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When Kakashi finally left the Hokage's office after submitting his preliminary report it was way past noon and he was tired and hungry.
Still, his first thought went to locating Tenzo and resolving the mess he had created when he left the younger man alone after... he shuddered at the mere recollection of his dastardly behaviour. He really hoped his partner, always the more charitable of the two, would at least listen to him. For he doubted he would if the tables were turned.
He knew Tenzo was in Konoha, since he had sneaked a peek at the in-village ninja roster Shizune had placed on Tsunade's desk during his debriefing, and started towards his first destination.
At this time of day Tenzo was probably at the training fields, grumbling as he tried to keep up with Naruto's insane stamina or relaxing after bribing the blond ninja into taking a break with the promise of Ramen.
The image brought a smile to his face but he quickly sobered as he neared Team Kakashi's usual training spot. He felt his chest constrict in a mixture of pleasure and dread when he finally saw the Mokuton user after two long months.
The ninja in question was sitting on the ground, with his back resting on a tree trunk, as he conversed animatedly with Sakura and Tenten while the sounds of a mock brawl – Naruto, Sai and Rock Lee judging by the voices- were coming from the nearby trees.
Tenzo spotted him immediately but a raised eyebrow was all the reaction he gave and he carried on as if nothing were amiss. Kakashi sighed and advanced, making himself known with his customary salute “Yo everyone!” The three sitting nin looked up and the young women greeted him back while Tenzo gave a grudging nod.
“Hi Kakashi-sensei! Welcome back.” Greeted Sakura “How was your mission?” She inquired. “You are back early and in one piece for once!”
“Maa, Maa, same old. I was so bored I was actually eager to be back.” He answered, trying to direct a meaningful -for Kakashi- look at Tenzo, who just ignored him.
Another sigh.
Tenten laughed and said “Now that you're back Naruto will stop pestering everyone for training! He's a great guy but seriously, he can be worse than Lee and Gai-sensei put together when it comes to training and stamina!”
Kakashi gave his patented eye-smile in response and addressed Tenzo, trying to play it cool. “Hey Tenzo, I need to talk to you, would you mind coming with me?” The smile would be permanently etched on his face if he kept it up much longer.
Tenzo's next words took care of crushing it. “Whatever for? I don't think we have anything to say to each other Hatake-san” he said with unmistakable hostility, stressing the formal honorific “especially not in private. You can tell me here if it is so important but make it quick, I have other things to do.” he concluded in a frosty tone.
Sakura and Tenten looked between the two men slack-jawed, unable to understand the undercurrents since Kakashi and Tenzo had always seemed such good friends and colleagues.
Kakashi showed he'd felt the blow by bowing his head and went for neutral reserve in his next attempt. “Really, it is a private matter and I don't think you'd enjoy causing a scene.” he said and immediately regretted it as he saw the other man's lips pressing together in anger.
Tenzo stood up rigidly and spit out “Fine!” before starting for the trees in the opposite direction of the ongoing brawl.
Kakashi gave the stunned women a sheepish, awkward smile and asked them not to eavesdrop; there was an underlying tone of desperation in his voice so the speechless duo could do nothing but agree and watch the copy-nin follow after his friend.
The two men walked in tense silence for a few minutes before Tenzo abruptly stopped and asked without turning “So?”
Kakashi took a deep breath “I'm sorry Ten!” he blurted out.
“For what?” Tenzo wondered icily “Being a selfish asshole and bolting on me yet again? For not having the balls to tell me you don't return my feelings and I was just your fuck-buddy? How you must have laughed at poor besotted me!” He concluded with mocking contempt.
Kakashi was so stunned by Tenzo's accusations and unusually coarse attitude that he didn't manage anything better then a desperate
“NO!”
Tenzo sneered at him sarcastically.
“If you actually care you have a strange way of showing it.”
Kakashi tried again “I know I've messed up...”
