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“Alexander go back to sleep.”
“I have one more paragraph to write. It’s nearly done I promise!”
“You said the exact same thing 2 hours ago.”
The constant tapping of Alexander’s keyboard suddenly came to a halt. Finally, Burr thought. He was finally going to get some decent rest without having to worry about Alex every five minutes. It’s not like he was going to go back to his old sleeping pattern. Ever since the university made them roommates, he had to adjust. At this point, 8 hours of sleep was more like a fantasy instead of practical to him now.
Burr should have known that it was too good to be true.
“Argh!”
Then he heard a loud crash as if someone was kicking a desk. Of course that someone was Alex. No one else could have that much energy in them to kick a desk and make it sound like it did him wrong. Soon enough, Burr couldn’t tune out the noise any longer. He kicked the impossibly thin sheets off of his legs and swung them to the edge of the bed. “Hamilton, I swear to god, if you don’t stop making so much noise--”
The next unfortunate sound he heard was a whimper.
Unfortunately for Burr, his odd mother hen instincts kicked in.
Burr shot up from the bed and ran towards the direction of the noise. What he was greeted with was the most pitiful sight; Alexander Hamilton laying in a fetal position on top of a pile of papers. What lay next to him was a half full (or half empty?) cup of coffee from the University coffee shop. “Alex?” Burr called to him softly, careful as to not surprise him. When the only other sound he made was a half-hearted moan, it provoked Aaron into action.
“Alex, come on you can’t lay like that the entire night. Your back will hurt like a bitch in the morning.”
“Leave me here to die.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic.”
“I do what I want, Burr.”
Burr looked up to the ceiling, praying to whatever god was listening to give him strength, and lay down on his stomach. He propped up his elbows next to Hamilton and nudged him with his foot. “Hey.” Alex eventually looked up at him and pouted. He looked oddly like a disgruntled tomcat that Burr found to be an oddly endearing look on him.
“Hey.” he said back and Aaron held back a wince on how raspy his voice sounded.
“When was the last time you slept?”
“What day is it?” The genuine look of confusion on Hamilton’s face brought another wave of sympathy over Burr. Hamilton was always such a tiny man, his big words compensating for his height most of the time. But never in Burr’s time of knowing this incredibly smart-ass man has he looked this small. He looked almost like a child, lost and not knowing which way the wind would take him next if he didn’t hold on.
As if on cue, a hand slithered its way out from underneath Alex’s head and latched on to Burr’s own. That left him propped up on a single elbow and Burr found himself not minding in the slightest. He soon remembered that Alex was still waiting on his answer. “It’s Thursday by the way.”
“That makes it…” Alex closed his eyes tightly and seemed to count for a long time in his head before those fretful brown eyes looked at him again. “About 33 hours, I believe? Funny, I usually clock out by 70. This is an all time low for me.”
“33 hours?” Aaron looked at him, half in disbelief and half in amazement. Who goes 33 hours without sleep? “And did you just say usually clock out by 70?” The sheepish blush on Alexander’s cheeks only reconfirmed that statement and he shook his head. Unfortunately for both of them, Aaron’s fretting over him only gave him new energy. Aaron could see it building up in his eyes and he was not about to let that energy explode again.
At this rate, neither of them will get sleep ever again.
“W-Wait why are you standing up? Stay on the ground with me, it’s comfier than it looks!” Alex’s voice sounded whinier than usual when he stood up and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. At first Aaron planned to carry the smaller man to his bed and give him some of his sleeping pills he uses for rough nights but he figured Alex wouldn’t agree to that. As he watched the tiny form of his college roommate on the floor, he got an idea. It was a stupid idea but it just might work.
“I’m going to do something crazy for once Alex and I need you to cooperate with me.”
“Okay?” Burr’s statement got him to finally sit up and Aaron kneeled down in response. “I’m getting nervous, sir.” Alex wiggled his eyebrows and Aaron wondered what his face looked like with a black eye. Probably still ridiculously bright and full of the glimmer of a challenge. Burr intended to suck that energy out in the only way he knew possible. It happened once when they were drunk when they both failed the same exam. Shit happens in college and they never spoke of it again. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
Both of them needed to sleep.
