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Suguru has been spiraling for a while now. It’s obvious looking back. Satoru is so angry at himself for not noticing. And now Suguru’s here to tell him that they shouldn’t hang out anymore, that he’s just holding Satoru back, that Satoru’s better off without him.
Everything Suguru’s saying feels like a bucket of ice cold water right over Satoru’s very core. Sure, he’d noticed that Suguru was kinda quiet and tired a lot of the time, but he hadn’t thought anything of it. Maybe he thought it was just the summer heat. Maybe he thought Suguru was just getting tired of him, like everyone eventually does. Satoru’s always been too much for everyone around him. Maybe that’s why he didn’t even want to look too closely at what was going on with his best friend.
Now that he’s being forced to, he’s seeing that he had it all wrong. Suguru’s tired, but not of Satoru. He’s tired of life itself. He’s not doing well. Of course he’s not. Satoru should’ve known. He shouldn’t have been so cowardly, so selfish. Now, all the reasons he had for never dwelling on what he really felt about Suguru and what Suguru felt about him felt stupid. He’d been scared of a million things, but none of them could ever be as bad as this.
Even if he’s really only realizing it now for himself, he’s never been more sure of anything in his life. He’s known that Suguru is his one and only since they met. Now he knows he means that in every single way he’s capable of meaning it in. Not just as friends or partners. Now that Suguru’s slipping through his fingers, and his heart is breaking, he’s realizing how deeply he loves his best friend. They’re meant to be together forever and ever, in every universe, Satoru’s certain.
“I’m sorry, Satoru. It’s better this way,” Suguru says, shaking his head. Satoru knows he’s trying to put on a brave face, but there’s just no way his soulmate could hide the sadness in those eyes from him. Even if Suguru thinks he’s doing some favor to Satoru, there’s no way this isn’t hurting him just as much as it’s hurting Satoru.
There’s nothing Satoru can say. He’s barely started realizing what he feels, how is he supposed to put any of it into words here and now? It’s all too much and nothing he tries to say will come out right.
Satoru’s always been a man of action more than anything else. Despite all his genius, when it comes down to it, he’s always going to act before thinking. And so, he grabs Suguru’s face and pulls him in for a desperate kiss, hoping it’ll get the sentiment across. It’s the most coherent thing he can do with his mouth right now, anyway.
Suguru is still for a moment, shocked by the sudden action. Satoru can almost feel him soften into the kiss, but then he pushes Satoru away. There’s tears in his eyes, and Satoru wants nothing more than to wipe them away and hug Suguru close to his chest and never let go. But Suguru pushed him away. Satoru can’t touch him now. There’s a pang of regret and heartbreak in his chest. Had he read Suguru wrong? Were his feelings not reciprocated? Was he imagining everything he thought he saw in the other’s eyes?
“Satoru… you don’t want to do that. It’s okay. You don’t have to try to make me feel better,” Suguru whispers. He sounds heartbroken, his facade falling apart. His words make Satoru want to scream. How on earth did Suguru get that from the kiss? That Satoru’s only doing it for pity ?
“Suguru, you have no idea how much I wanted to do that. Come on, Suguru, you know I never do anything I don’t want to,” Satoru responds. He wants to yell at Suguru until he understands, but he’s whispering instead. There’s no anger there anymore, just sadness, heartbreak. Satoru is so desperate to get his one and only to understand that he can barely speak. He can feel tears starting to form in his own eyes, too.
Suguru furrows his brows, expression almost pained. He reaches out and wipes away the tear that’s threatening to fall from the corner of Satoru’s eye so gently that it hurts. Satoru wants to kiss the frown off of his face, to do anything as long as it means he doesn’t have to watch Suguru suffer like this.
“Please, Suguru, I meant it. Don’t leave. I love you,” Satoru says. It’s all he can get out before he starts sobbing. Suguru joins him a moment later. Satoru’s not sure which one of them reaches out first, but they hug, clinging onto each other tightly, crying into each other’s shoulders. It’s a good sign, Satoru hopes, but he can’t really think straight right now, not when he’s just been so close to losing his one and only, not when he’s just realized that somewhere along the way he’d fallen in love. He hadn’t even noticed. Everything’s always been so easy, so natural, when it comes to Suguru. Satoru never had to think about it.
“I love you. I love you, Suguru, you’re not holding me back, I need you, please don’t leave me behind,” Satoru sobs out, only squeezing his one and only tighter. Suguru nods, squeezing back. The embrace is almost painful, but neither of them can seem to loosen their hold.
“Okay. Okay, Satoru, I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry,” Suguru whispers, trying to even his breathing back out slowly. Satoru feels a pang at him trying so hard to stay in control of his emotions even now. How long has Suguru been uncomfortable letting himself be emotional around Satoru?
There’s a lot of emotional conversations waiting for them in the near future, Satoru knows. But for now, he has confirmation that Suguru won’t leave him, and that’s enough, so he just nods. They’re not going to leave this bed tonight, and Satoru’s not going to let go of Suguru all night. They can talk later about what all this means for their relationship and what’s really hurting Suguru so badly that he felt the need to push Satoru away. It’s going to be okay, Satoru knows, because he still has his one and only.