Chapter Text
Penelope woke up to find the bed empty. She knew she must have slept in quite late because she could see daylight surrounding the curtains. She lay on her back for a few seconds, tracing the pattern of the cornice at the meeting of the wall and ceiling.
For the first time in her life Penelope felt content. It was a strange feeling to her. It was as though she had finally been able to catch happiness and encase it’s burning glow. She used to think that happiness and joy were external emotions, felt for brief periods and dependent on other things, or rather, other people. She felt happiness when laughing with Eloise, when learning more about Colin, when she heard people praise Lady Whistledown.
But this was different. This was happiness from within herself. This was a burning in her heart – or was it her gut – no, her soul. Penelope felt as though her soul itself was emitting a light that it had never emitted before. Or was it just that she had never recognised it before?
There had been so many emotions in the last few weeks. Each emotion had felt like it was consuming her whole being and leaving no room for the rest. Her fear of retribution from the Queen, her pain at knowing others would finally know she was the one who had caused them hurt by writing about them in Lady Whistledown, her worry about how her new Bridgerton family would take the betrayal, but most significantly, her fear that she would lose Colin forever.
Was this morning different because she was no longer afraid? No, Penelope thought...she was still worried about the Ton, about the reactions of the Bridgertons, and whether the Queen would change her mind. Perhaps it was that she now knew she had Colin. That with his acceptance of her true self she could finally be content.
Yes, that’s it, she thought. It was Colin’s love for her that allowed her soul to burn. It couldn’t burn before because she hadn’t been honest with him.
Penelope sat up and swung her legs over the bed, happy with this explanation. She stood up and picked up her blue dressing gown from the floor, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror standing in the corner. She looked back and approached the mirror, placing her arms through the gown and tying it in place.
No, said a voice in her head. Colin’s love may have been part – a large part – of what allowed her soul contentment, but she knew the real cause. It was that, after years of being her own biggest critic, she had finally been able to love herself. Perhaps she had needed Colin to love her to prove that she was worthy of love at all. Penelope pulled herself up straighter and looked herself directly in the eye. And smiled.
The door opened and Colin walked in carrying a tray. He was momentarily surprised to see Penelope out of bed.
“Rae,” he called behind him, “we’re ready for breakfast now!”
Penelope looked at him quizzically as he set the tray down on the dressing table, awkwardly displacing her hairbrush and jewellery which had been haphazardly left the night before.
“I was going to bring you breakfast in bed,” he explained, “but the first set of eggs went cold because you were still sleeping – but I didn’t want to wake you – so I thought I’d bring some cold breakfast to be ready for when you woke up – but now you’ve already woken – anyway, the eggs are on their way.”
Penelope looked at the tray which contained a jug of orange juice, one of each type of fruit in a small fruit bowl, and plenty of cold meats and cheese. She let out a small laugh while slightly rolling her eyes.
“Colin, this is all very lovely but I’m sure I can make it to the breakfast table as normal. I’m not an invalid.” She looked up and saw him grinning at her.
“I know…I just wanted to do something special for you.” He said as he walked closer and held her round the waist. Smiling down at her he noticed the mirror she was standing in front of. “Oh, I see what’s going on. You were just admiring yourself. I can certainly see why, Mrs Bridgerton.”
Colin looked into her eyes via the mirror and leaned down to kiss her neck. Penelope let out another little laugh and turned around to pull him in closer.