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Eddie first sees the boy next door when he falls from the tree in his backyard that he’d been trying to climb. He’s probably around Eddie’s age of seven, and has a messy mop of blond hair that falls into his eyes in defiant curls. He’s only made it about halfway up the tree before he falls, so he’s not really hurt, but Eddie watches from his living room window as the boy folds himself against the trunk of the tree and cries into his tucked-up knees.
Frowning, he thinks about running to get Abuela to help, because she always makes him feel better when he falls down, but she’s napping after a long overnight shift and he doesn’t want to wake her. He’d made himself cereal when he woke up, his mom and sisters already gone back to school shopping, and his dad hasn’t been home for weeks now.
Just as Eddie is about to give in and go wake Abuela up, he sees an older girl with long dark hair rushing to the boy and pulling him into her lap in a comforting hug. Eddie flinches slightly, waiting for the boy to be smacked for crying, but she just rubs his back soothingly and tucks his head under chin. Eddie can’t hear what they’re saying, but after a few minutes the boy stops crying and lets the girl pull them both to their feet and head back to their house, hand in hand.
Eddie watches after them for a long moment, until his mother’s station wagon starts pulling into the driveway, and he scurries away from the window so she won’t yell at him for getting fingerprints on the glass again. He’s back in his room pretending to be napping when his family comes in, and he’s equal parts relieved and sad when his mother doesn’t bother checking in on him.
Evan hates California. His dad got some fancy new job that moved them all out to the suburbs of Los Angeles, and his mother has promised that they would all love their new home. He doesn’t love it, though. He misses his kindergarten friends from the year before, and Miss Bailey from school who always had a hug and an extra fruit snack for him when he was sad. He knows after summer he’s going to a new school that is making him wear an itchy collared shirt and stupid khaki pants that he’s already growing out of. His mother tsk’d at him in disappointment when he tried the uniform on, as if he could help the way his limbs grow almost overnight.
Maddie told him later that his mother was just jealous she’d never be as big and strong as Evan will grow up to be, and promised to let out the hem of his new pants to cover his ankles better once mom went out for lunch with her new friends from the Country Club. He isn’t entirely sure what a Country Club is, but his parents had made it clear that he would never be invited, so he hates it on principle.
The sound of giggles outside draws Evan’s attention away from his Gameboy and he looks over from where he’s sitting on his front porch steps to see an older woman with grey streaked hair heading down the driveway next door, followed by three kids with tanned skin and hair even darker than Maddie. There’s two little girls, one who looks maybe Evan’s age or a little younger, and another who is barely toddling around on chubby little legs. She falls right on her butt as he’s watching, and he’s expecting her to start crying, but the third kid, a boy older than the both of them, just scoops her up and holds her tight against his skinny frame as they continue walking to the waiting car. The girls get buckled into the back of the car, and Evan watches with wonder as the boy is allowed to sit in the passenger seat. His mom said he couldn’t do that until he was at least ten, and there’s no way the boy next door is that old.
As if the boy can feel Evan’s eyes on him, he turns suddenly and looks out of the open car window, directly at Evan. Caught off guard, Evan gives a little wave and tries to look as cool as possible while sitting on a porch.
The boy just looks at him curiously for a moment, but finally gives a little wave back, just as the car is starting to drive away.
Evan watches them go, and dares to hope that maybe he might get to make one new friend after all.
Evan ends up meeting the middle child first, when she runs into his yard after a runaway wiffle ball, not noticing him until she’s practically tripping over his sprawled out body. He sits up quickly, giving her a cautious look as she whoops in triumph at grabbing the ball, and then slowly notices that she’s in an unfamiliar yard, and looks over at him with wide eyes.
Up close, Evan can tell she’s younger than him by at least a year, and a good head shorter than him too. She’s frozen in what Evan assumes is fear, though he can’t imagine why anyone in the world would be afraid of him.
“Hi,” he says, giving her a toothy grin. “What’s your name?”
She unfreezes at that, and relaxes.
“Adriana,” she says. “I’m four and a half.”
“I’m six!” Evan says, excited to talk to anyone even remotely close to his age. “My name is Evan.”
Before she can reply, they both hear an exasperated little voice yelling over to them.
“Adri!” the boy from next door calls out. “You know you aren’t supposed to run off!”
He’s huffing out of breath by the time he gets to them, and stares between the two of them in annoyance.
“You hit the ball too hard!” Adriana defends, crossing her little arms against her chest stubbornly.
He looks chastised at that, shoulders slumping, and looks back behind his shoulder quickly before grabbing Adriana’s arm gently.
“Come on,” he says, “before the baby wakes up.”
“She’s two years old,” Adriana huffs.
The boy rolls his eyes. “Before the two year old wakes up.”
Evan watches them talk with blatant interest and looks up at the boy with confusion.
“Don’t you have a grown up watching the baby?”
The boy snorts a laugh at that and just shrugs.
“Eddie is the grown up,” Adriana says, giving Evan a serious look.
Evan squints his eyes up at Eddie, noting his knobby knees and squishy face still rounded with baby fat.
“You don’t look grown up,” he says.
“I’m seven!” Eddie says. “I’m going into second grade, that’s pretty grown up.”
“Oh,” Buck says, frowning. “I didn’t know that. I’m going to first grade, and my sister says I’m still little.”
Eddie just shrugs, looking over to his own house anxiously.
“Wanna come over later and play Gameboy?” Evan asks, “I have the new Pokemon game.”
“I don’t have a Gameboy,” Eddie says. “And I can’t leave the girls alone.”
“When your parents get home!” Evan says, rolling with it, “and you can play on mine, if you want. My sister will get us pizza if I ask her.”
Eddie looks torn, but he finally nods, the lure of a Gameboy too strong to resist.
“I’ll ask my Abuela when she gets home,” he says. “If she’s not too tired from work.”
“Cool!” Evan says, smiling up at him.
The siblings leave then, Adriana already looking bored with the whole exchange, but Evan can’t help the excited wiggles that want to spring from his body. When the kids are out of view, he runs back to the house, calling out for his sister.
“Maddie!” he whisper-yells, wary of his parents overhearing him. “Maddie, I made a friend!”
Maddie looks up from the kitchen table where she’s doing something with college paperwork that Evan doesn’t understand and gives him a happy grin.
“That’s great, buddy. What’s his name?”
“Eddie!” Evan says excitedly. “He lives next door and is seven. Which he says is pretty grown up, but I think that’s still kinda little.”
Maddie gives him a soft look and nods.
“That is still pretty little,” she agrees, “but sometimes people are a lot older than they actually are.”
Evan frowns.
“That doesn’t make sense,” he says. “Will you order us pizza when he comes over to play Gameboy? You can use my allowance money.”
Maddie laughs, and shakes her head fondly.
“Save your money, kid. I’ll get pizza, if you don’t mind sharing with your super cool but super old big sister.”
“Ok!” Evan agrees readily. “And if Eddie doesn’t want to share, you can have my pizza!”
Maddie’s face wrinkles funnily at that, and Evan doesn’t know what to do with that expression, but the next moment she’s pulling him into a hug and kissing the top of his head.
“You’re so good, baby,” she says, and this time Evan wrinkles his nose at the name. He’s not a baby!
“Go take a bath,” Maddie says when she pulls away, “you stink.”
“You stink!” Evan says, even though Maddie has never smelled like anything other than vanilla and the assorted body sprays she has on her dresser.
She’s laughing when he goes off to take his bath though, so he considers it a win.
