Work Text:
“You’re not to blame.”
No answer came.
Only silence.
But then, in the back of his mind, Connor did blame himself just as a voice in the back of his head kept saying there was nothing wrong with—
“If anyone is to blame, I am.”
Connor ’s head shot up, his jaw dropping, staring at Clark, who—
He looked down, noticing how Clark didn ’t look him in the eye, making him still feel like an unwanted anomaly, an unplanned part of his life, whereas with Lex, he had been—
“Don’t say that.”
“No. I need to admit that I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I have found someplace in my life you could have fit into.”
“I can’t blame you,” Connor thought to himself, the voice in his head saying, “Filth simply became filth, so why should anyone care regarding the matter? At least he gave you love.”
“No. The reaction being a logical reaction to finding out doesn’t change the fact the reaction was wrong,” Clark said. “I mean, it’s logical given that the most similar thing tends to elicit a period of denial from the biological donor.”
“Huh?” Connor looked up, finding himself confused.
“I’m talking about a guy finding out he’s got a kid,” Superman said. “But I’m not sure that describes what our relationship is.”
“Thought so,” Connor said, feeling rejected, looking at the ground, wishing at the moment to return to Lex, even if—
A voice much like Robin ’s voice said what Lex did to him was wrong, wrong on so many levels, and yet.
“At least I was loved, right?”
“I think you misunderstand what I’m saying.”
“I’m sure I don’t.”
“I’m not rejecting the fact we’re biologically related,” Clark said. “More along the lines, it feels rather weird equating you to being my kid when — well, I am old enough to be your father, I guess, but with how we Kryptonians age, it feels weird. I guess, I mean, it’s going to be weird seeing Clark Kent as old enough to be the dad of a sixteen-year-old unless someone actually knew my actual age. And I’m not sure that’s the kind of relationship I want with you.”
“I do get it.”
“Do you?” Clark took a deep breath and then said, “I also don’t want the relationship Lex had with you, but I can’t tell you how wrong it is on so many levels. It’s worse than me rejecting you the way I did.”
“But at least…”
“That wasn’t love.”
Connor tensed, his eyes widening, then sucked in his breath. “But isn’t it better than…”
“Not being loved?” Clark let out a deep breath. “I think, and I do have to admit this, is my past with Lex’s projects hasn’t left the best taste in my mouth, and I think part of my thought process was that I didn’t want to get close for those reasons because there’s no way I couldn’t become attached if I did.”
Connor let out a huff. “That’s delightful, coming now.”
“I understand that, but what you need to hear is that loving someone doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt. And that fear of getting hurt particularly hurt again can lead to not wanting to form proper relationships with people and not trusting people.”
Conner looked at the floor, not wanting to respond.
“Even Superman isn’t perfect.”
Conner ’s eyes blinked. “I’m not sure…”
“I know you don’t. And it might be a bit late, but given what happened, I can’t let things continue the way they were. I can’t take a backseat to what’s going on in your life.”
“I don’t want pity. The team…”
“No. Not pity. Duty. To family. And, as the other part of your genetics, I’m the best person to counter the messages the other one put into that head of yours.”
“I see.”
“And I’m sure Robin isn’t, out of all the team, looking at you in pity.”
Conner ’s eyes blinked. “Uh, no. He’s actually. Well, he’s actually. I guess, family?”
“Yeah,” Clark smiled. “A little secret?”
“Really?”
“I can’t go into the details, but he is family.”
Conner ’s eyes blinked, looking at Clark. “What?”
“No, he’s not Kryptonian, and he’s definitely not related to Lex. But, if anything were to happen to Batman, let’s say Clark Kent’s parents are part of the contingency plan for Robin.”
“He trusts you a lot.”
“He also told me I was handling the situation wrong in the first place,” Clark said. He took a deep breath. “But, while he was right about that, it’s not really a father-son relationship I want with you because our relationship feels different than Batman and Robin’s.”
“So, they are family.”
“Family that found each other, but don’t touch upon the father-son thing with Robin. It can sometimes be a bit of a touchy subject for reasons I can’t get into. At least not yet. Not until you’re cleared to know Robin’s identity by Batman.”
Conner ’s eyes blinked. “What?”
“Which, yes. I think, eventually, you’ll be one of the ones cleared. Honestly, I think it was kind of a given even before I came to accept you’re here and now a part of my life. He still needs to know he can trust you and…”
“How? I… Lex and all.”
“That will definitely take time for you to sort out, I think. But when you do, you’re a part of the Kent family and thus a part of the contingency plan for Robin if anything happens to Batman. So is the Flash family.”
“I have noticed Robin and Kid Flash are close and guessed Kid Flash does, in fact, know Robin’s identity.”
“Batman is even more protective of Robin’s identity than his own, but that’s what the older family members do. They protect the kids, the younger ones in their family, and I really should have protected you from what Lex did, right?”
“Yeah. But,” Conner took a deep breath. “Don’t hold it against yourself.”
“And you don’t think you’ve got to settle for what Lex gave you; that has to be your family and how things play out.”
“I’ll think about it.”