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Toge’s just about to plop onto his bed, when he hears someone knock on his door. He feels his heart skip a beat. He already knows who it is.
“Hi,” Yuuta says softly, a bit hesitantly, when Toge opens the door. “Um… Can I come in?”
He nods, opening the door further and letting Yuuta walk in.
“Sorry,” Yuuta quickly rushes out. “I know it’s late.”
“Okaka,” he says back, shaking his head. He wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon anyway.
Yuuta lets out a chuckle. The boy is well aware of Toge’s awful sleeping habits. “I guess that’s true.”
Toge quickly moves to plop onto his bed again, crossing his legs. He pats the space next to him, and after a pause, Yuuta joins him, tentatively sitting down, playing with his fingers. He looks lovely. Even like this, in his pajamas, eyebags dark and weary. His bangs are getting long, almost covering the man’s eyes. Toge wants to run his fingers through the black strands, but doesn’t.
He’s not sure when it started, this tension between him and Yuuta. The subtle touches, the shy gazes, the butterflies whenever the boy comes near. When Toge first met Yuuta he spent a lot of time watching him— he was worried about him, and felt a need to take care of him. Toge knows more than anyone, what it’s like to live with a curse that causes harm to others.
But the more Toge watched, the more he found himself noticing other things. The boy’s kind smile. His gentle laugh. The way his eyes harden as he gets serious about a fight, but also the way they soften when they look at Toge.
Is it just him that feels this way, he wonders. It’s almost too good to be true. Yuuta is such a bright light compared to him, at least in his opinion. Just as strong as he is kind. Just as kind as he is loving. Toge has no idea how such a person could look at him.
Still.
“Tomorrow’s the day, huh,” Yuuta murmurs softly, still playing with his fingers. Before Toge even realizes what he’s doing, he’s reaching out and grabbing one of the man’s hands, stopping his nervous habit. Yuuta blinks in surprise, before quickly tightening his grip, even as his cheeks flush red.
“Mentaiko?” Toge asks.
“A little,” Yuuta answers. “But I’m mostly just… sad that I have to leave everyone.”
Toge nods. He’s sad that Yuuta has to leave, too. But hopefully it won’t be too long. A few months of Yuuta away in Africa. It will suck, but they’ll survive, right?
“Yeah,” Yuuta says quietly, when Toge mentions all this. The boy smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re right, Inumaki-kun.”
They settle into silence. Toge hesitates, before scooting closer, resting his head on the boy’s shoulder.
“Tuna mayo, Yuuta,” he says quietly. I’ll miss you.
A few moments pass, ones that feel like an eternity. Yuuta starts to move away, making his heart drop to his stomach. Did he say too much? But then suddenly, he feels the boy’s large hands on his cheeks, and before he knows it, Yuuta’s pulling him in for a kiss.
He stiffens in surprise, barely processing it before the boy is quickly pulling away.
“S-Sorry,” Yuuta stutters out, cheeks red, “God I— sorry. I probably should’ve asked before I did that. It’s just— I’m leaving tomorrow , and—”
Toge shuts him up with another kiss. Yuuta responds back eagerly. Toge kisses him with all he has, all he’s felt ever since he met the man. He never wants it to end.
“I wish we had more time,” Yuuta whispers softly. They’re now tangled in each other’s arms, lying down together on Toge’s bed, lips red from kissing.
“Sujiko,” he murmurs back. He runs his hands through Yuuta’s hair, fulfilling his earlier urge. We do have time.
They’ll have all the time in the world, once Yuuta comes back.
When Toge sees who’s at the door, he almost wants to disappear. Yuuta looks absolutely devastated as he stands frozen in place at the doorway, white uniform blending in with the white walls of Toge’s hospital room.
He almost bursts into tears at the sight of the boy. He hasn’t seen Yuuta for months, and has missed him so, so much.
