Work Text:
In, Out.
Katana had felt off all day.
Steady hands.
Katana's hands weren't steadying. They kept trembling and shaking. His breath was uneven. His eyes were shaky. His palms were sweaty.
Get a fucking grip.
He snarled at himself and gripped his arm, claws digging into his exposed skin. He was still shaking, still trembling-
His gear dropped to the ground, and he went with it. He sat on his knees, slouched over. He took a few minutes in an attempt to calm himself, but it wasn't working. The forest mocked his futile efforts in the way it swayed and shook from the wind.
Was it because of the ache in his scars? The nightmare he had the night prior? Was it because he had to witness his hideous face?
He didn't know.
He really, truly, did not know.
Katana found himself inside after that. He took extra care to cover any reflective surfaces with curtains or towels, ignoring the dread in his stomach and the quaking that racked his entire body.
He wasn't entirely new to this feeling. He's had days before where he couldn't muster up any energy to get out of bed. Where he laid there, feeling useless, weak, dissapointing. Where he laid, on top of the covers, all day in a daze that lasted until he was distracted.
Prince as an attempt that remedied that habit, albeit temporarily. If he had to care for another living being, then it would motivate him to get up and out of bed. It worked for a bit, though sometimes... it failed.
He wouldn't get up. He wouldn't feed or give water to his precious messenger. He wouldn't clean his cage nor say hi. There was a period of time where Katana just laid in bed, for days on end. Not moving, nor thinking. Just staring at one spot with a blank mind.
When Katana finally 'woke up', as he called it, as if his severe dissociation was nothing more than a quick rest, he found Prince's cage to have been tampered with, allowing the owl to freely leave and return. He also looked like he gained some weight, with something pinned to the door of the aviary.
Noticed you weren't coming out, so we took care of the oul owl! Hope that wasn't a problem!
-the best neighbors ever
The note had a tiny scribble of Vinestaff, Shuriken and Slingshot, which made the samurai chuckle. He set it on his counter so he could remember to properly thank them, and apologized to Prince for his absence.
So, Prince wasn't helping as much as he'd like. Luckily, Hyperlaser had started having more time off work, which meant that they had more trips to the bar than usual. Sure, getting utterly wasted wasn't the best manner of coping, but Hyperlaser was there. Hyperlaser made everything better.
Katana envied the mercenary. He didn't care about any stares or disgusted gazes. He didn't pay attention to any fear people responded with when seeing his marred face and broken horns. What Katana would do to feel like that. The thought always made him feel incredibly guilty. You weren't supposed to be envious of your partner, you weren't supposed to be this weak. If anything, he had it better than Hyperlaser. At least he could see, and he had his horns.
He's seen the looks of Pity Hyperlaser gets. It would have killed Katana if he were like that.
Katana sighed and shook his head. He pulled out his phone, uncomfortably angling his fingers to prevent his claws from hitting the buttons. He sent a quick request to Hyperlaser, asking to meet up. Maybe alcohol would quell these thoughts, and he could go back to training tomorrow.
The samurai continued covering reflections, until his washroom had the last one. The towel he used to cover it had fallen, and he had yet to put it back up. Though Katana halted- he dropped the towel and hesitantly brought a hand to his mask. He clicked off the strap, gently holding the porcelain in his hand.
He just stared at his face.
He was disgusting.
One side was rather normal, if not a bit tired and wrinkled from stress. On the other side, huge gap was where his glass eye used to be. After he defected, he dug and dug and tore it out, leaving a worse scar in its wake. The star-shaped scar covered that half of his face with a huge crater in the center. His mouth was worse off, teeth having been partially revealed in a gorey mess. He had to lean to drink because of that. There were other scars on his face, sure, but-
There was a sound of something shattering. Katana's hand was shaking and sweaty. He looked down to see his mask, shattered on the floor into several pieces.
He gasped and covered his mouth, eye widening in horror.
"No... no no no..." He ducked down to grab the pieces, cradling them in his hand.
He couldn't hide.
The thought was enough to send him into a frenzy. Tears brimmed his eye. He knew it wasn't a big deal, he could just make another. He had other things to hide his face with. But in that moment, he was terrified. He wasn't thinking straight.
He hiccuped and gasped for air, clutching his face. It felt hard to do such a simple thing. He ended up sitting there for gods know how long, letting the chill of the tile worm up his legs.