It’s almost 5pm by the time Evan hears a gentle knock at the front door, and he’s scrambling to the door so fast that he nearly trips over his own feet.
“Hi!” he says to Eddie when he opens the door.
“Hi,” Eddie says back, holding a Tupperware container of something close to his chest. “I don’t have a Gameboy,” he says, “but Abuela made some cookies we can share.”
“I love cookies!” Evan says, stepping back to let Eddie in and closing the door after him. “Come on, Maddie said we can play in her room so that my parents won’t bother us.”
“She won’t mind?” Eddie looks around nervously. “What if we make a mess?”
“I’m not worried about two little gremlins and some pizza,” Maddie says, appearing in the doorway between the living room and dining room. She gives them a goofy grin and gives Eddie a little wave. He waves back shyly.
“Go play,” she says kindly, shooing them away. “I’ll bring up your pizza when it gets here.”
“Thank you!” Evan says, taking off at a run towards the stairs to the second floor. After a moment and another friendly shooing motion, Eddie takes off after him at a more reasonable pace.
Maddie watches them go and shakes her head in amusement. She’s just happy that Evan has found a friend.
It’s nearly eight o’clock when Eddie looks out the window of Maddie’s room and sighs.
“Abuela said I have to be home before it gets dark out,” he says, handing Evan back the Gameboy.
They’re sitting on the thick teal rug in front of Maddie’s bed, leaning back against the footboard as they trade the Gameboy back and forth.
“It’s almost dark,” Evan says, watching the sun as it dips lower into the sky.
“Maybe I can come over again another day?” Eddie asks, looking over at Evan with big hopeful eyes.
“Duh!” Even says, beaming over at him with a pizza sauce smeared smile. “We’re best friends now, you have to come over!”
“Best friends?” Eddie asks, looking stunned.
Evan wavers a little with nerves, but nods again.
“Best friends,” he confirms. “Ok?”
Eddie grins and nods, looking for once almost as young as he is.
“Deal.”
Days turn into weeks that turn into months and then years, and suddenly Evan is thirteen and Eddie is fourteen, and he’s terrified that Eddie will forget all about him when he starts high school the next week.
“Relax,” Eddie says for what feels like the millionth time. “We’re still just a year apart. I’m not going to suddenly forget my best friend. And it’s not like we’ve ever gone to the same school.”
“I know I’m being stupid,” Evan says, swallowing around the urge to cry. “I just…I don’t want to lose you, too.”
“You didn’t lose Maddie,” Eddie says, gently. “She grew up and got married. That’s what’s supposed to happen.”
“She married an asshole,” Evan says. “And now she lives in stupid Boston with her stupid husband, and she’s going to have babies and never come home again.”
“You know she had to get out of here,” Eddie says, giving in to the urge to wrap an arm around Evan’s shoulder. They’re sitting on the grass in Evan’s backyard like old times, backs pressed against the thick tree he’d watched Evan fall from years ago.
“She could’ve taken me with her,” Evan says, petulantly.
“So now you want to forget all about your best friend?” Eddie teases.
Evan’s lips quirk but he refuses to give in to the laugh.
“You could’ve come, too. Your sisters are old enough to take care of themselves now. We could’ve run away and you could… I don’t know, you could hit for the Red Sox!”
“That would be nice,” Eddie allows. “But I think they’d make me graduate high school first.”
“There’s high schools in Boston,” Evan says, grumbling. “And did you know we got the class list for eight grade, and there’s like 4 other Evans in my class. How dumb is that? I bet Boston doesn’t have so many Evans.”
Eddie laughs. “I dunno, man, there’s a lot of white people in Boston. Probably even more Evan’s than here.”
“I hate my stupid name,” Evan says after a moment. Eddie nods, used to his subject jumping anxiety spirals by now.
“Then get a new one,” Eddie suggests. “Like a nickname. So on the first day of class, you can tell the teachers and they won’t call you Evan.”
“You can’t make up your own nickname,” Evan says, frowning over at Eddie with sad eyes.
Eddie, not for the first time, feels like he can’t quite breathe when Evan looks over at him with his full attention. And not for the first time, he pushes the feeling down and ignores it. His father would kill him if he even thought about another boy too loudly.
“I’ll give you one then,” he says. “How about Buck?”
“Buck Buckley?” Evan says, testing it out on his tongue. “It kinda sounds like a porn star name.”
Eddie cracks up at that, which sets Evan off, and they dissolve into giggles that leave them gasping for air.
“Well, now you have to use it,” Eddie says, when they finally catch their breath.
“Buck it is,” his best friend says, grinning around the word.
“Buck it is,” Eddie repeats, allowing himself one more tiny moment of their arms tangled together before he pulls away.
He won’t let his deviance rub off onto his perfect best friend, no matter how much it hurts to let go.
“She’s like… so hot, Eds, you don’t even know,” Buck sighs dreamily into his cell phone as he sprawls out on his bed after school.
“So you’ve said,” Eddie laughs, cradling the cordless phone against his ear as he glares at his math homework. His parents refuse to let him get a cell phone until he graduates, even though he’s only half a year away, and Buck’s parents got him a phone for his 16th birthday last year.
Buck had used his newfound phone freedom to fill Eddie in on every detail about losing his virginity just a few months later, and Eddie had to fight back nausea while congratulating Buck like a good bro should. Since then, Buck has had a steady stream of friendly conquests, hopping from one girl to another with easy smiles and a no-hard-feelings attitude when they move on to someone new.
“Don’t be jealous,” Buck says, laughing, and Eddie freezes, terrified Buck has figured it out. “You can totally bag any girl you want,” Buck continues, and Eddie can breathe again. “You just have to like.. actually try.”
“I try!” Eddie says, lying through his teeth. “I just haven’t had as much luck as you, Buckley.”
“Don’t slut shame me,” Buck says, and Eddie can practically see Buck’s rolling eyes through the phone.
“Never,” Eddie says, honestly. “Just please remember to use protection. God knows another little Buck running around would cause unholy chaos.”
“Yes, dad,” Buck drawls exaggeratedly, and Eddie has to suppress a shudder at the bolt of lighting that goes up his spine at Buck’s tone.
“I’m hanging up now,” Eddie says, Buck still laughing in delight as the call ends.
Eddie thinks back to that conversation a year later as he sits in the crowd for Buck’s graduation, Shannon clutching his hand tightly beside him. They’ve only been together a few months now, but they’re about to be tied together for life thanks to the broken condom and failed morning-after pill.
“You know,” he says quietly to Shannon, “I joked to Buck not to knock up any of his girlfriends, and now here we are.”
She laughs beside him, lips wobbling as she tries not to burst into tears again. “Figures,” she says, dryly.
“It’s…” Eddie pauses, leaning in closer but avoiding her eyes. “It’s not too late, if you, you know, want to not go through with it.”
“My mom said the same thing,” Shannon says, squeezing his hand. “And you know I’m not religious. But I don’t think I can do it. I think I’d always wonder what would have happened if I didn’t, you know?”
Eddie nods, torn between relief because of Catholic guilt, and terrified because of everything else.
“Ok,” he says. “We’ll figure it out. We got this.”
Shannon laughs and offers him a watery smile.
“We really really don’t got this.”
“No,” Eddie agrees, pulling her into a side-hug and kissing the side of her head. “But we will.”
On stage, the principal stops rambling about life’s journey and turns the microphone over to the Valedictorian for their speech. The crowd quiets, and Eddie stares straight ahead, waiting until they will call Buck’s name, and they can finally go home.