With a shaky hand, Burr ran his fingers through Alexander’s hair softly before they wrapped around his messy ponytail. Hamilton stared at him, wide-eyed but not saying anything. Aaron somehow relished in the silence. When those strands of dark hair framed Alex’s thin face, Aaron smiled. It was a smile that reassured and Hamilton’s eyes showed that he had his full trust. It was more than Aaron deserved and it prompted him to finally do it.
He kissed Alexander Hamilton.
With the same shaky hand that steadied in his pursuit, he tugged on Alex’s hair softly to tilt his head backwards a bit. Alex breathed in sharply through his nose and grabbed the front of Aaron’s silk pajama top. He almost laughed because of course Burr had silk pajamas. They were incredibly soft though so there was really no room to complain. Aaron curled a single arm around his waist and pulled him flush against his own torso.
Alexander’s mind was buzzing with so many words to describe what was happening but the second Burr’s hand started tracing the small of his back, his mind went numb. The only word that went through his mind was more. He wanted more. He deepened the kiss, desperate to get something even more interesting from his unpredictable roommate when Aaron pulled away. Suddenly all the words came crashing in his mind. Words like “Why did you stop?” and “I need more.”
It was funny how a single kiss from him not shrouded in alcohol made him practically addicted.
One look into Aaron’s eyes and Alex knew he couldn’t have more. Not yet at least. It was somehow an unspoken agreement that Aaron made with him and he found himself standing up. With his grip was still on Aaron’s pajama top, his roommate stood up with him and he continued to stare. “It’s getting late.” He spoke in a raspy voice that made Aaron smirk slightly. Alex bet it was because he knew that was his doing. Alex couldn’t help but think it was unbelievably hot.
This was a thought not made by a drunk man.
“Indeed. Can we go to sleep?” Aaron’s request was simple. He’s been asking it for hours and Alex figured it was time he actually got some shut-eye. He nodded his agreement and Aaron’s smile was softer, much more kind and it did wonders to Alexander’s chest. Aaron led him by the hand to his bed and it felt oddly domestic. It’s not like Alex was going to sleep in his own bed anyway, not when it was strewn with papers and wires of every kind.
When his eyes closed, Aaron’s arm around his torso lightly, the only word that went through his mind was predictable. It plagued his brain, his dreams, along with Aaron’s warm smile and the feel of his lips against his own.
More.
It wasn’t a surprise that the only thing he could think about was Aaron fucking Burr.
How could he not? The man kissed him out of nowhere in an attempt to get him to go to sleep. His mind was thoroughly rattled when he woke up and found him not lying next to him. Instead, he was going shirtless around the room, a toothbrush hung from his mouth as he packed books into his bag. He waved at him in acknowledgement when he saw that he was awake but that was it. He was out the door before Alex finished brushing his own teeth.
Aaron’s behavior was driving him insane, to say the least.
“I mean… what kind of guy just kisses me and then doesn’t say anything about it the next day? What’s he trying to achieve?” Alex sounded the most like a whiny teenage girl as he voiced his problems to his best girl friend, Eliza. The only reason why he didn’t combine the word “girl” and “friend” was because they both agreed to burn that bridge a long time ago. Alex simply didn’t deserve her and he was still perplexed as to why she still puts up with him.
His only plausible answer was the fact that they could both relate on boy troubles, which was the topic of their current conversation. Eliza wasn’t talking much though, just laughing like she knew something he didn’t. Alex knows a lot of things and not knowing something was frustrating. Especially since Eliza looked like she knew a universal truth, which Alex was not in on. “I suppose this is just quality entertainment for you, Eliza? What’s so funny?”
“Oh Alex you’re honestly so oblivious. It’s adorable.” The glint in her eye was almost infuriating and he would have just walked out if he didn’t value her opinion so much.
“I don’t see where you find my discomfort and confusion adorable.” He pouted and sat back in his seat, which prompted Eliza to giggle even harder. “Can you explain why you’re laughing, Liz?”
“Oh nothing, babe.” Eliza winked at him with that statement and Alex was too proud to blush. “I’m just enjoying the new episode of Alexander’s Anguish and I must say, it will bring in much higher ratings.” Alex had no time for Eliza’s vague metaphors. Yet, he remained seated because he desperately needed an answer to the questionable behavior Aaron was portraying.
