Chapter Text
“Are lighthouses cool?” Calvin wondered, glancing down the hill towards the beach. “I don’t know if lighthouses are even that cool.”
“I mean, maybe?” Konrad replied, though he didn’t sound convinced. “They’re used to keep boats from crashing into the shore, right? So they’ve got to be a little important.”
“‘Important’ isn’t the same as ‘cool’,” Calvin countered, “not that that lighthouse over there looks that important, either.”
“I thought they were supposed to be really tall?”
“Maybe it’s not real?”
“What’s the point of a lighthouse if it’s not real? They’re not even that cool.”
“That’s exactly my point!”
Charles bit his lip and he looked down the different paths that went out from Shady Sea Town’s town square. They’d arrived maybe ten minutes ago, getting permission from the airport to land quickly before looking for the police station, or whatever a tiny little tourist trap wannabe town had instead. The town seemed almost completely empty, and all of the buildings looked identical with their filthy, sun bleached walls and dirty windows. He wanted to think positively; maybe Shady Sea Town was just a very private community. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t very welcome here.
“Hey, guys?” He looked over his shoulder at the twins and gave them a tired smile. “I think it’d be better if we found Rupert before debating the importance of lighthouses, y’know?”
“You’re definitely not wrong,” Konrad agreed.
“He’s definitely not not right, either.” Calvin took off his military cap and shook out his hair before putting it back on. “How can a place that’s so lukewarm be so hot?”
“I think the more accurate word would be ‘clammy’.”
“It smells clammy, too.”
“Speaking of clammy,” Konrad said suddenly, pointing down the path towards the beach, where an old man was walking up the hill with a wheelbarrow full of fish. “That’s the first person we’ve seen since we got here. Hopefully he won’t ‘clam up’ when we talk to him.”
“Shut up,” Calvin groaned.
“No, you.”
Charles left them to it and hurried to meet the man, drawing up another bright and friendly grin despite his nerves. “Excuse me, sir? Would you mind if we spoke for a second?”
The man didn’t seem to hear him until they were only a dozen yards apart. His head shot up as if he’d been sleep walking, squinting at Charles with his one eye suspiciously. Charles kept smiling as he slowed to a stop next to the man. The fish in the wheelbarrow had probably been caught that day, but the eye watering stench indicated that they hadn’t been stored properly since they left the ocean. One of the fish twitched wetly, and he held back a grimace. “Hello, sir,” he said again, “may I ask you some questions?”
One the flies that had been buzzing near the man’s catch landed on his scarred-over eye. He didn’t seem to notice. “What sort o’ questions, boyo? I don’t want no trouble.”
“Oh, no,” Charles said quickly, “no troubles, sir, I promise. We’re just looking for someone, that’s all.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket for his phone, then pulled up an old picture he’d taken of Rupert a couple of weeks ago, back before all of this had started. He showed it to the man. “Do you recognize this person? Have you seen him lately?”
The old man leaned forward to squint at the photo, then leaned back and appraised Charles. There was an awkward silence for a moment, finally interrupted by Calvin Bukowski. “So, is that a yay or a nay?”
“I think pirates say ‘aye’, not ‘yay’,” Konrad whispered back.
“But that doesn’t rhyme with nay.”
“Aye,” the man interrupted. “I’ve seen yer lil’ bloke, but I’ve a feelin’ that ship’s sailed.”
Charles blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I seen ‘im but a day or so past, and ‘e’s not been back since. Poor landlubber went to the lighthouse; ‘e ‘ad a bone to pick, but no doubt ‘is bones were picked instead.”
“Do pirates always speak in riddles?” Konrad wondered.
The man glared at them. “I be sayin’ that blasted Gadget Gabe’s done ‘im in!” He snapped. “That scallywag stole away our lighthouse, and now e’s stolen yer mate away, too! If ye be lookin’ to join ‘im, make fer the lighthouse. If not, then leave! That’s all I’ve to say on the matter.” With that, the man hoisted up the handles of his wheelbarrow and stormed up the path towards the town.
“...I legitimately didn’t understand a word of that,” Calvin admitted.
“Do you think he actually has that accent, or was just messing with us?” Konrad asked.
