Chapter Text
What a valiant roar
What a bland goodbye
The coward claimed he was a lion
I'm combing through the braids of lies
"I'll never leave"
"Never mind"
Our field of dreams engulfed in fire
Your arson's match, your somber eyes
And I'll still see it until I die
You're the loss of my life
🌸
Goh is taken back to reality by a smooch sound to a cheek and following laughter. Not his cheek. Not his laughter. Sadly.
He sits in front of Gary and Tokio who forgot that he existed and decided to use that time when Goh's mind was somewhere else to share some...couple moments. Gross. He hates them a little. But in all honesty, Goh doesn't mind.
The truth is, Goh is happy for his friends. He never expected that of all people, Tokio would choose Gary to be his second half. They are so different from each other, but at the same time – they are a good fit. Somehow they complement each other so well.
Goh remembers that they got together quickly after Project Mew had ended, and they didn't say a word. How rude.
He figured it out on his own. Well, with a little help from Chloe, but no one has to know about it.
Tokio and Gary have been visiting Goh almost every day since then. Well, more like Gary is visiting Goh’s Pokemon to do some additional research on them for Professor Oak. Goh doesn’t mind, he’s glad he can be helpful (Well, it’s more like his Pokemon are helpful instead).
Gary may be visiting Goh’s Pokemon, but Tokio is always there for Goh. He’s grateful for their company, and he’s glad he can see them both almost every day now. He’s more happy to see Tokio, because Gary is usually only annoying him, but even with that, he’s glad to see the researcher too.
"Gary, stop", Tokio laughs and pushes Gary away. “Goh is with us”, he reminds quietly, although Goh has heard it just fine.
Gary rolls his eyes, because he doesn’t see Goh as a reason why he can’t give Tokio a kiss, but still he leans back just like his partner asked him to. Not for too long though.
Goh in all honesty doesn’t mind their friends showing affection towards each other around him. It hurts him only a tiny bit, but he still appreciates Tokio’s consideration. Despite everything, he loves seeing his friends happy. If he can’t be happy, he’s at least glad that they can be happy instead, and that’s all what matters to Goh now.
Gary leans closer to Tokio again and whispers something to his ear that makes him blush furiously.
Goh ignores them, but casts his gaze away anyway. He gets lost in his mind again.
It's been...11 months since he saw Ash for the last time. 10 months since he last heard from him. Almost a year.
Any problems, you can always give me a call. After all, don’t forget, we’re friends.
15-year-old Goh believes Ash when he says it atop of Lugia.
16-year-old Goh doesn't believe it. Not anymore.
Not when he messaged Ash about a million times since then. He starts to think that the trainer just has a second secret phone with a different number that he uses more, but it just doesn't sound like Ash.
Ash is...different, right? He's not like that. He doesn’t just cut his friends out from his life like that. Goh knows him so well...at least he thought he did. That's what Goh thinks, but he's not sure if he believes it.
At least not anymore.
Maybe he didn’t know him that well as he thought he did? Maybe everything was a lie?
He wishes he would know what the hell happened between them, but with each passing second, he's not sure if he wants to. Maybe it’s better to live in denial? He feels heartbroken and betrayed. Goh feels betrayed by a lot of things.
He felt betrayed when Ash suddenly informed him that he wanted to go on his journey without telling him first about it.
He felt betrayed because Ash promised him they'd always be together. I'll never leave rings in Goh's head daily. He feels betrayed because the promise was broken. It feels like it all was a lie all along.
You can always give me a call. After all, don’t forget, we're friends.
Goh wants to erase those words from his head. He wants to erase Ash’s sweet and reassuring voice when he has said it. He wants to erase that stupid comforting smile he gave him. Goh’s not a fool, but he feels like he was fooled. It all feels like a lie now, especially when his 2190th call and message got ignored.
Is it because of him? Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt Ash?
So many unanswered questions that ring in Goh’s head daily and he doesn't know if he'll ever find out the truth. Does he want to anymore though?
The last 11 months were a...hell. Goh doesn't remember the last moment when he felt truly happy. He remembers the exact moment when after one month of being on his journey, he came back immediately to the Cerise Laboratory. He was met with Chloe’s worried look and he asked Professor Cerise right away if he could live in the Lab again. Professor Cerise didn't question anything. Neither did Ren or Chryssa. Neither did Chloe. They welcomed him to the lab again and let him stay there for as long as he needed.
You're always welcome here.
You can stay here until you're ready to travel again.
Goh didn't feel ready to go on his journey ever again since then. It didn't feel the same as it was with Ash, and even if Professor Cerise asked him to accompany Chloe on some urgent research tasks, even if he did end up enjoying it, it just didn't feel the same way to him as it did before.
So he stayed in the lab for the next 10 months. It’s been 11 months since he talked or met with Ash. At all. It hurts him so much.
They exchanged a few text messages during that one month when Goh was still on his journey.
You know, I caught that Beautifly I wanted since forever! Really? That's awesome. Oh! I battled Bea again, it ended up in a draw again though...oh man, she's so strong.
