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A Whimsical Anon's Turning Fics (Comment Adopt Translate)
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Published:
2024-07-03
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2024-07-20
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4,192
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2/2
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Flower Seeds

Anonymous

Summary:

Set in 1st tl

Yuder thinks that the flower seeds he had eaten as a child have finally sprouted like his grandfather used to laugh and warn him about.

Meanwhile, Kishiar realizes that Yuder has Flower Coughing Disease, hears Yuder misunderstand his own disease, and just can't

Notes:

From my crack idea on Discord:

You know, I was just thinking about hanahaki. And um, If Yuder had hanahaki, would he know that it is hanahaki? Like, you know how kids think that the watermelon seeds they ate can sprout and become watermelon in their bellies? What if Yuder thinks that the flower seeds he ate as a kid just sprouted?

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Kishiar freezes in the midst of leaving Yuder's bed when Yuder suddenly coughs loudly, a wet, deathly sound much like his dying brother's.

Did he accidentally leave the window open when he snuck in? Was it too cold? He had been selfish again this night, never letting Yuder go despite knowing how busy Yuder recently was, but did he accidentally overstrain Yuder in his passion?

Dozens of questions cross the panicked Commander's mind as he hastily turns to examine his Deputy Commander.

His Deputy Commander surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly, however, is indifferent to the blood on his hand after having been forced awake by his own intense coughing.

"It's nothing." Yuder finally says as he lies back down to pull the sheets back over his head. "You can go."

"How can I go after seeing you like this?" Kishiar asks incredulously, reaching out to grab the hand Yuder had hid. "Does this happen often? Are you sick?"

Is his successor and beloved in one dying as well? Kishiar feels very sick as he anxiously fights with Yuder over pulling down the blanket, easily wins, and then retrieves the sighing but obedient Deputy Commander's hand.

Kishiar feels even more sick to the stomach at the sight of all the blood, a sign that whatever it was that Yuder had, it was serious. All this blood isn't normal at all. Kishiar knew this from experience.

"How long has this been going on? Did you visit the doctor? Yuder, answer me." Kishiar orders when his Deputy Commander isn't talking.

Yuder sighs again. "It doesn't happen that often. And I haven't visited the doctor yet because it doesn't seem too serious."

Kishiar is feeling more incredulous too. He feels like he wanted to shake his Deputy Commander's shoulders. He knew his Deputy Commander's pain tolerance was high, but-

"This isn't serious?! You're coughing blood!"

"Only a little." Yuder says and Kishiar echoes the words in astonished fury in his heart (Only a little, he says?!). Kishiar is about to voice his outrage when Yuder continues. "Besides, I can fix it. I know what the problem is."

"You do?" Kishiar asks. Yuder nods and Kishiar challenges crossly. "Then what's the problem?"

Yuder pauses, averting his eyes as if he is a little embarrassed but ultimately responds dutifully like a reporting officer. "My grandfather used to tell me that I can't eat the seeds of watermelon because they'd sprout in my stomach."

Kishiar pauses at the cute but random interlude from his beloved Deputy Commander. Yuder had never told him stories about himself before. While Kishiar is happy, what does that have to do with anything...?

Yuder continues, not sensing or seeing Kishiar's confusion with his averted eyes.

"I used to suck the nectar of flowers when I was little. I didn't think flower seeds also grew, but a few months ago, I felt some flowers sprout in my stomach and started coughing petals."

Yuder uses his wind ability to retrieve a few petals he had coughed out and hid under the bed earlier. He washes the blood off of them with water in the air before using wind again to fly the petals into Kishiar's hand.

Kishiar stares at them blankly, having so many words but for once not knowing how to start.

Flower seeds eaten years ago surviving the acidity of the stomach and sprouting years later?

What kind of story was this - Rather than that, isn't this the Flower Coughing Disease?

Yuder had the Flower Coughing Disease?!

(Why did Yuder have the Flower Coughing Disease?)

