Chapter Text
Regulus leaned against the wall across from the charms classroom, his head was spinning, and eyes getting unfocused. He just needed a moment to calm down and gather himself, to not pass out. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to block out all the noises that were growing louder as more students piled out of their classes. He opened his eyes when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder, immediately shaking it off before looking up at Evan.
“All good?” He nodded, managing to give him a small smile, though still swayed slightly on his feet and his whole body felt shaky, making his friend even more worried. “Are you-”
“I'm sure.” Regulus interrupted. “Seriously, I'm fine, all good. Just didn't sleep well, that's all.”
“Reg, you look like you're about to pass out.” Barty pointed out as he came to stand next to the two as well. “Are you getting sick?”
“You do look a bit pale, maybe you should -”
“I'm fine.” He grumbled, pushing past his two friends and heading in the direction of the library, trying his best to keep upright. When he finally got there, he went to the very back, sitting at a table near the window. His spot. He leaned his aching head against the cool window, closing his eyes for a moment before digging out his books.
Though, he couldn't find the strength to actually open them, just stared at the stack of books in front of him before closing his eyes again. He just leaned back against the cool window to relieve his headache. He was nauseous and dizzy, and he just wanted to sleep, though he should study and had promised to see James for a study date. So there he was, waiting and trying to figure out how he'd manage to pull through this. He was supposed to teach him something about arithmancy, he didn't remember what though and even thinking about numbers made his head spin even more.
It took some time until he noticed James slid into the seat across from him, Regulus smiled as he opened his eyes, just to make James less worried because he always was. Even when there was no reason to. “You don't look too good, love.”
“Thanks.”
“Not what I meant, you always look good.” He smiled. “Just look a bit, eh, sickly. All pale and-”
“Mm yeah no got it.” He said, it came off meaner that he meant it to, and he saw James' face fall, making him feel even worse. He sniffled, tears starting to gather in his eyes, though he tried to will them away as he looked down to his lap. “M’fine James.”
“Reg-”
“What was the thing you needed help with?” He asked, interrupting James, who looked even more worried now.
“It's not important, I'll ask moony to help me later. What's wrong?” Regulus shook his head, I'm fine. James reached across the table to take his hand into his. “Please, baby? I only wanna help.”
“I don't need help.”
“It's okay if you do.” James whispered, making Regulus look up at him. “I mean it. And even if you don't need it, I still wanna know what's bothering you.”
“Just a bad day.” He whispered, wiping his eyes. “M’tired that's all.” He said, flashing a smile, though his eyes were still shiny as he looked at James. He got up from his seat, letting go of his hand, and for a moment, Regulus thought he might just leave, but he just sat down next to him on the bench. “I'm -”
“No, love.” He whispered. “You're clearly not fine, and that's okay, I just wanna know what's wrong. Want to help you.”
“M'head hurts.” He whispered, letting his guard fall as he leaned his head down onto his shoulder. “Feel sick. Dizzy.”
“Aww.” He cooed, kissing his head, starting to play with his curls. “If you're not feeling good, why aren't you in bed?”
“I promised to study with you.” He said, lifting his head to look at James. “It's really not that bad, we can-.”
“I don't want to if you're not well, baby.” James said, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear. “Let's get you to bed, okay?”
“I have quidditch.”
James' eyebrows furrowed. “Okay. Even if you do, it's not until evening right? After dinner?” He nodded slightly. “That's a few hours, you should get some rest.”
“Fine.” He whispered, gathering his stuff and watching as James got up, grabbing his bag before offering his hand for Regulus. He took his hand, slowly standing up, swaying on his feet so much that James had to catch him so he wouldn't fall, hands on his shoulders.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah yeah.” He smiled, glancing at James as he straightened up. “Just more dizzy than I thought. I'll just sleep it off, see you at-”
“I am not gonna let you wander to your dorm when you're about to fall over.” He interrupted, taking Regulus' hand back into his. “If you wanna be alone, I'll only walk you down, but if you'd like, I can stay with you.”
“Okay.” He whispered, with a small smile, to James as he glanced at him before they started to walk down to his dorm. “Can you stay?” He asked when they got there, looking up at him.
“If you want.” James smiled, closing the door behind them, watching as Regulus walked over to his bed. He set down his bag before walking over to Regulus and sat down next to him. “Want cuddles?”
“Yeah.” He waited until James laid down so he could lay down next to him and cuddle up with him. He laid his head down on James' chest, curling up against his side, smiling slightly as James wrapped his arms around him.
“Try to sleep, yeah?” He said, starting to play with his hair, gently twirling the curls around his fingers, leaning to kiss his head. “I hope you feel better when you wake up. Love you.”
“Love you too.” Regulus whispered, getting more comfortable. It felt better to lay down, he didn't feel so dizzy, and his head wasn't hurting as bad. Maybe he'd feel better after a little nap. “Wake me up?”
“I will, don't worry.” He nodded, focusing on James' calm breathing and the way his fingers combed through his hair, it was calming and comforting in a way, making it easier to fall asleep.
