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#01 - Motion
His frame seemed to carry the world with him back then— David did not realize it was the motions of his heart palpitating until Xander’s limp form came into view.
#02 - Cool
David’s fingers are cold, and Xander’s heated hands slot between his, and his palm isn’t the only thing that grows warmer.
#03 - Young
His idol was also just a fourteen year old back then, so Xander understands that even if he can’t fill that inspirational-speaker shaped hole, Xander has to try.
#04 - Last
Some stupid thing about eating a cookie in his image— so fucking mundane and pointless, like the way he died.
#05 - Wrong
Xander can’t be a killer, because that would mean David was wrong, wrong, wrong; Xander lied, tricked him, didn’t care—
#06 - Gentle
David tries to be gentle, but he’s angry, and Xander understands; he’d hated the way a young David had pried him open with his words back then too.
#07 - One
“You’re the only one for me,” David misspoke, realizing that his lie fell flat when Xander flinched.
#08 - Thousand
“I love you,” David says for the thousandth time, but for once, David truly means it.
#09 - King
He thinks that if anyone should stand atop this world, it’s Xander, but Xander wouldn’t ever rule the world, far too in love with everyone else.
#10 - Learn
He traces the thin line across Xander’s jugular, hidden by the bandana he wears, and does the only thing he can with this information— kisses the love-lost scar gently.
#11 - Blur
Sometimes Xander forgets to blink as he watches David in all his brilliance, shining bright, his Polaris in a world where the night never seems to end.
#12 - Wait
Xander always leaves David behind, because he loves the world and David does not— but David would never ask him to change, because that’s the man he fell in love with.
#13 - Change
“Really David, I think you’re the one who has changed.”
#14 - Command
Really, what David wants is for Xander to command him to be well(but he never does).
#15 - Hold
Xander holds him fiercely, and David has to laugh, in part because David isn’t going anywhere, but mostly because Xander squeezed all the air out of his lungs.
#16 - Need
He catches Xander staring at his mouth sometimes, and David takes great care not to notice, but to his lick his lips, privately smiling at the way Xander goes beet red.
#17 - Vision
The curves of Xander’s body arrest David’s attention, and in a somewhat garish way, he’s glad that he is the only one that gets to see them without clothes obstructing his view.
#18 - Attention
He never really focuses on one singular point during his speeches, but when he spots Xander in the crowd, it’s easier to smile.
#19 - Soul
David never asked for every piece of him, but then he realizes, it’s not Xander that gave up every piece of himself— it’s him.
#20 - Picture
“David, if you keep looking at him like a salacious pervert, I’m gonna take a photo of you and show everyone what a dirty old man you are,” Arei taunts.
#21 - Fool
“I can’t be the only one for you,” Xander begs helplessly, continuing: “If that’s true, that means— I just can’t be.”
#22 - Mad
Nothing about Xander was simple, not the things he believed in, not the way he looked at David, and not the utter insanity of his hypocritical actions.
#23 - Child
David could never exist in a world without people like Xander who actually make a difference, but David’s blood runs cold when Xander tells him that a few years ago, he wouldn’t be here without David.
#24 - Now
“I’m fine now,” Xander says, and David has to believe it.
#25 - Shadow
The blazer slips off his shoulders, and David tries to laugh, but it comes out as a cry instead; of course, of course he could not even wear his absence correctly.
#26 - Goodbye
Xander has a funny way of saying goodbye, eating a piece of David, and his heart.
#27 - Hide
“So that’s where you were—” Xander’s voice isn’t judgemental, when really he should be, what kind of inspirational speaker runs away from the rest of the party— “Let me hide with you.”
#28 - Fortune
The smile on Xander’s face is its own good luck charm.
#29 - Safe
They ask Xander how he doesn’t panic, but the truth is that he probably would, if David wasn’t his anchor— if David says things will be okay, then they will be okay.
#30 - Ghost
He haunts the corners of David’s eyes, the silence that he would have broken, so of course, when Arei dies and it’s David’s fault too, Xander wraps his hands around David’s throat and makes David’s voice his own.
#31 - Book
David’s favorite books are somewhat dreary, heavy like stones in the water, about the desperate end to a man’s life that’s all too human, but Xander is glad David trusts him enough with this information.
#32 - Eye
It’s tougher than he thought— but finally, the pressure of his hand causes the sensory organ to burst, and that’s one less way the mastermind can defile Xander’s body.
#33 - Never
David sets the rules— he’s allowed to say all the I love yous he wants and Xander isn’t, because the pain destroys David each time, but Xander intends to say it every day until he believes it.
#34 - Sing
A “can I make you sing like that in bed?” comment from him nearly makes Xander faint.
#35 - Sudden
When a Please marry me ohmygod slips out of David’s lips one day, without even ring or any gift whatsoever, Xander says yes with tears in his eyes, and David literally just got through one of the most anxiety-inducing moments of his lifetime by accident(Teruko can never find out the truth).
#36 - Stop
When he wakes up next to Xander’s snoozing form, light peeking through the blinds, he just wants the world to pause, right at this peaceful moment.
#37 - Time
Seventy-two hours is an awfully short time for one man to create such a gaping hole in David’s life.
#38 - Wash
David’s eyes burn as Xander consoles him while pouring the hot water over his head, saying It’s okay if you can’t do it; I’m here.
#39 - Torn
The shredding sound is wonderful— Out of Order or Kill Teruko Tawaki, fuck them both!
#40 - History
David feigns an interest, but Xander doesn’t really mind— all that matters is that he’s trying to study for his own sake.
#41 - Power
Xander always acquiesces, but for some reason, even on top of him, David never really feels like he’s the one in control.
#42 - Bother
David shakes his head and reassures him, No, you’re not a bother at all, I like hearing you ramble.
#43 - God
God is dead, not because the world no longer needs him or because science kills churches or whatever, but because there’s someone more important to David than a being that can give him an eternity.
#44 - Wall
David puts up his own barriers, and Xander will wait until David is ready to take them down.
#45 - Naked
The first time David saw Xander naked, it wasn’t even sexy, like in bed; it was because Teruko dropped an entire bucket of red paint on him, and looking like you belong in the next installment of American Psycho is about as much of a turn-on as you’d expect.
#46 - Drive
David thinks he’s not responsible, but he cares, Xander thinks, slightly flushed from the drinks, closing his eyes as David drives them both back.
#47 - Harm
It would be so easy for Xander to hurt him, but he never does— he just looks heartbroken that David is such scum.
#48 - Precious
The blazer still reeks of Xander’s blood and disgusting water stains; really, David should take better care of things that don’t belong to him.
#49 - Hunger
David had been restrained and passive at first, but now, Xander can barely breathe as David swallows him up with every kiss.
#50 - Believe
David should have known he was being led on— but really, with someone as bright as Xander, of course he was blinded to reality.