They get married a few weeks later, in Eddie’s backyard. A stern-looking priest binds them together with is words, and Eddie kisses Shannon almost chastely to the crowd of their closest family and friends. She’s not showing yet, but he’s sure everyone knows the reason they must be getting married when they are barely grown themselves.
Buck, tall and beautiful as Eddie’s best man, beams from the sidelines at the couple, snapping pictures with the retro Polaroid camera he’d found in some hipster thrift store.
They drink sparkling cider for their party, blaming it on their ages instead of the baby, and Eddie is grateful nobody makes any snide remarks. He’s heard enough from his parents as it is.
Hours later when everyone else has gone home or gone inside, Buck helps them clean up the yard, a giant trash bag in his hands, his blazer long since abandoned and draped over the fence Buck’s dad had put up between their houses a few years ago.
“You shouldn’t have to clean up your own wedding,” Buck says, as Eddie tosses a pile of napkins and paper plates into the bag.
“Eddie’s family hates me,” Shannon says, shrugging. “And my mother is still pissed I’m keeping the baby.”
“My sisters like you,” Eddie says. “And my parents don’t like me either, so don’t take it personally.”
“My parents don’t like me either,” Buck offers, shrugging. “We can make t-shirts or something. The Shitty Parents Survivors Club.”
Shannon laughs, giving Buck an appreciative nod.
“Good thinking, Buckley. We can wear them to the baby shower.”
Buck laughs in delight at that, and Eddie wishes he had a Polaroid of his own.
They’re at the mall browsing overpriced baby things when Eddie sees the recruitment booth for the Army. He stares at it for a long moment, tucked into one whole corner of the massive food court, and considers. He has no desire to go to war, but the lure of benefits for his little family is strong enough to make him stop and think about it. He’s almost to the booth before he’s stopped by a strong grip on his arm.
“Absolutely not,” Buck says, firmly. He tugs Eddie in the other direction. “You aren’t dying in some shitty war and leaving your unborn baby without a father.”
“I need to feed that unborn baby when it’s actually born,” Eddie protests. “Do you know how much it costs to even keep a kid alive?”
“We’ll figure it out,” Buck says, soothingly. “Shannon can stay home for a while, and you like your job.
“I coach middle school baseball, Buck,” Eddie says. “It’s hardly bringing in the cash.”
“Well then I’ll just have to give you your baby shower gift early,” Buck says, grinning. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but I can’t deal with three more months of emo Eddie.”
“What are you even talking about?” Eddie asks, blinking into the sunlight as Buck leads them outside and towards his truck.
“So,” Buck says, once they are at the truck and leaning back against it. “You know how my parents are stupid rich and also want to get rid of me as quickly as possible?”
“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie says, but nods.
“Turns out, they want me gone bad enough that they kinda… bought me a house?”
Eddie’s brain goes blank as he tries to process the information.
“They bought you a house? In Los Angeles!” Eddie asks, dumbfounded.
Buck shrugs, feeling oddly embarrassed about the whole thing, and nods again.
“It’s not super big or anything, just one floor and a basement,” Buck says, “but it has three bedrooms and they all have their own bathroom. We could all be happy there, I think.”
“Wait, what?” Eddie asks, catching up. “You want me and Shannon to move in with you?”
“And the baby!” Buck says, grinning again. “one of the rooms has this really cool skylight window, figured that could be the nursery.”
“You’re insane,” Eddie says, looking up the inch or so of height between them into Buck’s shining blue eyes.
“That’s not a no!” Buck sing-songs. “And hey, with three incomes and no rent, nobody has to sign their life away to the military, ok?”
Eddie just stares, feeling dangerously close to sobbing out of pure relief. Before he can stop it, he’s throwing himself around Buck, wrapping him into a tighter hug than he can remember ever giving before.
“You’re insane,” he repeats, vaguely hysterical, “and the best friend I could ever ask for.”
“Aw, Eds,” Buck says, patting his back carefully. “Love you too, buddy.”
Eddie takes a deep breath, inhaling Buck’s scent for just a moment, even if he does smell like Axe body spray, and lets himself go lax in Buck’s arms, warm and safe.
Shannon takes the news a lot easier than Eddie and accepts the offer with only several minutes of pregnancy-induced crying. The remaining months fly by as they get the house ready, Buck spending way more of his trust fund than Eddie is comfortable with, but he can’t be deterred.
“My little nibling is never going to feel unloved, Edmundo,” he says one day as they’re painting the nursery a soft green.
Eddie, struck by the sincerity in Buck’s voice, can only smile back gratefully and turn back to painting the wall.
Christopher Diaz is born on a rare gloomy day, and despite Buck’s insistence that it’s actually a sign of good luck, he and Shannon nearly die during the traumatic delivery.
“They’re ok,” Buck says, gripping Eddie’s hand tightly in the hospital waiting room. “The doctor said they made it through the worst of it, ok? They’re going to be ok.”
“She was so pale,” Eddie says, quietly. “Like a ghost.”
“I know,” Buck says, “I know.” “But they’re ok, and you’re ok, and we’ll figure everything else out. I promise.”
Eddie laughs brokenly. “You can’t promise that.”
“I can and I will,” Buck says, resolutely. “No matter what happens, I’ve got your back. Even if you can’t count on anything else, you can count on that.”
“I know,” Eddie says, squeezing Buck’s hand tightly once. “Thank God for you, Buck.”
The doctor appears before Buck can reply and Eddie barely hears the words she says, but she’s smiling, so he lets Buck lead him blindly to the room where his son is waiting for him.
Christopher is tiny and angry and red when the doctor places him in Eddie’s arms, and he knows instantly that he’ll never love anything more than this moment in time. A few minutes later, when he passes Christopher to Buck’s waiting arms, he’s proven wrong.
“You already love him so much,” Shannon says, leaning back tired and loopy from the drugs, but blessedly alive.
“Of course I do,” Buck says. “You guys made him, how could I not?”
The baby is so small against Buck’s surprisingly broad chest, even as lanky as he is, and Eddie wants to cry all over again.
Eddie watches the two of them talk with a soft smile. Maybe he can’t get everything he wants, but this? This comes damn close to perfection.
Chris is almost a year old when Shannon brings it up, and it’s honestly taken longer than Eddie expects.
“So,” she says as they’re laying in bed late one night, Chris sound asleep in his crib.
“Yeah?” Eddie asks, exhausted from work and ready to sleep for however long Chris lets them.
The room is dark and still, only the hum of the central air conditioning filling the space.
“You’re in love with Buck, right?” Shannon asks. It’s more of a statement than a question, really, but it still makes Eddie’s face burn with shame.
“I’m sorry,” is what he settles on eventually, whispering into the dark.
“Do you love me?” Shannon asks, and she doesn’t sound nearly as angry as Eddie is expecting.
“I do,” Eddie says, “I love you so much, Shan. You and Chris.”
“But you’re not in love with me,” Shannon says, gently. “Were you ever?”
Eddie is silent just a moment too long and he hears Shannon’s hiccupping breath as she cries.
He doesn’t know how to comfort her when he’s the one causing her pain, but he reaches out anyway and holds her hand.
“We’ve never…” he says, “He doesn’t even know,” he finishes mildly.
“I figured,” Shannon says, voice raspy. “Buck wouldn’t be able to keep it quiet. Giant puppy.”
“He really is,” Eddie says, fondly.
When Shannon doesn’t respond, but also doesn’t let go of his hand, Eddie takes a breath and decides he might as well lay it all out.
