Work Text:
Working in the Avenger's Tower was never going to be normal. Darcy knew that for sure. Especially when her dad owned the building.
But what was happening was weird, even for somebody who's best friend routinely opened portals to another world.
She was just minding her own business, absently typing up Jane's scribbles into something legible (and maybe laughing at gifs on Tumblr, but that is not the point) when a voice sounded down from the ceiling.
"Natasha move! You're going to knock it over!"
"Shut up!" The woman in question hissed back, sending goosebumps rippling across Darcy's flesh. "It'll be fine, you just need to stay out of the way!"
"Nat, just move! Stop being so damn stubborn."
"Oh I'm stubborn? I'm the stubborn one here?" Darcy could almost feel the scowl that would be contorting the redhead's flawless mouth right now. She carefully slid from her chair and moved to stand beneath the vent where the voices where radiating from.
"Yes, yes you are." He growled back, the sound echoing through the vent.
"Like you can talk, Mr Sixty-Seconds!" She retorted coldly, and Darcy could almost see her mouth stretch up into a catlike smile.
"That was only one time!" Clint bellowed, the vent rattling under the force of his cry. "You said it happened to all men!"
"Well I lied!"
The metal above her shook and vibrated as loud snarls and grunts radiated out. Darcy doubled over, hand clamped over her mouth in an effort to stifle the laughter as tears ran freely down her face.
Suddenly, all movement and sound froze as the elevator dinged.
"You okay Darcy?" Bruce asked, brow crinkling in concern as he instantly noticed her stood in the middle of an empty lab, bent over with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She panted, struggling to get her breath back. Awkwardly straightening up, she rubbed her abs which were now aching. "I was just..." Scratching awkwardly at her elbow, she shrugged with no decent explanation jumping to mind.
And she wasn't going to rat on Natasha and Clint until she figured out what they were up to.
Plus the fact that she quite liked her body in one piece, and didn't fancy letting Natasha dismembering it.
Bruce appraisingly looked at her before taking his glasses off and staring at his feet as he cleaned them with his shirt. "Uh, I, uh, I have a good tea that helps with... With, uh, cramps if you need it."
She nodded solemnly and grabbed her stomach. "That would be great. I have, uh, really bad cramps. Could I have that tea now?"
He gestured over at his work. "Well, I was going to..."
"Cramps, Bruce!" She shouted before she could stop herself. "I have really bad cramps and there's so much blood and it hurts and you don't really understand it but I'm bleeding out an internal organ and..." He blushed a bright red before stammering a quick 'sorry' and practically leaping into the elevator.
"You assholes are buying me drinks for the next six months!" She hollered up at the ceiling, raising he voice to be heard over the aggressive giggles reverberating around the room. "And you better get your asses down here in the next two seconds or I'll tell Bruce what you're up to!"
Miraculously, not even a second later, Natasha and Clint were stood in front of her, with Clint holding a very large plate with a massive, precarious pile of Chinese food in one hand and the vent cover - somehow - screwed back into place. Darcy raised an eyebrow.
"Should I ask?"
Clint smirked. "It's all part of our daring plan to make Bruce fall in love with us."
She dropped a hand onto her hip. "And how's that working out for you?"
"Well we got to hear you scream about menstruation at him, so so far it's been worth it."
Darcy shot him a glare and quickly retorted "I doubt it's worth it for Natasha, Mr Sixty-Seconds."
Clint scowled at both of them before muttering various profanities that the two women easily ignored. Natasha shrugged an elegant shoulder. "We'll buy you drinks for the next six months if you don't say anything to Bruce." She glanced at Clint. "Or to anybody else."
"Deal." Darcy knew a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when she heard one and quickly stuck her hand out to shake. Natasha grabbed it and gave it a firm pump before freezing as the sound of the elevator doors sliding open filled the room.
Nearly five years later when she was finally asked, Darcy would truly be unable to explain how they did it. She just knew that in the second it took for her to glance at the elevator, Clint and Natasha were almost instantly safely ensconced in a very small vent all while balancing a precarious plate of Chinese food.
"Uh, here you go." Bruce stammered, sticking the box of tea out at her with a blush. She smiled gratefully and took it.
"No, seriously. Thank you." Putting meaningful emphasis on the final word, she merrily skipped out of the lab, eager to find Jane and start to build up a tab in Natasha's name. And if Bruce turned up once a month with a blush and a box of tea in hand, that was just a bonus.