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Ratio liked to think he was patient, atleast he was with Aventurine from time to time. They shared a living space together, it was nothing fancy a simple ship that was modified on the inside to feel more like a home. They would spend their days there when they were not needed at either IPC HQ or at the Intelligentsia Guild, of course, this came with some… interesting moments.
One currently being their three cats, more specifically the three cat critters Ratio had gotten for Aventurine. It was, a gift, it was one of the few ways Ratio was able to convey his gratitude to the other. They lived happily under Aventurine and Ratio’s care even if Ratio could care less about them he couldn’t help but send the Stoneheart photos of them while he was away.
-
Ratio stared at Aventurine, unfeeling as he held the three cat critters in his arms. The look on Aventurine’s face could only be described as one of amusement, the blond started to laugh before realizing Ratio was dead serious
“Doc, you gotta tell me what this is about”
“You need company while I’m away, it will give you something to spend time with so you do not pester me gambler”
“Pester you? And here I thought you enjoyed my company”
He was teasing the doctor, he moved closer and took the cats from Ratio’s arms. Aventurine looked at his newfound friends and then at Ratio again, his expression seemed softer
“Thanks doc,” he set the critters down and lightly touched Ratio’s arm “I’ll take good care of them” a smile plastered across his face, a real one, one he meant.
-
Ratio had been away for majority of the day, not arriving until there was only 6 system hours left in the day. He set his things down on their little trinket dish and noted Aventurine’s things missing from it, specifically the variety of rings the gambler wore. He removed his alabaster head when he knew no one else was around and took in a heavy breath, it had been a long day of arguing with students over the quality of their assignments and marking them with low grades when they showed no improvement even after Ratio’s countless explanations. He was tired, he missed his companion, his companion that wasn’t home when he had no other plans according to their shared calendar.
-
“You want to share a calendar? How come”
Ratio leaned against the wall and sighed, shaking his head “So that we know if one of us will be on the ship, and so we can plan ahead for future missions in case we need to leave the cats with someone”
Aventurine sighed and brought his hand up to his face, always thinking ahead and not thinking enough of the present, he was wishing Ratio was more present here and not mentally in the future or past. He drummed his fingers against his cheek,
“Alright, whatever you say doc.”
Aventurine proceeded to “forget” to use the calendar for weeks.
-
He noticed a paper stuck next to the calander, more specifically an envelope with his name on it. He felt ill, the messy yet delicate handwriting only spoke volumes of anxiety. He carefully took it down and opened it, he felt his heart tighten as he took the neatly folded paper from its confines. He set the envelope down and took a few steps away, he unfolded the paper gently as if he was scared to smear the ink that laid upon the page.
He stared at the words, a trial, vote, death, words that Ratio didn’t want to read again. Aventurine had been sentenced to a trial, one he hadn’t planned to come back from. He looked over the letter again and again, he felt the color in his face drain as ability to breathe became constricted, he felt his heartbeat heavy in his ears, Aventurine was not coming home. He placed the paper down and walked to their room, their *shared* room that was only a recent choice between them. He stopped in his tracks when he saw a small golden charm on his side of the bed, a second note beside it in an all too familiar owl scroll that he had given to Aventurine on Penacony. He sat down and reread the words he had told the other, it was still hard to breathe and focus but he would get past it. He had to.
Ratio had completely forgotten about making dinner, he was not one to skip meals but he had lost his appetite, unable to bring himself to make anything as he believed the silence would be too deafening. He placed the letters and charm off to the side as he left the room once more, he had to take a bath and clear his head it was the only way he could get his thoughts in order.
As he waited for the water to fill up Rafio would be left with thinking about what to do next, Aventurine would not be able to have a proper burial, he wouldn’t even know where they bury the other. He was sure he could find it in a database, but he wouldn’t get the funeral rites he deserved, the ones that died with him. Ratio didn’t know much about the Avgins outside of what he had been told or minimally learned from textbooks, he wished Aventurine was around to tell him more. He turned the water off and slowly sunk into it, his nose just above the waterline and his eyes half closed as he soaked in it, soaked in the warmth of the water rather than the warmth of Aventurine’s arms around his neck.
-
Aventurine’s lips were soft, this was something Ratio wasn’t completely expecting to be met with that night. He pushed Aventurine away, frowning
“You taste of champagne”
Aventurine looked hurt by being pushed away, he was buzzed not drunk, he frowned back at Ratio
“And you taste like sugar, did you have dessert without me?”
He crossed his arms as if he didn’t just kiss Ratio, when the other shook his head he sighed and draped his arms over Ratio’s shoulders with a grin. He messed with the ends of Ratio’s hair, he felt a pair of hands on his sides but he wasnt pushed away this time
“What are you doing gambler?”
“Admiring you,” his voice was now a whisper “You’re handsome”
“And you don’t mean that, you’re drunk…”
“I’m not, I’m buzzed. I mean every single word I say tonight Ratio”
Ratio moved one hand up to rest against Aventurine’s face, the blond nuzzled into the touch with a small sigh. He felt his face heat up, he liked Aventurine and this wasn’t new information to him. He had known of his feelings since Penacony, since he couldn’t dare see the other in pain from the influence of the Harmony.
