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“On your left.”
“Oh my god!” The architect cries out in both shock and irritation, ducking just in time to avoid a beheading. The blazing axe whizzes over his head as another bead of sweat rolls down his temple. The mitachurl’s chest rumbles with a growl of dismay. It pauses to take a breath.
“Remind me why I thought it was a good idea to take this route,” Kaveh huffs with a curled upper lip. He swings his arm forward to deal some damage – Mehrak is quick to mimic the movement with his claymore. She’s making a concerning beeping noise, but Kaveh can’t afford to take a second and figure out why.
“You have a tendency to do things the hard way and abandon reason,” Alhaitham decides to respond to his comment. Wonderful . He swings his verdant sword with effortless precision, his expression akin to someone doing something as leisurely as taking an evening stroll. The scribe then flickers himself behind the mitachurl as it readies another swing, holding the axe back with his sword.
“Now is not the time, Alhaitham!” Kaveh shouts, anger boiling in his chest. Now that his roommate has the snarling beast held back, it creates an opening. Calculating eyes and hands move quickly, arm shooting forward once again to slash the mitachurl along its stomach. It disintegrates in Alhaitham’s arms with a defeated groan of relief.
“I was merely reminding you,” The scribe says, tossing his sword up into the air. It evaporates into gold particles. Kaveh can detect the subtle amused twitching of his lips. To anyone else, they might not be able to pick up on it, but he certainly can. And at what cost?
“That wasn’t –! Augh! Listen here, when I –”
“CRITICAL! IT’S CRITICAL! CRITICAL, CRITICAL!” Mehrak’s robotic voice – programmed only for emergencies – shrieks.
Kaveh whips around with wide eyes. His anxiety skyrockets . “ Wha –?! Mehrak, what’s going on? Diagnosis!” He prompts her, grabbing onto both of her sides and pulling her close to his face.
“CRITICAL! CRITICAL!” Mehrak screams, her vibrant green lights rapidly darkening into an eerie crimson. Kaveh can feel his heart hurling itself against his ribcage over and over again. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
“Calm down, Kaveh. Losing your head won’t solve anything,” Alhaitham makes his presence known again out of nowhere. His voice is surprisingly calming… but Kaveh can’t unpack that right now.
“Alhaitham, she only does this when something’s terribly wrong! How am I supposed to stay calm?! She’s my work partner that I made for myself, she assists me with everything, she has an endless amount of projects stored inside of her, I can’t be without her! I can’t even scan her, because —”
Mehrak’s bright red — normally green — flash that follows his scan command causes him to stop talking. His eyes widen. But he hadn’t prompted her to scan — did she mishear him? Is she breaking?
“Looks like this is more of a problem than I initially thought,” Alhaitham mutters, eyes narrowing as he looks at the ground beneath them. It had turned pitch-black immediately after Mehrak performed a scan. Not a blade of grass nor a speck of dirt remains.
“Mehrak! Mehrak, please ! Shut down, shut down!” Kaveh begs, holding his creation close to his chest. He wishes the warmth and concern radiating from within could fix her… Alas…
Instead of shutting down as requested, the area around the edge of the pitch-black mini crop circle starts to rapidly flicker with every color in existence. It makes Alhaitham’s head hurt just to look at it. The flickering reminds him of the Akasha System and its occasional flawed glitches.
“Kaveh —!” Alhaitham’s hand reaches out to practically scruff his roommate and pull him out of the circle — as well as himself. But it’s too late. The damage has been done.
All they can see around them is an inky darkness. It’s eerily quiet… Kaveh can’t even hear the sound of his own rapid breathing. He looks around wildly, chest constricting. But nothing is there. Absolutely nothing .
“Alhai – Argh! ” The blonde grunts out in pain as they blink back into existence, falling onto a stone-cold floor of white tile. Rubbing his head, Kaveh sits up in a daze, eyes half-lidded. Alhaitham does the same. He watches as the taller man wrinkles his nose at the condition of the floor, quickly standing up. Kaveh takes his hand once it’s held out and stands, lips quivering with the effort it takes to hold back the millions of things he wants to say.
“... Where in god’s name are we?!” He finally cries out, looking around what appears to be… a small bathroom? And an unsightly one at that. The long lights on the ceiling are unpleasant to the eye as they lazily flicker. He refuses to even look at the toilet. No one could make him do such a thing.
