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Stiles sat in front of his computer, tapping his fingers on his legs. Everything had been so incredibly stressful after his teacher turned out to be a dark druid. The thing he couldn’t get out of his mind, though, was how quickly Derek believed him. Everyone else thought he was out of his mind. They didn’t necessarily doubt him, but they didn’t believe who it was, not really. Granted his dad hadn’t believed him initially either. He put the whole experience down to overwhelming fear, since that had been his initial take when he discovered they were ritual sacrifices. And it had only taken him two victims to discover it.
Scott was hesitant the whole time. He’d grown, gotten more control of himself and everything, but Stiles had been counting on his friend to take his side. To listen to him when he said they needed a plan. Instead he pulled the same shit with Deucalion that he did with Gerard. Making his own plan and using Stiles as a back-up. And now he was an Alpha and Derek had his blue eyes back because he chose to save his sister. He shook his head, trying to clear it of his rampant thoughts.
He couldn’t think about any of that right now. Not after going to so many funerals. Erica’s, Boyd’s, Heather’s, Tara’s. God, he still couldn’t get past Tara’s. She had been a rock for him for years, always looking out for him whenever he was at the station. Her family loved him as much as Tara had and were grateful for him bringing Lemon Babka. He’d been torn on what to make and ended up making a few more than needed, but he needed to keep his mind busy.
“Alright, I know it’s been a while, but I’m back again. Sorry for the long hiatus.” Stiles nodded at his camera on his computer as he sat in his chair. He couldn’t look at his own reflection long because he nearly looked like a ghost with how pale he’d gotten. “I know this is meant to be my normal production of ‘Hyperfixations’ but I have a addendum or side note; if you’re interested, I have a link for another series I’m starting called ‘The Beacon’ that focuses entirely on the supernatural and mythological creatures, tales, and supposed happenings. The first episode is gonna focus on Werewolves, so if there is a creature or something you’re interested in hearing about, shoot it my way.
“Back to the point of this channel, I’ve struggled with insomnia for a long while. Years. Mostly due to my ADHD, partly due to my mom’s death when I was a kid. However, something I’ve recently been struggling with is parasomnia. While insomnia is more about inability to go to sleep and stay asleep, parasomnia is sleepwalking, sleep talking, et cetera.” Stiles went on to describe the various states and definitions of parasomnia including what were considered normal sleep patterns and healthy sleeping habits. Not that they worked for him, but he’d done his research and had submitted a fairly lengthy paper on it for his abnormal psychology course. He even made sure to touch on sleep paralysis.
“If you need more information, or simply crave to know more, like I often do, I’ve included references and links for you to check and verify my information. Until next time, hang in there. Hyperfixations can be useful in school and life. This is Mischief, signing off.” He clicked out of his podcast and YouTube channels before opening another file for the video diary he’d started keeping.
“Things haven’t gotten any better since my last entry.” Stiles sighed, leaning his head in his hands. “I’m still having trouble with reading and words and nightmares. It’s … it’s pretty fuckin’ bad, honestly. I’ve started to hear and see someone, or something, rather, in my dreams. He’s always at the edge. Walking around, covered in gauze like a creepy zombie. That or a horrible burn victim. I’m waking up in weird places, not sure how I got there. I’ve been startled awake by dad, standing in the kitchen making breakfast, somehow managing to not burn myself or hurt myself in any way. God, I hope it stops soon. I feel like I’m trapped in ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’. The only way I can wake up is by screaming until I’m fully conscious again.”
He swiped away the few tears that leaked out. It was starting to really terrify him. He knew he couldn’t go on like this, but he was too afraid to go to a doctor. His dad was worried, especially now that he knew about all the supernatural happenings in his town. He helped Stiles to wake up and to try and calm down when he was having a nightmare, but they were both wearing thin.
“I’ve fallen back into counting my fingers more consistently, using voice to text for my papers for my classes so that I don’t mess up with typing and being unable to read them. Something is deeply wrong. I don’t know what to do. I-” He cleared his throat, “I’m afraid to go to a doctor. I’m afraid of what this all means. It’s just like what happened to my mom. I know how frontotemporal dementia manifests, I know how it progresses. That can’t be what’s happening to me. It can’t. But if that’s not what this is, then my mind is tricking me into thinking I’m sick like she was.”
He didn’t bother hiding his shaking hands from the camera. He knew this was just for him. No one would ever see these files, not if he had anything to do about it. Danny had helped him write a pretty secure code for hiding the videos from prying eyes, but he had also put in another algorithm that if he didn’t log in every 24 hours, the videos would be available to whoever logged onto his computer. His dad, the FBI, or whoever would need access to them if anything happened to him and he was unable to log in.
