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Stumbling upon the caravan had been a complete accident.
Splinter had sent the boys and Karai off with April and Casey in order to create a “bonding” atmosphere, mainly due to the tension between Karai and the rest of the group, most of which were still hesitant to trust the former Foot Clan member.
They had been perched on a rooftop, watching and waiting for the latest Kraang attempt to transport more mutagen. They had descended upon the caravan with ease, a mission that was second nature to the turtles with how many times they had thwarted the aliens.
Raph had ripped the doors of the main truck open, and they had found within a snake mutant, not terribly dissimilar to Karai.
The mutant had taken one look at Karai, who had remained in her more human appearance, and promptly began to cry as she moved forward to wrap the girl up in a tight embrace. Through the tears, the mutant repeated the same name.
Miwa.
There was only one other person besides Splinter and the Shredder who knew of Karai’s real name, and the suspicion on Karai’s face quickly transformed into overwhelming joy and shock as she quickly clung onto the mutant.
Raph was frozen, as was the rest of his brothers.
He had never imagined that Tang Shen would have been able to survive the attack from Shredder, much less the fire that had assumedly engulfed the entire Hamato home in Japan. His own shock faded to suspicion as Karai and the mutant separated. While he didn’t want to bring the unknown back into their home, Raph couldn’t exactly keep the two apart, and he could tell that Leo didn’t want to either.
It wasn’t until they returned back to the lair, and Splinter stepped out of the dojo, saw the mutant and Karai, and the trio fell together in a tight embrace, that Raph had the realization that his and his brothers’ lives were about to be completely different.
At first, it seemed as though things would be wonderful.
There was a lightness in the air of the lair in the days following Tang Shen’s rescue. Splinter was the happiest Raph had ever seen him, no longer quiet and mostly sequestered to the dojo. He was out and around all of them, laughing and telling stories while holding Tang Shen close.
Seeing their father so happy made the brothers soften to the idea of bringing Tang Shen and Karai into their families. After all, their father finally had everything he wanted, so why would they not want to continue that happiness?
It wasn’t until Splinter pulled Donnie aside to talk quietly with him one afternoon that everything changed.
“He asked what?” Leo stared at his brother, eyes comically wide.
Mikey let out a hesitant laugh. “That’s not a funny joke, D.”
Donnie was bustling around his lab, pulling out various vials and supplies. “It’s not a joke, I promise.” His hands were shaking slightly.
“Donnie, he asked you to work on the retromutagen.” Raph said, trying to wrap his own mind around the request their father had made. “That… why would he ask that?”
“I don’t know!” Donnie exclaimed, slamming the supplies down on his table. His brothers all jumped, and the purple-banded turtle let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. He knows what it would do to us. It’s like… he’s planning on using it for the three of them.”
The four brothers fell quiet as Donnie’s words sunk in, as the realization fell upon them.
After that meeting together, everything began to shift within the lair.
Splinter’s attention began to shift more and more towards Tang Shen, often barely acknowledging the turtles unless it was to speak with Donnie, or to scold Mikey if he was getting too loud.
That broke Raph’s heart.
Donnie and Leo were quieter as well, but watching the light fade from Mikey, his boisterous nature and bubbly personality slowly turning into something more subdued and solemn made Raph’s blood boil.
He could deal with Splinter forgetting that he was going to teach him proper meditation techniques, something he had promised for years. He could deal with Karai cutting into the rare conversations Leo got to have with Splinter, he could deal with all of that.
But to see the baby brother he loved more than life itself becoming a shell, that was the end of the line for Raph.
So, one day, he finally snapped.
Mikey was acting like himself again, due to the fact that he had spend the afternoon visiting Leatherhead, and was bouncing around the lair. Leo and Raph were playing a video game, and Donnie had left his lab to watch them, teasing both his brothers as Mikey hung off of Raph, babbling away about his visit.
It felt as though things were back to how they were before Tang Shen and Karai had arrived, and Raph’s heart was full of love for his brothers, even as he elbowed Leo in the side to win the game.
As Leo groaned loudly, falling backwards while the rest of his brothers laughed, Splinter entered the main room of the lair with a stern look on his face.
