Work Text:
[Madara enters the meeting room, staring down at the papers/folders in his hands]
Madara: "You're all here on time for once so we can--" (looks up; now annoyed) "What."
Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, "Pein" (Yahiko), Kisame, and "Tobi"/Obito: (visible confusion)
Itachi: (stares at Madara in a "please help me" way)
Madara: "The. Fuck."
Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, "Pein" (Yahiko), Kisame, and "Tobi"/Obito: (look at each other; look down; look up; visible confusion)
[meeting table "covered" in an assortment of pre-packaged combini foods, vending machine foods, yogurt drinks, jelly pouches, instant ramen cups, soldier pills, and other "junk" food]
"Pein": (ramen cup in one hand, chopsticks in the other) "Dinner, Madara-sama."
Madara: "This is not "dinner"."
Sasori: (lowers yogurt drink; cautious) "It's...food though?"
Deidara: (gestures with chopsticks) "Yeah and food goes it your mouth. Dinner's made of food so this' food thus dinner."
Madara: "This is not food. This is cheap crap."
Hidan: "Cheap crap food...and what do you expect us to do? Kakuzu won't give any of us money."
Kakuzu: (visible fear at Madara looking at him) "Don't blame this shit on me!!"
Madara: (annoyed bridge-of-nose pinch) "How are all of you grown-ass shinobi and not a one of you knows how to cook?!"
Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, "Pein" (Yahiko), Kisame, Itachi, and "Tobi"/Obito: (visible confusion)
Madara: (Vietnam War-style flashbacks of a certain pair of Senju brothers doing almost this exact same crap on meeting tables) "...I'm surrounded by idiots." (dumps papers/folders on side table; storms out) "Clean up this crap!"
=Spongebob announcer voice: One Hour Later=
[meeting table now covered in a banquet of vegetables, rice, meats, and more delicious things]
Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, "Pein" (Yahiko), Kisame, Itachi, and "Tobi"/Obito: (visible awe--Hidan drooling)
Madara: (annoyed scowl; arms crossed over his chest, wearing an apron and holding a ladle) "This is food. This is dinner. Now eat."
Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, "Pein" (Yahiko), Kisame, Itachi, and "Tobi"/Obito: (synchronized hand claps; visible happiness--mainly from Itachi) "Thank you for the food."
Madara: (so-done-with-this-shit groan) "Idiots."