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Listen, Tommy is a grown ass man that's been through a lot to get where he is now. He isn't stupid and he certainly isn't blind.
Tommy clocks what's going on almost immediately.
He's been through his fair share of bad break-ups and impossible people to move away from. Hell, he still talks to his first boyfriend, after all! (Every now and then, they make sure to call each other and catch up. There’s no feelings involved, whatsoever, but it's just nice to still have that person that once used to know you and see you so well be a part of your life, even if it's in the smallest of ways.)
Tommy fears that might not quite be the case for Buck and Eddie, though.
He doesn't want to pry and— well, he's new. He's virtually a stranger that's just starting to find a way into these guys’ lives. Tommy doesn't want to ask uncomfortable questions and break this delicate relationship he's started to build up back again with the 118.
But he can use the context clues; like Evan's extreme and irrational jealousy, or the way Christipher won't shut up about the man and how amazing he is and all the great and cool things they've done together or how Evan can cook way better than Eddie and Evan kills it at science projects.
The fact that there's a reminder of Evan Buckley in almost every corner of the Diaz' house isn't lost on Tommy, either.
And really, there's this universal truth: the gays can never have a normal fucking break-up.
It surprises him, when Evan says he wanted to catch Tommy's attention. It comes as a shock, like a little zing of doubt coursing through his body.
Tommy's not insecure. He knows he is hot, and experience has given him confidence. It's not that.
It's just, well. He kinda thought Evan was still in love with Eddie.
And, if he is being completely honest, that it was mutual.
When he took Eddie to Vegas? The man couldn't fucking shut up about Evan.
“Man, it would've been so cool if you had three tickets.” He practically whined as soon as they got there. “I mean, Buck doesn't really like fights— One time I tried to have this night with him, right? There was this match and I bought beer and made some amazing snacks with this recipe Linda— Anyway,” Eddie shook his head as he saw Tommy's raised eyebrow. “The dude fell asleep five minutes after the fight started. Right there on my couch. And snored, too, very obnoxiously.” Despite Eddie's scoff, there was a certain exasperated fondness dripping from his tone, a soft smile tugging at his lips.
Huh, Tommy observed. Interesting.
“So maybe it's a good thing that I only had two tickets,” Tommy tilted his head, not knowing what else could be said.
“Yeah, but he would've enjoyed the helicopter ride.” Eddie pouted, like a little kid that got the wrong gift for Christmas. And then— “He isn't actually thinking of leaving the 118, right? All that shit of keeping his options fluid? What did he say to you?”
He saw a flare of fear and something that he couldn't quite decipher, flashing through Eddie's eyes.
Very interesting.
Tommy opened his mouth and closed it like a fish out of water. Did he get in the middle of some weird, messy break-up without realizing?
“Uh, not really? I think he's just impressed. Sees the helicopters like some shiny new toys?” He shrugged. “I did promise him flying lessons, though.”
“You did?”
“Yeah?”
“Oh,” Eddie frowned. And then… proceeded to talk about nothing else for the rest of the fight. Even in the really cool, gnarly parts— Eddie had his body half turned to Tommy, barely paying attention to the boxers in front of him, and talking his ear off about Evan and flying lessons and how sure, that might seem cool for now, but Buck belongs at the 118, y'know? Like, he wouldn't leave, right?
And Tommy regretted ever bringing anything up. For a second, he regretted being born.
He considered saying something along the lines of Sounds like maybe you should be talking to Evan, instead of me. But he bit his tongue, Tommy was new to the gang, after all, and his relationship with Eddie and the rest of the 118 was delicate at best. Too fresh still.
The point is, Eddie couldn't stop talking about Evan and Tommy thought— well, the gays can never be fucking normal about their break-ups, jesus fucking christ.
When Evan broke Eddie's ankle on the basketball court and then proceeded to kiss Tommy, that knowledge only solidified in Tommy's mind.
—
“Are you sure you're okay with me dating Evan? I mean, I, uh—”
“Why wouldn't it be okay?” Eddie stops and wipes the sweat from his forehead, frowning at Tommy. They were in the middle of a Muay Thai session and Eddie has not been pulling back his punches.
Tommy is a pretty good fighter and even he is a little scared of Eddie at the moment.