“Kiss me, please doc?”
“You’re inebriated, you can’t think straight”
“I’m practically sober, I can tell you want to”
Ratio did want to kiss Aventurine, badly, but not while he was in this state of mind. He wanted Aventurine to be sober when he kissed him, so he could remember the feeling of Ratios lips on his and the way he holds him close
“I do, but I don’t want to take advantage of you. You don’t deserve that, let me kiss you in the morning so you can remember”
“Always such a gentleman Ratio”
Aventurine slumped forward, his eyes shuttting as he moved his arms to lay at his sides. He rested his head against Ratio’s chest, maybe he was more intoxicated than he thought because Ratio’s body was warm to the touch and it was comforting.
“Lets go to bed, you’re clearly out of it gambler”
“I want to sleep with you”
“Gambler”
Aventurine stood up straight and smacked Ratio’s forehead “Not like that doc, I just want to be next to you, is that alright?”
Ratio scrunched his face slightly “Yes, that’s alright. Now come on, I’m not carrying you”
Aventurine huffed and removed himself from Ratio, he opted to hold onto his arm and lean into him as they walked side by side to the others room.
-
Just as he predicted the silence was loud, not even the cat critters made a noise as he was left with his thoughts. He came back to his thoughts when he heard meowing from the other side of the door, he was unsure how much time had passed since he sat in the water but by the way the tips of his fingers were wrinkling from how long he was sitting submerged. He drained the water from the tub before slowly getting up and out, he wrapped a towel around his waist as he exited the bathroom. He looked down at the cat at his feet, spade, he thinks that was the one or maybe it was club, he never really kept track but he tried for Aventurines sake.
He didn’t realize how much he missed him until he was sitting on the ground beside the cat dishes watching them eat after getting changed for the night, only two system hours had passed since he came home, two system hours since he found out Aventurine wasn’t going to most likely come home. The cats seemed to understand what was wrong, did Ruan Mei make them emotionally aware? He couldn’t remember, they nudged Ratio’s hand and meowed at him pitifully as if asking ‘hey when’s Aventurine coming home’
“Aven isn’t coming home any time soon” he was met with protesting cries “I’m not exactly optimistic about this either, I miss him too”
Ratio never thought he was capable of loving someone the way he loved Aventurine, his companion, his partner, whatever you wanted to call the other’s relation to him. He just… he wanted Aventurine to walk through the door and make some snarky comment
”What? You really thought I’d leave you doc?”
He could almost hear his voice but it was just his imagination his hopes and dreams that the gambler would come home. The probability of him coming back was next to none, but he clung to that small chance because he knew somehow that damn luck of Aventurine’s would make sure he lives. He got back to his feet and gently picked up each of the cat critters so they were stacked on top of each other before going back to the bedroom, he set them down on Aventurine’s side of the bed as he laid down on his own. Any other night he wouldn’t let the cats onto the bed, stating how uncleanly it was as neither of them knew where the cats had been during the day. Aventurine had changed him, he didn’t know if it was for the better or for the worse but nonetheless every since he met the gambler he felt himself growing more emotional each day. After years and years of being ostracized by his peers he had found solace in someone unlike him, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Ratio reached behind him and picked up the gold charm, he rolled it between his fingers before clutching it close to his chest. He adjusted the way he was laying down so that he could fall asleep better and hopefully faster, as he laid on his stomach the cat critters moved closer to him and laid beside him softly purring as if trying to convey to him ‘hey don’t cry he’ll come home’ but Ratio was afraid that wasn’t true. No matter what way he laid Ratio was unable to sleep, he had grown used to the person that was usually beside him, sometimes that same person was pressed against his chest with their arms around his waist telling him to go to sleep although it should have been the other way around.
When he felt something wet at the corner of his eyes he clutched the gold charm more tightly, the realization of Aventurine being gone hitting him harshly. That tightness in his chest finally snapped and Ratio had begun to cry, he was an ugly crier, hot tears falling down his face as he desperately tried to make them stop without much avail. He wiped his eyes as he sat up, he didn’t know the last time he was able to cry like this and perhaps that was a sad thing to everyone else but to Ratio it was just another reason why he was different from others. He hated crying, he hated how it made it hard to think, to breathe, it was like his autopilot had failed and now he had to drive a ship he had no clue about. He stood up and quietly left the room, he wanted his autopilot to start working again, he didn’t want to manually do things like this like breathe or think. He made it to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water, as he slowly drank it he came back to his senses and took slow deep breaths. He wanted Aventurine back, he had grown used to the ambient noise that came with him rather than the silence he had grown accustomed to before meeting him.
When he had completely calmed down he returned to their bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, the cat critters waking up for a moment before falling back asleep where they were left. Ratio closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, as he fell asleep he could only hope that he would wake up to Aventurine back by his side.
———
When he woke up the first time it was because he heard movement in the front room, he figured it was just one of the cats as only two of them were on the bed. With half open eyes he looked at the charm still clutched in his hand, he tilted his head down and pressed his lips against it as it was the closest thing to kissing Aventurine. He closed his eyes again and fell back asleep, tears falling down his face as he slept.
