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There were two things, well more than two things but for the sake of everyone else it’s being narrowed down, that Alexander Hamilton was great at.
The first thing was talking.
This was a given since nobody, as in nobody, has seen Alexander Hamilton silent. If he wasn’t talking, he was mumbling under his breath or typing rapidly on his laptop. He always had so much to say. His brain always buzzed with words he was about to say or saved for a better time. If one were to get Alex riled up on a subject, they’d probably still be talking about it until there was nothing left to say. That is if Alexander ever ran out of words to say, which was basically never.
The second one was being an asshole.
He was a fairly decent guy. He has people he loves and would do anything for them. But he could also be a bit of a douche. No. Not just a bit of a douche, a lot of a douche. Alexander, with his love for words and stringing them into sentences for days, rarely had a filter. If something struck into his mind, he would either write it down or speak of it when someone was close enough to hear. The rare times he did have a filter were when he was around one of the Schuyler sisters or maybe Mulligan.
Most of the time, he spoke like tomorrow wasn’t even a concept he could fathom.
When there were two for Alexander, Aaron Burr was great at one thing. He was fairly good at many things. The saying “Jack of all trades, master of none” being one of his mottos for everyday life. So what was this one thing he considered himself a master of?
Control.
Yet everyone in the damn whole universe knew that was a lie. Control in his words? Yes. Control in the bedroom? Probably, no one has tested that theory yet. Control of his emotions? Hell to the no. This guy had the emotional quotient of a spoonful of sugar. That was why he talked a lot less than Hamilton. When he did speak, people would listen and most of the time they would consider. He smiled more too. No one needed to know how he really felt so a facade was mighty helpful.
Neutrality was key to his survival.
And Alexander Hamilton was the remote island he had to put up with.
Burr wouldn’t say that they were opposites. A lot of times, Burr really did agree to what Hamilton would talk about. Especially when it came to feminism. Aaron was a sucker for equal rights and thank god Hamilton was too. With Aaron talking a lot less than he does and Alex’s constant energy, they made a good pair of roommates. Aaron was willing to listen, sometimes contradicting him in his head but he didn’t need to know that, and Alex was willing to give his opinion.
Alexander was fire and Aaron was ice. They were a practically perfect team.
However, it was too good to last.
Alexander really should have talked less this time.
It was one of the usual debates he was able to dig out of Burr from time to time. It wasn’t like he actually had anything against the topic, which was a gender equal cabinet for the US president; he just wanted to see where Burr stood with the matter. He was awfully neutral most of the time, kind of like Switzerland, and Alex just enjoyed getting the fight out of him every once in awhile. It helped him bring Burr’s walls down and see who the real man was behind the charming smile and clipped phrases.
“Well Theodosia might have said something about this.”
Silence followed Alexander’s statement and Burr’s eyes went cold.
It was not until he saw a few tears fall from Aaron Burr’s eyes did he realize what he said.
It was rare for Alexander to see Aaron show that kind of emotion. Sure the man laughed when he was drunk or expressed disgust on certain things but he never openly cried. Still, it seemed the man tried to hide how much his words affected him by wiping his too long sleeve across his eyelids. Fuck, I fucked up. Alex thought and he felt the strange urge to reach to Burr and hold him. He gave in to the urge but Burr simply stepped back. Alex noticed then that he was shaking.
He really did fuck up this time.
“Aaron I--”
“Talk less, Alexander.” His voice was low but not threatening, hoarse but not completely thick with tears. It made Alex feel even worse. “As a matter of fact? Don’t talk to me. Ever.” Aaron brushed his shoulder against Alexander’s as he walked past him and dropped his backpack on to his study table harshly. Alex refused to turn around when he heard a sharp breath intake from Burr and he felt his heart break.
Alex needed to do something, anything, but for once he didn’t act on his instincts. He stayed back but he allowed himself to turn around. The sight he was met with was not pretty at all. Aaron was hunched over himself on the bed, trying but failing to keep his tears in as he clutched a photograph in his hand. Alex didn’t need to look closer to know whose smiling face it was on the Polaroid.