“Boys, please. Lower your voices.”
The effect was instantaneous.
Mikey immediately shrunk in on himself, going quiet as he leaned into Raph, while Donnie shifted to sit back on the couch properly, and Leo sat up as straight as possible.
Raph looked at his brothers, mourning the laughter that had stopped, and turned around to look at Splinter. “Why?”
His question was met with silence, and he could feel his brothers’ shocked gazes on him. He kept his eyes on Splinter, his sensei looking back at him with surprise.
“What?”
“You’ve never cared about how loud we get. So why should we be quiet?” Raph asked, gently moving Mikey to lean on Leo before standing up and crossing his arms.
Splinter let out a sigh, and Raph bristled at the hint of annoyance in his sensei’s tone. “Raphael, Shen and Karai are getting used to their new home. It is important to make them feel as welcome as possible.”
“I get that, but last I checked this is our home too.” Raph shot back, walking around the couch to stand on even footing with Splinter. “I get you want them to be happy here, but why should we need to shift our entire lives, the lives we’ve known for the past eighteen years, for two people who have just joined us?”
“They are family, Raphael.” Splinter’s voice was sharp.
Raph could see Leo beginning to stand, no doubt wanting to step between them, but he pushed forward. “They’re your family, not mine.”
Splinter’s eyes narrowed, and he slammed the bottom of his staff on the ground. “Raphael!” In the past, the sound of the jade hitting the ground would have been enough to make Raph go quiet, and apologize.
But not anymore.
He was done being quiet.
He let out a sarcastic laugh. “It’s true! You even had accepted the fact that they were both dead!” Raph waved his arms around. “Do you realize how painful it is to watch you ask us to bend over backwards for two people we barely know?”
“Raphael, that is enough!”
“You know what? I’m done being nice.” Raph took a deep breath, and glanced towards his brothers. Mikey looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Donnie’s eyes were firmly on the ground. Leo was watching him, and Raph waited. A beat later, and Leo gave him a small, almost imperceptible nod. “This is fucked up, Sensei. Leo is being torn apart trying to keep everyone happy and peaceful, he hasn’t even been able to process his own feelings about all this because he’s too worried about your wife and daughter being ‘comfortable’.” Raph barely noticed Karai and Tang Shen exiting the dojo, completely wrapped up in finally being able to get everything he had been bottling up out in the open. “Donnie has to fucking deal with creating a retromutagen for you all, even though he knows if he gets things right, it means we’ll never see you again.”
A look of sympathy washed over Splinter’s face, but Raph could not tell if it was sincere or not. “That is not true, Raphael.”
“We would visit.” Tang Shen added in, and Raph let out another laugh, this one bitter and angry.
“Visit?” He glanced towards his sensei’s wife. “With all due respect, I really am not talking to you. I’m talking to the man who fucking raised my brothers and I for the past eighteen years.” Karai looked murderous as Raph disregarded her mother, and he looked back at Splinter, pointing towards his brothers. “And don’t even get me started on Mikey doing a personality one-eighty because he keeps getting told that he’s being too loud and energetic. Mikey, the one who you once told us benefitted from his behavior.”
Splinter just shook his head, whatever sympathy that was on his face shifting to a resigned look, as though he had already given up on his sons. “I do not know what you want me to say.”
Raph threw his arms in the air. “Fight for us! Jesus Christ, the four of us shouldn’t be the ones still holding onto this relationship! You’re supposed to be our father, the one person who sticks up for us, and you’re throwing us away in favor of two people who thought were dead for years.”
Karai let out an angry hiss, her mutation causing her face to scale up as she moved towards Raph. “Watch it!”
“I’m not fucking speaking to you!” Raph was shouting now, and he vaguely noticed Leo standing out of the corner of his eye, completely tense as he watched the conversation. “I know you just bought us to fill the hold in your heart, but some twisted part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d want to stay with us.” Raph was on a roll. He had already accepted the fact that his relationship with Splinter as his father was dead. He had realized during the first week of Tang Shen and Karai coming into the lair that things would never be the same again. He was prepared, and would take the final moment facing Splinter as his sensei and father to put everything out in the open. “This event right now? The things that are happening? This was a nightmare I had for years.” He noted the tiny glimmer of emotion in Splinter’s eyes, and grabbed the opportunity, his tone becoming more pleading as he desperately tried for one final time to get his sensei to listen. “Do you remember that? Do you remember me coming into your room crying, because I truly thought that you’d just throw us away when you got bored with us? Do you remember how you’d hug me? Do you remember what you said?” Splinter was quiet, so Raph stepped forward, voice rising to a louder shout that made everyone else flinch back. “DO YOU REMEMBER?”