“I need to be alright. I need to believe I’ll be alright. Because if I’m not, if I can’t believe it, then there’s no hope for me. I’m not supernatural, I’m not a werewolf or banshee or hunter or anything else. I’m just human. I don’t want to have to ask my best friend to try saving me with becoming what he is. I don’t think either of us would survive that and still be able to be friends on the other side. He knows I never wanted that life. I’m ok with talking him through things and helping him figure things out, but it wouldn’t be the same. I’m pretty sure his wolf would be threatened by me and it would cause a rift. Like there is between Scott and the twins, Ethan and Aiden.
“They want to be in the pack, but Scott isn’t sure he can trust them, not that I do. But I don’t think that’s all Scott. I think his wolf knows they could be a good asset, but I also think it knows they would be formidable opponents if they decided to turn against him. It’s a subconscious thing. The way he looks at me sometimes, though … it’s like it’s Scott, but not. Scott and I have years and years of memories and friendship. I helped him figure his shit out, for the most part. Which his wolf knows. If I can figure this all out from the outside, then what would happen if I was a wolf?” He sighed agitatedly. “I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. It reminds me of when Peter was mostly dead and used Lydia to resurrect himself. How she did a lot of things she doesn’t remember. Fuck, what if that’s it? What if I’m being possessed?
“If … if that’s a real thing, if possession is a real thing and can actually happen, then … then I’m gonna need this to get to someone. Someone who can take me out of the equation. Keep me from hurting more people. Peter would do it, no question. But he’s a last resort. So. Derek, Lydia, hell, Allison, if this is real, if I’m possessed, don’t hesitate. It’s not murder, it isn’t. It’s self defense. I know what goes on in my head, I know how cunning and ruthless I can really be. I never show anyone because I have it under control. Consciously. Don’t let me hurt anyone. Please.” He shut off the video and lay his head down on his arms, too exhausted and scared to think about it anymore.
Before he could really fall asleep, he jumped up and went to take a shower. He felt a little better after and went to get something to eat from the kitchen, not worrying about his dad, since he was at the station for a late shift. Feeling marginally better with food in his stomach, he went back to his computer and opened up another tab to start his supernatural series. The Bestiary was a great start, but he wanted to make sure that if anyone caught on to the weird world around Beacon Hills, then he wanted them to be prepared. To be able to survive.
“What up, this is Mischief, welcome to my new series focused on the world of the supernatural. If you’re watching cause you think this is a gag, or another fixation of mine, cool. You do you, boo. If you’re watching cause you’ve seen some strange shit, well, buckle in. I’ve got too much that I’ve seen and dealt with to keep it to myself in good conscience. Now. The first place to start is with what you know the most about. My main focus the past year or so has been werewolves. But, I’m also gonna touch on more rare phenomena like Banshees, Kanimas, Kitsunes, Wendigos, and all kinds of things, to include Hunters.
“I’m working on a more largely shared document for a bestiary, the link is below, so you can reference it. It’s a lot of Archaic Latin, but I’ve got some friends that have helped with translations and included additional research I’ve done. Back to werewolves. Alpha, Beta, Omega.” Stiles clicked a few things to share images as he spoke, explaining legends about werewolves, their glowing eyes, their personalities, human and wolf. “That’s it on wolves for now, but tune in next time, probably in two weeks, like I do with my other channel, and I’ll delve into Hunters. Though not a supernatural creature, I’ve encountered them too often to not include them. Other than wolves, they are what I have the most experience with. Stay strong, dudes. Mischief, signing off.”
He clicked out and found he was utterly exhausted now. He fell into his bed face first just as he heard the front door open. Knowing his dad was home made it easier for him to fall asleep. He only had a few short hours before he needed to be up for school, but it was enough that he’d get a little sleep.
“Stiles!” Stiles jolted at the shout and nearly choked himself on his toothbrush. Apparently he’d gotten up and was brushing his teeth to get ready for school. He cleaned out his mouth and put his toothbrush away and held onto the sink as he tried to steady his breathing. “Stiles?”
“What?” He croaked, gripping the sink harder, afraid he was still stuck in a nightmare, even if Derek wasn’t usually in them.
“Are you ok?” Stiles huffed an exhausted breath and didn’t bother to mask his anxiety. There was no point around a werewolf.
“Not even close.” He said, turning and brushing past Derek who was watching him with a consternated expression.
“What’s wrong? You smell … off.”
“Parasomnia.” Stiles said, pulling his shirt off and changing quickly, before shoving some papers in his bag that he would need.
“What?”
“I wasn’t awake until you screamed at me.” Stiles replied, finally facing Derek. “I may have looked awake, I may have been up and moving around, but I wasn’t awake.”
“Is that happening often?”
“Why?”
“Stiles.” Derek clenched his jaw as if trying not to growl.
“Yes, ok? Yes, it’s happening a lot. I’m fine. Or I will be. Don’t worry about me, I’ll get past it. Why are you here?”
“The twins were worried about you, weirdly enough.”
“Super. More creepy stalkery werewolves. Just what I needed in my life. Don’t worry about me, seriously. I’m always fine. It’s only been a week and a half, I’m doing a dream journal and video diary to try and sort myself out.”