"I can fix it." Yuder reaffirms, mistaking his silence for concern- which Kishiar does have a lot of but what he currently felt most was a little different. "I've been studying anatomy books and practicing my control on plants. I can extract the flowers tomorrow" Yuder looks outside the window and corrects, "this morning and-"

"What?! No!!"

Kishiar had already frozen at the word 'extract'.

He startles when he hears that Yuder was going to actually do it as soon as he leaves and realizes that Yuder would have done this without Kishiar knowing anything at all had he silently left the bed while Yuder was asleep again.

"No, Yuder!!"

Yuder blinks when Kishiar suddenly grabs his shoulders tightly and shakes him.

Fear and horror grips at Kishiar.

"What are you thinking! Don't do that!"

"But I need to get rid of the flowers..." Yuder speaks in confusion and Kishiar knows for certain now that Yuder truly believed his own story and knew nothing about Flower Coughing Disease.

Kishiar knew Yuder was an orphan who lived alone most his life in the mountains, but how did he not know the most famous disease in history?! The countless tales and warnings!

"Yuder." Kishiar steels himself to explain despite how intricately related this disease was to his hidden feelings, things he had wanted to take to the grave because he knew he was dying. "What your grandfather said about watermelons is just a joke told to little children. Most seeds can't survive after being eaten. Even then, normal plants, especially flowers, certainly can't sprout and grow in the stomach. What you have is Flower Coughing Disease."

"Flower Coughing Disease...?" Yuder repeats the unfamiliar term.

Kishiar nods. "Flower Coughing Disease is a disease that makes their victim cough up flowers and flower petals when they suffer unrequited love. It is only properly cured when the victim believes their beloved returns their feelings. Not much is known about why flowers grow in the victims when they experience unrequited love, but while extracting the flowers may prevent death, in exchange, it will cause you to lose all your emotions and ability to love."

And Kishiar is horrified to imagine that Yuder would have done it in a few hours, maybe even much less time, had Kishiar not caught him coughing. Many people thought that his Deputy Commander had no emotions already, but Kishiar knew the truth was far from that and to think his Deputy Commander nearly lost the dazzling emotions that unknowingly colored his eyes or fueled his beautiful heart.

(But why does Yuder have Flower Coughing Disease?)

Yuder quietly takes in the information and, as he always admirably did, takes it in stride and decides on an immediate course of action.

"Alright." Yuder nods, making a decision. "I don't mind extracting them." Kishiar has so many things he wants to say to those horrifying words, but Yuder carelessly continues as if he doesn't realize the fear he is striking into his Commander. "But if Commander doesn't want me to, then I will endeavor to fall out of this 'unrequited love'." Yuder finishes as if both not quite believing and not quite understanding those unfamiliar words.

Kishiar would have once again thought Yuder was admirably brave, had the content of Yuder's brave decision not do things to his heart even more.

"Why are you trying to fall out of unrequited love?" Kishiar asks, feeling a myriad of things at the mere thought.

Kishiar had always thought, even if their relationship had always been unidentified and unaddressed that Yuder liked him, but did Yuder not like him?

Was there someone else?

While that would be good since Kishiar was soon going to die and leave Yuder alone, Kishiar's heart ached at the thought of Yuder with someone else. And was quietly horrified at the thought of Yuder not telling him and letting him still visit him at night.

No... That couldn't be it... But...

"Who is your unrequited love?" Kishiar asks, needing to know and piece together this confusing mess that was threatening his beloved Deputy Commander's life.

Yuder stares at him for the question, looking at him like the answer should be obvious.

It should, and by the way Yuder is looking at him, it now is, but Kishiar sputters and asks,

"Why is it unrequited?"

His heart races at the confirmation that it is him and no one else, at the confession that was still indirect but more direct than the practically nothing that was said between them, but Kishiar is still dumbfounded by the situation.

If Yuder's love interest is him, then how is Yuder's love unrequited?