“It’s not just him,” he says. “I mean it is in the way that I’ve been in love with him forever. But it’s not in the way that even if I wasn’t, I would still be this way.”
“What way?” Shannon asks.
“Gay,” Eddie says quickly, as if the word will come out and bite him. “I think I’m really fucking gay.”
“Glad we’re finally on the same page,” Shannon says, laughing dryly. “God, this is not how I imagined our life going.”
“I’m so sorry,” Eddie says again. “I tried so hard to fix it.”
“Our marriage?” Shannon asks.
“Myself,” Eddie says. “I know it’s a sin and my family will hate me even more when they find out, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it stop. I’m so sorry.”
“Fuck,” Shannon says, releasing Eddie’s hand so she can turn on her side and reach out to stroke his hair instead. “They really did a number on you, huh?”
Eddie just shrugs, eyes closed tightly against stinging tears.
“It’s not my parent’s fault that I was born wrong,” Eddie says, quietly.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Shannon says, vehemently. “I mean, there’s a lot of dumb stuff, like your love of that godawful Jackass show. Or your loyalty to Skippy peanut butter when Jif is clearly the better choice.”
“Skippy for life,” Eddie says, more out of habit than anything else, but it gets a chuckle out of Shannon, so he’s grateful.
“My point is,” Shannon continues, “there is nothing wrong with your or your soul just because you’re gay. No matter what your parents, or your priest, or your bible says. Maybe we’re just a couple of idiot 20 year olds with a baby, but we’re not going to raise our son to believe that not being straight will get him sent to hell.”
“I know that in my head,” Eddie says, because he does. He’s read enough, and encountered enough people in Los Angeles to know in his heart that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. But that pit in his stomach formed by his parents beliefs is hard to completely ignore.
“The rest of you will catch up,” Shannon says, kindly.
“Why are you being so nice about this?” Eddie asks, blinking open his eyes to look at her barely visible outline.
“Do you want me to be mean?” Shannon asks. “Because I could, but that feels like a lot of work.”
“I really do love you,” Eddie says, “so much.”
“I love you too, baby,” Shannon says. “And I think when we’re old and grey, we’re gonna laugh about all of this. Just from different houses.”
Eddie looks over at her in wonder and leans into the hand that’s still stroking his hair.
“You’re going to make some straight guy so happy,” he says, genuinely.
Shannon laughs at that, and he doesn’t even mind when she smacks him in the head before returning to petting him.
Maybe he hasn’t ruined everything after all.
“Wait,” Buck says a few days later when Shannon and Eddie sit him down at the kitchen table, “you guys are getting divorced?”
Chris is in his lap, gnawing at the teething toy Buck holds for him, blissfully unaware of the conversation around him.
“Not divorcing,” Shannon says. “At least not any time soon. But we are breaking up.”
Buck looks between them, wide eyed. “What? Why? You’re not taking Chris away, are you?”
Shannon gives him a fond look at that. God, it’s no wonder her idiot husband fell in love with him.
“Nobody is going anywhere,” she says. “Especially not with all of the doctor’s appointments and medical stuff the baby is going to need with his C.P. Eddie is just going to move into Chris’ room for now.”
“Endless sleepovers, bud,” Eddie says to Chris, who smiles over at him and wriggles in Buck’s arms.
“But why?” Buck asks, “you guys seem pretty happy.”
“We just gr..” Shannon starts, before Eddie places a hand on her arm gently and looks over at Buck.
“Because I’m gay. I’m gay, and Shannon deserves more than a husband who will never be in love with her.”
“I’m sorry, what now?” Buck asks, eyebrows damn near at his hairline.
“Gay,” Eddie repeats dryly. “Homosexual. A fa…”
“No slurs in front of Chris!” Buck scolds, covering one of Chris’ ears with a hand, the other one still holding the teether.
“I just wanted to see your face,” Eddie says, laughing before sobering. “But I really am gay. So hopefully that won’t be an issue.”
“Why would that be an issue?” Buck asks, looking at him with genuine curiosity, and Eddie takes a moment to be glad that within all of the Buckley parent’s bullshit, homophobia hadn’t been something they bothered with.
“You’ve met my parents,” Eddie says, shrugging. “You never know what shit someone has been indoctrinated into believing.”
“But you know me,” Buck says, looking hurt. “I’d never think differently of you just because you’re gay, you know that.”
Eddie smirks. “It’s nice to hear it confirmed though.”
“Asshole,” Buck says, without any heat.
Eddie just grins.
“I was thinking,” Buck says one night when it’s just him and Eddie in the living-room, sipping a beer they both pretend to like.
“Dangerous,” Eddie says, scoffing playfully.
Buck rolls his eyes but continues.
“Chris is going to be five soon, and going into that really cool school Carla found for you.”
“We can thank your shitty ex for one thing,” Eddie agrees, wrinkling his nose at the thought of Abby. “Carla is an angel.”
“She is,” Buck says, ignoring Eddie’s remarks about his ex. “I was thinking of applying for the Fire Academy, once he’s in school.”
“Buck,” Eddie says, “that’s awesome, you’ll make an amazing firefighter. But you don’t have to wait for Chris to start school if it will mess anything up. You already do so much for him, Shan and I can figure it out.”
Buck gives him a smile that looks a little too sad for Eddie’s liking.
“I want to wait,” he insists. “I want to be there for his first day of school, even if the teachers look at me like I’m a weirdo.”
“This is L.A.” Eddie laughs, “they wont bat an eye at us all dropping him off.”
“True,” Buck snorts.
“And Shannon will be starting her college classes back up,” Eddie says. “So we’re gonna be putting you down as a pickup person and emergency contact anyway. Might as well come meet the teachers.”
“True,” Buck says, relaxing back against the couch. “God, I can’t believe he’s already going to be five years old.”
“Shut your face,” Eddie says. “He’s always gonna be our baby.”
“Yeah,” Buck agrees mindlessly, before looking sharply at Eddie. “Wait. Our baby?”
Eddie rolls his eyes and slaps Buck’s knee in emphasis as he speaks.
“Yes, Buck. Our baby. Mine, Shannon’s, and yours. You’ve been there for him since before he was even born, you’re his father in everything but blood.”
“Oh,” Buck says, looking over at Eddie with shock. “I didn’t know.”
Eddie looks at him with concern. “I mean, you don’t have to think of him like that. You can just be fun uncle Buck if you want. I just thought you should know how we think of you.”
“No!” Buck says. “I mean, no, I don’t want to just be fun uncle Buck. I love Chris more than I even thought was possible. I just didn’t know I was allowed to.”
“Oh, Buck,” Eddie says, sadly. “We really need to dig out those old t-shirts. And then maybe throttle our parents with them.”
“That’d be nice,” Buck says, laughing slightly.
“Time for bed,” Eddie says, grabbing the empty beer bottle from Buck’s hand and standing up. “Your favorite little monster has been talking about the zoo trip for days, you’re gonna need your energy tomorrow.”
“Oh, that reminds me!” Buck says, suddenly energized, much to Eddie’s amusement.
When Eddie just raises and eyebrow and waits, Buck carries on.
“So, we have a basement,” he says.
“Where the holiday decorations live, yes,” Eddie says, indulgently.
“Well I was thinking we could fix it up and make it into like a real living space, with a bedroom and bathroom and everything. That way you wouldn’t have to keep bunking with Chris, and living anywhere else would be stupid expensive.”
“Can we afford that?” Eddie asks, knowing full well Buck has more money than he can easily spend.
