Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Theo opens his eyes again, the shots have settled - the ringing in his ears being the only evidence of such -  and all he sees staring back at him, is himself. Bloody, and dying; just a boy dragging himself across the hospital floor.

He blinks, and he's kneeling beside himself.

"It hurts, it hurts."

The chimera feels like he's watching himself drain the death of the boy out of him. Watching from above, as if he was here to send Gabe off. The pain is excruciating - it tears through his bones, from the soles of his feet to his head; he feels it all.

"Does it hurt anymore?"

"No.." his eyes drift, settling on his own golden ones - and before he knows it the pain stops flowing.

Theo can't process that the last thing Gabe saw was him, all he can think about is how he was in the same spot hundreds of times before with Tara tearing into his chest.

He stands. He’s tired.

Ignoring the adults' pointed gazes, and Mason's wide eyes - he makes for the stairs, bullets ripping through his skin once again as he jostled his way through the chaos. His throat is blocked, mouth numb, and hands still tingling from where he grasped the now dead boy's arm. The chimera's mind can barely keep up with his body as it moves on autopilot, getting as far away from the hospital as possible.

He doesn't surface until someone's opening the passenger door and climbing in.

Theo startles, unaware of how and when he even got to the truck. Liam simply staring at him, a puzzling expression on his face.

His mouth opens and closes - he seems unsure of how to approach Theo in this state, "Can you give me lift to Scott's?"

"Huh?" Liam frowns, clearly not expecting the response.

"Scoot's house? Mason didn't have any room in his car," the beta rambles on.

"Oh. Yeah sure," Theo makes for the handbrake, and moves off out of the parking lot. His head still feels light and full of cotton, the only thing keeping him grounded being Liam's steady heartbeat. His hands are shaking still, even while gripping the wheel they seem disorganised. His entire body feels unsure, off balance.

Theo doesn't know what to do with that.

He slowly pulls to a stop at Scott's house, the driveway is full with cars so he won't have to get too close - but that doesn't stop the whine his wolf makes to ring out in his head, pack. He suppresses it all in favour of parking, and angling his body towards Liam, a silent queue of their arrival.

"Hey, you okay?" Liam starts, eyebrows scrunched together as he stares at Theo.

"Yeah... I'm fine," he manages to force out - his throat protesting at every syllable.

The tension is palpable - thick and dense between them.

The beta doesn't look so sure but let's it go, "are you coming out?"

"No," little wolf. Although it goes unsaid.

He’s tired.

"What if I said I wanted you to come with me?" although Theo's stubborn himself, being around Liam for so long has taught him that the angry wolf will go to any means to make Theo do what he wants. So as the chimera lifts his gaze, he isn't surprised at the determine look on Liam's face.

Defeated, Theo sighs.

Taking that as a win, Liam grins and and but jumps out of the truck - getting all the way round before Theo can even think of rushing off.

Meanwhile, the front door is opening and rushing out are a frantic Scott, with Stiles and Malia hot on his tail. His shoulders drop when he spots Liam and meets him halfway to envelop him in a hug. The bond between alpha and beta clearly visible as they cling onto each other.

Theo cowers, coming to a stop quite a gap from said beta - the ghost of a smile on his lips fading and he raises his attention again.

He doesn't even need to look up to predict Malia's growl at the sight of him - while Stiles huffs. The chimera grimaces, he's so tired of this back and forth. Exhausted of having to fight back every comment and refute every allegation. His expression cracks, eyes blurring - but the neat bow he has on his chemosignals stays intact. 

Scott and Liam pull apart - both evidently relieved and settled, but the beta looks back at him. Gesturing for his to approach.

Theo stays still. He doesn't move.

Liam frowns, eyes jumping between him and the pack.

The chimera signals for him to go, with his own eyes. Trying to encourage Liam to let him go.

But the beta only frowns harder, stuck between his pack and the murderer who tried to kill most of them.

But before Liam has the chance to say anything, Scott turns to Theo - eyes glowing red at him, a clear command from the alpha to respond. His eyes glow gold in response, and once again Theo feels lost, unable to move or speak. As if he was tied to this moment in time, prisoner yet again.

"Thank you," the alpha says it with such certainty and sincerity that Theo's heart cracks.

He doesn't deserve this.

The pack members in the back seem to agree, disgust and hatred flowing freely off them in his direction.

But Scott holds his gaze, apparently waiting for a response.

"Yeah.." it's all he can manage - his brain is too muddled, disorganised and nonsensical. Theo can’t come up with any other response. His eyes flicker back to Liam's as he moves to leave.

"Why don't you stay for a while? We have food and drinks - the least I can offer for having Liam's back," the alpha speaks up again, heading back in the house before even getting a response.

Clearly not a request.

Liam's hand reaches out towards him - puppy eyes widening at the thought of him leaving - holding it out behind him as he also makes his way to the door.

Slowly, he unfreezes; joints and muscles untangling and letting loose. He barely makes it a few steps that Malia's whispering cruelly in his ear.

"If you even think about trying anything I'll rip your heart myself.. murderer," she taunts him. She and Stiles look smug, as they return to their pack.