…
“Wake up, baby.” James whispered, rubbing his side gently to rouse him from sleep. A little over an hour had passed since Regulus had fallen asleep, and James figured it would be a good time to wake him up.“Time for dinner.”
“No.” He mumbled sleepily, pressing himself closer to James.
“Yes? We gotta go-”
“No.” He shook his head. “I feel sick.”
“Maybe eating would make you feel better?” He suggested, but Regulus shook his head again, and James noticed how his body started to shake slightly as he curled up on himself. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Regulus, love please, just talk to me? Wanna help you.” He whispered, frowning as Regulus whimpered, quiet and pitiful, so unlike him that it made James even more worried. He sniffled then, hiding his face. He didn't want to cry, especially in front of James, and not now. “Reggie, what's wrong? Please, I wanna help you.”
“It's nothing.” He whispered, shaking his head. “I promise.”
“I can tell something's bothering you, just tell me, please?” Regulus sniffled again, sitting up after a moment, wiping his eyes into his sleeves as he looked at James, who sat up as well, his back resting against the headboard. “C’mere?” Regulus shook his head, biting his lip and glancing away. “Okay, that's okay.”
He took in shaky breaths, the tears still burning in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment as he looked back at James. “I don't want to.” He whispered then, feeling like he couldn't keep to himself anymore, like it would just spill out of him, no matter how much he tried not to let it. “I don't…”
“What don't you want?” He asked when Regulus trailed off, still so lost, but even more worried. He reached to rub his thigh to try to calm him down and try to provide some comfort at least, needing to let him know that he was there.
“To eat…” He whispered, looking away as the tears fell down, trailing down his cheeks as he anxiously twisted his fingers together. He didn't want to look at James’ reaction, scared he just might get up and leave. “I don't- I don't want to, Jamie.” He continued as James didn't answer, feeling the need to explain himself, but unsure how to do so.
“Okay,” He whispered, swallowing past the lump that had made its way up to his throat as he took a closer look at his boyfriend. There were dark circles under his eyes, skin even paler than usually, prominent cheekbones looking even sharper, collarbones peeking out more noticeably from underneath his jumper; how hadn't he noticed? It all made sense now, the headaches and dizziness he'd been complaining about for weeks, his growing absence in the great hall during meal times that he'd always explain away with forgetting or simply being too busy. “Why, baby?”
“I just can't.” He whispered. “It- it just feels- wrong. And makes me feel sick. I don't know… it just does.”
James nodded, unsure what to do or say to help, but he wanted to, so badly. “When was the last time you've eaten?” He asked, after a moment, reaching for Regulus' hand, who gave it to him, looking up for a moment, shaking his head as more tears fell down. “ 'm not mad, I just want to know, please love.”
“Few days ago…”
“Baby,” He sighed, feeling like all the air was suddenly forced out of his lungs. “C'mere, please love, I just wanna hold you.” Regulus nodded, hiding his face into James' shoulder when he was pulled into a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around James’ neck, not wanting to let go, or for him to leave, James returned the gesture by holding him close by the waist, pulling him to sit on his lap.
“M'sorry.” He cried. “I'm s-so sorry.”
“Shh, shh. It's okay.” He soothed, rubbing his back for a moment. “I'm not mad, don't apologize. I love you, and I'm here. Always here for you, baby.” Regulus nodded quickly. “I should be the one whose sorry, I'm sorry I didn't notice.” He whispered, frowning as Regulus lifted his head to look at him. James cupped his cheeks, gently wiping away tears and kissing his forehead.
“It's not your fault.” He said, shaking his head as he looked at James. “It's not.”
“Okay.” He smiled, caressing his cheek. “Thank you for telling me, though. Couldn't have been easy, but I'm proud of you.”
Regulus nodded, sniffling as he looked down, but James tipped his chin back up so he'd look back at him, instead of getting lost in his thoughts. “We’ll figure it out. I want to help you, if you just let me.”
He nodded again, giving him a small smile despite the tears in his eyes, but this one wasn't as forced as the ones he had seen before, this felt genuine. “I love you.” He whispered, eyes so trusting as he looked at James, leaning back into the hug, hiding his face into his shoulder. “Thank you, Jamie… For being there.” He mumbled quietly, hugging him even tighter.
“Oh, baby. Don't thank me… of course I'm here, always sweetheart.” Regulus nodded quickly, looking back up at James after a moment, smiling sheepishly as he wiped away the tears that were still trailing down. “No more of these, hmm? It's okay, I promise. We'll figure it out, yeah.”
“Yeah,” He whispered with a small nod. James smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear, then kissed his forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.” He smiled, giving him a chaste kiss. “So much.”
“You want to come watch my practice?” He asked after a moment.
“Of course.” He smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “But, only if you could maybe eat a bit before your practice, I'm seriously worried you might pass out.”
“Okay,” He nodded, smiling as James gave him another kiss. “But, could you- come with me?”
“Yeah, of course.” he nodded, resting his head back onto James' shoulder. “C'mon, love up. So you won't be late.”