Work Text:
New Group
Richard Grayson added Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain, Timothy Drake, Duke Thomas, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown to New Group.
Richard Grayson changed their nickname to the dickmaster.
the dickmaster changed New Group to fuck pls dont tell alfred.
the dickmaster
[18:24] guys pls
[18:24] im begging u
[18:25] hes gonna kill me
Jason Todd left fuck pls dont tell alfred.
the dickmaster added Jason Todd to fuck pls dont tell alfred.
the dickmaster
[18:25] Jason Todd Wayne, i will tell bruce u still have c4 in ur helmet
Timothy Drake
[18:25] u wat
Cassandra Cain
[18:25] 😨
Stephanie Brown
[18:25] lol unsurprised
Damian Wayne
[18:25] Richard, your nickname is a revolting betrayal to humanity and this family’s reputation. Change it to something more befitting the Wayne name immediately.
Duke Thomas
[18:25] ha what reputation?
[18:26] also, jason….why.
the dickmaster
[18:26] :(
Jason Todd
[18:26] kill me once, shame on you. kill me twice, shame on me. kill me three times, we’re both going down motherfucker and im taking the whole fucking building with me
Timothy Drake
[18:26] u have issues
Cassandra Cain
[18:26] pot, kettle.
Timothy Drake
[18:27] ur the wholeass fckn kitchen then
Cassandra Cain
[18:27] 😟
Stephanie Brown changed their nickname to no.1 tim drake hater.
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:27] tim im gonna put a grappling hook through ur eye tonight. you will not see me coming.
[18:27] no one insults my little princess and gets away with it
Cassandra Cain changed their nickname to steph’s little princess <3.
Timothy Drake
[18:28] u literally used to date me
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:28] exactly
[18:28] im even more qualified to be the no.1 tim drake hater
steph’s little princess <3
[18:28] 🥰
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:28] 😘
Timothy Drake
[18:28] god i fckn hate gays
the dickmaster
[18:29] okay this is sweet and all but GUYS PLEASE
[18:29] im DOOOMED
Duke Thomas
[18:29] what did u even do???
the dickmaster
[18:29] i shant say….
Damian Wayne
[18:29] Grayson.
the dickmaster
[18:29] i just need someone to hide me. preferably indefinitely
Jason Todd
[18:30] u fucked the kitchen, didn’t you
Timothy Drake
[18:30] oh my god not the kitchen i eat in there
Duke Thomas
[18:30] my salad’s still in there…
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:30] not in front of the salad 😭
steph’s little princess <3
[18:30] 😨🤮
Damian Wayne
[18:31] While I am more mature than anyone else in this family, I am still legally disgusted by what you do after dark. Please keep all future rendezvous away from the manor and my knowledge. If not, I will castrate you.
the dickmaster
[18:32] i didnt FUCK the kitchen
[18:32] its just
[18:32] guys dont go in there
Jason Todd
[18:32] bruce is gonna kill you
[18:32] and then alfred will
[18:32] i’m coming back to the manor just to see this
Jason Todd changed their nickname to I Todd You So.
Timothy Drake changed their nickname to timothee chalamet.
I Todd You So
[18:33] my professor has a thing for chalamet
Duke Thomas
[18:34] how old is your prof?
I Todd You So
[18:34] she’s, like, forty or some shit
[18:34] she made us sit through a two-hour lecture on the sensual eroticism of his american-frenchness
[18:34] i don’t get it. he’s the twinkiest fucking twink and the human epitome of a white washboard.
the dickmaster
[18:35] guys please
[18:35] ill owe you
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:35] i can hide u, u know my address
timothee chalamet
[18:35] NO WAIT
[18:35] ill hide u im the best detective no one will find u
Damian Wayne
[18:35] That is factually incorrect and we all know it. Grayson, I will find you. Drake’s measly games will not protect you from Alfred’s wrath.
