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“All I’m saying is that if we put up a few decorations it might make the clients feel welcome.” – Charles paced around the office holding two socks with the letters C and E on them deciding to place them by the windows.
“Charles, most of our clients have been dead for decades. If they haven’t felt welcome in that period of time, frankly I don’t see how socks and a few candy canes will make their ghostly bones jump with joy.” – Edwin said, sat at the desk while he finished the report of their last case.
It was Christmas Eve and only two hours left until midnight. The office felt too quiet even with Charles’ records with the biggest Christmas tunes playing on repeat. The room was dark but the fairy lights made any reflective surface in it glow as if was one of those beauiful snow globes little Charles liked to shake over and over again just to watch one tiny world turn as magical as he knew the real one could never be. Outside, the wind made the walls cry with loud thuds and the frost covered their icy tears as best as it could.
“Grinch.” – Charles gave him a tender half smile.
“Ghost Grinch – that’s what you are.” – he pointed to Edwin still holding one of the socks.
“One day I’ll start pretending like I understand this holiday spirit of yours but-“
“Did you move the snow globe that was on the desk?” – Charles interrupted.
“I did. I kept almost knocking it over several times… It was quite an annoyance.”
“I thought I told you not to move it.”
“Oh, you did. I simply chose to ignore your endearing quirks yet again in order to finish this report. It’s what makes us such a good duo.”
A moment later Charles was grabbing his backpack and heading towards the door.
“Are you leaving?” – Edwin looked up for the first time in hours.
“I’ll go bother someone else with my quirks,” – he gestured with his hands.
“…so that you can work in peace.”
Ghosts didn’t need to use the door but Charles left slamming it. He ran down the stairs and tried to fight off the memory of that Christmas Eve.
He was thirteen years old dressed in white from head to toe with tears streaming down his face. He watched his father’s face take the shape of a furious animal with wrinkles dancing around his large forehead and his voice roaring and bouncing around the house – the kitchen, the living room and the backyard. There was not a corner of the house that didn’t echo the disappointment Charles always seemed to bring with his unsure step.
“It was just one song. It isn’t a big deal… let’s all calm down” – Charles’ mother tried to play the mediator once again.
“Dad, everyone had to do it – boys and girls!” – Charles sobbed into his sleeve.
The fingers of one hand tormented the ones on the other as he stared at the floor observing his shadow, a tiny shaking willow, on the perfectly polished tiles.
“I don’t care what the others are doing. No son of mine will sing some pansy song in front of a crowd of people! You’ve disgraced this family once again and so help me God I will get you into that school even if I have to drag you by the ear! It’s about time someone straightens you up!”
Before he could even take in what those words meant, Charles observed a round shaped object flying towards him. He ducked at the last minute making it only graze his ear. The sound of the snow globe smashing into the wall behind him made his ears pop. He stared back in shock as the tears stopped along with everything around him. His father was the main exhibit in his personal museum of everything he hated about himself. His mother never existed in this story and he himself existed too much, he decided. If only he was invisible to everyone. If only he was a transparent ball of energy letting light pass through instead of always blocking it. If he existed less maybe he would like himself more.
The streets of the city felt so alive and it made him jealous. What he would do to feel the wind in his hair and taste Christmas pudding once again. Spending decades with Edwin made him crave actual life again even more than before and he couldn’t figure out why. He was never particularly good at it yet he wondered if they were both alive how different everything would be. He knew that he’d probably get into the worst kinds of trouble for Edwin but he also knew that he did not care about that one bit. Even if he would return home with bloody fists and bruises, he’d savor each proudly as a badge of honor. There was no one in this world that could hurt Edwin and stay intact enough to talk about it as far as he was concerned. These fantasies became even stronger recently after Edwin made his heartfelt confession on the stairs of hell. Charles’ mind was stuck on them and slowly merged them with the ones of being a real person again. Flashes of touches, soft lips and warm hands drove him mad.
Edwin. Touch. Warmth. Kiss. Repeat.
Charles hugged himself tightly. He wasn’t cold – he couldn’t be but there was something in his chest begging to spill out at any moment and he wasn’t ready to find out what exactly that was so he squeezed and put pressure on his non existent heart like there was a wound there that needed compressing.
“Have I upset you?” – he heard a voice blend in with Christmas carols that could be heard from the distance.
No answer.
“You always come here when you’re upset.” – Edwin sat across him on the fence.
“I like the view from the rooftop.”
“Yes, it is quite wonderful, I must admit.”