This isn’t how things were supposed to go. Toge was supposed to greet Yuuta at the airport, welcoming him home with a bright smile and a warm hug. Maki and Panda were supposed to be there, too. The three of them would throw a welcome home party for the boy, and spend a whole night just catching up. And maybe after the party, he and Yuuta would finally get some time alone, finally be able to talk, finally be able to just… be together.
He forces himself to smile anyways, sitting up a bit more in his hospital bed. “Konbu, Yuuta.”
“Inumaki-kun,” Yuuta says wetly, rushing forward. He grabs the only hand Toge has now, gripping it tightly as tears spill from his eyes. “Inumaki-kun. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
“Okaka, Yuuta,” he tries to soothe, even as he feels his own eyes start to burn. It’s not your fault. He gently pulls his hand away from Yuuta’s grip, wiping away the tears streaming down the boy’s face.
“Why did things have to turn out this way?” Yuuta asks, and Toge wishes he knew the answer.
Suddenly, Yuuta grabs his hand again, holding on tight. His gaze is almost wild as he looks at Toge pleadingly. “Let’s just run away, Inumaki-kun. Just you and me.”
Toge’s eyes widen. “Yuuta?”
“We’ll go somewhere far away,” Yuuta continues frantically. “Where no one will ever find us. We can be happy. We can be together.”
“ Yuuta,” he says again, a bit more sharp. “Okaka.”
It seems to be enough to shake the boy out of it. Yuuta stiffens for a moment, eyes wide, before suddenly slumping over, like a wilted flower.
Despite the boy suggesting it, Toge knows that Yuuta would never run away. Yuuta loves with all his heart, cares so much for the people around them— he would never ditch his loved ones like that. Not with Gojo-sensei still sealed, and the lives of their friends shattered into pieces.
Yuuta’s eyes, which were so open and pleading before, suddenly darken, almost turning lifeless.
“You’re right, Inumaki-kun,” he murmurs quietly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
He just shakes his head, giving Yuuta’s hand a squeeze.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix this,” Yuuta continues. “I’ll save everyone.”
“Shake,” Toge encourages.
Yuuta presses a kiss to the back of his hand, lips lingering. A promise for the future.
Toge can’t breathe.
Yuuta stands in front of everyone, eyes wild. Toge has never seen him like this before, has never seen him speak this way before.
He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to scream, wants to beg Yuuta to stop. Instead he stands there, frozen in place, tightening his hand into a fist.
“If Gojo-sensei is gone, then someone has to become the monster! If no one else wants to be the monster then I will!”
Just as strong as he is kind. Just as kind as he is loving.
Don’t go.
He’s screaming it in his mind as Yuuta prepares to leave. Toge watches silently. There’s nothing left to say. Toge knows he can’t convince him to change his mind.
When Yuuta’s ready, he gives him a smile. It’s worn and weary, but he still looks at Toge with those soft eyes. Toge starts blinking rapidly, fighting the burning of tears.
“Inumaki-kun,” Yuuta starts quietly. “I… I lo—”
“Okaka,” he cuts in. “Sujiko, Yuuta.”
Say it to me when you come back.
Yuuta pauses. “Alright,” he murmurs with a nod. “I will.”
His back looks so broad as he heads out the door. So broad, and so lonely.
Let’s just run away, Inumaki-kun. Just you and me.
Yuuta comes back as a mess of blood and bone.
It’s horrifying. Toge’s shaking and trembling, throat tight as he watches them put Yuuta on an operating table. He can barely process anything that’s being said, anything that’s happening around him. Just keeps his gaze on Yuuta. Watches as he says something to Ieri.
We’ll go somewhere far away, where no one will ever find us.
But then, Yuuta makes eye contact with him, gaze as soft as ever. He gives Toge a small smile.
“I love you,” he mouths weakly, and Toge can’t hold back a sob.
We can be happy. We can be together.
A few feet away, bright blue eyes snap open.
“I love you,” Toge whispers, as he stares into lifeless dark eyes. “I love you.”