I Todd You So
[18:35] you’ll owe me anything?
the dickmaster
[18:36] im going to regret this but…
[18:36] yes
[18:36] anything u want, its urs
[18:37] omg i think i hear alfred
[18:37] HES HERE
steph’s little princess <3
[18:37] 🪦
Damian Wayne
[18:38] WHO HURT ALFRED THE CAT.
timothee chalamet
[18:38] WHEEZE
[18:38] HELP
[18:38] I SKJDBKJSBK
[18:38] AHAHAHSDSIDGDJBHFDJG
Duke Thomas
[18:38] what was that sound???
timothee chalamet
[18:39] OH MY GOD IM CRYIN
[18:39] damian that wasnt alfred
[18:39] THAT WAS DICK SCREAMING
Duke Thomas
[18:39] THAT WAS DICK???
Damian Wayne
[18:39] Ah.
[18:39] I was unaware human beings could make that sound.
[18:40] Although, I suppose Dick being another species perfectly corroborates with his peculiar characteristics.
Duke Thomas
[18:42] I HEARD A CRASH
[18:44] WHY IS JASONS BIKE IN THE LIVING ROOM
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:44] im so glad im on a lovely date with my gf rn
steph’s little princess <3
[18:44] 🥰❤️✨🫣
timothee chalamet
[18:45] [Video ID: The Wayne living room looks peaceful, a few books and blankets scattered around the expensive furniture and elegant curtains covering the expanse of the grand windows. Damian’s sour face pokes around the door, and then the camera pans to a questioning Alfred. Suddenly, there’s a loud scream, and the camera snaps up to the ceiling. Dick hangs from a chandelier, face torn with fear as his legs swing. Alfred yells, but a sudden crash throws the camera to the side. Glass is everywhere. There is more yelling, more screaming, followed by the sound of an engine still revving. The camera stumbles up just in time to catch the chandelier crashing to the floor, Dick’s body going with it in a blur of gaudy clothing. The video freezes just before Dick hits the ground, his body only a second away from flattening the Red Hood who is somehow in the middle of the room, broken window pieces and furniture all around him. /End ID]
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:46] IS ALFRED OKAY
timothee chalamet
[18:46] yes
steph’s little princess <3
[18:46] 😮💨😌
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:46] oh thank god
timothee chalamet
[18:47] oh hey tim r u ok too? what abt jason and dick and damian?? thanks for ur concern steph! i'm still alive!
Damian Wayne
[18:47] I am not imbecilic enough to let this be my cause of death. I am unharmed.
steph’s little princess <3
[18:47] 😌🥰❤️❤️✨
no.1 tim drake hater
[18:48] i trust dami to take care of himself
[18:48] the rest of yall r in SO much trouble PAHAHAHAHA
timothee chalamet
[18:49] I DIDNT DO ANYTHING
Duke Thomas
[18:56] tim, jason and dick r grounded
[18:56] alfred’s making hot chocolate and heating up some cake for me and dami if u two want to join?
no.1 time drake hater
[18:57] already on our way home
[18:57] cass was worried
Duke Thomas
[18:59] nvm we’re having cold cake
[18:59] we found out what dick did
[19:00] the microwave is broken
[19:00] ‘faulty’ he says but it’s broken. it’s very broken
[19:00] alfred’s mad
Duke Thomas changed their nickname to the brightest of them all.
Damian Wayne
[19:05] I regret leaving the League of Assassins for the League of Assholes.
the dickmaster changed fuck pls dont tell alfred to League of Assholes.
Damian Wayne
[19:08] I am telling Alfred the cat to piss on your pillow tonight.
earlier that evening…
New Group
Bruce Wayne added Clark Kent, Diana Prince to New Group.
Bruce Wayne
[18:09] Emergency.
Clark Kent
[18:09] What’s wrong? Are you hurt?
Diana Prince
[18:09] i’m here
[18:09] how can i help
Bruce Wayne
[18:10] I broke Alfred’s microwave.