Splinter looked at him, any loving gaze that had ever been sent towards his sons completely gone. “Circumstances change, Raphael.”
Raph willed his voice not to break as he spoke. “You told me that we’d always be your sons. That nothing on earth could ever take you away from us.”
“You do not understand.” Splinter said, talking as though Raph was still a little toddler. “This is something I could have never dreamed of happening, Raphael. I would think that you, my sons, would understand this.”
“And I thought that you, our father, would understand why his sons would be so upset.” Raph shot back. “This is heartbreaking, Sensei, and you don’t realize that.”
Karai spoke up again, her own voice sharp and tense as the scales on his face faded. “I’m sorry you don’t get it, but we’re blood, Raph. My mother’s back from the dead, and you’re just focusing on yourselves and your brothers.” Though Raph didn’t let it show, her words cut into him sharper than any blade ever had before. “My father is happy, and you’re not letting him be happy.”
Raph looked back towards Splinter, giving his sensei one final chance to prove that he still cared. To tell Karai to be quiet, to tell her that there was room for the turtles as well in his heart and his life. He wanted for Splinter to apologize, to say that life had been all over the place, that things had been overwhelming.
Splinter stayed quiet.
After a moment, he moved towards Karai and Tang Shen, his shoulders still pulled back and tense.
That was all Raph needed to know.
Any fight he had immediately left him, and his shoulders fell. “I’m done.”
Splinter turned back around. “What do you mean?”
“I’m done. I’m leaving.” Raph said, suddenly feeling exhausted. He heard Mikey’s sharp inhale, and saw Donnie jump up from his seated position, but his eyes remained on his former sensei. “I don’t need you, and I’m not sticking around to watch you destroy me and my brothers anymore.”
Raph turned on his heel, and walked past everyone to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Heart pounding, his breath came out in quick bursts as he desperately tried to keep his tears at bay. He pulled out his duffel bag, the one he usually only used when having a sleepover at Casey’s house, and began shoving everything important to him in the bag.
Hearing a knock at the door, Raph paused for a second before continuing, tears replaced by the same burning anger.
The door opened, and the anger flared back up. “Get the fuck out.”
“Raph.”
The sound of his brother’s voice immediately soothed Raph’s fiery anger, and he sagged onto his bed, clenching his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Leo shut the door behind him, and walked over to the bed, kneeling down in front of Raph and taking his hands in his, holding on tightly.
Raph couldn’t meet his brother’s eyes, and kept his gaze firmly on their clasped hands. “I’m leaving, Leo. I can’t… I can’t be here anymore.”
“I know.” Leo said simply, rubbing the back of one of Raph’s hands soothingly, like he used to do when they were children. “I’m not here to convince you to stay.”
Raph looked up, and met Leo’s eyes. He was floored by the overwhelming pride and love in his twin’s eyes, and the small, shaky smile on Leo’s face.
“I don’t want to abandon you all.” He managed to whisper out, his voice breaking slightly.
Leo immediately pulled Raph into a hug, holding him as tightly as he possibly could. Raph clung onto him, burying his face in his shoulder. “You’re not, Raph. We’ll leave soon. I don’t think Donnie can bring himself to leave with the retromutagen unfinished, and Mikey still… he still has to process. He wants everything to be okay.”
“So do you.” Raph muttered, and Leo let out a self-deprecating laugh.
“I do. But seeing you like that… things haven’t been okay for a while, and I’m so proud of you for saying what I couldn’t.”
Raph pulled back, and saw that Leo’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He moved forward, one hand reaching up to cup the back of his brother’s head and bring Leo forward, pressing their foreheads together.
“I’m gonna stay with Xev and Chris.”
