Work Text:
Red.
Red could be the color of anything you want it to be. Maybe the color of cherry jam-filled chocolate, ready to be given to you by a loved one.
It could be the color of your anger, scorching hot and ready to boil anything in its path. The color of blood on your hands after you tell someone to kill themselves and you later see them on the news.
Red is the only color Joo Jaekyung saw as he stared at the car smashed into the tree. He saw the blood seeping out of the driver's seat, almost appearing black.
Black was also the color of bruises, caused by someone you love that didn’t love you back. The color of fatigue and late night crying in the bathroom, hiding your tears like a magician hides his techniques.
What if he had said something different? What if he had accepted the gift, if he had just fought a little harder to get Kim Dan to stay? Would he do it if he had the chance?
What if?
What if?
What if?
Those two simple words don’t change a thing. Kim Dan is dead, lying in a casket and slowly eaten by worms. No amount of imagining and calling his phone late at night will change that.
He loved you and you loved him, right?
If that were true, he’d be alive, buying you more of those cherry jam-filled chocolates. He’d be showering you with kisses and late night sex, pure love radiating with every thrust.
Instead, you sit at the kitchen table, eating nothing but the memory of Kim Dan, happily making you food and bending over backwards to fit your needs. You never noticed, too busy using him like an expensive toy, though he felt like nothing but the cheapest human every time he was with you.
All you do is rot in your bed, you can’t even get up to brush your teeth. How pitiful, imagine what he would think. You caused this and yet you act like the victim.
But he wouldn’t think that, he couldn’t. You did nothing but take away his shine, yet he looked at you like you raised the sun every morning.
You can fuck every man in the world, but you’ll always moan his name, write his initials inside a heart, buy stuff in his favorite color.
Now you’ll live every day with an ache in your chest, one he lived with even when he was with you. You’ll see Heesung and Yoongu together, and you’ll wonder whether that could be you and Dan in a different universe, one where you didn’t harm him. You’ll imagine his laugh and the way he turned red when you looked at him.
Red.
Red could be the color of anything you want it to be, but now it’s just a reminder of what you lost.