Did Yuder not know how much Kishiar loved him? Just moments ago, Yuder fell unconscious because Kishiar went a little too rough on him again (all the time), unable to stop himself from thoroughly taking Yuder and making love to him without end on nights Yuder allows him to (which also is all the time).

Kishiar could never stop loving Yuder, tasting him and feeling all of him. He wanted so much, even more than he was willing to take under the looming shadow of his future death.

Did Yuder not know? Not feel it through their intimate connection? Not know it through Kishiar's repulsive inability to keep his hands to himself? Through Kishiar's constant impulsive desires to seek him out and touch his Deputy Commander?

Which part was unrequited?

Yuder is quiet before he turns away.

"It doesn't matter." He says as if he thinks Kishiar is mocking him with that question and Yuder is annoyed, hurt, but doesn't want to fight.

Kishiar is once again reminded of the disease's entire concept and how having it meant Yuder is certain his love is unrequited, not at all returned back despite how often Yuder allows Kishiar to touch him.

"I'm not mocking you." Kishiar quickly says, pulling Yuder into a hug.

"I'm sorry if it seems that way, but I promise I'm not." Kishiar speaks softly, feeling Yuder flinch at his touch and words before he hesitantly lets himself get hugged, pressing against his chest - yet another sign of his thoughts on their relationship.

Kishiar's heart aches as he asks more carefully this time, even admits something that he hadn't wanted to because of the expected bad future but now couldn't because his love would die or lose something else important to him (his heart and emotions) faster. "It's not unrequited. I love you too. I just wanted to know why you thought I didn't, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"But please." Kishiar quietly begs, needing to know how he can fix this. Flower Coughing Disease isn't so easy to be solved with one confession, it was much deeper than that and could return at any moment. Kishiar didn't want his beloved to stew on hidden grievances and thoughts any longer either. Even with all the things Kishiar was unfairly keeping silent on and doing to his beloved, Yuder deserved much better than that.

Yuder is quiet within his embrace, but Kishiar is patient. And it's a long while until Yuder finally, slowly, hesitantly begins as if testing the words in his mouth.

"...You never take off your gloves." Kishiar's heart shakes at the unworded 'as if you don't want to actually touch me'. Kishiar wants to tell Yuder that it's not that the case at all, Kishiar always wants to touch him but is afraid of Yuder knowing of the scar on his hand, but Kishiar forces himself to wait, needing to hear everything instead of just focusing on one thing and not knowing the rest.

Yuder hesitantly looks at him, a sneaky glance at his reaction, before quietly releasing his second reason.

"...You always leave." Yuder says and Kishiar's heart tremors even more. Kishiar's always known that Yuder knows he leaves. How could Yuder not when Yuder always wakes up after their nights together alone in bed? But it still hurts to hear the accusation, to remember how just earlier, Kishiar had been leaving again and only stayed because he heard Yuder coughing.

The third reason is just like the second, but with a different meaning that Kishiar all too easily parses out.

"You never stay." Yuder continues and Kishiar hears his beloved's thoughts all too clearly. His beloved feels abandoned, knows that he and the Cavalry were going to be abandoned, tossed away like old toys. Kishiar hugs Yuder tightly because he wants it to not be true, but it is and it is starting to become extremely clear what Yuder thinks of him and his thoughts of him, why Yuder believes so firmly that he could grow flowers of his feelings into existence that Kishiar doesn't actually want him despite all Kishiar does and says, all the times they spent together.

Like an old faucet beginning to pour out water, first a trickle and then a flood, Yuder begins to share all his reasons, a long list of them that Kishiar had never knew had been buried in Yuder's heart, some that Kishiar had never knew Yuder noticed, some that Kishiar hadn't even noticed of himself.

"You're always going somewhere." Am I not good enough?

"...You come back smelling like others." Am I not enough?

"You never want to see my face when we do it." Am I a backup or substitute?

"You..."