“I don't know,” He shrugs, “I mean, I was your friend first and I really don't wanna come in between you two—”
“Tommy,” Eddie sighs. “Look, Buck likes you and he already talked about it with me. And even if I wasn't okay with it, which I totally am , Buck is his own person.”
Tommy and Eddie circle each other in Tommy’s Muay Thai ring, waiting for the other to make the next move.
“It's not like I have a say in what he does, like I could stop him from dating you” says Eddie, an edge to his voice.
“So, we're all good?” asks Tommy and he fails to catch the kick to the body, getting the air knocked out of him as he topples down to the ground with a groan.
Eddie looks down to him and smirks, sharp at the edges and a little bitter— although maybe Tommy is looking for things that are not really there.
“We're all good.” Eddie tells him after a few seconds as he helps him off the ground.
Somehow, Tommy has a hard time believing the man.
And then—
“Just—” Eddie points at him, “Don't break his heart. You might be my friend but Buck is… my partner , okay? In every aspect that matters. At work, with Chris, in life. He is my person. And he's been through a lot, he deserves to be happy.”
“Okay?” Tommy blinks slowly, “We haven't even had a second date yet, but sure. I'm not planning on hurting him, trust me.”
Eddie nods and squares up to fight again, and once again, Tommy wonders what the hell has he gotten himself into.
The gays are… messy.
—
Tommy is really starting to think he got in the middle of… something.
They're at Chimney’s favorite karaoke bar and almost all of the 118 and their partners are there. It's a little overwhelming and Tommy can't help but to feel out of place. He doesn't quite fit in, he knows, even if Chim and Hen try their best to pull him in.
It does not get better, when Buck stands up suddenly— a little wobbly on his feet and with a nice buzz going on, stupidly drunk as he calls for Eddie and starts to move his arms with excitement, almost knocking a beer bottle off the table.
Tommy saves it at the last second, raising his eyebrows as he watches Buck and Eddie lean against each other and make their way to the small stage upfront, in the dimmed light bar.
“T-they're gonna sing together?” Tommy asks, his heart jackhammering in his chest with an uncomfortable feeling.
“They always do it when they're both drunk,” Maddie turns and rolls her eyes with pure fondness and amusement. “It's kind of charming, really. They're so bad at it, but they have fun.” She shrugs.
Not really what Tommy meant to ask, not really the answer he was looking for, but whatever.
From the speakers, What I Like About You by The Romantics starts to play.
Tommy has a clear view of Buck giggling as Eddie starts to sing.
“ What I like about you,” Eddie points to Buck, the blond throwing his head back and his booming laugh falling from his lips. They're a little sweaty and Buck's cheeks are flushed a beautiful shade of pink, his hair free of product and curling at the top of his forehead.
Their faces shimmer with blues, greens and pinks from the bar lights on stage, and they look so… right.
“ Keep on whispering in my ear. Tell me all the things that I wanna hear,” Buck sings and sure, they're both out of tune and they keep running out of breath because of all the jumping and swaying in place, but his voice is nice. A little raspy and low but warm , and kind of soothing in a way. Or would be soothing if it were a slower song and Buck weren't practically shouting the lyrics, some spit flying and Tommy thanks his lucky stars they're almost at the very back of the bar.
Eddie wraps an arm around Buck's shoulders and their heads knock against each other.
Eddie drops his mic, probably breaking it in the process if the shout from the bartender is anything to go by, and leans way too close into Buck's personal space.
Tommy can almost see their lips inches apart from brushing as they share Evan's mic. “ Cause it's true!” They sing in unison, “ That's what I like about you!”
Tommy leans to his left, knocking his shoulder against Chimney’s and asking just loud enough that only him would hear him over the roar of the music.
“Should I be worried that they're gonna have a drunk hookup in the bathroom after their performance?”
Chimney turns to him so fast, Tommy is worried he'll get whiplash. He blinks slowly and then— barks out a laugh, his entire frame shaking with it. “Man,” Chimney pats his shoulder. “You're so funny! I've missed you, Thomas!”
That… does not answer Tommy's question. That he was one hundred percent serious about, by the way.
“Have they gotten over each other?” He asks again and Chimney crackles , wheezes like Tommy just said the funniest shit ever.
“Are you listening to this, Hen?” Chim shouts across their table, Hen shoots them a confused if not bemused look, “This guy!” Chimney shakes him and smiles. “God, you're hilarious.”