While Theo's eyes are wide, pulse starting to speed as he falls back down into the hell that are his memories. He blinks it away, sighing - let me the back guy in their story.

He stands there for an indefinite amount of time - frozen.

He's scared.

Theo slowly makes his way in the house, not even surprised when Malia’s fist greets him as he turns around.

The impact - although expected - is still strong enough to make him stumble. He catches himself on the wall, gaze on the ground, as he nose drips into his hand. The coyote in him snarls, clearly upset with the attack. But Theo can't bring himself to care.

He’s tired.

The chatter in the room dies down, heavy looks all on the chimera. Theo just stands there.

Malia smells content, Stiles not far behind. Although there's something in their eyes, that waivers, almost as if expecting a taunt or punch back.

The chimera's too defeated to reply in any way.

He looks up, eyes landing on Liam - silently pleading for something, anything that will let him leave. Slowly people start talking again, looking away from the chimera - his existence crumbling down to near nothing in mere moments.

Instead of letting him go, Liam drags him to the bathroom, fixing him a pointed look as he returns to Melissa - who has yet to check him out.

Alone in the bathroom, Theo lets himself feel a minuscule amount. Just for a moment, he argues with himself, just for a moment.

His hands haven’t stopped shaking, and his heartbeat is still all over the place - though nobody can hear it.

The boy struggles. Torn between cleaning himself up and just jumping out the window.

His lips tremble, no words forming - he’s so tired. Hasn’t slept more than 2 hours uninterrupted (either by deputies or nightmares) since Liam brought him back. Months and months starting to pile up, to the point that Theo feels delirious - like he could just burst into tears at any given moment.

Theo feels so alone, regardless of the people scattered around the house. Isolated from all others.

He watches his own blood get rinsed away in the sink - hopeless.

He doesn’t know what to do.

A hesitant knock sounds at the door.

The chimera startles, so jumbled in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice anyone approaching. He smells Melissa before he sees her, but lowers his gaze anyway. She’s the (so-called) pack mum, ruthless, and courageous in the eyes of most things.

She slowly opens the door - probably giving Theo time to brace himself for her entrance.

”Liam told me you guys got shot up back at the hospital, can I check you out?” her words are as even as her gaze, determined.

”It’s fine,” he’s only slightly taken aback by how muddled his voice comes out, “I’ll sort myself out.”

Melissa frowns, her grip on the door handle shifting.

Just as he thinks she’s about to leave, Melissa strides forward - hand grazing his shoulder as she approached.

He barely suppresses a flinch, not expecting the contact. And from the look on her face, Theo can tell that she felt it.

Holding her gaze, he reaches back with his hand - claws extended - and digs out the bullet out of him shoulder. No grimace, no flinch - he can't even feel it - dropping it carefully on the counter, it will be easy to clean.

The chimera can clearly hear he heartbeat speed up, and Melissa looks at a loss for words.

He bends down to do the same with the bullet in his leg, grunting quietly, since this one is a lot deeper in the flesh. He digs through the blood pooling around the wound, hand grazing the muscle as he reaches for the bullet. Just as he grabs a hold of it - the door is swinging open again, slamming against the wall. His hold slips, the bullet digs deeper. And he heaves at the sensation of the wolfsbane covered bullet making contact with the bone.

Liam is at his side before he even registers it - lowering him down to the tiled floor. He probably felt Theo's discomfort, as well as Melissa's obvious distress at the situation.

"Mom, what's going on? Are you okay?" the pack alpha asks, not far behind, as he checks Melissa over - gaze flickering between her and Theo.

"I-I'm fine, he just insisted on pulling the bullets out himself."

The mentioned chimera drifts, watching the blood around his thigh continues to spill over, flowing away like river streams - all eventually joining each other on the floor.

His mind feels empty, completely blank.

Theo.

Theo.

"Theo."

A voice cuts through the haze, bringing his awareness back to the people in the room (and the others attentively listening and crowding outside). He lets out a non-committal hum, turning to the speaker.

"Hey, you with us?" Melissa asks, another worried look on her face. Theo nods, although the motion seems barely visible, "we have to pull the bullet out, okay? and burn the wolfsbane. I need you to stay as still as you can - otherwise it will press up further into the bone," she turns, "Scott, Liam, get over here and help me stabilise him."

They both move on her command, coming to hold him on either side - leaving enough space for the nurse to work. Scott calls his name, an equally worried look on his face.

"After she pulls out the bullet and burns the wolfsbane, you're going to need to shift, ok?" the alpha nods himself, trying to get the dazed chimera to understand what he needs of him, "we'll let go as soon as all the wolfsbane is burnt out but you need to shift."

Theo seems to understand the severity of the situation now - and gives Melissa the go ahead to start.

Although the werewolves on either side of him are holding tight, claws almost digging into the skin of his arms, there's no need.

Theo is silent.

Barely moving, his eyes glazed over and empty. Theo's retreated back to the small space in his mind where he would tuck himself away when the doctors ever dragged him - kicking and screaming - back to the metal table.

He simply isn't there anymore.