Charles’ brain felt like an egg frying on the sidewalk. So Rupert had been seen here, at least within the past few days, and was last spotted heading for the lighthouse. Most concerning of all, though, was that if he understood the man right, Gadget Gabe was there too, and was possibly dangerous as well as a sleazeball. Rupert was more than capable of taking care of himself, so if someone had managed to do him in… well, Charles didn’t like the thought of that one bit.
He cleared his throat, and the twins quieted instantly. Charles scanned the distant beach once more before facing them firmly. “The lighthouse seems to be an hour’s walk along the shore,” he said. “I saw some all terrain bikes at the airport, so we’ll borrow those and take the trip quickly. Light weaponry, easy to conceal; maybe one pistol each and mostly melee otherwise. You two start ASAP while I message the General before following behind. Barring any unforeseen circumstances- knock on wood- we’ll be able to cut the travel time in half. We’ll search for entry methods once we’re in range. Any questions?”
The twins nodded in sync. He appreciated that they were able to read the room enough to know when he was serious- not everyone knew he was a more nuanced character. “Good. Let’s move out.”
*
Despite the grimy dampness of both the beach and the lighthouse, Charles knew for a fact that it hadn’t rained recently. Part of piloting anything was being able to read the weather, after all, so the fact that a heavy trail of water seemed to have simply appeared on the rotten steps of the lighthouse set off sirens in his head immediately. The rotten wooden door tossed aside like it’d been ripped off its hinges didn’t help, either.
He stashed his borrowed bike behind a low cropping of rocks and motioned for the twins to do the same. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do,” he began, standing at his full height. “There’s a minimum of two hostiles and one ally up ahead. Until otherwise proven, all hostiles should be considered armed and dangerous.” He locked eyes with Konrad and flicked his fingers in the direction of the entrance. “Konrad scouts first, pistol in hand and safety on, while Calvin,” he flicked his fingers again, “follows up, sticking with melee for now. I’ll follow up the rear, pistol safety on as well. Low and slow is the name of the game; we assess the situation, then find a safety zone to regroup in. Anything suspicious, knock out a quick SOS. Understood?”
The Bukowskis nodded in sync, and Konrad crept up the steps quickly. He peered through the doorway for a few seconds, then slipped inside. Calvin came up behind him, only to stop short on the threshold. After a second, he leaned back and mouthed to Charles, “Downstairs. Arguing.”
“Plan A,” Charles mouthed back. Calvin relayed the message, then slipped inside. Charles drew his pistol, hovering a finger over the safety switch as he stepped inside as well.
The interior of the lighthouse was as dirty and cramped as the rest of the town, and Charles’ eyes were drawn immediately to the trail of water that continued down a dark flight of steps. Konrad’s head was just disappearing from sight as he went down, and Calvin waited until Charles was fully inside before following. Charles moved carefully, aiming his weapon above and behind him in case of an ambush.
The stairs were slick, and Charles briefly wondered if someone had taken a dip before entering this place. Who on Earth would be swimming at this awful beach, though? He shook the thought away and finally passed through another doorway into the basement. The twins were further inside, poking around and grimacing at the rancid old laundry and trash that covered most of the floor. Charles pursed his lips, but there were worse things they could have been dealing with.
He heard a weird scratching sound and looked to see Calvin and Konrad rubbing the heels of their boots against the floor; apparently the laundry was so thick that tapping out messages was a negative. That was when he heard it.
He wouldn’t have called it ‘arguing’; that usually implied that two people were talking, but he could only hear one voice, a woman’s, speaking quickly and angrily in a language Charles didn’t recognize. He gestured towards Calvin, who put away his knife and pulled out his gun. Together, the three of them flipped off the safety switches and approached the hallway up ahead, pressing against the wall and stopping just short of where the corner turned out of sight. The woman was still talking, though there was a second voice now, barely: more of a choked squeak than anything, like whoever was trying to speak physically couldn’t. He flicked his gaze between Calvin and Konrad, then nodded once.
“FREEZE!” He shouted as the three of them moved into the open. “Official military business! Everyone put your hands on your head, NOW!”
