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Goro Akechi has always felt suspended in time. A walking dead man since birth. No matter how old he got, he knew he was destined to die young. Perhaps that’s why he lived the way he did. Just searching for the fastest route for revenge. He was perfectly content with dying if it meant Shido was destroyed.
Then the Phantom Thieves began to take over Tokyo. A wrench in his plans for easy revenge. Led by their charismatic leader, Joker, who was the forgiving and kind, Ren Amamiya. Everything felt weird when he was around him, like someone actually cared. And yet, it felt wrong. It felt undeserving. It felt like a waste. It all just felt…selfish. Who was he to foolishly accept the warmth that Ren gave him? He couldn’t prevent his fate or death from taking him. So why did he hear a small voice plead to rethink his ideal ending? It got stronger each day that passed, and finally won when he found himself still alive on his wretched father’s ship.
Stay , it whispered. Stay and use this opportunity.
He followed the voice’s words and took himself to wherever the wind pointed. The voice’s advice eventually guided him into danger. He cursed it, and spat insults at it. It took him to a dangerous palace. There was no white knight to save him. He was alone.
The day the cell door opened, revealing his bruised face to the light, he realized why he was there. That much was evident by the silver eyes that looked at the state of him with no malice.
These days, he’s been waking up to find those same affectionate silver eyes peering at him. It’s a quiet exchange of words, a smile given to Goro every morning. It’s the usual routine, ending with his boyfriend leaving the apartment for a college class or to help out at Leblanc. It’s nothing new. But Akechi feels empty.
He shouldn’t, he tells himself, while his heart feels as though someone is cutting into it and peeling each layer back. He shoves it away, dragging himself out of the chair and getting a glass of water. As he stares at the empty glass, he remembers his old apartment.
His apartment wasn’t much, but it felt like the closest thing to a home. It was neat and tidy, until the day after. The following day after shooting the only person who made him feel like he was human. He didn’t kill him, but he was unaware at the time. He shudders at how he kicked and thrashed around his apartment in anger and helplessness. It ended with him sobbing into his knees in a corner of his bedroom, and it had started with drinking a simple glass of water.
Like the final string snapping on an old violin, Akechi drops the glass. It shatters, small shards pricking into his feet. He stumbles towards the shared bedroom, collapsing onto the floor in a heave of emotions. Everything swirls, his vision blurring with tears, as he curls in on himself. Despite the light shining into the bedroom, it feels so dark.
Ren comes home not too long after, humming as he closes the door behind him. “Honey, I’m home!” He laughs, earning no response. Not even an angry retort about how the gag has gotten old. He frowns, taking off his jacket. “Akechi?” He listens for anything, but there’s still nothing said back.
He looks around, gaze landing on the shattered glass. His boyfriend would never leave the apartment with a mess on the floor. He calls out once more. “Goro? Where are you?” He then quiets himself, focusing on hearing. A soft, almost inaudible, sob is coming from their bedroom. He approaches it silently, opening the door and looking down at Akechi. His feet are bleeding at the places where the glass meets skin, small, jagged pieces in the pale body. The red eyes aren’t seen, buried in his pajama pants as he cries. He’s wrapped his arms around his legs, his back against his dresser.
Ren freezes for a second before rushing to his lover’s side. “Akechi!” He goes to touch him before being swatted away.
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Goro-”
“Get away!”
He sits there on his knees, watching him cry. He eventually shifts to sitting against the side of the dresser Akechi was against, allowing the brunette some space. He doesn’t check his phone or leave the spot, twiddling his thumbs as he worriedly listens to his boyfriend’s cries calming down. The sobs become less frequent, settling into sniffles. Whatever was happening to the other was reaching its end. Ren cautiously scoots toward him, not because he was afraid of him, but because he doesn’t want to cause any more pain to him. He isn’t pushed away when he gets close, his fingers gently taking Akechi’s hand into his own. He sits next to him and holds his hand, deciding not to push his personal bubble anymore. They sit like that for a while, not speaking to each other. Just companionship.
“I’m sorry.” Goro breaks the silence in the air.
“Why?”
“Because you should not have to deal with this.”
“We’ve gotten through worse.”
The brunette huffs, wiping his eyes unceremoniously. “I’m a mess.”
“And how is that a problem?”
“You don’t deserve to have to put up with someone like me. I don’t deserve all of…this. I’ve killed people.”
Ren takes Akechi into his arms, holding him to his chest. “You did what you did because you were hurt.”
“I took and ruined lives, Ren!”
“And you were just a kid when he groomed you to become an assassin, against your will.”
“Because I wanted revenge.”
“You were a child.”