“... I have a bad feeling about this,” Alhaitham abandons his usual Captain Obvious answer in favor of voicing his gut feelings. It fills Kaveh with dread.
“Well,” The architect carefully picks up a shut-off Mehrak, tucking her safely under his arm, “let’s get out of here and assess the damage that’s been dealt. I don’t know what caused her to… to teleport us somewhere, of all things.” He suppresses the urge to thread his fingers into his own hair and pull .
The scribe simply nods, pulling the door open and holding it ajar for his roommate.
The gravity of the situation, the true reality of it all, doesn’t hit until Kaveh steps out and sees what lies beyond the stained ( not in the good way ) wooden door.
There’s incessant beeping, the smell of several pastries, a murmur of mixed chatter, and a noticeable amount of orange, pink, and brown. People with visors and hairnets stand behind a glass counter, yelling out random names every handful of seconds. Three giant screens display various drinks and foods that Kaveh’s never even heard of – he startles when they quickly switch to a loud graphic of people dancing to a musical number. Something something… donuts?
“... Alhaitham… what did we… where did we…” Kaveh mumbles, his eyes blown wide with fear of the unknown.
“REBECCAAAA?!” One of the visor people calls out a name, followed by a lady in very tight fitness pants jogging up to the counter.
Yes… Alhaitham and Kaveh have “stumbled” upon a Dunkin’ Donuts. It would be wonderful if either of them knew what that was.
“KYYYYLLLEEE?!”
“We need to get out of here. I’m not sure what ‘ Dunkin’ Donuts ’ is, but it’s not helping us right now. Let’s go somewhere quiet,” Alhaitham leans down to whisper into his roommate’s ear. Kaveh nods dully. Even though the coffee of this mysterious “Dunkin’ Donuts” smells quite divine, he also has no idea where they are. It could be dangerous.
“ADRIEEEEN?!”
Dear god.
Alhaitham leads the way out of the building with Kaveh in tow. As they pass several people, they aren’t shy when it comes to staring. Why…? Their eyes scrape over their outfits with raised eyebrows. Kaveh looks from his own colorful and stylish clothing to the dull “outfit” of the “Kyle” guy. Is he jealous or something?
As soon as they’re outside, things just seem to get worse. There are more things that the two Sumerians do not understand. The most shocking factor? The fast machines zooming past them in straight lines. Kaveh stays far back from them, instead opting to glance around them after determining that the machines won’t go out of line.
This place… wherever they are, it’s incredibly dull. The sky is gray, the people’s clothing items are mediocre at best, and the sounds are loud and unsettling. There’s tall gray buildings around them with a splash of color here and there that loom over them. Kaveh subconsciously holds Mehrak a little tighter, swallowing thickly.
“Kaveh… I’m not sure what Mehrak did, but we might be –”
“Screwed? Because we definitely are. I don’t know where we are, but it’s certainly not Sumeru. It’s not Fontaine, either.”
“We’re not in Teyvat anymore, Kaveh.”
“What are you saying now ? There’s no such thing! I mean, there’s that compelling theory written by –”
“– There are other worlds outside of Teyvat. Where do you think Lumine came from?” Alhaitham points out with a raised brow. He seems more calm than he’s letting on. It makes Kaveh feel even more frazzled. Frustrated. Anxious .
“Well… fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Kaveh lets out a stream of profanities in a shockingly quiet voice, fingers anxiously tracing the lines along Mehrak’s casing. If he traces the edges of her screen over and over again with his shaking fingers, everything will be alright. Everything will be just fine. One lap, two laps, three, four –
“Listen to me, Kaveh. If Mehrak got us here, she can do it again in reverse. Meaning she can take us back home. We just need to fix her. Are you with me?” Alhaitham asks, taking the other man’s tracing hand to break him out of the compulsion’s trance.
“Yeah… Yes, I’m with you. I hear you,” Kaveh sighs, staring at their joined hands. He takes a deep breath.
“We can find a quiet spot. I see some greenery over there, so let’s sit and get to work,” Alhaitham starts to let go of Kaveh’s hand.
“Wait!” The architect yelps, taking Alhaitham’s hand again. The man displays a quizzical look and cocks his head ever so slightly in question.