It is a long list that makes Kishiar realize just how much of an injustice he is doing to Yuder - this push and pull, coming and going, friends with benefits thing he thought he was doing with Yuder.

No wonder the flowers are growing so well despite the few months of their situationship. The fertilizer Kishiar gives to his beloved to make him question everything so badly is the real bullshit. Even Kishiar is starting to question all of his actions and love.

By the end of it, despite how Kishiar is holding him tighter, causing both of them to shake with his tremors, Yuder finds himself once again convinced and he offers.

"Commander. It's really fine. I don't need... those things. It's faster if I just extract the flowers."

And Kishiar can't help himself.

"Commander?" Yuder asks as Kishiar's tremors grow and he feels something wet in his bare shoulder. "Are you crying?" Yuder sounds concerned about him despite offering to get rid of all his love and emotions. "Don't cry." Yuder says, reaching a hand back to wipe his tears, but Kishiar grabs his hand and shakes his head into Yuder's shoulder.

"Sorry, leave me be for a moment." Kishiar barely manages to say, wanting, needing a moment.

Kishiar needs a moment to process, to cry out all the tears and emotions in his being, so thoroughly shaken, and yet he doesn't deserve it - the moment, Yuder's concern, everything - at all. He tries to force himself to quit it already, but his attempt fails and he cries harder.

Yuder can't pat him on the head or anything, one arm trapped within his tight embrace and the other hand caught in Kishiar's hand, but he shifts his hand so that he can hold back Kishiar's and squeeze it.

Kishiar doesn't deserve him. He doesn't deserve any of Yuder's comfort and love.

"I have something to tell you." Kishiar says once he's finally able to control himself, once he's finally made up his mind. He'll explain everything.

He'll explain everything, not leaving a single detail unknown, not even a reason unaddressed, not letting a single petal of doubt remain in Yuder's being.

It is what Yuder deserves and Kishiar wants to give it to him.

Kishiar doesn't move Yuder from where his back is firmly pressed against Kishiar's front, but he lets go of Yuder's hand to take off his gloves - the first thing Yuder had mentioned.

"It wasn't because of you." Kishiar begins as Yuder stares at his hands, even touches and holds them with his own, tracing all the black veins and purple spots. "You are perfect, everything I want, the sole person that my heart loves. My ineptness could never had to do with you. Rather..."

And Kishiar begins his own explanations not to excuse himself, but to give his beloved what his beloved deserves.

Yuder quietly listens to it all, leaned against his chest while staring at their bare, intertwined hands.

Chapter 2: Short Snippets of an AU Wherein Kishiar Doesn't Catch Yuder Coughing

Notes:

Short snippets of an AU of an AU wherein Kishiar doesn't catch Yuder coughing and thus Yuder extracts the flowers the moment he wakes up after a night together (I made it so that Kishiar actually woke up after Yuder in this AU so Kishiar doesn't feel the moment Yuder takes out the flowers XD)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Kishiar is greeted with drowsiness in the morning, a feeling across their connection that makes Kishiar imagine Yuder's adorable face as he groggily wakes up from their long nights together.

It partially makes Kishiar feel bad for keeping his Deputy Commander up all night, especially so strenuously and relentlessly with the long deep intimate activity he indulges with his tolerant beloved.

It partially makes Kishiar guiltily smile a little at how he had made a mark - multiple - on his beloved and he always feels like seeking Yuder again at the thought of his beloved waking up with all the hickeys he leaves on his beloved's soft skin.

But part of the reason why Kishiar leaves before dawn is so that they wouldn't get caught nor create more rumors again. Part of the reason why Kishiar leaves while it is still dark and his beloved is asleep is because though Kishiar longs to watch his beloved sleep, stay with him every moment of the day, see his naked beauty under the light of the rising sun, Kishiar doesn't want his beloved to see him - the growing paleness of his skin, the way he is getting thinner each day, the way he is dying because of the mistake he made in the Red Stone Retrieval Mission.