Akechi begins to grow angry, shoving him away. “I am a burden you should not have to deal with.”
The ravenette furrows his brows and grabs his hands. “You are not a burden. But I will gladly take your baggage.”
The other grits his teeth, yanking his hands and shaking with anger as he looks down at the wood grain. “Why? I see the way your friends judge me. I don’t belong, never have. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t even be alive.”
Ren looks at him, face softening at the revelation. “Goro. Please look at me. Please.”
He sounds so broken, a plead he’s not sure would even be acknowledged. Rusty eyes peer up, staring at his face.
“I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care if I get nasty looks like the delinquent I was labeled. I don’t care about anything, if it means I get to be with you.” He sighs, placing a hand on the pale face. “I know you’ve never had an easy life. You could only use what the world had given you. You’re not broken, you’re not a burden, you’re not unlovable. You are Goro Akechi, a member of the Phantom Thieves, a wildcard learning his potential, a man who’s cheated death, and my soulmate. You’re not perfect, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.” He touches foreheads with him, adding with a murmur. “I love you.”
Akechi chokes up, placing a hand over the one on his cheek. “I…I love you too.”
“I’ll be right back, okay? Stay there.” He whispers, giving a peck before standing up. He disappears for a moment, coming back with a first aid kit. The silver eyes reassure his boyfriend that everything will be okay.
Ren smiles as he takes out the pieces of glass, praising Goro for being a good patient. He uses alcohol to clean the wounds, a violent hiss of an insult filling the room.
“Watch it.”
He just hums in response, continuing to clean the cuts. He dabs antibiotic ointment on them before placing cotton pads and wrapping gauze around the arches of his feet and ankles.
“I’m not sure if you’ll be able to walk, so I’m going to carry you.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Oh, how you wound me, sweetheart.” Ren dramatically replies as he scoops the brunette into a princess carry.
“I hate you.”
“I thought you told me you loved me just seven minutes ago.”
“I changed my mind. I hate you now.”
“Mm, I’ll believe it when you kill me for real.”
He sets him down on the couch, grabbing a broom and dustpan to clean up the glass in the kitchen.
“Do you mind me asking what happened?”
“Anxiety attack, I think.”
“You think?”
“I think because I didn’t exactly feel anxious. But the attack made my anxiety spike.”
“What about a panic attack?”
“I didn’t feel panicked either.”
“Well, Maruki-”
“I can’t believe you’re going to quote that dipshit you said ended up being some false god.”
“He did offer some solid information. But, anxiety attacks tend to happen because of certain factors. Panic attacks are spontaneous.”
“It wasn’t.”
Ren sits down next to him and tilts his head, just like a puppy. Akechi finds it weirdly endearing. “It wasn’t what?”
“It wasn’t spontaneous.” He balls his hands into the fabric of his pants.
“What do you think caused it?”
“I was thinking about my old apartment.”
“Really?” Ren looks so puzzled, gears turning in his head.
“I thought you were erudite. Use your brain.”
“Uhhhh…it must’ve been a memory of it then?”
“I don’t understand how you managed to pass high school at the top of your grade with your social intelligence.”
“I’m more book smart.” He grins, his charisma shining through.
Akechi sighs. “It was a memory. The twenty-first of November.”
“The day after…”
“Yes. I spent the day in my apartment. I wanted a glass of water, finished it, and began to inspect it for some reason. The glass reminded me of the tank at the aquarium we visited. I remembered how you looked at me. Like I was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen. You weren’t watching the fish because you were watching me.” He drops his head. “And then I just snapped. Dropped the glass and began to break down. I threw philosophy books, tore pictures down, and even shattered a lamp. What stopped my rage was the bangle you got me. I just…I sat in a corner and cried amongst the mess I made.”
“Goro…I had no idea.”
“How could you? I never talked about it.”
“I mean, I figured you didn’t want to kill me. You just wanted revenge so badly.”
“And I felt the consequences of my actions that day. I mourned until I found out you were alive. I went back to assassin mode. I was so close to humiliating Shido. So close and I didn’t care who I hurt.” His knuckles have gone white from how hard he was gripping his pants. Ren sets a hand over a fist, the vice grip loosening immediately.
“I promise you’ll never be alone again. Death can’t stop either of us.”
They intertwine fingers, and Goro lays his head in the other’s lap. A soft hand massages the side of his scalp, causing him to close his eyes and relax.
“Love you, my little crow.”
“Mm.”
“Say it back.”
“I love you too.”
“Hm? What was that?”
“I love you too, darling.”
“Now, was that so hard?”
“Fuck you.”
“Then start winning billiards.”