so many people getting them on the fire engine and god knows how many more you saved looking for Christopher. You were literally bleeding out with one of Chris's crutches to lean on. When I saw you I honestly thought you were on the verge of death and I couldn't deal with that. The thought of you dying scared me so much. Then I saw Chris behind you and I was so relieved that both of you were safe."
He doesn't know when but While Eddie spoke he began crying. Silent tears were running down his face and Eddie wiped them away for him.
"Buck I would not trust anyone more with my son than I trust you. And nobody would fight harder than you to keep him safe."
That was it. Buck began sobbing and Eddie caught him. He holds Bucks hair and back as he sobbed into his shoulder
"Why-why can't I just do one thing right in my life" he got out between sobs. "I can't even take a fucking shower without almost passing out of fear, Its so stupid" he laughed at how stupid it sounded. Imagine not being able to wash yourself in a shower, not because of self consciousness but because you're scared you're going to drown in the water. He's so stupid.
"Hey, that's not stupid," Eddie said genuinely, pulling him away grabbing his face with both hands making sure he listened. "You have just been through multiple extremely traumatic things. One to do with a large amount of water. Everyone has different trauma reactions and to this, that's normal. Chris wouldn't shower the few days you were in hospital, just yesterday I had to sit with him in there telling him that he was okay while washing his hair." Buck had just barely calmed down, a few tears just escaping his eyes. He opened his mouth going to say something but refused. Buck knows the embarrassment is just a little too high and if he asks Eddie to help him then that could just ruin their friendship. He's not ready to not see him again.
"Do... Do you want me to help you?" Eddie asked with genuine intent, slight blush on his face from the embarrassing question. Buck just stared at him for a minute, then, slowly nodded his head looking away. "Okay, I can do that. You know where the bathroom is. You can get undressed there and you can sit on Chris's chair. There are some dark blue towels in there you can use to cover yourself, okay? I'll get a change of cloths for you while you do so. I'll wait outside the door and just call me when you're ready." Eddie said with a smile at the end. Buck nodded again, knowing if he opens his mouth again he will cry. Eddie got up and offered a hand to Buck, He gladly accepted it and got up aswell. Eddie walked buck to the bathroom, dropping him off as he walked by.
Buck has been in this house so often that he's barely even a guest anymore and yet he has never had a shower here. He began taking his own top off and saw himself in the mirror. He saw the tattoos he got in so many different countries and the scratched from the tsunami. He saw small scars scattered all over his torso and arms from his childhood, just trying to get his parents attention. But he never did get the affection he didn't know he was after. He continues to take the rest of his clothes off sitting down on the chair with the towel around his waist before taking his prosthetic off, placing it just out of the shower range. Eddie knocked to let buck know he had everything and was just waiting on him.
"I-Im covered..." Buck said hesitantly. Was this really a good idea? To let his best friend wash him? God he was pathetic just like his mum told him.
Eddie slowly entered cautiously, scared one wrong move buck will run for it, Even though at the moment it would be slightly impossible. Buck was on the verge of tears from embarrassment, staring at the ground. Eddie put the clothes on the toilet lid and walked to him.
"You sure you're okay with this?" Eddie asked kneeling to meet Buck's gaze. Buck nodded. He knew this was the only time he could shower in a while. He needs to take it.
Eddie took off the shower head before turning it on. He looked over at Buck who's breathing slightly sped up. Eddie grabbed bucks hand to reassure him. He warned him every time the water was about to hit is body and Bucks fear washed away because Eddie was there. Eddie's hand was so reassuring wherever it was. He was so gentle, it was so easy to relax into. Buck closed his eyes and let Eddie fully take over, not caring what happenes to him anymore. He trusts Eddie.
Eddie turned the shower off and Buck heard him get something and began to fill it up. Eddie tilted bucks head back and kept his hand on his hairline, slowly pouring the water all the way down his hair. Repeating until all of his hair was fully wet and Eddie put shampoo in and he slowly started massaging it in. Buck felt like he was going to cry again but this time from the comfort. The only time he remembered someone washing his hair was his sister when he was 5. He got shouted at for taking up his sisters time and so neither of them wanted that to happen again. But now. Now he wouldn't get screamed at, he can just be here. In the moment. He hummed with a slight smile. "Thank you" Buck quietly said, hearing Eddie chuckle a little.
