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Another simple day of commissions and general exploring. The traveler isn’t quite ready to move onto his next adventure just yet, so he busies himself with his typical routine. The more he thinks back to his most recent adventure, the more he feels himself getting antsy. Caribert, the loom of fate… Lumine.
The moment those names cross his mind, he almost shuts down. It’s too much, it’s all so overwhelming. He can’t find a way to get his questions answered, not for a while. Does he even want them answered? Is he even ready? The assumption that he’d be prepared for anything that comes his way is what pushed him to go to the next nation, then the next. This moment of stasis… It’s almost suffocating.
“Traveler, are you okay?” Paimon’s voice chips through his wall of thoughts, piercing the echo that was beginning to reverberate off every corner of his mind. His eyes meet his companion’s, and she seems to be twiddling her fingers in discomfort.
“I know you said you wanted to come to the teapot to do some building but… Maybe you need some sleep,” she continues in her attempt to be helpful. No, stopping right now would only drive him further into madness. He rapidly shakes his head.
To which his flying friend huffs, “Traveler, the bags under your eyes are horrible! Even worse than normal! If you start building now, Paimon worries a wall will fall on your head, or a boar will plummet off the mountain from you not paying attention.” She makes a valid point, but his brows still furrow in discontent. He has to keep active, he has to do something .
“Nope, that’s it mister, I’m not talking to you until you sleep! Paimon… Paimon will even fly to another island to give you some quiet,” she does her signature foot stomp before her expression softens, “I know I can be a little loud… I’ll only keep you up. You need this, traveler, we both know that.”
There’s another beat of silence. She clearly knows more about the blonde’s inner turmoil than she’s letting on. Normally, she voices that kind of concern instantly, unless it’s about…
Lumine.
She must sense that it has to do with her. No wonder she’s attempting to back away, she has learned anything she says in regards to his sister isn’t what he wants to hear. ‘She still cares, she’ll come back,’ it all feels like empty promises. It all feels like wishful thinking. He trusts his sister, yet with each new piece of information he gets, it’s like he’s further away from his goal.
The more he thinks, the more exhaustion pulls at his limbs and beckons him to fall. This is why he needs to keep moving, so the thoughts don’t catch up. Paimon watches as he shakes his head again, trying to will it all away, and she groans.
“You’re so stubborn sometimes! Can’t you just take Paimon’s advice this time, please?” She pouts at him, and the traveler tries so hard to look away. He’s always been weak to that sad expression on anyone he cares about. Curse his people-pleasing tendencies!
“Fine. I’ll rest,” he finally speaks up with an exasperated voice. His companion cheers, giving him a quick hug and a reminder to ‘ACTUALLY sleep this time!’ before she flies off like she promised she would. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that sleeping alone isn’t something he can actually do.
He turns to approach his main mansion, passing by a few benches and trees that obscured its view. The path to his abode isn’t very long, but it stretches far enough that he wasn’t able to notice a visitor was already sitting on the steps to his front door. Did Paimon realize? Surely not, she has always been a bit too dense to scheme against him like this.
He hasn’t given out a talisman to his teapot in a little while. Usually when he does, it’s only for a singular visit with a companion and he’s the one to keep the “key” to his house on him. Once did he break that routine for a person who seems to always be a contradiction to his usual rules he makes for himself. He doesn’t entirely know what came over him, but one thing led to another and the extra copy he kept on him was caringly added to a letter addressed to the man and slipped under a doorway.
It was impulsive and if he knew it would lead to a meeting like this, he would have cursed himself for even thinking of the idea. But the letter he got in return for his gift comes to mind and suddenly he doesn’t feel as much regret. Then, as a head of ashy blonde hair lifts with surprised eyes, the rest of that regret suddenly melts away as well.
“Ah, traveler! I didn’t know you’d be coming back today,” Lyney looks around as if he only just became aware of his surroundings, and someone brought him here against his will. He lets out a nervous laugh, shifting until his back is straight and crossing one leg over the other, practically striking a pose. The traveler almost laughs, but remembering the way he looked right before noticing him has him biting his tongue. He looked so exhausted.