“Why video?” Derek asked, frowning at him. If Stiles didn’t know better, he’d say he saw concern in his eyes. “Stiles, you write everything down, multiple times. Why video?”
“I-” Stiles looked away, gulping nervously as he fiddled with his bag straps.
“Stiles?”
“I can’t read.” He whispered the confession. “I mean, I can read, obviously, but … I don’t know what happened. All the letters keep mixing up, like I suddenly have dyslexia. Severely. And it’s seriously inconsistent.”
“How?”
“Beats me, dude.” Stiles shrugged. “Look … if- if anything happens, anything weird, watch the videos, ok?”
“I’m not watching your video diary.”
“Please, Derek. If something happens, I need you to watch it.” He took a deep breath and finally looked Derek in the eyes. “Dad doesn’t know about the videos, no one does. He won’t know to look there. You won’t be able to see them unless I’m gone too long without logging in. It’s a failsafe. Promise me if something happens, you’ll look at it.”
“Only if something happens.” Derek finally said. “I’m not looking until I know that something bad has happened, Stiles.”
“Derek,” Stiles huffed, feeling a sad smile on his face, “everything that’s happened in this town has been bad. For literal years. These past two months have been incredibly shitty, but that doesn’t mean something worse isn’t coming.”
“You say that like you know something.”
“No, I don’t know anything.”
“Stiles! You’re gonna be late, kiddo!” His dad called up the stairs.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” Stiles called back, before looking at Derek again. “I don’t know what’s coming, I swear, I don’t. But we came back from being dead. Me, Allison, Scott. Deaton said that leaves a mark. Scott’s afraid to shift, Allison is afraid of her own shadow, and me? I have night terrors every night. Every. Night. Derek. Something is going to happen. We ritually sacrificed ourselves in our parents’ places. None of us are ok. The only reason I want you to watch, is so I don’t- so none of us hurt anyone. I gotta go to class.”
Derek didn’t say anything else, though Stiles didn’t expect him to. He was too tired to even think about it, about what he was doing in Stiles’ room after the Darach was taken care of. He didn’t have the capacity to think about it, though. Derek had gone through a lot of shit with every girl he was with. Paige, Kate, Jennifer. Each went horribly. Not that Stiles had a lot of experiences, but he knew that Derek’s were equally traumatizing.
“Hey, Danny?” Stiles called, when they were sitting down in their AP Physical Science class. He made sure to keep his voice down so no one would listen in.
“Yeah?” Danny looked at him questioningly.
“Remember when I asked if I was attractive to gay guys?”
“Yeah?” Danny replied, looking at Stiles with a raised eyebrow.
“Well?”
“Stiles,” Danny sighed, leaning over and taking a deep breath, “look, I know you aren’t gay, but you really aren’t my type. And I’m dating Ethan.”
“Didn’t think I was, but thanks.” Stiles chuckled.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Danny said, rolling his eyes. “Dude, there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“With what?” Stiles asked, clearing his throat when his voice cracked.
“With you. With finding both guys and girls attractive.”
“What do you mean?” Stiles asked, leaning closer.
“I mean, it’s ok to be bi.”
“Bi.” Stiles said, not really understanding. “What the hell is that?”
“It’s you. I’m gay, Scott, and most of your clique are straight, but you, Mischief, are most likely bi, or pan. I can’t explain any of it to you, but look it up. There’s a lot of info out there and even some quizzes for you to take to figure it out.”
“Jesus, how many options are there?” Stiles groaned.
“Dude, you have no idea.” Danny grinned, patting his shoulder. “Just look it up when you get home. Trust me. Also, no one will care. Not those who really matter, anyway.”
“Thanks, man.”
“No problem.” Danny smiled and turned back to the teacher, writing notes and focusing back on class.
He hoped he remembered to actually look it up. He hoped he didn’t end up falling asleep or researching until he passed out at his computer. Somehow he made it through the day and got home, feeling like he just wanted to sleep, but there was a note sitting on his desk.
Stiles,
I’m taking Cora back to the pack in South America. Scott knows already, but I wanted to tell you in person. Which is why I came by this morning. I’m not sure how long I’m gonna stay, but I’ll be back eventually.
Talk to your friends. Tell them what’s going on with you, ok? They’ll be able to help. Telling them might make the nightmares easier and less frequent. Don’t push them away.
Don’t be like me.
Derek
Stiles sighed and set the letter down, but made sure he had Derek and Cora’s numbers programmed into his phone. He almost envied Derek being able to leave, but also didn’t. He wasn’t about to leave his dad alone now that he was aware of all that happened in Beacon Hills. Hopefully he could make it through the rest of the semester without issues. With his renewed insomnia, he’d managed to finish nearly all of his assignments for his three college classes through the end of the semester. Sighing heavily, again, he tried to make headway on his high school homework before his dad got home.