So Kishiar just secretly indulges in their connection - the little emotions and feelings that leak once in a while in this shared union that neither of them could fully yet control.

When one of them feels longing or sentimental or a need to be with one another (or with someone), they know and meet at night, staying together until Yuder sleeps and Kishiar secretly leaves once again.

When one of them is happy or sad, they share the happiness or sorrow, being together even if they weren't physically present in person.

Kishiar knows that he had promised to find a way to sever the connection, but Kishiar adores it - how he can share all that he is with a person and also learn more of his beloved.

(Though even without a way to fully sever the connection, they both are getting better at hiding themselves from it each day. Kishiar makes sure that none of the pain he fails every second he breathes because of his failing body is delivered across the connection. Yuder, too, as impulsive as he could be when angrily fighting others, also is getting better at moderating his emotions and keeping most of himself from the connection - something Kishiar is sad about, but knows is something Yuder must learn if he is to be the next Commander among a world full of hyenas waiting for an opening.)

Kishiar likes their connection though. Secretly.

And he secretly pays attention to it today as well as he wakes up and goes to the office for another day of work.

Kishiar waits and waits for one little crumb of his beloved.

...The entire day passes and there are no crumbs, not even a shadow of one, that appears.

-

The Cavalry is tense and apprehensive as they watch the Sul Deputy Commander, future intended successor of their current Cavalry Commander.

But as much as they wait for any response from the Deputy Commander besides the usual orders during training, nothing appears.

The young Sul Deputy Commander, infamous for beating people up or giving out extra training for any slights that go over a certain limit or are about a certain rumor, does not respond even to the mockery of their most provocative and bitterly jealous colleagues.

Instead, he just moves on to the next thing on the schedule and leads all of them, even the bullies of them, to the next session.

There is not even a narrowing of the eye nor a dangerous glint in them.

Not even a downturn of the lips.

Not even a twitch in his hands or tension in his shoulders.

Rumors spread to the other divisions.

Even Hinn and Finn, their most outgoing members, and Gakane, the one who tried to befriend Yuder the most, are wary (and worried), too tense and apprehensive to go over and ask.

They all watch as the Sul Deputy Commander silently eats his dinner and leaves, uncaring of all the over three hundred pairs of eyes upon him.

-

Yuder blinks when he opens the door to find the Commander in his room.

"Commander? Is there something wrong?" Yuder asks as he closes the door and takes off his coat to hang.

His Commander was silent as he stares at something by Yuder's bed.

A trash can.

Yuder wonders why he is looking so intently, blankly, horrifically at the contents of his trash can.

Going through his memory as he walks towards the Commander, all Yuder can remember is some letter drafts he crumpled and tossed in the trash, a granola bar wrapper from the previous day when he didn't want to eat in the same cafeteria as certain Cavalry subordinates for a reason he doesn't quite remember or understand now, and... ah. Flowers.

Kishiar must have smelled the blood and whatever else was inside his stomach and esophagus from the flowers he didn't wash after he extracted them from his insides.

Yuder should have just burned them - all the trash. It was more efficient that way.

Yuder opens his hand to do just that, but Kishiar finally snaps out of his state to grab his wrist. Understanding the gesture, Yuder stops, even extinguishes the small spark he had formed, and looks up at his Commander.

His Commander doesn't look at him, seems to refuse to as his eyes still focus on the flowers within the trash can. Yuder is a little concerned to feel his Commander's hand tremble as his hand holds his wrist.

"Yuder... What is this?"

"Flowers, Commander." Yuder answers simply.

"I know that... but why is there blood on them?" Kishiar asks with emotions far too intense for the simple conversation. Yuder wonders why Kishiar's hand is trembling as he responds factually to his Commander's question.

"They were once in me. I think the seeds I ate when I was little somehow grown. Since they were getting rather large and troublesome, I decided to take them out this morning." When the trembling only grew with each word he says, Yuder adds to alleviate Kishiar's concern. "Don't worry, Commander. I've been reading anatomy books for weeks to make sure that I can succeed in the operation."

