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Regulus loves James. He really, really does but sometimes he can't help it and think about all the things James is missing out.
And all because of him.
They have been togheter for six years, since they were sixteen and seventeen.
At first everyone was surprised about their relationship and no one believed that they would actually last more than a few weeks, or months at best.
The only one that was both supportive and a fierce believer of the new development was Pandora, she was sure that they were perfect for each other and (as she always liked to remember Regulus) "opossite attract each other".
And real opposites they were.
James was laud, charismatic, always optimistic, he liked to dance and pull pranks, he had difficulties concentrating and couldn't sit still for the life of him.
No one could understand how Regulus could put up with him, even more so how he could begin in love with him.
Because Regulus was shy, he liked to sit quietly in the library, tucked away with his beloved books, he hated loud noises and always looked at life with a negative attitude.
Polar opposites.
But they fell in love and James always liked to say that they complemented each other, that Regulus was the best thing to happen to him, that they were soulmates and nothing, absolutely nothing, could come between them.
Now at twenty-two and twenty-three they shared an apartment, only a few blocks away from Remus and Sirius, they had jobs (Regulus was a teacher and a freelance writer while James owned a gym), they liked to have dinner with Barty, Evan and Pandora on Thursday, with James' friends and Sirius on the weekend and reserve Friday's for each other.
They were happy, so happy.
And even if sometimes Regulus was overcomed with doubts and was afraid that James was somehow unhappy in their relationship he was always reassured by his boyfriend that no, he was very happy indeed and could not think of anything to make their lives better.
So everything was perfect.
Until one day.
It's a pretty normal day, Regulus is coming home and is tired but in good spirits because it's a Firday, and that means that he and James are going to order takeaway and watch movies until they fell asleep, or maybe they are gonna have sex, it's been a few days and Regulus misses his boyfriend.
Usually Regulus comes home an hour or so before James but this time, while he quietly enters the house he hears talking in the kitchen and identifies the voices as his brother's and James's.
He is about to announce himself when he hears Sirius mumble "Look Prongs, he is my brother and I love him dearly but you know as much as I do that he doesn't like those kind of things, he only ever wants to sit on that damn sofa and you haven't come with us to the club in months, I remember how you liked to party and dance, but now you don't do that anymore and we miss you mate".
Regulus remains silent, he knows that James liked going to pubs and clubs with his friends but since they started to live together he stopped going altogether, and maybe Regulus is a little selfish because he noticed this change in behaviour but he didn't question it, he liked having James all to himself and he hated falling asleep alone so it was a win-win situation, up until now that is.
Suddenly James voice brake his thoughts "Yeah I know Pads...I miss you guys too but-"
he sighs "but I don't want to leave him alone at night".
"Oh 'cmon James, you can't stop your life just because he doesn't want to come with us, he could try and come to the club at least once a month, after all you spend all your Fridays at home doing things HE likes to do"
Regulus freeze, he never thought about that in those terms, he assumed James loved those Friday nights as much as him and the realisation that he might not like them, or even hate them never came to his mind.
He hears James groan "Well I don't know Sirius, maybe I will talk to him but he doesn't like those kind of things and I won't pressure him, I can stay at home, it's not like I'm suffering begin here with him."
"Well you better tell him James, you deserve to have fun without feeling guilty and he has to understand that the whole world does not revolve around him!"
"Yeah, yeah, now you better go home, he will be there any minute" James says before ushering his best friend out the kitchen.
"Oh have fun on your grampa night mate" laughs Sirius.
Regulus is still standing in the doorway and the moment Sirius come face to face with his brother he just look at him and goes "Oh shit"
"What? what is it?" asks James rounding the corner and freezing at the scene in front of him.
Regulus might be a little paler than usual and maybe his expression shows all those emotions that he can't even put words to but as soon as James look at him he smiles weakly and, with a slow exhale he says "I think I'm going to sleep a little early today, I don't feel so good" and disappears inside the bedroom.
He hears Sirius shouting "No Reg, listen, I'm sorry you had to hear that, I love you, okay?"