“I didn’t think I would, either.” He replies plainly with a shrug, then makes his way over to sit next to the magician at a reasonable distance, “It’s been more convenient to camp out where I’ve been exploring, but I quickly ran out of new places to look and items to gather.” He wasn’t exactly lying, the corner of Fontaine he was least invested in for a while finally had every rock turned and corner searched. He also needs to wait for all those berries and flowers to grow back.
“It’s good to come back to a comfier bed after camping out for a week, anyway. I’ve had a few missions that required a camping setup and the back pain I got from sleeping on the ground lasted way too long,” Lyney recounts with a smile, his normal demeanor back as if he wasn’t moping around a few moments ago.
Wait a moment.
“How did you know I was out for a week? I didn’t mention the exact time I was out.”
The magician gapes for a moment, but it’s gone before the traveler can point it out, “Ahah, lucky guess?”
He deadpans back at the man, easily seeing through one of his less well constructed lies, and Lyney slumps. “No use hiding it, huh? Okay, you caught me… Typical of the great Hero of Teyvat, hm?”
“Flattery won’t get you out of this one.”
Lyney slumps a second time with a sigh, “Fine, I may have visited… A few times-” golden eyes narrow at him, “Okay! Every day! Every day for the past week…”
The traveler seems satisfied for a moment, before the realization of what that means hits him, “What’s been going on at home?”
“Nothing, really. Things have actually been extremely normal.”
In the letter, there was a brief mention that if Lyney needed a respite from everything, he was always welcome to come unannounced. That was the point of the extra talisman. Which means, clearly something is bothering the magician enough to need to come here so often. So, he shifts closer, resting his chin in his hand to signify he is ready to listen. Lyney’s eyes narrow at the man briefly, but he is quick to give up his stubbornness.
“Is it odd that I think things feel… Too normal? I have no reason to feel so stressed, but suddenly every request from others seems like they’re asking too much. I’ll believe I have a handle on all my work, and a new person wants to talk to me. Which isn’t the problem, I’m always able to handle a simple conversation, but this past week had me… Overwhelmed by it? I mean I already have so much on my mind and–” He suddenly stops, realization having dawned on him.
“What’s been on your mind?” The traveler supplies, wanting to keep this train of thought moving.
“It’s… I…” Lyney starts and stops, his eyebrows pinching as he glares a hole into the grass. The man next to him sits up a bit more, waiting expectantly for him to continue. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t found me.”
Well that doesn’t answer a lot of questions, but the sinking feeling that washes over him supplies enough of any answer he needs. Whatever he planned to do, the traveler already has a decent idea of what it was even without a full explanation.
Yet, dumbly, he asks anyway. Lyney levels him with a stare that says ‘I think you know’ before turning back to the grass. Yes, of course he knows.
“Still, you’re here now, so there’s no use pondering something like that,” he pauses, “it all eventually brought you here. Here to meet me, and… well, the others, too.” The traveler clears his throat, “You’ve done more than I think you realize; a lot of good.”
This sort of compliment feels familiar to him. How he’s gauged his own worth over and over, so he assumes it’s the right thing to say.
“Your shows, they’re your craft. They’ve done a lot. Brought people together, inspired many, lit a fire in someone else or simply just made them happy for a moment. With everything in Fontaine, too, I- We couldn’t have done it without your help.”
He hears these words coming from his own voice, hitting his ears the way they always did from others, and when his eyes connect with Lyney’s he spots an emotion he recognizes all too fast. That look that shows you care enough about what you’ve done, you’re flattered, and yet…
“No I’m… This isn’t helping.”
“Traveler, please, I’m flattered-” Lyney begins, but he’s swiftly cut off.
“But it doesn’t feel like enough… Right?”
“What you’re saying?” He plays dumb. The other sees right through it.
“What you’ve done.”