"I didn't know you had curly hair" he could hear the smile on Eddie's lips.
"Yeah m-my hair has a mind of its own. Half the time it's curly half the time it decides to be straight" he finally opened his eyes, seeing Eddie face full concentration but still soft and gentle. Buck blushed remembering he's naked right now
"You look beautiful" Bucks eyes widened, Eddie stated like it was obvious. Like everyone in the world could see it. "Each of your scars show a small story in your life you look absolutely stunning with each one added." Buck just blushed more and more with each word. He tried to look down but Eddie pushed his head back. "You still have shampoo I need to wash out, you can't look down yet" Eddie smirked slightly. He finished massaging his head and gets another cup full and began rinsing it out.
"I think I should give you more compliments, I don't think you've had as many as you should have in the past." Eddie said like he was casually speaking to himself. Buck felt like the blush from his cheeks were now down to collar bones. He fiddled with the towel. "Would you like that?" Eddie asked washing out the last of the shampoo and grabbing a towel to dry his hair.
Buck finally could look down. Would he? Usually he would say he's fine but compliments from Eddie were so good. He sounded so genuine and it sounds so nice. "...t-that...that would be nice..." Buck responded at almost a whisper.
"Good" Eddie threw the towel on his head after he dried it as much as he could. "Because you are absolutely amazing and you keep forgetting that." He said with a smile looking at Buck.
As Eddie was walking away Buck grabbed his hand. Eddie turned on slight confusion and buck hesitated before he pulled himself up and kissed him. Balanced on one leg, holding himself up with one arm around Eddie's shoulder, slightly pulling his hair, the other holding the towel in place.
After a second, Eddie's arms wrapped around Buck's waist helping him stand as he kissed back. It was a slightly desperate kiss with pure passion behind it. Buck smiled.
After about 10 seconds they break to breathe. Buck stared. Eddie stared back. "Holy shit" buck could barely finish before Eddie kissed him again. This time without the desperation. Buck fully lent into Eddie. The only thing between them was his hand as his other grips Eddie's hair.
Eddie pulled away this time. "Fuck me" Buck said in shock.
Not today. We take this slow so I need you to get your clothes on. Do you want your spare crutches or the leg?"
Buck choked at the comment made by Eddie "uh- crutches, please" he stuttered out. He moved the new clothes closer to Buck after sitting him back down, Took the old ones and left.
Buck took a few minutes to compose himself and actually process what happened before getting dressed. Eddie got him black shorts, a white t-shirt which was slightly small on him and left Buck's blue hoodie in there, just in case. As he stumbled to the door Eddie was waiting and handed him the crutches.
"Thanks." Buck took them, "not just for these, for everything else." Eddie hugged him
"Of course, beautiful. I will do anything to help you, anytime okay? Ask and I will be there."
"I really, really like you Eddie"
"And I you" Eddie replied, holding his cheek and giving him a quick kiss. "Now hot ass, you need sleep. It's already past 1 and I've got to get up early and you are taking Chris with me to school."
Buck smiled. The first genuine smile for a while. Before buck could walk to the couch to sleep there, Eddie redirected him to the bedroom. "I'm not letting you sleep alone tonight. Not after everything you've been through."
Eddie sat him down on the bed and went to get his leg. Buck laid down and got settled in.
Eddie came back in and put his leg next to Buck's side and got into bed as well facing Buck. Eddie grabbed his hand "Buck you did everything you could. A natural disaster is not your fault. You had no idea it was going to happen and you saved a lot of people. You saved my son. And I will forever be grateful." And he kissed his hand.
They smiled at each other. "Goodnight, Buck"
"Goodnight, Eddie" they both say as they as they fell asleep holding hands.
For the first time in a while Buck doesn't have a nightmare and has a good sleep. He knows he's going to have a great day tomorrow.