Even if Goh already missed Ash, he enjoyed the text messages and the voice calls. They messaged each other daily. Sometimes they even shared video calls as well. They did end quickly because Ash always held his phone at a weird angle ah sorry, Goh, I'll try to hold up my phone straight – he didn't, but Goh enjoyed it otherwise because he's so clumsy as always, and just smiled softly looking at Ash trying to hold the phone steady so Goh can see both him and Pikachu.
Ash seemed...happy. And Goh was happy too. They weren't together anymore, but they still talked to each other, and that was the most important thing to Goh - just to stay in touch with Ash, to keep talking to him and support him. To hear him talk about the things he's done and achieved. But the talks got rarer and rarer with each passing day until they stopped–
"Earth to Goh", Goh hears and snaps back to reality just to see Gary waving his hand before his eyes, and to see Tokio's worried look as well.
"Sorry", he mutters. "I was just..."
"Thinking", finishes Gary instead. "Yeah, we can tell", he chuckles. Although, he doesn't know if it's the right time for jokes. He sees how stressed Goh looks right now.
Goh lets out a shaky breath that he didn't know he was holding. Tears are trying to escape from his eyes again. He cried almost every day for the last 11 months. He doesn't cry now though, not in front of his friends. He doesn’t want to worry them further.
"I just... miss him", he admits, trying so hard for his voice not to break. So casually. He pretends it doesn't tear his heart apart. He doesn't need to admit it, though. He's sure Tokio and Gary know it all too well.
Both boys share a worried look and Goh wants to disappear. He loathes worrying his friends.
🌸
Tokio cares for Goh so much. He's a good friend and he loathes to see his friend in a state like this.
He's never forgiven himself for what he did to Goh when they were little kids – even if it was out of his control. Goh has forgiven him so easily like nothing has happened. Tokio can't wrap his head around how Goh could be so forgiving when he hurt him deeply.
It was a misunderstanding, Goh stated, no room for questioning in his voice, in his blue eyes. Tokio knew that deeply, he knows that now.
But still, it hurts to imagine what Goh was going through until they reunited a few years later. And now he sees his friend going through it again with someone who seems so important to Goh on many levels.
Tokio doesn't know Ash so well, they met only twice during some of the Project Mew missions, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel their synergy right away. He saw how fondly Goh was always looking at Ash with his own eyes.
Ash was always at Goh's side – supporting him, telling him it's gonna be okay even if the things seemed rough. He felt their connection, and funnily, he has somehow mistook it for them being a couple. They weren't – and Tokio was surprised to hear it.
He remembers Goh's laugh through a voice call I wish, but we aren't. His voice was full of disappointment.
Tokio felt bad – for himself and his friend, At that time he still was figuring out his feelings for Goh, which were awakened when they reunited back in Johto. But he couldn't love Goh. He just couldn't, not when his friend was in love with Ash, he saw it with his own eyes after all. He knew it from Goh's stories too and he respected that.
He remembers how sad Goh felt that he couldn't be there to support Ash during his last match against Leon. Goh might not say much about it, but Tokio felt everything. Goh's blue eyes told everything that he needed to know. Shining with love. Full of pride. He felt so proud of Ash, of everything that he achieved so far. Ash is gonna win, Goh knew it and he was gonna support him even if it would be through the phone screen
Tokio knew Goh wouldn't return his feelings, so he couldn't love Goh. But it didn’t matter soon anyway, because everything he felt for Goh over these past few years, he soon started to feel towards Gary.
Tokio feels a sudden hand squeeze under the table bringing him back to reality. His eyes meet Gary's - worried ones as well. Although, he feels that Gary doesn't necessarily worry about him. But maybe that too? Gary's worried for Goh even if he doesn’t want to admit.
Tokio returns the hand squeeze anyway. He enjoys the warmth of Gary's hand on his own
🌸
Gary may not seem like a person who cares. But he cares. Cares a lot.
He deeply cares for his Pokemon. He loves them, he's so proud of them and how they helped him to achieve everything during his journeys. Blastoise, Umbreon, Arcanine – his closest Pokemon partners that accompany him on his journeys everyday since his youngest days.
He loves his Gramps. He's proud of him too. He's proud of how wise a Professor he is. He loves helping him with research every day. He’s glad he accepted Tokio with open arms as family too.
He loves Tokio – his partner, the most important person in his life now. He cares about him more than anyone else and wants to spend his future with him, that's what he hopes for at least.
He loves his friends. He cares about Ashy-boy, his childhood friend. His rival – he still considers him one, even if the years of rivalry are already over. But right now, he can't stop feeling like he hates him a little. It's not hatred. Gary wouldn't hate Ash that much, but he still hates him a little.
He's stupid, Gary thinks. Always making the dumbest decisions. Alright, maybe not always, Ash was right in many of them. But right now, whatever is happening right now is not the smartest decision Ash has ever made.
He doesn't know what happened either, it's not like he needs to know. It’s not exactly his business, he knows that people can simply just fall apart and stop being in touch. But something about the whole situation just does not feel right, especially if Gary knows that Ash cares about Goh deeply.