A long silence settles over the two, both returning to looking out over the grass and the setting sun. The visuals the traveler has crafted with his own two hands. He’s always been good with his hands, with action. Laying his voice out like this, ultimately sharing his thoughts for someone to pick apart is where he feels he falters. And yet, he can’t help but want to speak, because he knows this all too well.
“I know you always act so confident in your abilities, in your accomplishments, but I know deep down they don’t register as good enough to you. I heard it in the way you couldn’t take her words of encouragement.” He doesn’t mention her name, but Lyney still flinches a little at the mention and at the fact he was caught.
“I… It’s not just that it’s… I mean, yes, of course it is but-” Once again, the magician stops himself, that tower he built up getting taller and taller. It takes one to know one.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything this time. You’re always the one to speak, so just… Let me this time.”
Lyney clamps his mouth shut, giving the other man a deep look before simply nodding, as if relinquishing the stage he has so dutifully stood on for years.
“I obviously don’t grasp the full picture, you’re too good at what you do for me to have it all at once,” the golden blonde half jokes and for a brief moment they smile at each other, “but I… It’s so easy to base your worth on all you’ve done for others… How everyone else perceives you.” Lyney’s smile drops, and the traveler’s own grin turns bitter.
“I’ve become a story more than a person. Sometimes I feel like I’m always on a stage performing, too. This act of a hero who I don’t even believe myself to be. You know why I do it all? Because I have to. Because I’m asked to. Because if I stop I’ll-” His breath catches in his throat, rendering his vocal cords useless for a moment. I have to persist . That’s always what it comes down to. So, he persists.
“I can’t say everything we’ve experienced is the same… But when I look at you,” he turns to Lyney again to make his point, the man in question retracting a bit but not daring to move any further, “I see that same expression. I know it, I know it all too well. I want to say I know you, too.”
There’s another beat of silence between them before Lyney decides to break the spell the traveler had over them, “I think you know me more than you realize.”
A pause, “I want you to know me, too.” Without another word, he starts fishing through his pocket, to which the magician simply stares dumb-founded. He looks like he wants to say something else, reach out perhaps, but he stays in place.
Eventually, the traveler finds what he was looking for, a crumpled photograph. He gently takes Lyney’s hand, turning it until his palm is up and sets the fragile paper into it. Immediately, he recognizes the man in front of him is in the picture. To his right, there’s a man he doesn’t recognize who seems to be distorted somehow. Next to him, he spots a girl with a familiar face despite them never having met before. It’s easy to guess who she is, though.
“This is,” Lyney starts, but the traveler is quicker.
“Her name is Lumine.” That bitter smile is back on his features, and something in the magician shifts. They both decide not to mention it.
“A very fitting name.”
“I agree… She always shined wherever she went.” The smile persists for a moment longer before falling once again, “I woke up with this picture and no memory of seeing her, but it’s clear I did. I met her, I know I met her again and yet…” His face shifts and contorts again, desperate to keep himself under wraps. In the corner of his eye, a hand reaches out to him, then stops.
“And yet my chest still feels so empty.”
The hand finally meets his shoulder, and that bit of warmth crashes over the man like a primordial wave. His head drops, but he still refuses to cry. Meanwhile Lyney, known for his words and quick wits, is struck silent. He briefly notices the man gently setting the photograph to the side and turns his body to face him.
“Was it not enough? Am I… Am I a bad brother?”
“No.” Lyney is stern, his grip tightening.
“I should be happy-”
“Traveler, listen to me.” Another hand reaches out, grasping at the blonde’s other shoulder, and it feels like the hold on him is the only thing tethering him to the ground. If Lyney let go, he’d be hopeless right now. “I can see in everything you do that you care for her. That you’ve done everything for her . Just this once, I want you to be selfish.”
A silent ‘ I’ve been there ’ registers for them both, but neither speak it aloud. Instead, the traveler decides to take the advice given to him and clings to the warmth in front of him. Shaking hands grab blindly into fabric, and Lyney steadies him easily with a reassuring pat to his hair. How long has it been since he indulged himself like this? It feels so nice.