Neither of the two people in the room did this, mostly because one of them was actively being strangled while the other was actively doing the strangling. The woman’s voice thundered ahead as if she hadn’t heard him at all, all of her fury focused onto the tiny, greasy little man she held between her two gloved hands. They were plasticky blue gloves, like what a doctor might wear, and it suddenly occurred to Charles that he recognized this voice from somewhere.
“Dr Vinschpinsilstein?”
She turned to look at him, seeming not to particularly care that three guns were aimed directly at her. She dropped the small man, almost as if she’d forgotten she was strangling him, and stepped back a few paces with her hands at head level. Charles flipped the safety back on, the twins doing the same as they dragged the man away from the doctor.
“Dr. Vinsch- Dr. V,” he said, putting his gun in its holster but not locking it up completely. “What are you doing? Who is that man? Where’s Rupert Price? What the heck is going on around here?”
Dr. V waited patiently for him to run out of questions (he was pretty sure he’d gotten all the essentials), then spoke calmly, as if they were discussing the weather. “You are ‘Charlie’, da? From government? Looking for Gadget Gabe?”
“Uh,” Charles said after a beat, “yes, yep, and yeah. …That didn’t actually answer any of my questions, y’know.”
“Will answer them now.” Dr. V glanced over at the twins, who were helping the man stand up. Even without his throat squeezed shut, he was still making those same pitiful squeaks. Based on the way the twins were trying not to grimace too openly, he was likely the source of the garbage in this place. “That man is Gadget Gabe,” she explained. “Rupert Price… I do not know him. And me, am here for Babushkat. Gadget Gabe did not cooperate; I did not let him breathe.”
“Babushkat…?” Charles muttered, then shook his head. “It’s not okay to strangle people! Even if he was being stubborn or uncooperative, that doesn’t make that okay!”
Dr. V gave him a half-eyed look. “Stealing also not ‘okay’, da? He steals Babushkat, I steal his life; ‘easy-peasey’.”
“Um, no,” Charles insisted, “not ‘easy-peasey’. At all. What even is a Babushkat, anyway?”
Dr. V didn’t say anything for a second. Then she coughed lightly, pink dusting her cheeks. It was then that Charles realized that she was soaking wet, from head to foot. “My Babushkat is… how you say: ‘fur baby’. Moy melan’kiy kot.”
The man- Gadget Gabe- let out another wheeze. “You really don’t want that cat-”
Dr. V snapped her head in his direction. “I say so, not you. You wish for death?”
“Nope, nope, nope!” Charles put himself in her way quickly. “Let’s not wish for death, okay?”
“Oh,” Konrad said suddenly. “‘Babushkat’. I get it.”
“Shut up!” Calvin yelled.
“Okay,” Charles announced, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. Even with his headphones on, all the yelling was giving him a headache. “Let’s put a pin on the cat for a second. Gadget Gabe,” he turned and pointed at the man, who cowered pathetically. “Where is Rupert Price? We know he came to this lighthouse to find you, so please be honest.”
Gadget Gabe didn’t say anything, though his eyes flicked towards the back of the room. When Charles looked, he at first only saw an odd control panel in front of a window, but then he saw a dark lump stuffed haphazardly underneath. Calvin left Konrad’s side and pulled the lump into view, staring at it for a moment before plucking something out of the pile. He waved it towards Charles. “This is Price’s cell phone, I’m sure of it. It’s locked, though.”
Charles fixed Gadget Gabe with a firm look. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, sir: you can tell us where he is now, or you can tell us when we’re all getting cozy in a security office. Which’ll it be?”
“No!” Gadget Gabe wailed. “Don’t take Gadget Gabe’s gadgets! Gadget Gabe has done no wrong! The contract, the contract is very clear! Gadget Gabe made sure!”
“Contract?” Charles repeated.
Calvin picked through Rupert’s clothes again before pulling out a piece of paper. He scanned it with his eyes. “As far as I can tell, this is Price’s signature, too. Looks like he sold his soul for science or some crap.”
Charles closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten. Of course Rupert went and did that. At this rate, it seemed to be more of a matter of what Rupert didn’t do to complete his mission. “Even still,” he said, refocusing his gaze to Gadget Gabe. “That doesn’t answer my question. In case you forgot, it was: where is Rupert Price?”
“He didn’t end up in the Backrooms, did he?” Konrad asked suddenly.