He left the room as fast as he could but not without a heavy heart.
He found himself outside of Lafayette and Laurens’ room before he even noticed that he was knocking on their door. The taller Frenchman greeted him sleepily but one look at Alex’s face made him step back and allow his friend inside. “Mon ami, it’s the middle of the night.” The concerned tone of the older man was something he didn’t deserve at the moment. He turned around to face Laf with an expression he hoped conveyed everything he wanted to say.
Yet when he opened his mouth, nothing came out but a misplaced sob.
The pitiful sound woke John up in his bed and Alex tried to find his proper breathing pattern. I fucked up. I fucked up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…
“Alex, what’s wrong?” John’s voice pierced through his thoughts. He looked up at his two friends and tried to find the strength to form coherent sentences. It was taking him more time than expected. He was sure it felt weird for both of them since he was the man who always had so much to say. He did have so much to say but he just couldn’t say it. The words forming in his head were not even supposed to be for Lafayette and Laurens.
They were for Burr.
Soon enough, he knew what words to say. “I need your help.”
Aaron couldn’t find Alexander anywhere.
It’s been exactly a week since Alex has come back to the dorm. Technically he wasn’t ever in their room whenever he was there too. If Aaron knew better, he would have thought Alexander was avoiding him. The act in itself was ridiculous because Alex never went one day without trying to get his attention through another debate or being a generic asshole.
Then Aaron would remember what happened that night and he’d get unbelievably sad again.
As much as he would like to say that it wasn’t Alexander’s fault, he needed to know when he crossed the line. He crossed it multiple times but Aaron was content to let him find out on his own, which was rare to say the least. This was the first time Alex acknowledged it himself. This was the first time he tried to comfort him of his own accord without someone pushing him to do so. This was also the first time that Alex was out of the room for more than 24 hours and despite his better judgment, he worried for him.
Aaron scoffed at that and shook his head. Why did he always insist on babying Alexander Hamilton? His roommate was a child in his own sense. He could take care of himself, he was sure, but something within Aaron told him that something was definitely not right. Today marked the 9th day where he never even set foot into the room and he was finally pushed into action. For all he knew, Alexander could have hurt himself in the process of his self-induced exile.
Without even stopping to think, he grabbed his coat, locked the door behind him and in his head, he made a list of possible locations Alexander could be at. The quad was usually where Alex would make random speeches on whatever tickled his fancy for the day. That was a good place to start. If he wasn’t at the quadrangle, he could very well be in the coffee shop just outside the campus. He always refused to actually eat what were in the provided school cafes.
Before he could get to other possible locations like the library or in another friend’s dorm room, he was shoved forward slightly by someone in a rush. When he looked up again, there he saw Laurens and Lafayette. They looked like they were handing bundles of paper to people and directing them to the middle of the quad. “Yo everyone get your copy of The Burr Pamphlet right here! Fresh off the presses!” Laurens yelled out into the gathering crowd and Aaron’s eyes widened in shock.
The Burr Pamphlet?
“Oui mes amis! Learn more about our very own prodigy!” One of the supposed pamphlets fell to the ground at his feet as Lafayette passed by and he was quick to pick it up. He read the name of the author and frowned. It was expected that at first he felt absolutely furious. This was what Alexander was doing the days he was away from the room? Slandering his name and making him feel even worse?
What brought comfort to his mind was the fact that he knew this pamphlet would not end up like James Reynolds. The university board had a field day with that one and they even considered revoking both Reynolds’ and Hamilton’s scholarships. Reynolds for blackmailing and forcing Hamilton to pay him out of his own school allowance. Hamilton for not talking less and essentially dragging his own name, the name that he has worked so hard to build up on, through the mud.
In the end, Reynolds left the University and his ex-girlfriend was finally able to breathe.
So what kind of dirt was Hamilton able to dig up on him? Certainly he wouldn’t dare talk about Theodosia again after he saw how the mere mention of her name backfired on him entirely. He couldn’t think of anything else other than the stupid debates he had with him when they were drunk out of their minds to even form logical arguments. Certainly Hamilton wasn’t that stupid to write about something so trivial and without scholarly research, right?