“Eh, it’ll add resale value if we ever move,” Buck says, waving his hand as if he was a jaded sixty year old instead of a baby faced-twenty three year old with a heart of gold. “Plus, you know how I worked construction a few summers, and I know you helped your Abuela with all those projects growing up. I bet we could do a lot of it ourselves.”
“Legally?” Eddie asks, wryly, laughing when Buck cringes.
“We’ll get licensed people to finish it,” Buck says, grinning again. “So you guys can take the bedrooms on this floor, and I can take the space downstairs.”
“I’m not banishing you to your own basement, Buck,” Eddie says with a huff. “I can take the downstairs.”
“No way,” Buck says, “I’m not risking Chris falling down the stairs to get to you with his crutches.”
“I..” Eddie relents, “I didn’t think of that.”
“Of course not,” Buck says, kindly. “You never assume he can’t do something. Because you’re a freaking awesome dad.”
“Yeah, well,” Eddie says, blushing despite himself. “So are you.”
He’s secretly pleased when the blush across Buck’s face matches his own.
Between Chris starting school, Shannon going back to college, Eddie picking up a second job to supplement his coaching income, and Buck starting the journey to firefighter, it’s a tough but exciting couple of years. Buck excels in the academy to nobody’s surprise and bounces around until he’s officially placed for his probationary year at house 118.
“Morning, probie!” Chim calls out as Buck arrives for his second week of work. He waves at Chim as he heads to the locker room, and gives Hen a friendly smile as he passes.
His phone rings just as he’s closing his locker door and he panics slightly when he sees the name of Chris’ school flash on the screen. Pacing, he doesn’t notice Hen and Chim’s curious looks as he picks up the call.
“What’s that all about, you think?” Chim asks from across the room.
Hen shrugs. “No clue. He does look worried though.”
“I’ll be there soon,” Buck says as he hangs up the phone and pockets it. “Hey, do you guys know where Captain Nash went? I need to pick up my…Chris. I need to get Chris from school and figure out what to do with him until his dad gets out of work.”
“I’m here,” Captain Nash says, “and I told you to call me Bobby last week, kid, come on. Don’t make me feel old.”
“Sorry, Capta… Cap. Can I call you Cap?” Buck says, stumbling over the words.
“Sure,” Bobby says, easily enough. “So what’s this I hear about you needing to leave the shift you just got here for?”
“Chris is sick,” Buck says, hoping Cap doesn’t ask about their relationship, “and both his parents are unavailable at the moment, but he has a fever so they won’t let him stay. I’m next on the list. I can probably drop him off with his great-aunt, but I need to call her on the way. I’m really sorry, it’s been two years and they’ve never needed to call me until now.”
“Relax,” Cap says, holding up a placating hand. “Most of us here have kids, we get it. Just grab him and bring him here. You can be man behind on calls until one of his parents can relieve you.”
“Thanks, Cap!” Buck says, stopping himself just barely before he gives Bobby a grateful hug. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Bobby just waves him off, unconcerned, and as Buck is rushing out, he wonders once again how he managed to get so lucky with his assignment, but is so thankful that he did.
“Hey Buckley!”
Buck looks down from the loft at one of the B-shift firefighters he’s met in passing, a tiny but muscled woman with a slicked back ponytail.
“Yeah?”
“There’s an insanely hot guy here looking for you!” she calls back, loudly enough that half the firehouse laughs and Buck cringes.
“I’ll be right down,” he says, sighing before turning to Chris, whose hanging out on the couch with Hen and watching a video on youtube on Buck’s phone.
“Come on bud, your dad is here to take you home.”
Chris looks up at him with pitiful eyes and reaches out his arms like he hasn’t since he was a toddler.
“Oh boy,” Hen says, laughing kindly, “the universal sign for ‘carry me’.”
“You’re lucky you’re adorable,” Buck says, taking his phone from Chris before scooping him up into an easy hold and nuzzling his hair.
“I’m sick,” Chris whines sadly, and Buck’s rubs his back soothingly. “I know, baby,” he says, ignoring Hen’s curious gaze. “Dad will take you home and take care of you.”
“You, too?” Chris asks, still resting his head on Buck’s shoulder.
“I’ll be home in the morning,” Buck promises. “I’ll be there by the time you wake up.”
“Ok,” Chris says, sleepily.
Hen watches them go, feeling more than seeing when Chim slides up beside her as they blatantly watch as Buck hands off the kid to a handsome dark haired guy. They don’t hug or anything, but Hen gets the distinct feeling that there’s something more to them than Buck has let on.
“He told Chris he’d be home in the morning,” Hen says quietly to Chim. “So they live together, anyway.”
“Could just be roommates,” Chim says, “rent is ridiculous these days.”
“That’s true,” Hen says. “I don’t know though. I guess we’ll find out eventually, if he makes it through his probie year.”
Below them, Buck says one last goodbye and turns back towards the stairs to the loft, and Hen and Chim scramble to look less nosy than they are.
Investigating can wait for another day.
“Oh my god, Eds,” Buck says one night after Chris has gone to bed and Shannon is on a date with a nice guy she met in class. “You should’ve seen it, this snake was huge! And it was thisclose to restricting this poor woman to death.”
“Please tell me you didn’t chop the snake’s head off with your axe,” Eddie sighs, already knowing where this is going.
“I didn’t…not chop the snake’s head off with my axe,” Buck says, sheepishly. “I didn’t have a choice!”
“I’m sure you didn’t,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “But you were dying to use that axe, I know it.”
“That’s besides the point!” Buck huffs, before deflating. “You know I don’t like hurting animals.”
“Oh, hey,” Eddie says, “don’t be upset, I was just messing with you, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t have done it unless it was a real life or death emergency.”
“Thank you,” Buck says, relaxing. “I just felt bad about it after, you know? She really loved that thing, too.”
“Even after it tried to kill her?” Eddie asks with raised eyebrows.
Buck shrugs, before giving Eddie a little smirk.
“She gave me her number, too.”
“Not even a month in and you’re picking up people at work,” Eddie laughs. “Just don’t have sex in the firetruck. You will absolutely get fired.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Buck says, mock-offended. After a beat, he gives Eddie another smirk.
“We had sex in her car. Surprisingly roomy, actually.”
“Jesus Christ, Buck,” Eddie says. “you’re a menace.”
“But you love me anyway,” Buck says, grinning unrepentantly.
“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says, pausing before speaking again. “You gonna see her again?”
“Nah,” Buck says. “It was fun, but we knew what it was.”
“You can date, you know,” Eddie says. “I know it’s been a few years since Abby, and you’ve thrown yourself into the job and Chris’ everything, but you deserve to find someone that makes you happy.”
“So do you,” Buck says, very much the pot calling the kettle black.
“I dated Javi for like six months,” Eddie defends. “You know it’s hard for me to put myself out there when I’ll probably never be as comfortable as the other guy in public.”
“Oh I remember Javi,” Buck says wryly. “Javi is why we soundproofed your bedroom.”
“Don’t you slut shame me, Evan Buckley,” Eddie says, punching Buck in the shoulder even as his face flames.
“Never,” Buck teases him. “It’s just fun to annoy you.”
Eddie punches his shoulder playfully again, then gripping it in one hand and rubbing his thumb over Buck’s collarbone absent-mindedly before pulling away.
“Menace,” he repeats, watching with interest as Buck’s throat bobs as he swallows, before shaking himself out of his daze and backs away.
He walks towards his bedroom without another word, and Buck finds himself frozen where he stands, wondering what in the world just happened.