In the other room Aventurine had quietly entered the shared space, his cornerstone having never left his hand, his other hand trembling behind his back as he wondered whether this was luck or just a cruel misfortune. He turned the kitchen light on and noticed that nothing was on the counter, he frowned unsure if Ratio cooked or not. He settled for the first option as he found no dishes sitting on the drying rack or anything moved in their fridge, the letter must have made him worry… He went to their bedroom and quietly opened the door, he saw Ratio asleep with two of the cat critters sleeping next to him. He looked behind hum and saw the third meowing insistently to be picked up, he glanced back at Ratio once more before stepping back into the hall and picking the cat up
“Well hello to you too honey, have you behaved for Ver while I was gone?”
The cat purred, shutting their eyes as they were held by Aventurine
“I’m sorry it took me so long to come home, I know it’s unforgivable of me”
He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying and waking up Ratio. He pet the cat for a few moments before setting them down,
“Go lay down, I have to check on Ver”
He shoo’d the cat away and walked back into the room, he walked to the side Ratio was sleeping on first and lightly brushed his hair out of his face, he leaned down and kissed his temple before pulling away murmuring softly as he did “I’m sorry”
He went to his side of the bed and sat down, he took the cornerstone back out and stared at his refracted reflection. As long as he was alive he would be stuck within the confines of the IPC, for the few moments he had of peace he had gotten to experience a more domestic life with Ratio. He wanted that, to be domestic with the man sleeping beside him, but he couldn’t have it no matter how lucky he was. He felt the bed shift but he didn’t dare look back,
“I didn’t mean to wake you”
Ratio had moved to the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms gently around the others waist and put his head on Aventurines shoulder
“You didn’t,” he kissed Aventurine’s neck softly “I woke up on my own”
Aventurine felt sick, why was Ratio still with him? Did he not care if he got hurt from losing Aventurine? It confused him, Ratio always confused him but he never questioned it.
“Aven.?”
“I…”
“You don’t have to say anything”
Ratio took a moment of silence, he was home, he wasn’t okay but he was home. He held the other a little tighter and nuzzled against him tiredly, he slipped the cornerstone from Aventurines hand and placed on his bedside table with a soft thunk. He replaced his now empty hand with the gold charm,
“Just know bottling up will only hurt you more in the process”
Aventurine quietly turned the charm in his hand, maybe if he had brought it with him it would have let him die. He looked down at Ratio who continued to cling to him, he managed to free one of his arms and wrapped it around the others shoulders. He threaded his fingers through Ratios hair and kissed the top of his head
“You’re too good for me Veritas,” his voice broke slightly “I don’t get why”
Ratio shifted so he was sitting more comfortably with Aventurine in his arms, he pulled the other to the middle of their bed and kept him against his chest
“Because you deserve good things, you have every right to be happy and live a life you want despite your situation. Aventurine, my dear, you are one of the few people I have let get close to me, you are so very precious to me. You are my world, my love”
Aventurine was tearing up again, he curled up in Ratio’s arms and bit his lip to stop himself from crying. He shook his head as he hid his face against Ratio’s chest with shaky breaths, how could he be so confident in knowing he loved him.
“How are you so confident,” he shook his head “How can you be so sure that you love me Veritas, I’m struggling to understand what you get out of this. What do you get out of watching me gamble with my life day in and day out, loving me doesn’t benefit you. I just don’t understand”
He pushed himself away from Ratio so he was sitting across from him with his head in his hands, tugging at the roots of his hair like he was finally losing his mind.
“Aventurine, Aven,” he spoke more harshly “Do you hear how idiotic you sound right now? Our relationship is not transactional, the benefits is I get to see you a little more happy, I get to watch you play with the cats, I look forward to waking up in the morning to see you just to be pulled closer so I cannot get out of bed. I love you, any version of you I will follow to the hypothetical ends of the universe. I love you Aven. My dear gambler I love you”
Aventurine looked up through tears in his eyes, he dropped his hands from his head and stared at Ratio hopelessly. He had found a reason to live but now he didn’t know if it was still worth it to be alive, as long as he was alive he was never to know true freedom. He felt Ratio’s hands take his, he looked down and shook his head again
“Do you mean that?”
“Which part”
“All of it”
“Of course I meant it, all of it”
Aventurine squeezed Ratio’s hands as hard as he could until little crescents formed on his palms. His entire body was shaking, he wanted to go to sleep now, he wanted Ratio to hold him again and let him fall asleep. He moved back towards Ratio and cupped his face,
“I love you, I mean it…”
Aventurine sniffled as he laughed feeling Ratio’s arms around him once more, the laughing quickly devolved into soft sobs, his head fell onto Ratio’s shoulder. He tried to stop himself from crying more but he felt warm and safe in Ratio’s arms it was hard not to, he let the other move them around so they were both laying on their sides. He felt squished but the pressure of his partner firmly around him brought a sense of comfort that was difficult to describe. He was loved, Veritas Ratio loves him, his cats love him, he never fully realized how he was capable of being genuinely loved until this moment.
“Rest now my dear gambler, you’re home now”
-FIN-