So with determination, he flipped to the first page and skimmed through it. As he neared the end of the first page, the second page, and the third page, his grip on the bundle of papers softened and a blush crept up his cheeks. Soon enough, he was the only one standing in his own little corner of the quad as he read the entire 85-page pamphlet. He didn’t even notice that he already sat down when a familiar voice floated through the air in its usual dramatic fashion.
Alexander.
“Everybody listen up! You sir, don’t walk away for you all need to learn about the wonderful, the inspiring, and all around genius man that is Aaron Burr!”
Sweet Jesus.
“Now I know what you’re all thinking, who the fuck is this guy and who the fuck is Aaron Burr? Well I will tell you right now that if you haven’t witnessed the true power of Aaron’s mouth then you’re in for a treat.” Aaron tried to ignore the subtle innuendo as he slowly stood up and followed the sound of Alex’s voice. Alex continued to talk and his voice got progressively louder as he went through each page summary of the pamphlet currently gripped in his right hand.
A large hand clamped on to his shoulder and he didn’t even have to look up to know it was Lafayette. His dazzling smile and the new arm around his shoulder soon propelled him to the front of the crowd. He only noticed about 5 minutes in that Alexander stopped talking. Instead, the younger man seemed to be beaming at him and he extended a hand towards him. Aaron only stared at the offered hand but, despite himself, he took it. Alex pulled him closer and hugged him to his side.
“Everyone! This is our Aaron Burr! The proud president of the Men for Women organization which he himself founded in his freshman year and current board member of the brand new organization established back in the summer aptly named Association of people sick of other people thinking women aren’t just as capable, if not more capable, than men. We’re still working on a more catchy name but please, everybody, give a hand for Aaron Burr!”
His face felt hot as hundreds of students cheered for him, all of them likely to have listened to Hamilton talk about him or read the pamphlet already. With Alex standing on a soapbox, this was the first time Aaron had to look up at him. The younger man was already looking at him and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes yet. He stepped off of the box and gestured for one of his friends from the crowd he identified to be Hercules Mulligan. After some whispered instructions, Mulligan took his place on the soapbox and resumed talking about his other feminist organizations and movements.
Without permission, Alex took his hand and Aaron found himself being dragged off the quad and back to their room. He didn’t, couldn’t, say anything for what was he supposed to say? Which words could express whatever unknown feeling was currently stirring in his chest properly? His heart was pounding and the hand still gripped tight in Alexander’s own was starting to sweat but the younger man didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.
He remained silent until they arrived to their room. Alex was also unusually quiet as he unlocked the door with the hand that wasn’t holding his. Soon enough, Aaron was standing in the middle of their room with Alex standing unbelievably, but not uncomfortably, close. After a few minutes of an unspoken staring contest, Alex gestured to his hand. Aaron noticed that he was still holding the appropriately named Burr Pamphlet in it and he held it up between them.
“Did you like it?” Alex’s voice was quiet, scared almost, and Aaron bit his bottom lip to keep from sobbing again. What was it about Alexander Hamilton that gets him so emotional? No one else, other than his dear late Theodosia, has seen this vulnerable side of him. Unlike Hamilton, he keeps a facade in public. He has to smile and be that one charming student, the picture perfect Princeton prodigy.
“I mean, I know there are some parts that I need to work on. In general, was it okay?” It was odd for Alexander to ask for approval from anyone at this point of the year. Sure he asked it from Professor Washington all the time and occasionally from Mulligan but never from him. The nervous tone made Aaron’s heart constrict. To know that Alex went through days of writing, revising and printing these pamphlets just to apologize. Only Alexander Hamilton would go through such feats.
This was a situation he could control. This was what he was good at. He had two choices, accept his apology and they go back to being semi-functional roommates or he gives him the silent treatment again and whatever friendship they had before will be severed completely. Weirdly enough, either option didn’t seem to be good for him. Alex however still stood there waiting for his word. It was torture on both their parts. After watching Alex shift for another minute, he made his choice.
