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Loneliness has always been a friend of mine
No one would think of it looking at Poe Dameron, but the pilot was lonely. He hadn’t even realised it himself till he met the person who both saved and changed his life in the same instant. How could he be lonely when he was surrounded by people, by friends? Because there were different types of loneliness, and Poe’s was a loneliness of the heart, the yearning for that one soul equal to his own. Of course Poe had tried to fill the void in his chest and he had loved, but he had never been in love, there was a difference, a difference that could only be described by someone who had felt both.
Strangely, the lonely ache in his chest eased only when he was alone. The times when he flew his x-wing on the edge of whatever planet he was on. The land below was just a mere smudge, signs of life minuscule dots of light, and the stratosphere stretching endlessly all around him was calming; above countless stars blinked and planets turned. The cure for his loneliness was out there somewhere, in the vastness of Space, who knew how many lightyears away. Yet in those moments, all alone apart from the hum of the x-wing and the beauty of the stars, Poe never felt closer. One day he would find them, he believed that – he had to – but until then, the loneliness would stay by his side, like a reliable friend.
I'm leavin' my life in your hands
Poe had imagined finally finding them over and over again, in all kinds of scenarios, under every possible circumstance, or so he had thought. He had never expect them to be wearing the armour of the enemy. But the moment the Stormtrooper had removed his helmet and Poe saw his young face and his kind eyes, he had known that he was no enemy. The ache in his chest tightened then evaporated, as if the loneliness had swollen than burst. He had stared at the young man, his beautiful dark skin glistening with sweat and his breath quick and heavy as he spoke – his voice, oh his voice.
“Why are you helping me?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
After Poe had made it off Jakku and back to the Resistance, people had asked why he had put his life in a Stormtrooper’s hands. Because they had needed each other – “I need a pilot” - that was the simply answer, and it was true but for Poe that hadn’t been the real reason. A few called him crazy when he told them of his escape from the First Order. Others said he had been foolish, blind for trusting a Stormtrooper so easily, that it could have been some kind of cruel trick. But Poe had known in one glance, at that very first sight of his face, that he could trust him with his life.
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
“FN-2187.”
“FN – huh? Finn, I’m gonna call you Finn! That alright?”
Yes, Poe had been blinded by Finn from the second he had met him, when he had rescued him. Finn had burst into his life in the moment he had been beginning to fear he was going to die before finding the one to chase away his loneliness. He had been blinded by his beauty, by his braver, by the tragedy of him not even having a name. Finn had been a complete mystery to him, he knew nothing about him, yet Poe risked everything and put his life in the Stormtrooper’s hands – and Finn had done the exact same in return. They had jumped together, they could have fallen but they had flown…
I can't get you out of my head
…and crashed. When Poe had woken totally alone on Jakku, no sign of the crashed TIE fighter or Finn, he had cried and shouted, beaten the sand with his fists. The loneliness had slunk back into his chest and sat upon his heart. He had lost Finn, he had only just found him, but he had lost him almost in the same breath. Poe saw Finn’s face every time he had closed his eyes, every time he blink, and heard his voice deep within his ears. Finn had haunted his mind, the loneliness feeding off of his memory, growing fat - growing heavier - sitting on Poe’s heart.
I don't care what is written in your history
The moment BB-8 had appeared out of nowhere and rolled up to him, beeping about the Stormtrooper who had saved him and brought him back to the Resistance, the loneliness had hissed through Poe’s mind. And when Poe had looked up and seen Finn standing there, wearing his jacket, alive and safe, he had wanted to collapse.
“Poe Dameron? Poe!”
Finn, he was calling his name, running. Poe had no memory of deciding to move, to rush towards Finn, but suddenly Finn had been right there and in his arms. That glorious, unbelievable moment. Finn had been in his arms. He was alive, breathing against his neck, his arms hugging Poe close and in a grip so strong and sure it beat the loneliness away.
The young man in his arms was still as big of a mystery to him as he had been before - Poe knew nothing about his history, what he had done - but he didn’t care. People would talk, disapprove, and not trust Finn because of his past, but none of that matter to Poe. Not in that moment and not in any to come.
As long as you're here with me
Finn was here, in his arms, he had found him again. Whatever demons or darkness lurked in his past meant nothing. Finn couldn’t rewrite his past any more than anyone could, but together they could create a future. A future of light, a good future, as long as they were together everything would be alright. As long as Finn was by his side, Poe knew he would never feel that loneliness again.
I don't care who you are
It didn’t matter to Poe that Finn had been a Stormtrooper, that wasn’t who he was anymore.
Where you're from
Or that he had been with the First Order. That had never been his choice, it wasn’t his home – his home was wherever they were together.
What you did
Nor did it matter to Poe the things Finn must have done whilst he had worn that white uniform. He had turned his back on the Dark Side and Poe was ready to show him the Light.
As long as you love me
Finn’s past was his own, but his future – and Poe’s - was theirs together to shape. Finn loving him was all the evidence Poe needed that he would never return to the First Order, or betray the Resistance.
Every little thing that you've said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Finn carried with him the guilt and shame of his past. No one hated the fact he’d been with the First Order more than he did. He would often awake gasping and sweating from a nightmare in which faceless figures had been forcing him into a Stormtrooper uniform, trapping him inside the white armour and shoving a blaster into his hands. Those nights Poe would wrap his arms around Finn and guild him gently back down. He would hold him and kiss him and tell him stories he remembered his parents telling him as a child.
Poe felt Finn’s guilt and fear deep within himself. He would give anything to know how to rid him of it. If he could, he would gladly take all of Finn’s pain away and bare it himself – everything he had said and done that he regret from his past – Poe wished he could take it all. But of course he could not. All he could do was hold Finn close till he stopped shaking and the tears dried. Finn would always thank him in the morning but Poe still felt like it wasn’t enough – he hated feeling powerless to help.
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be
One day they both knew Finn’s past would catch up with him. He would find himself facing it head on, he couldn’t run from it forever. But when that day came, Finn would be ready and Poe would be by his side. It was their fate to be together, to stand and face the darkness as one. The Resistance pilot and the Stormtrooper, a love to defend the Light and defeat the Dark. That was just the way it was meant to be, and the way it had to end. When that moment came, just as the first time they had met, they would jump together. To fly or to fall – hands clasped together.
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me