So much is left unspoken still. He wants to express his trust in Lyney after everything through words, the ones he’s had picked out for a while now. He wants to explain his initial jealousy of him and Lynette has passed into a feeling of comfort that someone out there can finally understand the longing he’s felt for his sister to come back, that he would know better than anyone what he’d sacrifice for her. More than anything, he wants Lyney to tell him to be selfish again, to not sacrifice himself for her, even after knowing the intricacies of his emotions for his family. Because maybe, just maybe, Lyney wants to be a little selfish too.
Instead, he buries deeper into that warmth, and hopes how tightly he’s holding on can express it for him. He’s never been good with words.
“I know divulging into all of this is hard for you, it is for me too, traveler.”
“...Aether.”
There’s a beat of silence before a gentle, “Huh?”
“Only she would ever call me that… My given name. But I want… No, I need someone else to know it. I’m everyone else’s witness but I need someone to be mine, if I’m still allowed to be selfish.”
“Aether,” Lyney repeats to himself like it’s a prayer on his lips before smiling, “Aether… Oh, Aether, it’s a beautiful name.”
Aether clenches his fists, gently pounding one on Lyney’s shoulder blade with a long groan, “Don’t… Don’t flatter me like that right now, I’m too weak at the moment…”
“You? Weak over me? Oh archons, today is just full of wonderful surprises! You’ll tell me more of them, right?” Lyney boasts with his normal bravado, pulling back just enough to look at the other man’s expression, but he doesn’t really have to since Aether is already shoving him away.
“Enough!”
“No, no wait, I’m sorry! Don’t pull away just yet!”
Aether’s back is to the magician as he grabs at him again, sneaky hands making their way around his waist just to pull him back into the warmth he was already beginning to miss. So, he lets himself be dragged without much more complaint.
A more comfortable silence than before settles over them, golden eyes locked on the scenery in front of them until he feels himself cool down a bit more. Lyney has always felt different than everyone else. Not just in the way he perfectly constructs his appearance to the public, that alluring act he puts on, Aether has long since gotten used to that and it doesn’t phase him. No, it’s something that captivated him the moment they met, that feeling that made him trust him so willingly despite having just met. That pushed him to trust him again even after the court case. The feeling that had him coming back over and over just to learn more. Something indescribable but undoubtedly Lyney .
He knows confiding in someone in the way he has could simply backfire, he was warned of that very early on which led him to keeping everything close to his chest, even his name. But that same feeling that has persisted ever since he met Lyney is telling him he’s safe here. It’s a feeling of comfort he always had with Lumine, that security in knowing she always would catch him. No, it’s not the exact same. This one is more intimate, one that pushes on that emptiness in his chest and finally starts to fill it, even if it’s a little at a time.
It’s love, isn’t it?
He chokes on the word in his head, smothering it. No, that’s too selfish.
“Aether,” the word ghosts over the shell of his ear and makes the man jump a little. When he turns to finally meet purple eyes, his face is warm and scrunched up in mock anger.
“Sorry, I just wanted to say it again,” Lyney admits with a smile all too soft to be teasing.
Aether’s expression softens as well, and he lets out an exasperated sigh, “Don’t make me regret telling you.”
Lyney gasps, “Never, my dear Aether! In fact, I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Now you’re just finding excuses to say it- Wait, what do you mean ‘worth my while’?”
“Ah, ah, only time will tell. Now relax, I can tell you’re still tense.”
“That’s because you spoke into my ear-”
Lyney is tugging on him again, but Aether doesn’t mind dropping the subject. He turns in his arms until they’re chest to chest in another hug, sighing against the magician’s neck as he gets comfortable. The man shivers, mumbling a ‘touché’ the golden blonde simply laughs at as gloved hands grasp tight into his shirt. Somehow, despite being so clumsy with his limbs and unfamiliar with this kind of touch, it feels natural between them.
Luckily, it seems like Lyney needed this just as much as Aether, so it’s easier to be a little selfish.