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In her nightmares, they found him.
It was one of her greatest fears. With every visit the risk compounded. Because of her own selfishness, he was in danger, and that danger was realized often times when she went to sleep. V.I.L.E., realizing she had been visiting him, noticing that she still cared, and using that. Kidnapping him, torturing him. Holding his well-being against her.
The great Carmen Sandiego, undone by exploitation of one man.
Pathetic.
She was more than simply one of the best in the game. She was a legend. She was a myth, and she had many names. The Crimson Ghost. The Red Devil. La Femme Rouge. So much larger than life, she loomed, and yet -
Her weakness, her Achilles heel - it was painfully human.
It was nothing silly, nothing tangible. Carmen had her physical fears, but she had been expertly trained to work in spite of them.
No, her ultimate weakness, as it turned out, was people. Her loved ones. Him.
For this reason, she tried her hardest to leave him be. To let him go. On that first night their paths had recrossed in Sydney, he lay the invitation to go out with an flirty smile and wink, so innocent of its implications. So unaware of what he meant to her, of what he was giving her.
A second chance. A do-over. A fix-it-right and see-it-through.
The way he'd looked at her was different, too. No longer was it the staunchly friendly gaze of a concerned elder-brother figure. His hazel brown eyes had fallen over her ruefully, playfully. Taking her in. She expected for a sudden moment for him to see right through her facade. But he had not. Instead, Gray had been totally enamored in by La Femme Rouge's charm.
In the moment she had kept her calm, maintained the elusive persona she'd developed after she had left the island. But on the inside she was falling over herself. Carmen relished in the new light he saw her in, ached even, to explore what had previously been off-limits, even in her own mind.
But treading there was dangerous, unfair even. Going there could ruin everything for him.
So when time came to meet him at the cafe, she did not let herself. Carmen did the right thing in spite of her compulsions. She disappeared into the hot night, catching his eye as she caught hold of the passing bus, vanishing into thin air.
But the second time, she wavered.
Needs of the mission caused her to pull him back into the fold. For his sake, she kept as much hidden as she could. This time was meant to be a one-off, something done for a noble cause that she'd get out of her system and then leave well enough alone.
At first, she'd managed, leaving him with a sum to set him up for the future and disappearing before more could be said that could not be taken back.
But she'd neglected one little fact: She still had his number. The impulse tugged at her for days. Her selfishness, unrelenting, ceaseless desire for him and what they had and what they could have if he just kept looking at her like that, kept smiling at her like she was the answer to all his problems, won out.
She called him. He answered.
And the next time he asked, she could not refuse him. Carmen ran back to where she'd left Gray. Against her own and others around hers better judgement, she kept seeing him.
It was random.
Twice or thrice a month. Maybe less, maybe more.
Whenever there wasn't a caper to complete, she'd run off to Sydney. She'd find him and they'd talk and simply be, and for that period of time, her pain and burdens would be forgotten.
I'll only see him once more, She'd tell herself. Just for closure. Over and over again, she broke that promise, each time re-pinning her end-date just a little bit farther, just a little more out of their way.
But then, one day at his apartment sprawled on his old leather couch, an epiphany struck her. They were seated together, tandem beers in hand, legs a little too close, fingertips brushing accidentally with each shift in position, and shoulder blades knocking into one another as the other doubled over with laughter.
He was narrating to her a story from his youth, laughing loud and rich as he told it. Hearing him talk sent a zing of pleasure straight to heart. With it, a realization struck her, thundering in her mind with unignorable clarity.
I'm in too deep.
Every so often he would look to her eyes, seeking her approval and amusement of whatever he was saying, lighting up further whenever she gave it to him. It made her heart burn with feeling.
Carmen had gone too far, stuck around too long. All she could do knowing this was look at him deeply, pouring over his sun-kissed skin and tracing the line of his smile with her eyes. How she ached to run her fingers through his honey-dark curls, remembering now how they would would glow in the sun like the light gold centers to his sharp brown eyes. How badly she wanted to touch him.
Desire pulsed all through her. Carmen licked her lips. His laughter dissolved, his story now finished, but their eyes remained on one another. The light of the moment had faded, and something a bit more serious permeated the atmosphere.
He approached her haltingly, head tilting in an angle matching her own. His eyes flecked back to hers - careful, heated. Asking.
Carmen brushed her lips against his. Slowly, they melded together, her arms hooking around his neck whilst one of his tugged her closer by the waist. The other came up by her head. A large, calloused hand traced the side of her face. Carmen mewled at the feel of him cupping her cheek, shuddering quietly. Gray smiled against her mouth. He kissed sweetly at first, seeming to grow aware of her inexperience and coaxing her into the proper motions. But as they settled against each other, a deeper desire took hold of the both of them.
All or nothing, that is what this had to be. Just this Once.
Carmen kissed harder, tried to make clear what she wanted by straddling his lap, rocking into him even as their lips failed to part. Almost on cue, Gray groaned softly from beneath her, and an experienced hand pulled her close by the neck til she was right where he wanted her. Over and over, they kissed deeply, the embrace growing hot and languid. Carmen gave into her instincts, pressing her hips against his and straining them against him enticingly. Her mind was abuzz with the affect she seemed to have on him, enraptured by the way his breathing grew faint when she shimmied just right.
"Gray." Carmen moaned as she felt something stiff press up against her pelvis.
"Fuck," He said, pulling himself away and staring down at the tent rising in his jeans. "I'm sorry, Carmen, I..." He trailed off, meeting her eyes with guilt. "We should stop."
"No," She breathed, slowly, carefully, snaking a hand down the plane of his chest, her own core tightening as she felt his breath hitch. "I- I want to."
But in spite of the effect she seemed to have on him, he caught her wrist before she could make it down far enough. "Are you sure? Forgive me for asking, but have you done this before?"
Embarrassment colored her features and she had to glance away, dropping her arms from him. "No."
"Hey." He said lovingly, grasping her chin and gently tilting her meet his gaze. "I'm not judging. I promise."
"Then what's the hold-up?" She huffed, growing feisty at not getting what she wanted.
Gray chuckled, tugging her to his chest easily. "Well, I - I just really like you, Carmen. I don't want to fuck this up. i want to...i want to do this right." He smiled at her then, growing lovestruck and bashful in a way she had never associated with him before. Her heart swelled with a rush of affection. "Is that alright? Can we take a raincheck?...just this once?"
Just this once.
Her desire pulsated deeply throughout her, clouding her judgement, but Carmen felt logic stir somewhere far within - She knew what she should say, what she should refuse.
But she couldn't bring herself to verbalize it. Not when he was looking at her like that. Brown eyes that normally viewed the world in shrewd calculation made bashful and sweet, just for her. How can she stay away from that? From him?
"Okay. Just this once." She echoes, sliding off him. Voice weak as her smile, mourning this little piece of heaven between them that will no doubt end crashing down to hell.
"Good." He smiles, oblivious. Then, he gets up from the couch. "Now excuse me for a moment. I've got to calm down a bit." He winks, which she flushes at, and steps out into the hallway of his apartment floor.
As she is left to her own devices, Carmen stares at the space he just was, having her own stuttering heart to contend with. The longer he is gone the more she calms. Its harder to lie to herself without the obstacle of ill-explored horniness getting in her way.
But her feelings for him are so much deeper than that. It is for this reason she lets off, and carries on when he comes back inside, settling against him as his arm surrounds her shoulder in a very PG-sorta way, content to just keep by his side.
Just this Once. This one week, this one month. This one lifetime. No matter how long, it will never be enough.