Honestly Sirius is not at fault, Regulus is, or at least he feels like it.
The sound of the door closing resonates through the house and Sirius is gone.
Oh God, he is so selfish, so boring, literally the worst boyfriend in the world.
How could James still love him? How could he even stand to be around a person as boring as him?
Maybe they were all right, maybe they didn't fit after all and this just showed how he was hurting James by forcing him to spend all of his time with him.
He is on the bed under a couple of blankets, his eyes are closed and he just wants to sleep, he doesn't want to wait for James, he doesn't want his pity.
Unconsciously he starts to rock himself a little, like he does when he is particularly stressed, suddenly he hears a hand on his shoulder that makes him jump a little, he didn't hear James coming in the room.
"Reg, love, can you look at me?" his voice is soft and he is lightly petting his curls.
Regulus shakes his head.
"Okay, that's okay love, can I sit here with you and talk? Just let me talk"
He nods and feel the pressure of James chest behind his back, arms circling his shoulders and a hand still in his hair.
"First of all, I love you, don't doubt that Regulus, please don't ever doubt that"
He can't help but sniffle at little, he didn't even realised he started crying.
He always tought of himself as "not enough", not enough like his brother, not enough funny, or pretty, and now all of his fears have become reality so he can't help it and his cheeks are streaked with tears.
"Oh love, please don't cry, please honey" James start to dry his tears, fingers on his cheeks, under his eyes, soft kisses on his forehead and light hands between his curls.
Regulus feels safe, but at the same time like he is not enough, like maybe James would have preferred begin with his friends at the club right now, but he is at home trying to console his stupid boyfriend.
"Reg, you need to breathe, and you need to listen to me" James voice is so calming "your brother was just worried about me, you know how much I liked going out with them before we started living together"
James waits a little, and then sighs "but...I don't care anymore, obviously I still care about my friends but I don't want to go to clubs and I don't want to get drunk, no, I want to be with you, I want to cuddle with you, order takeaway, watch movies and fall asleep with you in my arms"
Reglus moves his head, looking at James, his boyfriend smiles at him and squeezes him even harder "For real James? Are you not saying that only to make me feel better? It sounded like you missed those nights out too..."
"Oh love, I don't, I don't care about them, not one bit, how could I when I can be here with you? I feel a little guilty now because Sirius kept asking me to go with them but I always refused saying that you didn't want to go and I didn't want to leave you alone...but in reality I don't even want to go anymore" James confesses.
Regulus is now pressing his face between James's shoulders and neck, a little smile on his face "And if I offered to come with you? Even once in a while like Sirius proposed?" he mumbles.
He can feel James shake his head before hearing his response "No Reg, I would not ask you to do that for me, and I'm serious when I tell you that I don't want to go anymore, maybe I've grown out of those nights out? I don't know, I still want to see my friends but I want to have conversations with them not getting lost in a sweaty club and having to shout to talk" he murmurs.
Regulus squeezes James shoulder and feels a hand coming to his chin, he lifts his head and comes eye to eye with the older boy.
A little smile on his face and James hopeful look and then they are kissing, it's sweet and a little salty because of his tears, but it's everything, it's perfect.
James stop and breaths out "I'm sorry you had to hear that, I know how you feel about this kind of things, I will talk to Sirius about it, I know he feels sorry too"
"Yeah I know, he probably just misses his best friend" he trails off.
James kisses his cheeks and asks "So? Takeaway and movies?"
A cheeky smiles plays on Regulus lips "Only if I can choose the movie, I deserve it after all, don't I?"
James rolls his eyes but a cheerful laughs comes out while he huffs "Of course you do love"
Later, while they are on the couch with a bunch of plates on the coffee tables and an old movie is playing on the tv James looks at Regulus and can't resist the impulse to call him "Reg"
"Yes?" he says without looking away from the screen
"Reg look at me" James insists
"What James, what is it now?" Regulus asks without any real bite
"Nothing, just wanted to say that I love you"
"I love you too"
They cuddle closer.
Maybe they are not perfect, but they are perfect for each other.