It’s a slow day at the station when Buck’s phone lights up with a facetime call from Shannon. He picks up and immediately sees Christopher’s face way too close to the camera.
“Hey, buddy,” Buck says, “what’s up?”
“I just wanted to say hi,” Chris says, “and to show you my science project! Look, the potato makes he lightbulb turn on!”
“That’s so cool!” Buck says, genuinely enthused. He always loved the science projects at school. He watches Chris point everything out and explain the project for a few more minutes and he hears Shannon tell him to go wash his hands for dinner, and a minute later she’s looking into the camera instead.
“Hey,” she says, smiling warmly at him. “You should show me around. Eddie got to see inside and I’ve never even seen pictures.”
“Hey Buck!” Chim says as he enters the room, stopping short when he sees Shannon’s face on the phone screen. “Hey, Buck’s.. girlfriend? Baby mama?”
Shannon laughs, and shrugs. “Well, one of those is mostly accurate.”
“Ugh,” Buck groans in faux-annoyance before looking over at Chim. “Shannon is Chris’ mom. Eddie is his dad. We all live together, it’s not that complicated.”
“None of us are sleeping together, if that answers your questions,” Shannon pipes up from the phone, and Buck seriously considers hanging up on her.
“That actually creates even more questions, pretty lady!” Chim says, cheerfully, unbothered.
“You’re the worst,” Buck says to Shannon, who only cackles in response.
“Love you too,” she says as he does hang up on her, all the while still wheezing with laughter.
Buck hasn’t even made it through his probationary year when Shannon tells them that her mother is dying of cancer, and she wants to move back to live with her for the summer, and take Chris to get to know her before it’s too late.
Eddie agrees after a few minutes of tense bickering and making Shannon promise she’ll come back immediately if her mother causes any problems with Chris. They then both turn to look at Buck, who had been watching the argument like a really sad tennis match.
“What?” he asks.
“What’s your vote?” Shannon asks, looking at him expectantly. “I’m not going to take Chris away for a whole summer unless we can all be ok with it.”
“Oh,” Buck says, feeling warm like he does every time they include him in parental things. “I know you don’t really get along with your mom,” he continues. “But if you think it’ll be good for Chris to remember her, you should do it. It’s only an hour away, anyway, it’s not like we can’t come get him to visit.”
Shannon gives him a grateful smile and reaches out both her hands to cover one of his and one of Eddie’s.
“This is really going to suck,” she says quietly. “But I’m so glad I’ll have you two to come home to.”
“Come here,” Buck says, holding out his arms and letting Shannon drop herself into his lap for a tight hug.
Eddie watches them fondly, letting Shannon’s hand go so she can wrap them both around Buck fully.
“Our lives are weird,” he says after a moment.
“But really good,” Buck says, looking over at him above Shannon’s hair. “I think so, anyway.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “I think so, too.”
Shannon and Chris leave a few days later, and Buck and Eddie find themselves truly alone for the first time in literal years.
“We should get shitfaced,” Eddie decides. “Neither of us work tomorrow and we’re in our twenties. We don’t get drunk nearly enough for guys in their twenties.”
“I don’t think there’s a quota,” Buck says, but agrees to the bottle of tequila readily enough. “But we really need to mix this with something unless you want me to puke.”
“We have, uhhh,” Eddie looks into the fridge and pulls out a jug. “Hawaiian Punch?”
“That’ll do,” Buck says. “I’ll find the glasses.”
Hours later and the full bottle is long since gone, along with most of the punch and all of Buck’s ability to stand up without the room spinning.
Instead, he slumps down on the floor of the living room, with his back pressed up against the couch, and his shoulder pressed against Eddie’s like when they were kids.
“Remember when we used to play Gameboy on Maddie’s floor?” Buck asks, proud of himself for slurring only slightly.
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “She was so nice to me. You were so nice to me, even then.”
“You brought us cookies,” Buck says, thinking back.
“I was Chris’ age when we met,” Eddie says, looking over at Buck with wide eyes. “He’s so little, Buck. He’s still so little.”
“So were you,” Buck says, brave with the alcohol to voice the thought he’s kept to himself for nearly twenty years. “You were so young and they expected way too much of you, and it wasn’t fair.”
“It’s ok,” Eddie says, leaning over and resting his head on Buck’s shoulder. Which he’s never actually done before. Buck very carefully doesn’t react, and instead just hums for Eddie to continue his thought.
“It’s ok,” Eddie says again. “Because I met you, and Shannon, and we have Chris, and he’s never been unloved. You told me that, remember? You said your nibling would never feel unloved, and you’ve made sure of it.”
“We all did,” Buck says, resolutely.
“Yeah,” Eddie says, nuzzling into Buck’s shoulder sleepily. He always has been a loopy drunk.
“You smell nice,” Eddie says, “much better than the axe body spray days.”
“Ok, Mr. Calvin Klein cologne,” Buck huffs.
“That’s a classic…smell thingy,” Eddie murmurs.
“Scent?” Buck asks, laughing.
“That’s the bitch,” Eddie agrees, nodding. His stubbled face scratches Buck’s skin where his loose t-shirt exposes part of his shoulder, and Buck resists the urge to shudder at the feeling.
Buck, feeling strangely sober with adrenaline, even though he knows he isn’t, asks the question that’s been on his mind for months.
“How’d you know you were gay?” he asks, frowning when Eddie immediately pulls his head away to over at Buck with bleary eyes.
“I just knew,” Eddie says after thinking for a long moment. “When other guys would talk about girls, I never really got it. But the first time I heard someone talking about how hot some guy was, that I never even saw, I understood. Men are just.. so hot sometimes.”
“I think maybe I’m kind of into them, too,” Buck confesses quietly.
“Oh?” Eddie asks.
“I, uh,” Buck stammers, “I get hit on a lot at work. And most of the time it’s women, but sometimes it’s guys, and I guess I kinda don’t hate it?”
Eddie snorts and gives Buck an amused look.
“Maybe you just like the compliment?” he asks. “Regardless of the gender it comes from.”
“Maybe,” Buck says, thinking about it. “But a compliment doesn’t usually get me hard as nails like the guy from B-shift did when I watched him washing the truck shirtless.”
“Jesus fuck,” Eddie says with a start. “No offense,” he adds hastily, “I just wasn’t expecting that.”
“Yeah,” Buck says with a huff. “Me either. I’m not even into him. He was just really hot in that moment.”
“Maybe you were ovulating,” Eddie says wisely, and Buck smacks his leg in retaliation.
“You’re an idiot,” Buck says and Eddie just shrugs and nods in agreement.
“Would you come with me to a club or something, if I wanted to check it out?” Buck asks, and Eddie gives him an unreadable look before nodding slowly.
“Of course I will,” Eddie says. “You’ll need a bodyguard to weed them out anyway.”
“What?” Buck asks, incredulously.
“You are literally a smoking hot fireman, Buck,” Eddie says plainly. “You will have men lining up to take you home. Or to the club bathroom.”
“You think I’m hot?” Buck asks, and Eddie groans.
“That’s what you took from this conversation?” he asks.
“Would you date me?” Buck asks, “if we weren’t already best friends, like if we just met for the first time tomorrow?”
Eddie studies him carefully for a moment, and Buck thought he knew all of the expressions on Eddie’s face, but this one is entirely new and indecipherable.
“Yeah,” Eddie says finally, giving him a soft smile. “I’d date the hell out of you in another life.”
What about this one? Catches in Buck’s throat and he swallows around the words. He’s not sure what he’d do with the answer either way.