Tommy doesn't find the humor in it, really.
“ That's what I like about you, that's what I like about you.” When it comes the part for them to repeat the line over and over again, they face each other as they bounce on their feet, Eddie's hand grabbing Buck's shoulder in a vicious grasp as they stare into each other's eyes— big goofy smiles plastered on their faces.
Tommy feels like he's intruding into a private moment.
“ That's what I like about you! That's what I like about you! That's what I like about you!” Their noses are almost touching over the mic and Tommy can't help but to feel jealous, his heart skittering inside his chest.
He knows he probably should break things off with Evan, probably should've done it five dates ago… or shouldn't have started this in the first place, at all.
But.
Evan is so… Charming. Endearing. Earnest.
And he comes with people. A whole village of them.
Tommy has been lonely for years and dating Evan Buckley comes with dinners at Athena and Bobby's, trips to May's college to drop off clean laundry that Athena sends her way, double dates with Maddie and Chimney, wine nights with Hen and Karen, babysitting afternoons with Jee, hours of playing video games with Christopher, lunches with the team and weekend barbeques full of music and laughter and crazy stories.
Tommy's been lonely and sad and pathetic. And dating Evan is like being able to look at the sun without going blind.
“That's what I like about you,” The song ends and Tommy knows that eventually, his relationship with Evan will too.
He is almost certain of it, as he watches Evan and Eddie soak up the applause, glued at each other's hips.
But not yet, Tommy thinks. He isn't ready to end it just yet.
—
Tommy tries not to pry, he really fucking does. He tries not to be judgemental, not to say anything too snarky.
Evan makes it so hard, though.
“Okay, so, Eddie's birthday is coming up—” Evan is saying as he writes on a clipboard. Tommy's been warned about this. “And I've got tons to plan.”
“Okay?”
“He hates surprise parties but this year has been so hard for him,” Evan frowns. “And really, I know he secretly loves them. He just hates admitting he likes the attention.”
“Hmm,” Tommy hums, because what the hell is he supposed to say here?
“I called his sisters and Adriana can't travel because her husband's mom is at the hospital and Bianca has this recital that she absolutely cannot miss. And rehearsals! It's just not a good time for them.” Evan is talking but honestly? Tommy thinks if he wasn't there, the blond would barely notice it. “Sophia, on the other hand, she said she'd be here. She's bringing her boyfriend, though, and Eddie kinda hates him? But I'm sure I could distract them from interacting with each other.”
“Wait,” Tommy sighs, rubbing his temples. “How do you know all of this?”
Buck blinks at him, “I have a groupchat with them.” He says it like it's obvious. Like Tommy should know this.
Like this is fucking normal in any way.
“Let me get this straight—” Evan snorts and Tommy fixes him with a stare. “You have a group chat with your ex's sisters?”
Buck sputters and flinches back, eyebrows raised so high that they're practically touching his hairline. “W-what?” He huffs out a laugh, disbelief and confusion dripping from his mouth. “Eddie's not my ex.”
And okay, Evan should not be looking at Tommy like he's the crazy one. Evan should not be acting this surprised when his behavior with Eddie is… everything but normal.
Tommy's met messy, weird gays in his life. Evan and Eddie are on another entire level.
“Wait, he's not?”
“Tommy? Are you fucking serious right now?” Evan chuckles but it doesn't sound amused at all. “Where on Earth did you get that idea?”
“Okay, so I might have made some assumptions,” Tommy concedes after a few thick beats of silence go by. He can admit his mistakes, after all. “But you guys act… You spent our entire first date talking about how you didn't expect Eddie to be there and then gossiping about Marisol and throwing looks at their table every five seconds. ” Tommy says.
“I-is that why you ditched me?”
“I– Okay, I'm not proud of that.” Tommy sighs again. “But yeah, kinda. You made it sound like you were a jealous ex that hasn't moved on.”
“ H-how?”
“You literally said, and I quote— “He took four months to give me a key to his place but he lets Marisol move in just like that? Is he insane?” “ Tommy raises an eyebrow.
“I didn't—” Evan stutters. “Did I really say that?”
“You did.” Tommy says calmly. This is it, he thinks. This is the end.