“You know NOTHING!” Tenzo thundered as he swivelled towards the other. “For all your acclaimed genius you've never understood anything when it comes to me and yourself. Otherwise you would have noticed how self-centred you are and how little you've given me while soaking up all I had to offer. You never wanted to see how willing I was to do just about anything for you or how you have become the most important person to me, my anchor. But that's not what hurts the most, because I've always known all this and still cared about you since it's part of you and I've never wanted to change you. What I cannot stand is you blatantly playing with my feelings!” He accused with a world of hurt in his dark eyes.
Kakashi was appealed and indignant
“I've never done such a thing!” he defended.
“No?” wondered Tenzo as he advanced on the copy-nin, grabbing his flack jacket to draw him forward
“And how would you call tenderly embracing someone after they tell you 'I love you' at the end of a mind blowing lovemaking session -giving them the impression that you reciprocate- just to skip town before they wake up without even leaving a fucking note!?” he exploded as he shook the older man back and forth, ending with a punch to the face that caught Kakashi by surprise, sending him sprawling on his back as his hitai-ate fell away.
After his tirade Tenzo deflated as he watched the older man prop himself up on his elbows with a stunned look on his face. Tenzo's next words were tired and defeated.
“I'm tired of this game we've been playing, where I always have to be careful of what I say and do to avoid you going into a panic and still we end up with one step forward and two steps back. I feel like I'm the only one trying to make this work. I get that you have issues but that doesn't give you the right to jerk me around! And you know what the saddest thing is?
If you'd told me then 'I don't love you back' I would have still agreed to be your friend, fuck-buddy, colleague... whatever just to stay in your life! How pathetic is that?" He asked with a self-deprecating smile before leaving without looking back.
For a few moments Kakashi sat there on the grass in utter disbelief, watching as Tenzo stormed towards the training field. In all those years they had never struck one another outside of training, no matter how bad an argument got.
And for Tenzo, who'd always respected him so much (too much really), to be the one to do it... That alone showed how much he'd hurt the other.
He felt like he'd been stabbed. Than again he deserved it.
Kakashi's eyes refocused on the present and after stuffing his head-band in a pocket he jumped to his feet to chase after his partner. He wasn't going to give up so easily, they'd gotten too far for that.
He reached Tenzo as he was stomping out of the trees and into the clearing but didn't try to grab him for fear of inciting another physical confrontation. He shunshied in front of the younger man, careful to leave plenty of space between them.
His mind registered the presence of other people, his team and a few others, but he dismissed them as unimportant and non-threatening.
Tenzo stopped a few meters away from him, levelled a cold and angry look at him and demanded “What do you want now?”
For a few seconds Kakashi remained silent, battling his pride. Because he knew that if he wanted the other man back he would have to beg and grovel. In public.
Was it worth the humiliation?
He finally believed it was.
“Please Tenzo listen to me, let me explain...” Kakashi began.
“What is there to explain?” Tenzo interrupted him furiously. “Can you deny any of what I said before is true?”
Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment and felt the sting of the shiner that was undoubtedly developing around his left eye. Damn Tenzo and his mean right hook.
He looked to the ground and tried again. “No, I can't. You are right, I'm a bastard and I behaved abominably. Part of it is due to the reasons you have already stated but there are other things I discovered later on. And I owe it to you and to myself to be honest and open for once in my life. No more hiding and mind games.” In the middle of his speech he had lifted his mismatched eyes to look at Tenzo's dark ones.
“Here and now? Aren't you afraid of causing a scene?” Tenzo asked mockingly, using Kakashi's previous words against him.
Kakashi exclaimed “I don't give a damn what anyone thinks at this moment!” and lowered his face mask with an angry pull to the astonishment of all the nins present, who gasped in surprise.
For a few heartbeats there was absolute silence as team Kakashi took in the sight of the long sought after face. No one dared utter a sound, not even Naruto.
In spite of having already seen it many times Tenzo was still gobsmacked. Of all the things Kakashi could have done to prove his sincerity this was the last one he would have imagined even in his wildest dreams. And that meant the copy-nin was actually serious.
Conscious of the extraordinary effort this was for the very private Hatake, Tenzo finally said. “I'm listening.” and folded his arms on his chest.
