Chapter Text
Aiden doesn't get upset.
It's not that he's incapable of it, he's sure. He never internalised all that 'Witchers don't feel' bullshit. He just... Doesn't get that. He gets angry, and manic, and he gets depressed, sometimes - but never upset. He's not really one for nuance.
He's seen Schrödinger get upset. He's seen Pardus angry-cry when their brothers make a joke that cuts a bit too deep, he's seen Dragonfly quietly but firmly shoot down people when they mention her family or her past. Fucked up as they all are, his siblings are capable of feeling complex emotions, so Aiden must be, too. It's just that he doesn't see the point in half-feeling. If something's worth feeling, it's worth surrendering every faculty to - whether it's blinding rage or all-consuming grief. Upset seems too small a word to describe the way Aiden feels things, the weight he gives each emotion.
So he's not exactly sure how he feels about Lambert's obliviousness.
Aiden's loved Lambert from the moment he first laid eyes on him. His petulant, pissed-off demeanour and unrepentant asshole-ishness captured Aiden's heart in a way that nothing, either before or after, ever has. But one thing he absolutely hates about the Wolf is his complete emotional incompetence.
It took five fucking years for Lambert to figure out he was attracted to Aiden. Five years, during which they'd been flirting non-stop, and Lambert had obsessively sketched Aiden every chance he got. And it isn't like Aiden's an expert on attraction or anything, but if he'd spent half as much time as Lambert artfully rendering another man's bare chest, he thinks he'd have caught on to the fact that he wanted to fuck that man. But, apparently, Lambert didn't. Not until Aiden directly asked if he wanted a blowjob in Novigrad two years ago, and, after about a minute of spluttering and blushing, Lambert had finally admitted, 'fuck, yeah, sure'.
Since then, the thing between them has only grown. Every spring, they re-unite with a session of spectacular lovemaking, and spend the next two seasons unable to keep their hands off eachother. Even when they have enough coin, they share a bed, and even when their purses are empty, they share contracts. Every second they're apart, Aiden feels like something's standing on his chest, crushing his heart; given the vigour with which Lambert greets him after every parting, however short, he can tell Lambert feels the same.
Aiden's thrilled. He's happier than he's been in maybe his entire life.
Except for one thing.
Lambert doesn't seem to know he loves Aiden. He doesn't even seem to notice that Aiden loves him. No matter how many times they've had sex, how long they've spent just holding eachother to get to sleep, Lambert still slaps his arm like they're just friends when they're at bars; still calls him 'Mate' and 'Friend', like Aiden's any other fucking guy; still does that stupid, obligatory thing where he pretends like he wants to sleep with every random woman in whatever inn they're staying in.
And Aiden doesn't particularly care whether or not Lambert's actually attracted to females in general; just because Aiden himself couldn't care less about the fairer sex, doesn't mean he can't appreciate the aesthetic beauty of a good pair of legs or dainty hands. It doesn't matter who Lambert might potentially want to fuck. What bothers Aiden, is that Lambert clearly doesn't want to fuck any of them.
No matter how many women he chats up, gropes, kisses, Lambert hasn't gone to bed with a single damn one of them since he and Aiden started their little thing. He's not even made an attempt to chat up any men. Fuck's sake, Aiden's slept with more people since he and Lambert got together than Lambert has, and he's fully goddamn aware that none of them could never measure up to his Wolf.
And yet.
Of the hundred women Lambert's made out with in front of Aiden, he hasn't so much as tried to invite one up to his room. Their room. He goes to bed beside Aiden same as every other night, wraps around him like a fucking limpet as always, and doesn't even pretend that he isn't doing all of that shit for show. It drives Aiden fucking insane.
He's not even sure that Lambert's aware it's all play-pretend. He wouldn't put it past the stupid bastard to genuinely think he's trying to score, and failing somehow, even when he directly rejects women.
Aiden once had one particularly memorable (infuriating) interaction with Lambert in which the man said, 'I think maybe I just want a long-term relationship. Someone to travel the Path with. Witcher, or human.'
And Aiden wanted to smash a fucking lantern over his head. They've been travelling together for seven years, they've been fucking for two of them, and Aiden's pretty certain Lambert's been in love with him for five of them. He's seen the way Lambert looks at him when he thinks Aiden isn't looking. Fuck, even when he knows Aiden is looking, the way his face brightens could light up a pitch-black room. It's fucking ridiculous, Lambert's ridiculous. It's almost funny how damn stupid the man is. But their relationship doesn't seem to even register with Lambert.
It pisses Aiden off. It makes him want to scream. It's lead to him crying onto Axel's shoulder on three separate occasions. And it makes him feel... Something else.
He gets a sour taste in his mouth when Lambert flirts with people in front of him, acrid like bile. He twitches when Lambert talks about his fantasies of finding a woman to travel with when Aiden's right fucking there. His eyes prickle when he thinks about it too long, about whether Lambert could ever consciously care about Aiden the way he cares about Lambert.
It's not exactly a weak emotion, but it's nowhere near as strong as Aiden's used to. It makes his skin itch and his heart ache, but it barely even scratches the surface of his constantly buzzing brain.
He can't think of another word to describe it besides upset. Like something's slowly tipping his world upside-down, gently nudging it over the edge with every woman Lambert kisses, with every 'mate' and shoulder-punch and other incongruously platonic thing Lambert does, when what they feel for eachother is anything but platonic.
Aiden doesn't do upset. Subtle isn't his thing; the slow drip, drip, drip, of frustration and despair and agony isn't something he's used to. Yet, he can't find another word that fits this small, painful lump in his chest, this pressure that feels like it's killing him every millimeter it grows. He's sure his heart can't withstand much more of it.
But, then again, he's been doing it for years, now. And as frustrating as Lambert is, and even if Lambert doesn't see it, even if he never sees it, Aiden loves him. He doesn't want it to end. He'd rather have Lambert, held at this ridiculous, impassable distance, than not have him at all.
And, eventually, something's got to give. Aiden will wait until it does. He's in too deep to even hope to back down, now. It fucking hurts, whatever it is - upset, heartbreak, plain irritation, even - but Aiden can deal with hurt. Whatever. Who cares. It's just his heart. It's not fair, but when is anything fair?
When Lambert realises - and, Gods, he'd better fucking realise - Aiden will be there. And that feeling will go away, and everything'll be good, and he won't have to deal with all the stupid shit Lambert makes him feel.
Aiden can wait for that moron. He's not good at all this complex emotional stuff, but he can hold it together. He just hopes he won't have to wait for long.