“Is our dear Alexander still fretting over his boy toy?”
“He is not my boy toy!”
“You keep telling yourself that, honey.” Angelica sat beside Eliza with a dazzling smile and Alex wanted to shrink into his chair and disappear. “Why don’t you just ask him?”
“That’s the problem!” Alex threw his hands up in exasperation and he ran one of them down his face. “It seems that he’s avoiding me. We normally meet up for lunch because our schedules match up but I saw him today with Jefferson of all people in the canteen.” He screwed his nose up at the mere thought of Jefferson and the Schuyler sisters seemed too delighted in his agony. “If I didn’t love both of you so much, I would call this bullying.”
“Well it’s a good thing you love us and we love you.” Angelica replied fondly and her smile was genuine. Alex had to smile back. He would be lost without them anyway. “You guys are roommates, just fucking talk to him. I’m sure him wanting you to go to sleep wasn’t the only reason why he kissed you. Did you kiss before? Or at least… had sex?” Alex couldn’t contain his blush that time and the smiles on the Schuyler sisters’ faces dropped into concern.
“Once when we were both too drunk to remember.” He managed to mumble out and Eliza held her hand out for him. He took it gratefully as he buried his face deeper into his scarf.
“He’s probably afraid then.” Came Angelica’s voice of reasoning and Alex didn’t know his eyes were filling up with tears until one ran down his cheek.
“Afraid of what? He sure as hell ain’t afraid of me.”
“Gosh don’t you see it, Alex?” Angelica held his other hand in between both of hers. The direction her pupils were going looked as if she was following the track his tears left. “He’s afraid of commitment. He’s afraid he’ll either lose you or lose whatever respect you have for him. You’re probably the only person in the entire University who he could go toe to toe with. He’s much more real, no, raw when he’s around you.”
“And Alex?” Alexander bit his lip before looking up into the kind and reassuring gave of the Schuyler Sisters. “No one else could put up with you for 3 years except for Aaron Burr. I couldn’t put up with you for a few months but he was able to wait for you. Maybe he’s just waiting for your consent.” The mention of his and Eliza’s past relationship was the least of his worries.
“But…” Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “Didn’t I give it to him when I kissed him back?”
“It’s dubious to say the least. He probably thought you were mostly out of it, too tired to fully give your consent.” So that was Aaron’s problem all along? Consent? The thought made him smile because he would fully give it to him if he hadn’t already. It was almost ridiculous, to him at least but he knew Burr was someone different. He never understood him but this was painting a clearer, more attractive picture.
If this was one step closer to understanding him better as a person, then Alex was not going to throw away his shot.
The only way Alex knew how to finally get Burr’s attention was to pull another all-nighter.
It was a desperate attempt but how else was he going to have an excuse to talk to Aaron? This time though, he doesn’t actually have any other homework to do. He finished it all a week before and Spring Break was just around the corner. If he was going to talk to Aaron, he had to do it now.
Unfortunately, Burr was asleep the second he entered their room.
Alex pouted. This was not how he planned this at all. He was tempted to just straddle Aaron’s torso until the man felt the unusual pressure on his abdomen but Alex wasn’t that cruel. “I guess I just have to wait for it, right Aaron?” He got an oddly placed snore in response and he rolled his eyes. Now, Alexander Hamilton hated waiting. He was usually on the dot or 2 hours early. Everything he did had a precise schedule to make sure that he never wasted any time.
Aaron Burr was currently wasting his time. In a good way though since he decided to forgo the silk pajamas in exchange for a pair of plain black boxers. He also seemed to kick the blanket off of him as he slept. Alex checked the clock on his study table and saw that it was 9 minutes to 10 o’clock. Well, if he was going to wait, at least he had a nice view of Burr’s ass in his boxers. He wasn’t ashamed of it in the slightest.
With the strongest cup of coffee from the University coffee shop in his hand, laptop ready in his bag and 117 pages of a 1967 law case to read, he sat on the edge of Aaron’s bed and got to work.
8 minutes to midnight, Aaron started to stir.
“Alexander?”
“Aaron Burr, sir.” Alex closed the laptop and glanced to the side.
