Work Text:
Dr. Ratio just said he was in love with him. Not that much of a romantic, but Aventurine could tell that he was trying; breaking down his own barriers in order to finally spit out the words he was in so desperate need to say. I seem to have... fallen in love with you, he had said, struggling to meet him in the eyes. To which Aventurine could only stare back in pure shock.
As soon as Ratio widened his eyes and whispered a low tone of regretfulness — I seem to have misunderstood we were on the same page, when in reality I just made a fool out of myself; please, accept my apologies —, however, as he turned to leave, Aventurine regained his senses just in time to pull him by the arm, locking him in an embrace.
Their lips met quite clumsily. Aventurine released his grip on Ratio's arm to pull on his waist, bringing him as closer as another material being could be. In response, the other's hands found their ways to well-brushed blond strands, scratching at his nape only for a shiver to run down his electrified body.
Deep down, Aventurine knew this wouldn't be the best answer the doctor deserved to receive; instead, he should be declaring his love in return, with sweet words and emotional expressions. Except his fleeting heart had a strong sensation of dread anytime a chance of becoming vulnerable approached.
So, as a replacement to a kind of affection he wasn't able to deliver yet — nor did he ever think he would one day know how to — he slipped his tongue inside the doctor's mouth, relishing on the sounds escaping it; one step and another, guiding him through the hands on his hips, he pressed Ratio against the nearest wall.
"Ah," the smallest noise echoed on the empty hall, as a reminder of where they still were: under the moonlight, in an IPC hallway near Aventurine's office that they weren't supposed to have stayed until this late, but they always did because, as much as they tried to deny it, they enjoyed each other's presence quite a lot.
"We could take this to my room," Aventurine said, parting the kiss to stare at the beautiful image the doctor painted — pink cheeks, slightly glazed eyes, warm skin. Decidedly, Aventurine tugged him lightly and intended to turn, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder before he could move.
"No, I—," clearing his throat and losing his words, Ratio was quite an entertainment. "I actually don't mean for anything more to happen tonight," his voice sounded with an apologetic tone. Or, at least, as closer to an apology as he could ever get.
Aventurine frowned, confused. "Why?"
Ratio stuttered an "I do not truly know", uncommonly unarticulated. For someone who was always bothering about the need of asking questions, he had a too sudden transformation once asked about his personal feelings.
The doctor opened his mouth again, trying to regain his composure back, but before he could even give him a theory about his own obstacle, a paranoid thought occurred to Aventurine. The worlds spilling out with no space to wonder whether he should worry about them or not.
"You don't find me attractive."
"What? No, that's not what I said."
Aventurine felt exasperated. He had become used to letting his guard down around Ratio for too long and now it was getting harder to put his masks back up again. "Then why? Why would you kiss me if you're not gonna take me to bed?"
Ratio frowned, looking almost insulted by Aventurine's words, before confusion took place only to then let realization pass through him as he answered. "Maybe all of these years of gambling and sleep-deprivation have been catching up on you. Why wouldn't I kiss you when the person I fell in love with just reciprocated my feelings?"
"But why wouldn't you do the entire thing?"
"'Entire thing'? This is the entire thing—"
"But what worth is there in kissing me?" Ratio looked at him with pity in his eyes as Aventurine's voice accidentally showed his genuine confusion, and the sensation was awful to his heart. "This way you're not even going to get something in return."
"Everything is worth in kissing you." The doctor pulled Aventurine's face between his hands. "I'd do anything just to have your love in any kind of way that you'd want to give to me. Just because you want to, not because you feel obligated to."
He put it quite simply. Dr. Ratio didn't seem to be the most eloquent partner to work with nor did he seem to pretend to be a faithful lover; however, doubt creeps in with its dirtiest shenanigans in order to pull Aventurine out of his balance.
In response, nothing comes out of his mouth, at first, letting Ratio ramble a few moments more about love and the act of feeling it towards him, out of all people. He whispers so closely that Aventurine can feel their breaths mingle and it is such a foreign feeling to do so; to have such proximity for this other way of affection.
"I— I just can't wrap my head around that." He murmured, finally, but he didn't step away from the doctor's reach. A discreet sparkle in Ratio's eyes shows him that he considered it a victory nonetheless.
"Let me keep it simple, then," he whispered, bringing their heads even closer, not close enough for their foreheads to touch, but close enough so Aventurine could only focus on eye at a time, alternating between sunset and sunrise. "I kissed you, just to kiss you. You don't need to give me anything back in return, because this is already what I want."
"You kissed me... just to kiss me?" As if it could be that simple. Because it could, and Ratio was determined to prove to him that sweetness such as that existed to be within his hands as well. As if it was the simplest act of love ever; while Aventurine's mind felt shattered and rebuilt from the ground up and his heart never felt more loved than this. "And not to take me to bed?"
"Yes, indeed. I wish to spend more time with you first, if that's alright with you."
If that's okay with you, kept echoing in Aventurine's head and so many things always hunt him in the middle of the night, repeating themselves over and over again until he's exhausted, yet now he has conquered a mantra of sorts, to shield him of memories and past touches.
When his voice rang again, it sounded small. Unsure and also the truest he had ever sounded. "So, do you like me, just to like me?"
"No, not at all." Aventurine's heart started racing, gulping with the straight answer, but before he could even let his paranoia act again, Ratio's explanation came to soothe his heart as quick as he took his next breath. "To this question, I can list many different reasons of why I fell in love with you."
Aventurine smiled softly, his hands over Ratio's on his cheeks. "I think I'd like to hear a few of them, then."