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Unfun Red was back at it with his rules, with the fouth of July coming up, he didn't want anyone not acting up to code, aka the very out of date rule book.
Like Harding jokes it's been through WW1, The Civil War, and the Revolutionary War.
But Red still follows it like it's his religion.
So lets see what shenanigans he's ruining now shall we.
Notice to all personal, this includes Harding and Kidd: this in regard to [LAKE DAY/FIREWORKS] so please for my sanity, please regard the following rules below, and don't burn this one like my other list. It was not stupid Bucky.
Number one: If you can't swim, don't go in the lake, nobody will rescue your stupid ass.
Number two: No jumping out of a B-17 into the lake, because one the lake isn't that deep and two that's improper use of military equipment.
Number three: Everyone must wear a life vest, and before you ask no little floaties don't count Hambone.
Number four: No fornication in the lake, this is mostly directly pointed towards the Bucks. But other couples I'm watching you, just not in a perverted way.
Additionally: The same goes for the dock.
Number five: No skinny dipping either.
Additionally: Don't be a smartass and jump in the lake in full uniform.
Number six: No pool floaties in the lake, don't ask me why, and don't say I'm not being fun, I'm just being safe.
Additionally: Why did you people pack floaties and why? More specifically Bubbles why do you have a giant bubble wand inflatable?
Number seven: No pool noodles either, after the incident last year involving Blakely, the British Army Navy, and a bright yellow pool noodle there banned.
Additionally: DeMarco your butter pool noodle does count. And why do you have that?
Number eight: Stop telling the replacements there's a shark in the lake, how stupid are you? Better yet how stupid are they?
Additionally: Douglass and Murphy I know this was your doing.
Number nine: Smokey, Stormy, and the entire ground crew are not allowed in the lake, until they finish their tasks for the day. I'm not being a bitch Ken, I'm being functional.
Additionally: Stormy cussing me in Mandarin is impressive, but not gonna get you out of your job.
Number ten: You can not use old fuel barrels to BBQ, you stupid fucking idiots.
Number eleven: No you can not use plane fuel to BBQ, do you want to die? Because I will kill you myself if the gasoline doesn't.
Number twelve: Meatball can't be use as a swimming device, if you can't swim your not allowed in the lake.
Number thirteen: Games involving your penises are banned, including ring toss, put some clothes on for the love of god.
Number fourteen: No roughhousing in the lake.
Additionally: Normal swimming is fun, I go for a swim across the lake every morning, and it's quite enjoyable.
Number fifteen: No holding your breath contest, the last time someone did that, Quinn was in the infirmary for water in his lungs.
Number sixteen: No keeping peoples heads under the water either.
Number seventeen: Marco, polo is banned after Crosby almost murked Friedkin for cheating.
Number eighteen: No dragging people underwater pretending to be this invisible shark.
Number nineteen: There is no crocodile or alligator in the lake either, we aren't in Florida or Africa.
Number twenty: Biting peoples toes pretending to be the shark, alligator and or crocodile is prohibited.
Additionally: Blakely stop doing this, it's not funny it's quite frankly concerning and weird.
Number twenty one: Everyone will be at a safe distance during the fireworks.
Additionally: We watch the firework show not become apart of it.
Number twenty two: Bucky we aren't saving any for you and Bucks wedding.
Number twenty three: No setting fireworks off inside the buildings or the cost of repairs is coming out of your paycheck.
Number twenty four: No we can't drop fireworks on the Krauts, I don't care that it's more colorful method, not happening.
Number twenty five: No you can't hold a firework well it's being set off, that's a recipe for getting your hand blown off.
Number twenty six: Fireworks aren't toys, they are to be treated as such, taping them to your groin and making "Guys look at my penis" jokes doesn't qualify.
Number twenty seven: Babyface wherever you got the comically large butterfly net, please return it and stop using it to kidnap people.
Number twenty eight: Bucky stop tapping a lit sparkler to your forehead, your not a unicorn.
Number twenty nine: Don't poke each other in the ass with lit sparklers you dumbasses.
Number thirty: Alcohol and fireworks don't mix, please don't get drunk before the firework show.
Number thirty one: Kidd is setting them off this year no arguing, because I trust him unlike you morons.
Number thirty two: Blakely glow sticks stay outside the body, please please for the love of everything holy don't stick them in your ass this year and run around naked yelling "I'm a lightening bug."
Additionally: Smokey will not help you get them out, I have told him not to.
Number thirty three: Dickie is in charge of the glowsticks, you each get three of different colors except Blakely for obvious reasons.
Number thirty four: No we can't borrow a canon from the local museum to set off canon balls, don't send Murphy in to give me that sad kicked puppy look because I will just ignore him.
Number thirty five: The coffee limit is seven, you guys are not staying up all night partying.
Number thirty six: Curfew is exactly at 23:00, no I'm not being old, I'm just being responsible.
Number thirty seven: The party committee has planned a party before the fireworks, it's at seven you guys have to attend full uniform, your not getting out of it. I promise it's not boring this year, there will be fruit punch and dancing.
Additionally: Bucky stop making ridiculous excuses to get out of it you don't have the bubonic plague, my parties aren't grandma parties, little asshole.
Number thirty eight: Curt you are not allowed to soundtrack this year, just stay away from the record player all together.
Number thirty nine: Bubbles will be singing the National Anthem and Amazing Grace, not you Bucky sit your ass down.
Number Forty: Have a happy forth, I can't wait to celebrate with you guys, I love and care about you guys. Even if you guys find me boring.