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“We must confer, sir.” He voiced it almost like an order; a long awaited one at that. He was not in the mood to make requests that Burr would end up rejecting. Alex refused to look at him until he had his full attention and it seemed that Burr sensed it. His roommate sat up and he faced him properly. Alex returned the favor, tossing his laptop to his own bed across from them. “We need to talk about that night.”
“Which night?”
“You know very well which night, Aaron.” Alexander’s eyes were sharp, flitting from side to side, almost jittery in its movements but his tone remained set. “I need to know why you’ve been avoiding me, your own damn roommate, after that kiss. Let me just remind you, I didn’t kiss you. You kissed me. I need to know.”
“You need to know what, Alex?”
His tone wasn’t mocking, neither was it genuinely confused. It was in a completely neutral tone that infuriated Alex to no end. “Are you afraid, Aaron? Afraid of what might be? Afraid of commitment? Afraid of us becoming something?”
“How could I be afraid of the concept of us?” Aaron was genuinely confused this time and Alex wanted to pull his own hair out.
“I don’t know, Aaron! You’ve been pretty vague about your feelings for me since that moment you kissed me. I drank 3 cups of coffee to stay awake for you just to find out why the fuck won’t you just kiss me again?” His chest ached and his heart was beating faster than he ever thought possible. Aaron was silent and that only made things worse. If he was not even worth Aaron’s words then what was the point? What does he even want?
“I want you to give me a good solid answer this time. No beating around the bush. No answering my question with another question. I want a statement, one that ends in a hard period.” Alex didn’t even notice that his hands were starting to shake from all the residual energy he was keeping in from the caffeine. He took a deep breath, counted backwards from 5, and looked Aaron straight in the eyes.
“What do you want?”
Aaron just stared again. Alex closed his eyes.
“What’ll you fall for?”
The silence that ensued after his questions was neither comfortable nor awkward. It was just numb, like his mind when his skin made contact with Burr’s hand. He so wished there was a way to cut this short but he knew this was not going to be the case. The silence soon felt like an itch in his skin. It was there, the rash growing as time went on, but he had no power to scratch it. Only the next few words coming out of Aaron’s mouth could sate that itch.
“You really want to know what I want? What’ll I fall for?” Aaron’s voice was quiet and Alex wanted nothing more than to reach out his hands and hold him. But he couldn’t do that yet.
“I hate not knowing things, Aaron. I need to know this. Just give me your word and I’ll be satisfied.” I have never been satisfied. I could never be satisfied.
“I don’t fall for anything, Alex. Not a single thing.” A normal person would interpret that as Burr not wanting to take a stand. He was good at that. But Hamilton knew better. This was almost his way of letting him down gently. Alex nodded in defeat, his eyes cast down and what little fight he had left in him was used to fight back tears. Of course. Of course he knew this would happen. Angelica and Eliza were wrong. Aaron was not afraid at all. In fact, it was Alexander who was afraid of trying.
“I don’t fall for anything because I already fell for you.”
Alex looked up, the tears in his eyes soon betraying him as they fell down his cheeks. “W-What did you just say?” He couldn’t have said that. Aaron Burr couldn’t have said that to him.
“You, Alexander. I want you. There’s no one else I ever truly fell for but you.” Aaron placed a comforting hand on Alex’s cheek and wiped the tears there with his thumb. This was what Alexander wanted; his touch and his word. He now knows that Aaron wants it too. “I’ve been avoiding you because I acted selfishly. I wanted to sleep and yet at the same time I wanted to touch you again, to feel your lips against mine again. I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry.”
“The man with so little words suddenly has a lot to say?” Alex couldn’t help but tease him because god he just felt so happy. The smile that stretched across his face was genuine euphoria.
“It’s because there is still so much left unsaid between us.”
“Is there anything else you would like me to say to you? Something to lighten the load?”
“Your forgiveness?” He sounded almost like a child, which made Alex’s heart skip a beat, as cliché as it sounded. Alex would gladly give it to him, even if he really didn’t need it. He moved forward slowly and placed a hand on Aaron’s chest. He applied the slightest bit of pressure but he got the message and moved backwards until he was against the headboard of the bed. Alex gave in to his desires and straddled Aaron; the hands that automatically went to his waist were a welcome touch.
“Done and done. Can I kiss you now?”
“By all means, lead the way.”
Those 3 cups of coffee were soon put to good use that night.