Instead of merely forgiving him, he chose to launch into a long story.
He told Alex of his childhood. He told Alex of his yearly admissions and rejections into Princeton. He told him about the stress and pressure he felt everyday of his freshman year until he met Theodosia. He allowed himself to smile and reminisce about her. He told him of her wit, her smile, and her touch that felt like fire but soothed him like the waves of the ocean. He told him of when he told her he loved her.
He told him of when she lost a battle she was fighting all her life only a week before she was supposed to graduate.
Alexander was about to comment on how lovely she sounded but Aaron held one finger up and told him that he was not finished. This was the only time Alex ever heard Aaron speak so much in one go and he was not going to miss this opportunity. After a 10 second break, Aaron once again spoke another story. This story continued from Theodosia’s untimely death and afterwards, when they first met.
This story was twice as long.
“That night you mentioned her was supposed to be the night I would have confessed. I was ready to let her go but I realized I wasn’t. At least, not yet.” These were thrice as many words Aaron would have ever said in a single situation and Alex was lapping it all up. The last sentence he made however got him all confused.
“Not yet? Are you still not ready?”
“It would be slandering Theodosia’s memory if I didn’t let her go.”
“Wouldn’t it be insulting her memory too if you did?”
Aaron shrugged and stepped closer. The pamphlet in between them pressed lightly against Alex’s chest. “My Theo couldn’t compare to anyone else I ever had to privilege to love. But Theodosia would have wanted me to be happy.” Alex looked down and took the pamphlet from Burr’s hands. He held it tightly as he looked up at Aaron.
“Are you happy? And you still haven’t answered my other question, Aaron.”
“Yes.”
Alex didn’t even have to ask him which one he was answering for his smile was wide and his eyes were lit up brighter than the morning sky. Aaron took the pamphlet again from his hands and threw it to the side. “Thank you for that but that’s not why I told you my story. First of all, it’s mine to tell but you are the first to know.”
“Not even Theo?” The furrow of Alexander’s eyebrows proved to be unreasonably cute.
“Not even Theo.” Alex wasn’t sure if he should feel special that he knows something that Aaron’s first love didn’t but despite himself he did. “That night you mentioned her, I was about to tell you I liked you.” Alexander’s jaw dropped so low he was afraid that it would have hit the floor if possible. Did Aaron Burr just tell him that he liked him? Did Aaron Burr just say thank you for writing an 85-page pamphlet all about him and his several achievements?
Most importantly, did he mention that Aaron Burr liked him?
It was difficult to stop blushing and babbling like a middle schooler with a crush on that one senior in high school but Aaron made it so. “You’re joking, right? The same night I made you cry was supposed to be the same night-”
“The same night I could have kissed you. Are you depriving me of the same opportunity, Alex? Maybe I should just not kiss you anymore. I was supposed to as appreciation for the pamphlet…” But Alexander was having none of that. He done waiting already and he released what little restraint he had left and pressed his lips against Aaron’s. The taller man smiled against his lips and wrapped his arms around his waist, which lifted him slightly off the ground.
Aaron pulled away after only a few seconds and he almost laughed at the way Alexander chased his lips in the process. A little whimper of disappointment escaped Alex’s throat. Aaron took sympathy on him and ran one hand through Alex’s hair gently. He leaned into the touch almost like a cat, which prompted Aaron to smile even wider. “You want more, don’t you?”
“God, yes.” Alex groaned as he buried his face into Aaron’s shoulder and he relished in the hand currently massaging the back of his head. “9 days away from the room was proving to be difficult considering I wasn’t able to catch my daily glimpse of your ass in your pretentious silk pajamas.”
“So quick witted. Will you ever just stop talking?”
Aaron felt him smirk against his shoulder. Alex looked up after a few seconds of nuzzling his nose against his neck and breathing in his scent. Aaron felt his lower abdomen stir with that all too familiar heat as Alexander looked up at him from underneath his eyelashes. “I will if you make me.” His voice was low, hoarse, and Aaron was not going to pass up on the opportunity to make Alexander Hamilton talk less.
He started it off with another kiss.