Despite their talk, it takes another week for them both to have a free night again, and for Buck to work up the courage to actually go out to a queer club.
Once they finally get in and get the first round of drinks, Buck takes a moment to lean back and check out the scene. He silently thanks Eddie for not taking him to someplace overly extravagant for his first foray. The club around them is pretty similar to the ones he’d been to before, just with way more men dancing together than he’s ever seen all in one place
They’ve barely finished their first drinks when a tall thin guy with an undercut and a handsome face approaches Buck and asks for a dance. He looks over at Eddie, who gives the guy a once over and determines he seems safe enough, and gives Buck an encouraging nod. Only if you want to.
Shrugging, Buck lets the guy take his hand and lead him out onto the floor. His eyes linger on Eddie, who gives him a crooked smile as he gets pulled away.
“Your boyfriend wont mind?” the guy asks, as they start moving to the music, a respectable few inches between them for now.
“Not my boyfriend,” Buck says. “It’s, uh, it’s my first time at a gay club. He’s just looking out for me.”
“You look like you can take care of yourself pretty well,” the guy says, running his hands up Buck’s chest and linking them behind his neck.
Buck wants to explain, wants to defend Eddie from an insult that hasn’t even happened, but he stops himself. Eddie doesn’t see him like that, and he has to be ok with that. So Buck turns on the charm that’s work for him in the past and gives the guy a sultry look.
“Well, I am a firefighter,” he says, smirking when the guy’s eyes light up.
In the next moment, the guy’s lips are on his and he’s being kissed by a man for the first time. He kisses back tentatively, letting the guy lead, and lets himself fall into the feeling of it all, the fingers behind his neck anchoring him to the moment.
“Wanna get out of here?” the guy asks when he pulls away from the kiss, licking the taste of Buck’s mouth from his lips.
“I don’t even know your name,” Buck says, ignoring the fact that he’s hooked up with plenty of women whose names he never learned.
“Erik,” the guy says, his tone oddly polite for the moment, “And yours?”
“Buck,” he replies, laughing at the guy’s dubious look. “It’s a nickname,” he explains. “There were too many Evans as it was.”
“Ok, Buck,” Erik says, staring at Buck’s lips again. “You wanna get out of here?”
Part of Buck want to say yes, mainly the part of him that’s throbbing in his pants at the thrill of it all, despite his nerves. But the rest of him isn’t ready to jump into the deep end just yet.
“Not this time,” Buck says, giving Erik an apologetic shrug. “I’m really, like stupidly brand new to this.”
“No worries, hot stuff,” Erik says, easily. “This was fun. But I did come here to get laid, so if you’re not interested, I’ll have to go back into the trenches before all the pretty ones like you are snatched up for the night.”
“Good luck?” Buck says, amused.
“You, too,” Erik says, looking behind Buck’s shoulder towards the bar. “Pretty sure your not-boyfriend would try to stab me if you left with me, anyway.”
Buck turns to look towards the bar, but only sees Eddie looking down at his phone and sipping a toxic looking drink that is probably delicious.
When he turns back, Erik is gone, lost in the crowd, and Buck just shakes his head and starts back towards the bar.
“Looked like you were having fun,” Eddie says as Buck rejoins him and steals the bright drink from his hands to take a sip. He was right, it is delicious.
“I was,” Buck agrees. “He asked me to leave with him.”
Eddie snorts. “I told you. Took less than twenty minutes.”
“You think I should’ve gone?” Buck asks.
“No,” Eddie says, a little too vehemently, and Buck looks over at him in surprise.
“I just mean,” Eddie sighs, “that if you have to stop and really think about it, you probably aren’t ready to just go home with some random guy yet. It’s your first night out, you have plenty of time.”
“I think you’re right,” Buck says, nodding and downing the rest of Eddie’s drink. “Wanna go home and watch violent action movies that we wont let Chris see?”
“Absofuckinlutely,” Eddie says, pulling out his phone in a flash. “I’ll call an Uber.”
“Hey,” Buck says, as they’re waiting for their ride outside. “How come nobody was hitting on you? You’re objectively like super hot.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Eddie says, blushing and looking away.
“Yeah, but I’m also right,” Buck says, shrugging. “I expected to have to fight through a group to get back to you.”
“Guess I wasn’t anyone’s type tonight,” Eddie says, too quickly.
“Bullshit,” Buck says, raising an eyebrow at him. “What did you do?”
Eddie looks at him guiltily before rolling his eyes and huffing.
“Fine,” he says. “I maybe glared at anyone who came near me. I also maybe pushed one guy who got handsy into the bar hard enough to knock some sense into him.”
“I left you for ten minutes!” Buck says, laughing in disbelief. “Can’t take you anywhere.”
“You can take me home,” Eddie says as their Uber pulls up, “that’s somewhere. That’s my very favorite somewhere.”
“Yeah,” Buck agrees, climbing into the car after Eddie and immediately dropping his tipsy head onto Eddie’s shoulder. “It’s my favorite, too.”
They spend the rest of the night in pajamas watching bad movies and eating way too much pizza in a way they haven’t done since they were teenagers. Eddie falls asleep before the credits of the third movie, and Buck doesn’t dare move a muscle and dislodge the warm body that’s tucked against his side until he absolutely has to. When his bladder finally demands he moves, he shakes Eddie gently to wake him up.
“Not morning yet,” Eddie grumbles adorably. “No sun.”
“You can go right back to sleep,” Buck promises, “but you gotta let me up so that I don’t piss all over our carpet.”
“Ew,” Eddie says, even in sleep.
Rolling his eyes, Buck decides to just move Eddie, and pulls himself free, easing Eddie back down on the couch running a hand briefly through his hair soothingly.
Eddie settles back down and is out cold in the next moment, and Buck pulls himself away before he does something stupid like shake Eddie fully awake and kiss him right on his perfect mouth.
A tsunami rips through the coast a week later, causing chaos at work like Buck has never seen. When he finally gets home after three days of brutal search and recovery, Eddie greets him with a long hug and the shared thankfulness that Chris and Shannon had been far away from all of the destruction.
Buck wakes up a few nights after that to Eddie roughly gripping his shoulder, staring at him with wide eyes.
“What is it?” he asks, looking around the dimly lit basement bedroom. “Is Chris ok?”
“Chris is fine,” Eddie says, relaxing now that Buck is awake. “Are you ok, though? You were screaming, I thought you were being murdered or something.”
“So you ran down here to be murdered with me?” Buck asks, groggily. “That’s not great planning, Eds, I gotta say.”
“I wasn’t really thinking,” Eddie admits. “You screamed, and I ran. I’m glad you’re not being murdered, for what it’s worth.”
“I was drowning,” Buck says after a moment. “In the nightmare. I was drowning in the street while trying to save people and they kept grabbing my feet as they sank.”
“Jesus,” Eddies says, dropping down onto the bed next to Buck and leaning back against the headboard.
“I was screaming underwater, and nobody could hear me,” Buck continues. “Sorry that I scared you.”
“Don’t be,” Eddie says. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”
“Am I?” Buck asks, looking for all the world like the sad little boy Eddie met a lifetime ago.
“You’re safe here,” Eddie says. “Even if you’re not ok. You’re safe, and you will be ok eventually, I promise.”
“Thank you,” Buck says, softly. “Will you stay with me until I fall back to sleep?”
“I wasn’t going to leave unless you made me,” Eddie says. “This is a big bed, we can share just fine.”
“Will you..” Buck trails off, looking away with embarrassment.
“What?” Eddie asks, as he settles down under the blankets. “You know I will, you just have to ask.”
