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Philip doesn't quite understand his brother's choices, no matter how hard he tries. Mostly because who on earth would want to be into men? They're disgusting.
But his brother is heartbroken over his latest boyfriend—some prick who apparently slept with another man in Henry's bed, by the way Percy tells it—and Philip just wants to see his brother smile for once.
"Henry," he says when Henry picks up. "I wanted to talk to you. There's this American who's recently joined us and he's talked quite a bit about a few previous exes and he's like you. Or sort of. He also likes women, but—"
"Pip," Henry says with more fondness than Philip expects. "I appreciate it, but no, thank you. It's nice that you're trying—"
"Sod trying. I don't even like men and I can tell he's attractive," Philip interjects. Henry snorts on the other end of the line.
"Attractive doesn't mean we'll get on. But thank you for trying, at least."
A few more pleasantries and they hang up and Philip groans, tipping his head back against the wall.
"Fun conversation?" Martha asks. Philip finds himself snorting identical to how Henry did. "That bad?"
"There's this new bloke at the firm who would be good for him, I think. He's bloody gorgeous, even I can tell that. But Hen won't let me set him up."
"Well, isn't it family dinner on Friday? I can make plans with a friend and you can take the bloke from work instead," Martha suggests and oh god, his wife is a genius.
"I love you," he says with feeling, already pulling up Alex's number.
Do you have plans on Friday?
Not that I'm not flattered, but I thought you were straight? And married?
To someone who sounds way too cool to be married to you, by the way.
No offense.
None taken. Still not quite sure how I impressed Martha.
And it's not for me. I've shown you pictures of my brother, right?
Obnoxiously gorgeous, thighs that I wouldn't mind biting, lit major turned author brother?
Please never tell me anything like that about my brother ever again, I beg of you.
Anyway, yes. Henry's last ex was a prick by everyone's standards. Slept with someone else in Henry's bed, even.
I had hoped to set you two up, but Henry said no before I could really try explaining.
Would you like to come to family dinner on Friday in lieu of Martha?
If it gets me Henry's number, I will be there with fucking bells on.
---
Philip's smirking into his wine when Henry corners him after a dinner in which Alex spent the entire thing flirting with Henry without a hint of shame. At this point, Henry's face may be red permanently.
"Pip, I don't know whether to thank you or throttle you."
"Just promise me your niece can be flower girl for the wedding and we'll call it even."
"Of course she can—wait, my what?"
He'll have to ask Bea if she caught a photo of Henry's face to show to Martha later. Like dinner, how to break the news about the pregnancy had been her idea.