“I, uh… We don’t know what this world is like – if we are truly in another world, that is. I don’t want to be separated from you, no matter what. It’s just like how it was back then…. at the Akademiya. Holding hands. Remember how everything didn’t seem so intimidating when we were joined like this?” Kaveh rambles, cheeks blooming with a soft pink shade.
“... It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this soft… Senior ,” The scribe responds with the ghost of a smirk. It makes Kaveh’s stomach do a barrel roll into a swarm of butterflies.
“Oh, stop . I made a simple request. Given the current circumstances, I –”
“ – A simple request? Is it really?”
“You’re unbelievable!” Kaveh huffs, letting go of his roommate’s hand and starting off in a random direction.
He feels Alhaitham’s hand quickly slide into his, their palms pressed together as their fingers intertwine.
“It’s this way,” is all Alhaitham says, leading them towards the park. Kaveh follows, surprised that the confused glances of the people around them have stopped.
The abundance of people in costume might have something to do with it.
They’re strewn about the park and near one of the large buildings. Some of them file in through the doors in groups, others hang around outside. Kaveh scans their surroundings once their feet hit the lush grass. He sees a flash of green, dark blue, and – are those ears?!
“TIGHNARI!” Kaveh cries out, abruptly splitting from his spot at Alhaitham’s side and sprinting across the grass. Had his dear friend been sucked up into this mess too? Oh god, how is he going to explain this?
Why hasn’t he turned around? Kaveh skids to a stop behind Tighnari, catching his breath before saying, “Tighnari, you –”
“Tighnari” turns around and Kaveh’s stomach drops. This… isn’t Tighnari. Something is horribly off. But how does this person know who Tighnari is? And why are they dressed like him?
“Oh, dude, sick cosplay! You’re the best Kaveh I’ve seen today!” They… compliment… him? The best Kaveh? What?
“I… I’m not sure I understand what you mean…” Kaveh utters with a painfully spinning mind.
“Wow, your Alhaitham looks great too!” The imposter tells Alhaitham once he wanders up to them with a subtle bewildered expression.
“Please explain yourself,” The scribe responds, eyes narrowing.
“Explain…? What’re you talking about, my dude? Is this a roleplay thing?” They ask, looking a little weirded out now.
“Where. Is. Tighnari?” Alhaitham asks with a curled lip. His patience is wearing thin.
… The imposter takes a step back.
“Alhaitham, stop , they’re clearly confused too. Ahem… Can we ask you a few questions?” Kaveh asks with a sheepish smile.
After taking a mental shot, the imposter shrugs. “Sure, I guess. Shoot,” They say.
“You mentioned something called cosplay… and said I’m the best Kaveh. What does that… mean , per se?” He asks, licking his lips anxiously and wringing his hands together.
“... Okay, man… If this is a bit, it’s hella good. Great work,” They say, sounding a little tired now.
“There is no ‘bit’. He asked you a question,” Alhaitham defends his roommate, bristling. Is this some kind of joke to this person?
“I guess we’re doing this! Okay! Weirder things have happened. Cosplay is when you dress up as a character from a piece of media. Like a video game, or something. I’ve seen a lot of Kaveh cosplays today, but your Kaveh cosplay is my favorite. Are we done here?” The imposter asks, putting up their hands in defeat.
Media… Video games… It just gets more and more confusing, doesn’t it?
“Except I’m not dressed up as Kaveh, I am Kaveh!” The architect finally breaks, running his hands over his face.
“Are you high?” They ask with a slight giggle, eyebrows knitting together in concern.
“We’re wasting time, Kaveh. Let’s go,” Alhaitham mutters in irritation, turning away.
“No, we can’t! They know something. That’s why they’re wearing Tighnari’s clothes. They even knew our names!” Kaveh says, cheeks heating up as rage starts to take over.
“Alright, I’ll give you weirdos the benefit of the doubt since this is loe-key entertaining,” They say, startling the both of them. Kaveh looks at them owlishly. The stranger continues, “If you really are Kaveh and Alhaitham from the hit game Genshin Impact , why don’t you prove it?” They ask, hands now on their hips.
“ Genshin Impact? What is –”
“You don’t have the right to ask us to prove our authenticity, but for the sake of time, I’ll provide evidence,” Alhaitham declares. He holds his hand out with a very “done with your bullshit” expression. Light of Foliar Incision, his sword, appears out of thin air and into his hand with a small shower of gold particles. The imposter’s jaw drops as he grasps the handle, holding it at his side. Kaveh watches as he then holds his other hand out. Four miniature emerald mirrors materialize, hovering above his palm and glinting in the sunlight.