It's sad, just a tiny bit. But in the sense that Tommy will miss Evan's company and the 118. He will miss the friendships, more than the romantic part of dating the man.
He isn't in love. He isn't devastated by the loss.
Maybe they could stay friends after this.
“Tommy, I didn't realize—” The poor guy deflates, his eyes glass over like he is looking back at every interaction he ever had with Eddie and casting them in a different light, seeing it from this new perspective. “Wow.”
“It's okay, Evan.” He licks his lips, “Sorry for assuming. You were so nervous around Eddie and you looked panicked when he found us out—”
“That was my, uh, first date with a dude.” Evan chuckles and shakes his head. “I should've just told you that I've never been with a man, but I wanted to be cool. Wanted to impress you, I think. You're always so put together and I'm…”
“In love with your best friend?” Tommy supplies.
He sees the moment it clicks. He sees that Oh moment happen in real time, sees the way Buck's face softens and his lips part in a round shape, forming a small ‘ O’ as a slow breath escapes him, like a soft punch to his gut knocking the air out of him.
And then, comes the panic. The guilt.
“Tommy, oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't— I never meant—”
“Evan,” He says softly, cutting him off. “I knew. Well, I didn't. I had the entire wrong idea… but the sentiment remains the same, I suppose.” He grins, hopefully encouraging and understanding. “We're good. I probably shouldn't have let you date me this long… but I like hanging out with you and the 118. Like I said, I'm jealous of the family it has become.”
“And I meant it when I said you're a part of it now.” Evan says. “We can, uh, still hang out? I mean, as friends.”
Tommy chuckles, “Yeah, I'd like that.”
“So, uh…”
Tommy looks around his small apartment and then back at Evan, nodding his head towards the door. “Go get your man, Evan.”
—
Buck will admit that he might ignore some traffic laws while driving to Eddie's house. Not his finest moment but—
Now that he gets it, now that he understands why there's always been a missing piece in all of his previous relationships, even with sweet, understanding, patient, caring Tommy… Now Buck gets it. And he needs to say it.
Even if Eddie doesn't feel the same.
Even if Buck's too late.
Even if it ends up blowing up in his face.
He needs to say it. Needs Eddie to know that Buck's been chasing a feeling that Eddie already gave him years ago, so soft and tender, so subtle and natural, that it took someone literally spelling it out for him for Buck to realize it.
He needs Eddie to know how blind and down right stupid Buck's been and how absolutely, completely, utterly loved Eddie is. By him.
Maybe he should've taken the time to think about it a little longer, though, maybe make a speech. Eddie deserves a nice long speech.
Eddie deserves fucking shakespearian levels of prose being told to him.
Instead, Buck ends up breathless in front of his door. His heart feeling rug-burned, throat full. He is not sure what to say.
He knocks on the door, almost automatically, before his brain can even process what he's doing.
When Eddie opens it, warm light spilling from inside and framing him in, a hazy, soft orang-y yellow glow, Buck's stomach lurches, his heart doing flips and jackhammering painfully against his ribcage His skin goes from fiery hoit to clammy and cold and then back to hot.
The words lodge themselves between his ribs, halfway into his throat, twist themselves around his heart in a vicious, choking grip.
“Buck? What are you doing here?” Eddie smiles at first at the sight of Buck, his lips quirking upwards in happiness and content. And then he takes in the state he is and the smile drops, immediately falls and it's replaced by pure, raw concern. “Are you okay, what happened?”
He immediately takes a step to the side and after a few seconds of hesitancy, Buck comes in, the door closing behind him with a click that feels definitive somehow.
Probably for the best, though. It's pretty late but Buck wouldn't put it past Eddie's noisy neighbor Greta to be waiting by the window on the house next door, with binoculars and some expert level mic or something. (Okay, he is exaggerating and maybe he is watching too much true crime shit, but still. The old lady is pretty nosy and she always seems to be the first one to find out about everything going on in the neighborhood.)
“I, uh— Tommy and I broke up.” He chokes out.
“Oh,” Eddie blinks and his frown deepens. “Why? What happened?”
“He thinks you and I— Well, he, uh…” Fuck, why is this so fucking hard?
Buck’s never had any issues with this. He has always been brave enough to say what he feels. As soon as he got a crush on a girl in high school, he would write a note and sneak it into their locker or ask her out after class— always with confidence, if not a little nervous. But he always dove head first, why not?