He’s his best buddy after all. Well, maybe the second one after Pikachu. He knows they both love each other, he saw through them when he met them both back in Pallet a few years ago.
They love each other, yet neither of them confessed their feelings. They're stupid. Stupidly in love with each other and they can’t see that.
Gary is confused, because when you love someone, you should just let them know, right? It feels natural to do.
But whatever is happening between Goh and Ash right now feels just wrong, he just wants to see both of his friends happy again. Together is the best option for everyone’s sake.
He promises himself to try to call Ash later. If luck will be on his side, he'll pick up. If not, Gary will find Ash quicker than Pikachu can use Thunderbolt.
Gary hates to admit it, but he cares about Goh a lot too. He may not always have shown it in the best way, but he cares about him in his own way.
Goh always reminded him of Ash – always stubborn, going into action without thinking, being riled up by his teasing - which only made Gary tease him further. When he met Goh for the first time, he saw Ash in him, and Gary knew he needed to help him to get on the right path just like he had helped Ash.
To teach him everything that he has learned himself so far, show him what teamwork is all about and help him to find the courage to achieve what he thought he wouldn’t be able to, to help Goh grow up into the trainer he wanted to be.
Gary forever will be grateful that they met each other. He’s glad they could be in Project Mew together, and after all those difficult missions, even meet Mew - that’s a memory he will never forget. Gary’s glad he could keep Goh as his friend after Project Mew had come to an end. He hates to admit it, but he enjoys Goh’s company. Their dynamic hasn’t changed a bit. Gary enjoys teasing Goh, it’s a part of their friendship that will never change.
He cares for Goh more than anyone can notice, and Gary absolutely loathes to see his friend in pain. He knows Goh misses his buddy, and he wants somehow to help him feel better. He just doesn’t know how.
In all honesty, Gary sucks at comforting people, so he doesn't even try to do it, not when Goh is almost having another breakdown in front of them. He leaves it to Tokio to do later. He's better at that than he is.
🌸
Goh looks at his friends, he admires how they communicate so well even without using any words with ease. He longs to have someone next to him right now too, so he wouldn’t feel so empty inside.
He looks wordlessly at how Tokio's hand pets through Umbreon's fur with such ease. She looks contented, like she would know him her whole life. Tokio's not her trainer, yet she still lets him pet her without complaining. Goh's surprised at that, but somehow he's not that much surprised at all. It's just funny, thinks Goh, that Tokio can care about Gary's Umbreon the same way as his own Bayleef.
Then he remembers how many times it happened to Goh with Ash's Pokemon. He always had a feeling Pikachu didn't like him. He always thought that the little yellow creature would shock him at any moment. Oh, how he was wrong about that.
He still remembers Pikachu sitting on his lap when he was treating his wounds after a hard battle. The Pokemon center was far away and I read something about that and I could try and–
I trust you, Goh , Ash said, letting him take care of his precious partner. Pikachu was already lying on his lap calmly, If Ash trusts you, I can do too Pikachu's eyes seemed to say.
Goh chuckles in his mind. Not on the memory but on how Grookey just jumped on Tokio's lap demanding the pets too.
Umbreon's nap gets interrupted, but she's not upset. She moves to lay down next to Arcanine on the floor instead. Gary just laughs and Goh smiles softly at that. He hates to admit it, but he loves hearing Gary’s laugh, it’s oddly comforting and reassuring.
He takes a look at his friends again. He's glad Tokio found someone who he loves deeply, and he wants that too. He wants to find someone who he can treat the same way.
"I think you should go on a journey again", Gary says suddenly.
Tokio stops petting Grookey, surprised at the words his partner just said. Oh uh, he thinks.
He looks up to his partner who just casually shrugs. What?, Gary raises a brow at him but Tokio just facepalms.
Gary doesn't have better advice right now, it's not like it is advice anyway. He wants what's best for Goh. And maybe, he could find happiness being on the road again.
Goh doesn't know what he feels right now. He's not upset at Gary's words. He's just– surprised? Confused? He doesn’t know how he feels.
But traveling? Again? And alone? When he misses Ash and he isn't even able to travel on his own after they have separated? It feels– it feels– no he can't, he, he just can't– Could he?
Suddenly, it feels so hard to breathe for him. And shit, he feels tears gathering in his eyes, and he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, ignoring the worried looks his friends give him right now. It's too much.
He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down, but it doesn't help at all. He feels like crying, and before he notices, tears are streaming down his face. He looks at his reflection in the mirror. He looks pathetic. He bites his lips, he needs to do something, and maybe– maybe Gary is right after all?
He takes a deep breath again. Yeah, he's right , Goh decides. He’s calmer than a few seconds ago.
So long, Vermillion. I'll find someone.
No matter if it's Ash or someone else. It's an impulsive decision, he knows. He doesn’t care for now.
🌸
If you're out there, if you're somewhere, if you're moving on
I've been waiting for you every day since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And I just wanna see you back at my front door