Leo’s smile grew slightly. “Good.” He took a deep breath, and Raph mimicked him. “I think Donnie’s texted April and Casey already, so I’ll tell him to let them know where you are.”
Raph squeezed Leo’s hand tightly. “Love you, Leo.”
“Love you too, Raph.”
Raph zipped his duffel, and slung it over his shoulder, walking out of his room with Leo at his side. As he entered back into the main area of the dojo, which was now empty of Splinter, his wife, and his daughter, Mikey flung himself at him, hugging him tightly. Raph immediately held onto his baby brother, returning the hug fiercely.
“It’s alright, little brother.” He promised softly. “It’s all going to be okay.”
Donnie stepped forward after Mikey, giving Raph his own tight hug before pressing a new T-Phone into his hand. “New numbers. I’m making them for everyone.”
Raph took it with a small grin, knocking his shoulder against Donnie’s fondly. “Thanks, genius.”
It wasn’t until Raph reached Xever and Chris’ apartment building that everything began to settle in on him.
His heart began to pound again, and his breath began to quicken.
Pausing on the roof, Raph dropped his duffel, and sat down with his back against the water tower. He drew his knees up to his chest, and buried his face in them, pulling himself into the smallest ball he could.
His tears began to fall, with no one else around, and Raph let them. He didn’t bother stifling his sobs, and let himself cry great, heaving sobs into his knees.
His dad had been everything, his role model, his idol, his protector.
It had been so easy for Splinter to just… step back away from them, and Raph couldn’t bring himself to understand how it was possible. For eighteen years, their family had just been them. Even when April and Casey had joined their team, Splinter had still just been their father.
Raph’s brothers were his entire world, and he couldn’t bear the realization that Splinter had made his choice in his priorities.
He squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms tighter around his legs, digging his fingers into his arms, hoping that the pain would help to ground him. The tears continued to fall, and his heart continued to pound, a sound that echoed in his ears and blocked every other sound from reaching him.
A hand suddenly fell onto Raph’s shoulder, and he tensed, immediately straightening up and pulling out a sai, scrambling away. His vision refocused, and he saw Xever crouched near his duffel back, hands held up in an open and inviting position.
“It’s alright, lutadorinho.” Raph relaxed, dropping his weapon almost immediately. Xever raised an eyebrow. “Chris got a message from Mikey saying you were on your way.” He approached him, and slowly sat down beside Raph. “What happened?”
“Splinter was a dick and is basically throwing us away for Karai and Tang Shen.” Raph spat, crossing his arms as fresh, angry tears filling his eyes. “I had enough, and left.”
Xever let out a breath, an arm reaching up to wrap around Raph’s shoulders. “Good for you, lutadorinho.”
A small, surprised laugh left Raph, and he leaned into Xever, resting his head on his shoulder. He relished the rare, quiet moments he got to spend with Xever. They had become close after Xever and Chris had left the Shredder’s employment, and, along with Mikey, Raph had not so subtly invited Xever into his and his brothers’ lives. They had quickly become mentors and older brother figures for the turtles, and Raph would not hesitate before calling Xever one of his best friends. “Leo said the rest of them would be getting out soon.”
“We’ve got space, Raph.” Xever said. His voice was quiet, something uncharacteristic for those who didn’t know him.
“Thanks, Xev.” Raph replied.
“Raph!”
The duo quickly sat upright at the shout, but relaxed upon seeing Casey running towards them, roller blades haphazardly laced, clearly having run out of his apartment in his pajamas.
Xever huffed out a laugh as Casey all but collapsed on top of the two of them. “He’s alright, Jones.”
“Thanks, Case.” Raph said, mustering up a small grin towards his other best friend.
Casey pressed into Raph’s side, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “We’ve got you, Raph.”
Sandwiched between them, Raph reached his hands up, grabbing onto Xever and Casey’s arms with an iron grip. He felt their holds tighten, and Raph took a breath before letting out a shaky sound, fresh tears beginning to fall down his face.
He loved the two humans he viewed as brothers, and clung to them, desperate to keep hold of his remaining family, hoping with everything he was that he wouldn’t end up losing them as well.