Gadget Gabe looked like a deer caught in the headlights, while Dr. V looked more befuddled than anything. “What are ‘back rooms’?” She asked, looking to Charles for an explanation.
“Uh,” he said, trying to remember what the twins had told him on the way over. “It’s like… this internet thing, I think? And it’s-”
“Gadget Gabe made the name first!” Gadget Gabe shrieked. “The internet is full of filthy, lying thieves!”
Dr. V barked out a laugh. “When you say that, is- how you say- ‘very rich’. You are filthiest thief that lies, that is certain.”
Calvin cleared his throat to draw her attention. “Okay, so imagine these big, empty hallways, right? And like… sometimes, the world gets weird, and you step through the floor or a wall and then you’re there. Forever.” Dr. V stared at him for a moment, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I can explain it better, I swear-”
“This ‘back room’,” she said slowly, “is like pocket dimension, maybe?”
Calvin thought about it for a second, then nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s kind of similar-”
“PRIDUROK!” she shouted, glaring at Gadget Gabe so fiercely that he started blubbering. “You trick others to be your guinea pig? Postydnyy! Nedostoynyy! Moshennik! Kot vor!”
“Hang on,” Charles said, waving his hands for attention. “Can someone please explain what’s happening? In English, preferably, or Spanish? My Spanish isn’t the best though, so English is better, please!”
“The videos,” Gadget Gabe explained miserably. “Posted to Instickgram, they were. Gadget Gabe heard of Rupert Price’s missing friend from there.”
Oh yeah, Charles thought, some of the people in the bar were filming us, I think.
“Gadget Gabe summoned Rupert Price,” Gadget Gabe continued, “promised to find his friend once the contract was signed!”
“Well, did you?” Konrad asked.
“...No. But-! But Gadget Gabe helped Rupert Price enter the Backrooms, yes! Gadget Gabe built the doorway, and Rupert Price entered!”
Finally, we’re getting somewhere, Charles thought. “Well, then open it! Open the doorway and tell Rupert to come out!”
“It’s no use,” Gadget Gabe moaned. “Gadget Gabe’s gadgets were ruined; impossible, it is, to know if he lives! Rupert Price is gone; as good as dead!”
“Dude, what the hell?” Calvin shouted.
“Yeah, what do you mean, ‘good as dead’?” Konrad asked angrily. “It’s a yes or no question; how can you not know?”
“Stupid man,” Dr. V scolded, “stupid and dumb.”
Charles’ ears started ringing before he could hear more. Rupert was dead? Not even dead, just… gone? Rupert wasn’t that friendly with him, Charles understood that just fine, but the idea that the man had simply disappeared, without even his body to confirm what had happened… was this what Rupert had felt when Dave had vanished? No, it must have been a thousand times worse; Charles’ feelings wouldn’t hold a candle to what Rupert had gone through. If Charles felt this awful, then Rupert must have felt like he was dying. How could Charles ever think that he of all people could have helped Rupert through that pain? His eyes were watering, the scent of ozone making him choke up-
Wait.
Everyone stopped arguing, as if they also could smell that sharp, metallic burning in the back of their noses. Then there was a sudden flash of light accompanied by an electric shriek, which ended as soon as a loud, dull *thump* landed nearby. Charles blinked the sun spot out of his eyes and looked to see two bodies curled up on the floor. He didn’t recognize one of them, but the other was very, very familiar. “Rupert?”
Everyone in the room stared at Rupert Price, who was covered in grass stains of all things and holding a frail looking man close to his body. It was so quiet that Charles could hear the two of them breathing evenly.
“...Look, they’re fine,” Gadget Gabe said after a beat. “Everything’s fine; all’s well that ends-”
Dr. V punched him in the face, then hurried to examine the new arrivals. “They live,” she announced. “They regain consciousness even now.”
Sure enough, Rupert and the other man groaned tiredly as they started to shuffle awake. The frailer man came to sooner, yelping when he spotted the others in the room. Rupert awoke more quickly at the noise, protectively pulling the man into his arms as he looked around wildly. Finally, he spotted Charles. “Calvin? What are you doing here? What are the Bukowski’s doing here? The hell’s going on now?”