This, though. This feels different. Monumental. Life-changing, possibly earth-shattering and catastrophic if it ends badly.
“Buck?” Eddie gazes at him, wide big brown eyes looking at him with fear and… hope.
“Is Christopher—?”
“He's at a sleepover with Denny and Harry.”
Every single one of Buck's nerve endings prickle with anticipation.
“He thought we used to date. That we were, uh, exes.” Buch chuckles nervously, voice wavering embarrassingly. “Which it's obviously not true.”
“Right.”
“But he didn't get it entirely wrong.” He continues, taking a step closer to Eddie. “He was right about something.”
Eddie goes very still, looking rather stricken.
“And that is?” Eddie's voice comes out barely above a whisper. As if he's afraid that this is a dream and that if he talks too loudly, Buck will vanish into thin air.
Here goes nothing, Buck thinks.
“That I'm in love with you.” Buck says, leaning forward so he can grasp Eddie's hands in his. He has to make Eddie understand that he is serious. That he isn't a second option just because Buck's relationship with Tommy didn't work out. That Buck isn't settling. That his entire being hums in time with Eddie's, that it's been like this since the day they shook hands in the back of an ambulance and promised to have each other's backs. This is real, this love is irrevocable and reverent and precious. “I am, Eds.”
“Buck—”
“And it took Tommy having to literally spell it out for me, and it's okay if you don't feel the same but—” Buck chuckles wetly, feeling his eyes swell with tears. “God, I'm so stupid. All this time… all these years of being by your side, of feeling so at home with you. How could have I not known? How did I not see what was right in front of me?”
Eddie's face cycles through several emotions too quickly for Buck to track in his frantic, emotional state.
“You're not stupid.”
“I am,” Buck's throat is suddenly too tight. He blinks away the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes with effort, and clears his throat. “Because I've spent seven years chasing people around that didn't see me, that didn't get me. That didn't love me. When I had you. When I— When I've been in love with you for God knows how long.”
Eddie looks up and meets Buck's eyes, brows drawn together and almost pleading. “You love me? Y-you mean that?”
“Of course I do, Eds.”
“I'm a mess, Buck.” Eddie chuckles but it's bitter, sad. The sound of it makes Buck's heart shatter into a million pieces, sharp and jaded and stabbing his insides, making him bleed from inside out. “I'm broken and you— You deserve so much better.”
“Eddie—”
“I'm probably gonna be in therapy for the rest of my life.” Eddie continues. “And I'm better now. Definitely not talking to a doppelganger of my dead ex wife anymore but— I'm still me. I'll drag you down—”
“You won't.” Buck says, his eyes darting all over Eddie's face. “And even if you do, I'd go down willingly. Eddie, I'd follow you to literal hell, if I had to.”
Buck realizes he's been holding Eddie's hands still, this entire time. A little too strongly, even. but when he goes to pull away, Eddie stops him— Eddie tightens his grasp and pulls him in, only letting go of one hand to cup Buck's face and…
Eddie kisses him.
Their lips touch and it ruins Buck, in the most stunning and best way possible.
Buck's kissed a lot of people in this lifetime. Some of them meaningless, some of them not. Some of them he regrets, even.
But,
It's never felt like this.
Not even with Tommy. Kissing Tommy had been revealing. Had been freeing even. He opened Buck to a world of possibility, he took him by the chin and said You can have this too. This is an option.
But Eddie?
Eddie is magical. Kissing him feels like home. It tastes of late night drives and stupid jokes over the phone, like morning coffee at the station and blueberry pancakes that are Christopher's favorites, like drunken karaoke nights with their arms around each other and their breaths mixing as they sing into the dame microphone.
Kissing Eddie tastes like a promise, like the future. Like forever.
“You're—” Buck murmurs when he pulls back, blinking hard. ‘Is that – do you think that’s – is that it, did you like it?”
Eddie stares at him and swallows.
“I loved it. So much that I kinda want to do it for the rest of my life,” he says hoarsely.
And Buck just has to kiss him again, because that sounds like the best plan in the whole fucking universe.
“Count me in,” he says, smiling against Eddie's lips because Eddie is smiling, because he can’t stop himself.
He's gonna have to send Tommy Kinard a fruit basket or something.