Work Text:
Now there's roadrage, and then there's fortrage, aka forts getting mad at other forts well going down the runway.
And so for Hardings own personal enjoyment he keeps a record of all his favorites to share with Kidd, mostly because it makes him laugh.
It's also for him when he's having a bad day, he can laugh about something well in his office.
So lets go through it shall we.
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Number one.
Buck, who's been sitting on the runway for thirty minutes: "I don't mean to rush anyone, but can we please get a move on please? And thank you."
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Number two.
Bucky, getting mad at the grounds crew for stupidly walking across the runway: "I get jaywalking, but whatever this is, is fucking stupid."
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Number three.
Rosie, frustrated because nobody is using hand signals like they were taught: "We have hand signals for a reason, do you not have hands?"
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Number four.
Friedkin, frustrated because Buck was agitated: "Why do none of you know how to drive, and why is it because you guys are all replacements?"
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Number five.
Hambone, who was watching as Brady and Bucky cut everyone off as they do: "We're coming in, we're coming in, let us in, let us in! Thank you, thank you."
He waves at the Bombardier in the other fort who let them in.
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Number six.
DeMarco listening to Buck and Bucky talking to each other as they do: "I can hear you talking to Bucky, you are not talking to the tower, go, go!"
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Number seven.
Douglass watching as Winks as he bicycled in front of them: "You're literally on a bicycle, why are you on the runway? There's a whole section for you!"
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Number eight.
Bucky singing a song to himself as he's taxiing, he stopped because the fort in front of him was going slower: "Why are you slowing down? Why are you slowing down!?"
He goes back to singing like it was nothing.
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Number nine.
Crosby looking over Douglass's shoulder wanting to know what was the delay: "They do know they don't have the right away right, they don't have the right away, fucking asshole."
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Number ten.
Hambone watching as another fort tried squeezing ahead, he just started laughing: "We're not letting...we're not letting you in, there was a briefing about what order we go in, if you missed it that's your fucking fault."
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Number eleven.
Everyone every five minutes because nobody knew how to taxi correctly: "Oh my god! What the fuck are you doing?!"
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Number twelve.
Brady, wondering why on earth the fort in front of him was going so slow: "There's no one in front of you, there's no one in front of you! Why are you driving like a grandma!?"
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Number thirteen.
Douglass watching as Brady and Bucky tried cutting them off again: "We are not letting you in again! Read my lips, no no no, you have to wait like everyone else."
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Number fourteen.
Blakely, pissed off because everyone and their mother keeps trying to get in front of them: "Stop trying to get in my lane!! I'm not letting you."
A few seconds later.
Blakely submitted, he just gestures for them to go ahead: "Fine, get in here."
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Number fifteen.
Bucky, not understanding why everyone insisted taxiing like grandmas: "You're going like 20 under what we need to be going right now, like fucking get your shit together."
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Number sixteen.
Buck, watching as Bucky sped ahead as he does: "Oh nice job Bucky speeding ahead of me, that's real safe John!"
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Number seventeen.
Curt watching as a replacement went the wrong way, he started laughing: "Oh you can't turn there, you can't, you can't turn there! They can't turn there."
He looked towards Dickie, who just eyed him trying so hard not to laugh.
Dickie: "Yes I'm well aware."
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Number eighteen.
Crank, realizing he's sandwiched between Buck and Friedkin, and Buck and Brady: "I don't wanna taxi with them, get away from me! Get away! I don't wanna be near you guys, no offense."
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Number nineteen.
Bucky, still singing as he's taxiing down the runway: "Stay the fuck over there, please don't come over here, cause you don't fucking know how to taxi correctly."
Brady started clapping absolutely dying: "Amazing john, when's the record come out?"
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Number twenty.
DeMarco watching as Ken ran across with Meatball: "Why are you crossing? What the fuck is wrong with you?! Literally you and my dog are gonna be splattered across a B-17."
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Number twenty one.
Bucky, still singing his song: "Hand signals are a thing, and speeding is not recommended, oh please let me in, motherfuckers please let me in!"
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Number twenty two.
Buck, looking at the speed they were going: "We are supposed to be going forty, so why are you going twenty?"
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Number twenty three.
Brady trying to squeeze himself in: "I don't have anywhere important to be, so don't fucking worry about me."
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Number twenty four.
Rosie, wondering why nobody believes in hand signals: "Have you thought about hand signals? Have you...no okay, that's perfectly fine."
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Number twenty five.
Friedkin, just wanting to go, he was antsy: "Go! Go! Go!! Go!! Oh my god."
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Number twenty six.
Bucky trying to squeeze in with Brady: "Are you gonna let us in? Fucking let us in! Let us in! Let us in! Please, yeah, yeah, yeah, we are gonna, ahh! Thank you! Thank you!"
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Number twenty seven.
DeMarco trying to read what was written on the fort in front of him: "What the fuck does it say on your fort? It's so stupid."
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Number twenty eight.
Rosie once again getting no warning, before a fort squeezed itself in: "No hand signal okay, that's perfect, that's great!"
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Number twenty nine.
Curt watching as Bucky and Brady were doing whatever it is they were doing: "What are you two doing? What are you doing!? What are you doing!!?."
Five minutes later.
Curt again watching as a replacement did a stupid: "That's not the right way, that's not...fucking dumbass. Did you get your pilot license out of a cracker box?"
Dickie was absolutely dying of laughter.
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Number thirty.
Hambone, getting inpatient because they weren't going: "The go ahead isn't getting more valid, it's not gonna get any..."
Brady and Bucky started moving towards the runway, Hambone just nodded: "Thank you okay, here we go."
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Number thirty one.
Rosie, still upset about the hand signal thing: "It's called a hand signal! You fucking dumbasses, use it Jesus!"
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Number thirty two.
Buck, unfortunately stuck behind a replacement fort that didn't know what it was doing: "Why are you stopping? Like there's no reason to. What are you...what the fuck? Where did you learn to fly? Oh right I forgot you didn't!"
Bucky listening to him over the radio, so proud of him for finally getting angry.
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Number thirty three.
Dickie and Curt were stuck behind Crank, who believed that doing everything by the book was correct, Dickie was getting frustrated: "Okay not to sound dramatic or anything Crank, but if you don't speed it up just a bit. I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."
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Number thirty four.
Blakely letting everyone in, who didn't get the memo apparently: "Go on in, yeah I'm letting you guys in, your Bombardiers better wave to me."
Five minutes later.
"Where's the waves!? Where's the waves!? I did not have to let you people in, I was doing it because I wanted to be waved at."
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Number thirty five.
Rosie, still getting fucked over: "Wow no signal, thank you!"
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Number thirty six.
Brady waiting for clearance to move, watching as everyone tried moving into their spot on the runway: "The clearance hasn't been given people, so we all stand still, you fucking dumbasses."
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Number thirty seven.
Curt, watching as replacements be replacements: "Why do none of you not know how to fly? Because who the fuck decided to let you operate a B-17. Who was the genius that thought that was a good idea!?"
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Number thirty eight.
Buck, also equally as done with replacements as everyone else: "There's nobody ahead of you, so stop hitting the breaks, what the fuck!"
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Number thirty nine.
Rosie watching as Curt tried to do hand signals and failing miserably: "You can't go left Biddick, you cannot turn left, why are you giving me hand signals for turning left? You cannot turn left!"
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Number forty.
Bucky was almost on Bucks forts ass, which annoyed Friedkin more than Buck: "Get off our fucking ass Egan! What are you doing? Ride Bucks ass later!"