The trembling doesn't stop or decrease one bit.

Instead, Kishiar's entire being seems to weaken as he falls onto Yuder's bed, pulling Yuder to his lap as Kishiar hugs him and buries his face in Yuder's back.

"Commander?" Yuder asks as he sits still, letting his Commander hold him.

...Yuder thinks he remembers hating this once before, being annoyed each time the Commander would randomly pull him to his lap. Yuder also thinks he remembers feeling another feeling during those times, but he can't seem to remember what exactly it was.

Or why he felt anything at all to this odd behavior from his always eccentric and rather incomprehensible Commander.

Yuder quietly sits still in his Commander's embrace, waiting for his Commander to answer him.

When his Commander does, his Commander's voice is still weak as if hoarse yet filled with tears.

"Yuder... I don't think they were flowers that sprouted from eaten seeds."

"But what would they be?"

"Do you not know anything about Flower Coughing Disease?" Kishiar asks rhetorically before burying his face in Yuder's back again. "No, of course you wouldn't. Otherwise, you wouldn't have done this. Yuder, why..." Kishiar begins to ask, but then trails off again. When Kishiar starts again, Kishiar squeezes him, "Why didn't you tell me you had flowers growing in you?"

Yuder is silent before he asks genuinely, "Would it have mattered?"

Kishiar freezes, his arms for once slackening in his embrace.

"I don't know what is this Flower Coughing Disease, but would you have cared?"

(Yuder doesn't know that his question is an answer to both Kishiar's spoken question and to his wordless question as to why Yuder had Flower Coughing Disease.)

"It didn't seem like a big deal," Yuder shrugs, "so I took care of it myself."

Turning his head back to look at his Commander, Yuder asks, "Is there anything else you want to talk about, Commander?"

Kishiar is silent as he doesn't look at Yuder or let Yuder look at him, keeping his head pressed against Yuder's back for a long time before he finally shakes his head but asks,

"Can I stay like this for a while?"

Yuder thinks that he doesn't really have anything else that was urgent and needed to be done so he nods.

Yuder doesn't understand the many things that passes through his soul and his heart as he lets Kishiar pull him down so that they laid against each other on the sheets that were still wrinkled from the previous night.

Everything, even his heart which he once thought was noisy, is quiet. Feeling a little listless, maybe tired from not having enough sleep the previous night, Yuder falls asleep in Kishiar's arms. And this time, Kishiar does not leave or let go.

Notes:

-Thinking about it and Kishiar doesn't really have a reason to sever the connection anymore. It already feels like it is severed because Yuder has nothing to send anymore nor does Yuder feel/care about whatever Kishiar sends (since Yuder can't register emotions, even the harrowing pain/screaming/sorrowful cry in the connection anymore). Let's just have no severed connection this AU :D

-Writing this makes me think that Yuder would totally eat in his room or something instead of the cafeteria. Imagine the awkwardness or tension or negative glares/stares of 300 people secretly aimed at your loner back if you shared a dinner area with these people after the manifestation/heat incident. But now Yuder doesn't care about the stares; doesn't feel it at all and everyone is very scared to see him eating casually in the cafeteria.

-Kishiar just wanted to check on Yuder. He finds the Hanahaki flowers in the trash can by accident and can't bring himself to look at Yuder's face now that he knows why he's getting radio silence over the connection.

-Yuder used to get annoyed whenever Kishiar pulled Yuder into his lap in 1st tl. Now Yuder doesn't care and Kishiar trembles as he hugs Yuder who treats this as just an odd peculiarity of his boss.

-Yuder is about to burn the flowers again, but Kishiar asks to keep them. Yuder doesn't understand why, but he washes them and gives them to Kishiar who pushes out all the moisture in them so that they remain vibrant flowers, pressed and dried.