“Holy shit…” They utter, clapping a hand over their mouth, “You are Alhaitham Genshin Impact . And that means you’re Kaveh for real! I – I don’t – How are you –”
“There’s no time. Do you have somewhere more private we can go?” Alhaitham asks, willing his sword and mirrors to disappear into more golden particles.
“Uh, um, yeah ! My apartment’s a five minute drive away, we can go there. Listen, I am so sorry about –”
“Just take us there,” Alhaitham cuts them off. Kaveh throws the imposter an apologetic look. The person nods, scurrying off towards their car. As the two outworlders follow, Kaveh gives his companion a stern look.
So . The machines from earlier are called cars, Kaveh has learned. They’re a type of moving vehicle. This one is on the smaller side. The two tall men have to cram into what this strange person calls a “Smart Car”.
“My name’s Rhee, by the way. Rhee Dar,” They say as they start the tiny machine.
“A pleasure to meet you, Rhee. If only it were under better circumstances,” Kaveh replies, watching as they drive past several more people dressed in costumes. He catches sight of more imposters. He even recognizes a very tall Nahida imposter.
“Real. I don’t even know where to start, honestly. I have so many questions! ‘Are you two dating?’ is probably my most pressing question, though,” Rhee says with a laugh as Kaveh’s face goes up in flames.
“ EXCUSE ME?! ” The blonde squawks.
“Oh, come on. Don’t do this. You both have so much chemistry. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, let alone how you guys talk to each other. You’re inseparable. My god, you’re both gayer than I am,” Rhee levels them with a knowing look at a red light.
“How would you know?! You weren’t there!” Kaveh shoots back at them.
“No, but I’ve played all the quests you guys are in. Did me saying that you guys are from a game not register in your brains?” Rhee asks, looking back at the road as the light turns green.
“Even so, that world is real for us. It’s possible that this ‘game’ you play is just a window into our universe. Perhaps there’s a thin margin of converging realities that you can insert yourself into somehow,” Alhaitham theorizes aloud, eyes closing temporarily. He’s thinking quite deeply. Kaveh knows that expression.
“People who play Genshin play as the traveler looking for their sibling, so I guess that’s our connection,” Rhee adds, pursing their lips thoughtfully.
“But Lumine isn’t so one-sided. She’s not an empty shell for someone to slip into,” Kaveh defends his friend.
“Maybe it’s only while the players are playing as her, then. I dunno,” Rhee says, pulling into their designated parking spot. “How did you guys get here, anyways? What happened in the game?”
“Back at home,” Kaveh corrects, “Mehrak had been malfunctioning. She’s never had an issue so corrupt. It’s almost as if she was hacked.”
“Kaveh accidentally triggered her scanning mechanism. The scan caused her to remove the ground beneath us,” Alhaitham continues to explain, eyes once again narrowing as Rhee’s expression becomes shocked. “What is it,” He asks flatly.
“It’s the fuckin’ Kaveh glitch, dude!” Rhee gasps, turning their car off.
Kaveh and Alhaitham exchange exasperated expressions.
“There’s a glitch in the game right now. Kaveh’s skill – or, er, the scan mechanism – will delete surrounding objects, buildings, anything. It hasn’t been patched yet. Maybe that’s what happened!” Rhee exclaims.
“... Huh. A lapse in the converging realities,” Alhaitham says thoughtfully.
“Come on, let’s go. I have a tool kit that collects dust in my coat closet. Maybe it can help you fix Mehrak,” Hopping out of the car, Rhee jogs to their front door and starts to unlock it in a frenzy.
Once inside, they plop the tool kit down in front of Kaveh on the dining room table.
“Wow, you weren’t kidding…” Kaveh says, wiping a line of dust off the tool kit’s case with a finger and a wince. He pops it open. Thankfully, most of these tools are indeed familiar. With a focused expression, the architect sets Mehrak on the table and gets to work.
Rhee provides them glasses of ice water and something they call “Oreos”.
“What is this made of?” Alhaitham questions, holding a singular Double Stuf Oreo up to the light between his fingers like it’s a fascinating specimen.
“Cocoa. It’s got cream in the middle,” Rhee explains from their spot. They’re still dressed as Tighnari, by the way. “Try it!”