Charles gasped, a strangled noise of relief that was quickly replaced with an aggravated groan as he marched over. “What were you thinking?!” He scolded. “Do you have any idea how worried we all were? We thought something terrible happened to you… which it kind of did! You lied about what you were doing, flew halfway across the country, and threw yourself into some weird pocket dimension thing! What kind of plan was that? The worst one, that’s what!”
Rupert blinked owlishly at him as Charles paused to regain his breath. “...Sorry,” he eventually mumbled, not meeting anyones eyes. “I didn’t think you lot would really care…”
“Seriously?” Calvin gave him a look. “Charlie cares about everyone! That’s like, his whole thing!”
“It’s one of his major defining traits!” Konrad nodded emphatically. “Have you not been paying attention the past several months?”
Rupert flicked his eyes towards Charles. “But… but I’m just your inferior-”
“Rupert Price,” Charles warned, “I’m going to make you run a hundred laps if you talk like that again.”
“Don’t encourage him,” Calvin said quickly, “he’s probably into that.”
Konrad rested his chin in one hand, nodding sagely. “If anyone has a ‘sir-yes-sir’ thing, it’d be him.”
“O-Oi!” Rupert’s face erupted into red.
“Um…” Everyone paused when the other man spoke. He was still clinging to Rupert like a lifeline, or maybe something more. “Rupert, who are these people…?”
“Oh, um,” Rupert gestured vaguely around the group. “These are my coworkers. I uh- joined the military while you were… gone.”
“Just coworkers?” Konrad said indignantly, putting a hand to his chest. “That’s so mean of you!”
“After all we do for you, each and every day!” Calvin cried.
Charles chuckled wetly, any anger or upset he’d been feeling watered down into pure relief. “I don’t think he’s ever appreciated the ‘favors’ you do for him, you two.”
“It’s not our fault he kept misplacing things!” Konrad insisted.
“Maybe a little bit our fault,” Calvin pointed out.
“Just a bit,” Konrad relented, “but not that much.”
“So,” Charles announced, reaching a hand down towards Rupert and the other man. “Hi, are you Rupert’s friend? Dave, right? I’m Charles Calvin; nice to meet you!”
“Rupert’s friend?” Calvin said suddenly. “The one who fell in the Backrooms?”
“You actually found him?!” Konrad said excitedly. “No way!” They began to overlap each other with hundreds of questions all aimed at poor Dave, who responded by burying his face shyly in Rupert’s chest.
“Oi, you two!” Rupert snapped. “Bugger off, he’s had it rough.” He held Dave as closely as possible, even as he grabbed Charles’ hand to hoist them both up. The Bukowski Twins gave each other a knowing Look.
Someone cleared their throat, and they all turned to see Dr. V adjusting her shiny red glasses. “Am sorry to intrude,” she said, “but there are many things to be done. Gadget Gabe must go to jail, and I must go to my lab boat. You two, Rupert and Dave, you will come with me.”
“Who’re you?” Rupert asked.
“I didn’t see a boat anywhere,” Charles muttered.
“I am Dr. Vinschpinsilstein, traveling scientist. I specialize in cybernetic technology, but am knowledgeable on other sciences as well. My lab boat is off shore; I will swim and bring it to the dock to retrieve you.”
“Wait, you swam to shore?” Konrad asked. “Why’d you do that?”
“Came for Babushkat, did not want to wait. Seems now I will wait for long time.” She looked sad for a moment, then shook her head and refocused on Rupert and Dave. “Health examination must begin, da? Potential side effects of being in pocket dimension must be treated now.”
“What about you?” Calvin asked. “You were strangling a guy two seconds ago.” Dave squeaked and buried himself further into Rupert.
“Let’s worry about that later,” Charles said, “ after we make sure everyone’s okay. So uh, don’t run off on us, okay, Doc?”
Dr. V shrugged non-committedly. “Will be fine, but da, I stay near.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Charles said gratefully. As the twins began to cuff Gadget Gabe, he gestured to the room behind him with his thumb. “Let’s get the heck out of here, huh, guys?”
Rupert nodded as he looped an arm around Dave’s waist. “You ready to go outside, Davie? It’s not gonna look or smell great, just to warn you.”
Dave, who had been gazing around the room as if everything was foreign to him, gave Rupert a watery smile. “That sounds perfect.”