Soon the blow torch starts up - and he's thrust back into his body so suddenly, that Theo can't help not moving. He grits his teeth, breath fast and loud - as Melissa burns out the wolfsbane.

Monroe and the hunters have been using yellow wolfsbane ever since she figured out that purple wolfsbane doesn't affect him like it does werewolves. It hurts a lot more to burn out, though.

The fire is dying out by the time he has his breathing under control, and by then basically everyone in the house has gathered around the door.

Scott is shaking him, reminding him to shift - it almost sounds like pleading to the disoriented chimera - Theo's body swaying from side to side.

Slowly, his mind starts to fade away - as he lets the wolf take over, pushing the territorial coyote back further into a desolate corner of his mind. His bones starts to crack, changing, and fur begins to creep up along his body.

Exhaustion covers him like a thick duvet on a cold winter night, wrapping around him and pulling him under.

Theo let's himself fall back, and everything after that vanishes.

It’s weird, really. How easily your mind can play tricks on you, endlessly, without fail.

Theo opens his eyes to see - nothing.

Except the space he’s in is small, too small. It feels like it’s caging him in, slowly getting smaller and smaller.

Shit.

He knows what this is, he knows where this is. And Theo's terrified to open his eyes again - that his entire reality will be reduced back to dying, only to wake up again for the cycle to repeat - to discover that they put him back in the ground.

Even though the sword is in pieces - destroyed. It can’t ever be remade in the same way ever again.

The chimera still fears what he might encounter when his eyes open, and the calmness fades.

Even though he deserves it. Even though this is where he belongs - where he should have been all along. The guilt was eating him alive overground, but down here, there’s a miniscule sense of peace; in the sense that the guilt doesn’t have to consume him anymore.

That he’s paid for his crimes - even if nobody believes it.

When he first came back, he thought he must have passed on to another level of hell. That after hundreds of times Tara had her fun, maybe Tracy or Josh were waiting behind door number 2.

It’s sick, and twisted.

But how else was he supposed to react? What else was he meant to expect?

When he found out that he was truly back - Theo hesitated. The chimera was delirious. Inconsolable.

Not that Liam or Hayden could tell, to them he was just the same crazy evil person as before.

He didn’t know what to believe, the paranoia he had grown to ignore in the hospital with Tara was back at full force. He kept a watchful eye on everyone - everything. Terrified that it was all another trick, another illusion - that he was once again that same boy who would go to sleep at night, only to wake up strapped to an operating table.

Ironically, it all came crashing down on him that this was, in fact, all real when Malia knocked to the floor in the McCall kitchen.

It felt familiar in a way, nostalgic. 

Knowing that he wasn’t still underground - waiting for Tara to creep back along the corridors; face ashen, drained of blood, but somehow exactly what Theo envisioned she would look like grown up.

Uttering the words, “it’s okay, you don’t have to stop,” to Malia was a reflex - at this point, deeply ingrained in his subconscious. Not that it ever mattered to his dead sister. It was the only way he had learned to cope within the time he had been underground.

The only way he could accept the fact that it would never stop - that the loop was it.

His life didn’t amount to anything more, in the end.

In the end, Theo will always be too scared to return to the punishment he clearly deserves.

Because even though everyone around him knows and doesn't hesitate to tell him that he deserves it all - a tiny part, locked away inside of him, believes that maybe; just maybe, he was a victim too.

The bubble of consciousness around him is slowly losing its touch, as he seems to surface. Muffled voices around his becoming stronger; but the chimera is still too tired to truly wake up.

For now, he will wait and listen.

"... you know he could... shift?"

"Yeah he was... chased me and... the school," a chuckle followed, "... never told me himself... was waiting for him to."

He hears the sound of a door creaking open and - surprisingly - a panicked gasp following.

"Scott!.. can't find..!"

"Liam... if he can full shift then... a safe place... rest and heal... worry, let's look together."

The werecoyote remained blissfully unaware of the chaos revolving around him - how distressed members of the pack were becoming.

He didn't notice how upset Melissa was when he tried to treat himself, or how worried Liam was for him since arriving at the hospital, or even how the glares and grimaces on Stiles and Malia's faces slowly faded.

How Corey silently leaned on his partner, for comfort.

Theo was still so tired - not fully present in the body of the werecoyote; completely retreated from his senses and emotions.

A small sense of peace, in a vast ocean of pain.

"Liam, I found... here under the bed... hid in a pile... clothes."

He could feel warm arms reaching out to him - stroking his fur, whispering to him. And slowly bundling him up and carrying his exhausted body towards themselves.

Being surrounded by so many scents all at once.. felt so surreal. He had never been able to do this before.

Maybe - things will change.

A quiet whine worms out of his throat, as he settles down further.

Only one thought made its way through the haze - through the dense fog that surrounds his human side, pack .

Chapter Text

hi everyone! i’m very glad at the support and comments on the first chapter of this fic. i posted it mostly impulsively and haven’t been able to think out a more defined story plot yet.

i added more to the first chapter - in the form of a time skip. but apart from that i'm not really sure how to add to this fic.

i'd love to continue but how no idea how to start the next chapter.. any thoughts?

anyway hope you enjoy!