“Can I hold your hand?” Buck asks, still not looking at Eddie.
“Of course you can,” Eddie says, looking at him with contemplation. “But is that really what you were going to ask me? I know your tells, Buckley.”
“I can’t ask,” Buck says finally. “It sounds so stupid, but I can’t make my dumb brain work with my dumb mouth.”
“Ok,” Eddie says, watching the way Buck is practically curled into himself with anxiety. “Come here,” he says, holding out his arms. “You want me to hold you, right?”
Buck nods, not trusting his voice to speak without crying.
“Then come here,” Eddie repeats, patiently. “but lose the hoodie, you ridiculous space heater of a man.”
Buck laughs at that, but does as he’s told, pulling the hoodie up over his head and tossing it to the floor, before letting Eddie tug him down onto his chest like a weighted blanket.
“There,” Eddie says, once Buck is comfortable and settled against him. “Now we can sleep.”
He pulls the comforter up over them before looping his arms around Buck’s back and rubbing it soothingly as Buck’s breathing finally starts to return to normal.
“Love you,” Buck says, because he suddenly feels like he might die if he doesn’t let Eddie know. Even if he won’t know how Buck means it.
“Love you too,” Eddie says, in the same way he’s always said it, sincere but achingly platonic.
But for once, Buck lets himself ignore all of the angst in his head, and just enjoy the feeling of being held together by the man that he loves.
Summer isn’t quite over when they get the call from Shannon that her mother has died, and that they should come to town for the funeral that weekend before they can all come home together.
“I don’t think I have any funeral clothes,” Buck says, appearing in Eddie’s bedroom doorway.
Eddie looks over from where he’s looking through his own closet. “Me either,” he says, frowning at his lack of options. “I guess we have to go shopping.”
“This is probably bad timing,” Buck says, and Eddie barely blinks before Buck is standing not even a foot in front of him.
“But?” Eddie asks.
“But,” Buck says, “I’m in love with you, and even if you never feel the same way, I just really needed you to know.”
“Buck,” Eddie says, letting out a sigh of relief. “I have been in love with you since I was fourteen years old.”
“No you have not,” Buck says, shocked, “shut up.”
“I have,” Eddie insists. “But you didn’t want me like that.”
“I didn’t know,” Buck says, reaching out and cupping Eddie’s face with his hands. “I didn’t know what I was feeling wasn’t just friends. I never had a best friend before you. I think I’ve loved you longer than I’ve known what love is.”
“That is the sappiest thing you’ve ever said,” Eddie teases, even as his eyes are welling with tears. “That’s the big kiss ending of a rom com.”
“You love it,” Buck says, and then they’re kissing, and nothing else matters.
It’s thrilling and calming in equal measure, and Eddie finds himself hoping that he never has to take another breath if it means having to pull away from Buck’s lips.
“Ok,” Eddie says when they do manage to separate. “New plan.”
Buck looks at him expectantly.
“We buy clothes tomorrow,” Eddie says. “Today we do that.”
“Is that the whole plan?” Buck asks, pulling Eddie tightly against him and leaning down to leave a trail of kisses along his jaw.
“Do you need an itinerary?” Eddie asks, “or can we just take some clothes off and figure it out as we go?”
“Definitely the second one,” Buck says, grinning with anticipation as he falls towards the bed, pulling Eddie down with him.
Second one it is.
The funeral is small and quiet, and Shannon holds herself together until she’s finally alone with Buck and Eddie. Only then does her face quiver in the way that they know precedes a breakdown, and Buck quickly scoops Chris up to distract him elsewhere. As soon as he’s out of sight, Shannon lets Eddie pull her into an embrace as she sobs.
“We didn’t even get along,” she says after a few minutes, still tucked up in Eddie’s arms.
“But she was still your mom,” Eddie says gently, “it’s ok to love her even if you didn’t like her.”
“She really loved Chris,” Shannon says. “He made her so happy the last few weeks.”
“That’s good,” Eddie says. “You did so good, Shan.”
Shannon pulls away at last, looking up at Eddie with tired eyes.
“I’m so ready to go home,” she says. “I miss my bed. And my beautiful idiot boys.”
“Buck washed your bedding so it’d smell nice and fresh for you when you got back,” Eddie says, smiling. “He’s going to tell you I did it to try and make me look good, but he’s a dirty rotten liar. A sweet one, though.”
“Wait,” Shannon says, eyeing him suspiciously. “You don’t sound sad at all like you usually do when Buck does something sweet. Did you two finally get together??”
Eddie looks around nervously, but the room is empty save for them.
“Maybe,” he says, fighting back the proud smile that wants to break out across his face.
“I can’t believe you waited until I was gone to get your shit together,” Shannon says, smacking him lightly on the arm. “Figures.”
“It’s really new,” Eddie says, as if he’s afraid speaking it out loud will make it wash away.
“I’m happy for you,” Shannon says, hugging Eddie again. “Now can we please go home?”
“Please,” Eddie says, taking her hand and leading the way.
When they finally pull into the driveway of the house, there’s a woman sitting on the front steps, who stands up quickly as the early evening headlights illuminate her.
“Maddie?” Buck says out loud before the car is even parked, and Eddie looks closer in surprise.
She’s older now, with shorter hair and paler skin than Eddie remembers, but it’s definitely her.
Buck rushes out of the car and Eddie can’t hear what he says, but he sees Buck touching Maddie’s face gently before pulling her into a tight hug.
When the three of them finally get situated and join Buck at the stairs, Maddie looks over at them and offers a weak smile. Half her face is covered in an array of purple bruises and her busted lip is just barely starting to heal.
“I was hoping I could stay with you for a while?” Maddie asks, looking between the three adults and then fondly at the conked out Christopher in Eddie’s arms.
“Of course you can,” Buck says.
“As long as you want,” Shannon agrees, knowing Eddie would agree to anything to make Buck happy, so it’s really only her that Buck might be worried about.
“Are you in danger?” Buck asks. “Is he going to follow you here? I’ll kill him Maddie, I swear I will.”
“Too late,” Maddie says, looking up at them wide tearful eyes. “It’s a long story, but he won’t be hurting anyone ever again.”
“We can talk about it tomorrow,” Eddie says, gesturing to Chris asleep in his arms. “But for now, why don’t we all get some sleep. Buck can set you up in his room.”
“Where will you sleep?” Maddie asks, frowning, “I don’t want to push you out of your room.”
“With uh,” Buck ducks his head, “with my boyfriend, probably.”
“Boyfriend?” Maddie asks in surprise. “What boyfriend? None of your letters mentioned a boyfriend.”
Buck just slowly looks pointedly at Eddie, who gives Maddie an amused smile.
“Oh,” Maddie says, calming down. “It’s Eddie. That makes sense.”
Buck and Eddie give her twin looks of incredulity, but Shannon just laughs.
“Boys, right?” she says, sharing a long-suffering look with Maddie.
“Boys,” Maddie agrees.
Shannon lets them in and lets Eddie transfer the sleeping Chris into her arms to bring him to bed. Buck points Maddie in the direction of the closest bathroom and locks the door behind him and Eddie as they finally come in.
“You don’t mind, right?” Buck asks.
“You finally get your sister back and you think I would ever take that from you?” Eddie asks. “You wound me, Buckley.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” Buck says. “But I had to ask.”
“Go get your sister clean sheets, you weirdo,” Eddie says, pulling Buck in for a quick kiss. “And then you can come get mine messy again.”
And really, who is Buck to argue with a plan like that?
The End.