Kakashi nervously ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“That night...” he started uncertainly “I was actually happy for once but then I panicked! I started thinking of you, me, what would happen if I accepted your feelings, how much it would hurt if anything ever happened to you, if I would even be able to survive it. I laid there on your bed, staring at the ceiling, as I went through the pros and cons many times but I couldn't seem to reach a definite conclusion so.... I bolted. I felt suffocated, I needed to be alone and think so I ran to the Tower and practically demanded a solo mission. As luck would have it, Tsunade intended to summon me for one that very day and I went for it. But you know, after I left the village and the initial elation wore off, I regretted it. I started thinking of your reaction, how much I was hurting you but I'd already committed myself to the mission... All I could do was try to finish it as quickly as I could without getting killed while I tried to straighten myself out and think what to tell you.” Here Kakashi paused, considering the guarded black eyes of his lover that were at least devoid of anger.
Tenzo cocked his head to the side and asked “And what would that be?” Encouraged by the lack of animosity, Kakashi breathed in and opened his mouth to start one of the many speeches he had rehearsed, only to close it when he realised he couldn't recall any of them. He started to panic when he saw Tenzo moving his weight from one foot to the other in a clear sign of impatience.
Why was it that, when he really needed it, his supposedly brilliant mind failed to provide him with words? “I'm really no good at this, uh?” He blurted out as he rubbed his face with the palm of his left hand in frustration.
“No shit.” Tenzo responded with a dark chuckle and went back to waiting.
Kakashi tried to respond with a sheepish grin that came out as a pained smile. He gave another sigh and told himself to man up.
Easier said than done.
He noticed that during their talk the distance between them had reduced but was unable to determine who had moved towards whom.
Never the less, that little particular gave him hope and inspired him. “I remember you telling me some time ago that I keep everyone at a distance. It was not to say that I don't care about people but that I keep my heart hidden away behind sturdy walls so that I wouldn't get hurt if someone precious to me died. You were correct, as usual. During this time we've been apart I've realised that somewhere along the way you've wormed your way inside. And now I can't get you out. I don't even want to.” He said the last part with a look of wonder on his face, as if he was just now realising the truth of his words.
And perhaps he was.
“Please, I don't want it to end like this. I know I don't deserve you but give me a chance to prove that I can and want to do better.”
While talking, Kakashi took his right hand out of his pants' pocket and reached out towards Tenzo beseechingly.
Tenzo, who had been silently observing Kakashi's changing expressions throughout the speech, looked at the outstretched hand with pensive eyes. The following silence was pure torture on Kakashi, who closed his eyes and was about to drop his hand in defeat when he felt Tenzo move closer. The distance had reduced to one meter as Kakashi gazed at his lover with renewed hope.
That was his limit in the begging department, there was only so much his pride could take, even for Tenzo.
The younger man sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he was won't to do when Kakashi did or said something particularly frustrating. He put his hands on his hips and sternly said: “Pull this kind of shit on me again and we are through!”
Kakashi, who was struck dumb by the real meaning of the words, nodded furiously.
“And I'm done tiptoeing around delicate subjects. If we want to make this work we have to say what we think clearly!”
Kakashi nodded even more vigorously. It was a testament to Tenzo's honesty that he didn't push for more, since at that moment Kakashi would have probably said yes to anything he asked.
Tenzo reached for his lover's hand and stopped just a few centimetres before making contact saying: “And don't think for even one moment that you are out of the dog house!”
“Wouldn't dream of it!” Kakashi assured as he grabbed Tenzo's hand to pull him forwards.
The Mokuton user would have none of it and pulled with such force that Kakashi practically crashed on his chest.
A stunned copy-nin found himself hugged tightly and gave in, completely relaxing against Tenzo's body. He didn't remember ever feeling so tired outside of battle, it was as if he had fought for days and now that it was over he was exhausted and satisfied as he only felt after a hard won victory or an accomplished mission.
The copy-nin let his head fall on Tenzo's shoulder and didn't even notice when the wood user furtively pulled his mask up, hiding his face from the onlookers who were now coming out of their daze and cheering loudly.