Against his better judgment, Alhaitham takes a bite.
“Aaaand?” They question.
The scribe swallows after chewing slowly. “It’s… dusty. Not to mention incredibly sweet,” He reviews the treat, sliding the rest of the Double Stuf Oreo over to Kaveh. The blonde shoves it into his mouth with his free hand without looking away from working on Mehrak. He’s too focused on her wired innards.
“So… you like Kaveh, don’t you?” Rhee questions, batting their eyelashes with their head propped up on their hands.
“... I am not required to answer a stranger’s invasive questions. What is that device?” Alhaitham asks, pointing to Rhee’s iPhone.
“It’s an iPhone. You guys don’t have cell phones in Teyvat yet, huh? Star Rail characters can’t relate,” They tease, picking up their iPhone.
“You say words that make no sense to me,” Alhaitham complains while pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Here, you like puzzles and solving things, don’t you? The process of elimination, eh? Eh ? Try this. It’s called Candy Crush,” Rhee says, handing him their phone.
The bright colors and weird sounds annoy him at first, but it doesn’t take long for Alhaitham to really get into it. He’s holding the iPhone like a white mom: one leg over the other and only using one finger.
“I’ve got it!” Kaveh cries out of nowhere, shooting up from his seat and holding Mehrak up like she’s Simba and this is motherfucking Lion King .
“Done?” Alhaitham asks, finally setting the phone down.
“Yes! She should be fixed now. All green colors and good signs,” Kaveh beams, running a hand over her shiny front casing fondly. “Now, there’s only one way to find out if she’s officially functioning. Mehrak, turn on!”
The little suitcase phenomenon comes to life, blinking with happy eyes. All of the beeps she makes sound delightfully positive. She’s hovering without difficulty, and there isn’t a speck of that eerie red light in sight.
“You’re alright! You had me quite worried there, Mehrak…” Kaveh gives his robotic companion a relieved pat of affection.
“That means we can return. Let’s go,” Alhaitham says, standing up and dusting himself off.
“Congrats, Kaveh! I’m really gonna miss you guys, though,” Rhee says with a sad smile.
Kaveh frowns lightly. He steps over to their side. “Rhee… Without your help, we’d probably be stranded here indefinitely. I’ll never forget your kindness,” He murmurs, making a startled noise when they suddenly move into his arms for a big hug. Awkwardly, Kaveh returns the hug, softness slowly overtaking him.
“Kaveh. Cyno,Tighnari, and Lumine are probably wondering where we are,” Alhaitham says, crossing his arms.No one had caught him reuniting with a fixed Mehrak a few seconds ago, but rest assured… it was tender.
Rhee whispers into Kaveh’s ear, “Just kiss him, Kaveh. He really likes you. Trust me.”
“Right! Okay! Let’s go!” Kaveh suddenly exclaims with cherry cheeks, hurrying to stand between Mehrak and Alhaitham. He carefully makes sure they’re well within the scan’s radius.
“We’re taking these,” Alhaitham says, picking up the pack of Double Stuf Oreos. All Rhee does is laugh.
The scribe had seen how much Kaveh liked them while he was working on Mehrak. How could he leave them behind? Perhaps they can recreate the recipe or make an even better version.
“Scanning!” Kaveh says.
Mehrak has them gone in a flash. She deposits them on the familiar streets of Sumeru City. Both of them visibly relax. They’re right in front of Lambad’s Tavern, too! Mehrak really outdid herself.
Alhaitham looks up at the setting sun as he says, “Right on time, too.”
“Alhaitham.”
“Hm?” The scribe turns his head towards Kaveh –
For Rhee Dar! Kaveh thinks. Although it’s mostly for himself in all honesty.
The blonde fists up the front of his roommate’s shirt, yanking him down into a kiss that could put any romance movie from “Earth” to shame. He doesn’t pull away until he’s out of breath, lips a shiny strawberry hue.
“Let’s go see our friends,” Kaveh says, clearly avoiding any explanation and fighting tooth and nail to maintain a straight face. He turns on his heel to head into the tavern, leaving a flustered Alhaitham to come back to reality and follow.
Once they’re inside and approaching the table, Lumine takes one look at the Double Stuf Oreos in Alhaitham’s hands.
“... You guys went to Earth, didn’t you?”