Edwin wasn’t good at apologizing and Charles knew that which is why he reveled in his discomfort a bit. Or a lot.
“I’m sorry I moved your snow globe.”
“This isn’t about the snow globe.”
“I’m sorry I can be a Ghost Grinch around the holidays.”
“Edwin.”
“I’m sorry I laughed at the Christmas sweater you were wearing with Crystal behind your back yesterday.”
“Wait, what?”
“Orange and purple don’t go together, Charles. It’s an eyesore…” – Edwin whispered.
Charles couldn’t help but smile at this attempt to keep everything humorous for his sake. Him being emotional was too new for the both of them but knowing that Edwin was in love with him was also new.
“You know when I was young I sang in the choir of this church once.” – Charles hit the fence with his foot.
“I didn’t know there used to be a church down here.”
“Yeah… my dad did not like the idea. He didn’t like most things but the thought of me singing even less.”
“Why not?”
“Because he thought it wasn’t manly. Or that it was stupid since it wasn’t sports or some other idea he had of me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it Mr. decorations-and-fun are stupid?”
“I find them annoying because they distract me from cases not because I’m a horrible man who doesn’t know how to appreciate you.” – Edwin said sharply with a frown.
“I don’t how how deserving of appreciation I am really… I get these horrible thoughts sometimes.”
Charles stared at the floor. His expression was serious and this made Edwin nervous.
“Thoughts like – like wanting him to die. I want my mum to be free of him and I want him to be punished for the things he did to me. Even if I know what hell looks like now…”
Charles looked up at Edwin with a look of defeat he’s never showed before.
“I remember this one time he smashed a snow globe right next to my head. I still have the scar.” – he touched his ear as if needing to reassure himself.
“I think I’m scared of finding out what my afterlife is because, honestly, I can’t remember when my actual life wasn’t shit. Maybe it’s ironic I’ve only ever felt truly happy after I died. You know, when you found me.”
The air around them was freezing and soon filled by tiny snowflakes. Charles could barely see Edwin’s face but the expression he wore made that feeling in his chest worsen. Edwin’s hair and eyelashes turned white from the snow and his mouth was slightly opened. He took one of Charles’ hands into his palm and turned it over softly.
“When it is time and she comes I will find you.”
Charles turned his head away and scoffed.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Charles, look at me.”
He does.
“We’ve cheated the natural laws of everything for decades. I don’t think there’s one singular place you and I belong to but I know that in death, afterlife and everything that exists in between – I will always find you.”
Edwin looked up to the street lamp next to them which started flickering as if the universe really agreed with him in that moment. Charles couldn’t stop laughing, eyes full of tears and hands full of Edwin. He shook him a little before placing his thumbs on his cheeks.
“Where did you come from?” – he whispered while smiling ear to ear before placing his mouth on Edwin’s.
It was slow and very sweet. Charles could swear the warmth turned him into an actual living and breathing organism. The light was finally coming through and he felt every single ray hit his body at once. The feeling was addicting and he realized he really did miss kissing. The tricky part is that now that thought will be replaced by missing kissing one stubborn little ghost in particular. Charles deepened the kiss upon realization and Edwin gently pushed him away.
“Charles, I can’t breathe!”
“Stop complaining when I’m trying to snog you.” – he grabbed his collar and pulled on his bow tie to free him from it. He kissed him once more, quickly. And then one more time. Edwin remained passive through all of it until he finally leaned in and opened his mouth, relaxing completely.
“I reckon I’m really good at giving speeches.” – Edwin mumbled looking straight into Charles’ eyes.
“Indeed. You are wasting your talents on this detective stuff.”
“Detective stuff.” – Edwin mocked him.
The next morning was as quiet as any other with the fairy lights still on and the last case report neatly folded into the solved pile. Brenda Lee’s Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree hummed around the office and a cup of coffee was seemingly waiting on Crystal. The first thing Charles noticed was the snow globe by the window under which two socks with the letters C and E were still hanging. But there was another snow globe next to the couch and three – no, four on the desk. Two more near their office plants and one that was in Edwin’s hands.
“In case I knock one over, yeah?” – he smiled.
Charles sat in his usual spot on the desk and looked out the window. People were rushing in their usual fashion and the world spun around in the same way it always has. Time was untouched and the roads were a bit more icy. There are eight billion people out there.
He took Edwin’s hand in his own and he sensed this might be a new tradition they were starting. Eight billion souls out there and only two that will never make a shadow in the light.