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“What are you doing?” Stiles looked up to see Derek looming over him. Derek’s face was scrunched up into a disapproving look the one that he had been getting a lot lately. Stiles fucking hated that look. It was the same look his dad gave him when he stumbled home from a late night out. It was the look Scott gave stiles him when Stiles stumbled into the barbecue they had neglected to invite him to, drunk off his ass. Maybe he hated the look so much because it wasn’t just disapproval it was a mixture between sadness and disapproval. It was almost always followed with a shake of the head and then walking away like they were trying to get rid of the image of him. Maybe they were just trying to get rid of him all together.
“I’m just you know. Um..yeah.” He waved his hand around with the lit cigarette in it. He watched the way Derek’s eyes followed the cigarette, and then followed the smoke rising from it when Stiles stopped moving his hand. Derek seemed memorized by the cigarette and Stiles was memorized by him. After what felt like ages Derek’s eyes dropped back down to Stiles. He looked down shoving his hands in his pockets.
“You promised…” Derek started the rest of his sentence disappearing just like the smoke disappeared into the night air.
“Promise me you won’t start smoking.” Derek said wrapping his arms tighter around stiles as they watched the girl in the movie suck down the cigarette like her life depended on it. Stiles laughed turning to Derek amused.
“What you don’t want to kiss someone with stinky breath.” He said wiggling his eyebrows. Derek rolled his eyes letting his head fall to the back of the couch and giving Stiles an exasperated look.
“No I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want that to be as long as possible.” Derek smiled up at him hopefully, and Stiles’s heart melted. Yes he knew that was cheesy but it really did melt.
“I promise.” He said leaning forward and capturing Derek’s lips in his.
“And I don’t want to kiss someone with stinky breath.” Stiles smacked him on the arm and Derek just laughed leaning them back onto the couch, the movie forgotten.
“What you mean the one I made five years ago?” Stiles chuckled humorlessly. Taking another drag of the cigarette. Derek frowned watch the smoke escape between Stiles’s lips.
“Fuck Derek I barely even remember making that promise.” That was a lie. He remembered that promise every single time he lit up a cigarette. Almost everything he did was surrounded with memories plaguing his thoughts of when Derek and him were together. Derek rocked back on his heels like he was uncomfortable. Stiles wondered if he was remembering that that was the first time they had said I loved you to each other. Was he remembering the way Stiles’s hands felt on him? Derek cleared his throat.
“When did you start?” Stiles stared at him like he had two heads. That was what he was thinking about? When Stiles had taken up smoking? Stiles couldn’t help it he let out a loud bark of laughter, because there was so much more they needed to say to each other rather than ‘When did you start’
“I don’t know Derek.” Stiles spit out his words annoyed that he was avoiding the big talk. He stood up dropping the cigarette and getting in Derek’s face.
“Maybe it was somewhere between the moment that I found out my dad had cancer and finding out my ex fiancé was engaged to some new girl.” He poked Derek it the chest who flinched like it hurt him.
“Or maybe it was when I lost my job. Then again lets not leave out , finding out from the fucking cashier that the ex fiancé I mentioned, was marrying my old high school crush. You know Derek I really can’t pinpoint it with my life becoming a shit hole lately.” Stiles’s hands were shaking and he reached for his pack wanting to light up another one. He wanted the feeling of the smoke expanding in his lungs calming him down. For all the times Stiles had fought for his life, it was ironic that he gave it over to a cigarette, find serenity int he knowledge that each cigarette brought him a little bit closer to death.
“Can you really blame me from not telling you Stiles? You saw how you reacted crashing our dinner rehearsal!.” Derek yelled back. He looked furious and fuck if that didn’t get Stiles’s blood going. It felt like it had been so long sense he got an emotion out of Derek. sure they were ‘friends’ but nothing like they were before. They weren’t even at each other’s throats it was more like they accepted that each other was there and avoided the other at all costs.
“What happened between us….It was rough, but I’ve been trying to be a good friend the best I could considering. Lydia and I..”
“Lydia and I” Stiles mocked back cutting Derek off. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was being so cruel. Maybe it was getting something more then an indifferent hey from him that got him pushing all his buttons wanting to see how far he could push him until he broke.
“You and Lydia what? Are so happy? Have so much in common? Maybe it’s talking about how ‘poor little Stiles’ was in love with both of you.” Derek’s face dropped in confusion and he opened his mouth to protest but Stiles quickly cut him off.
“No. No that would be too easy. It was to get back at me wasn’t it Derek? You wanted to show me that you could move on, but not only move on but move on to someone I use to love just as much as you.” Derek was on him in a second pressing him to the wall and growling eyes flashing their electric blue.
“Not everything is about you Stiles! You are so wrapped up in thinking every move i make is about you, but you aren’t getting the picture that I’m over you. You broke up with me. You ran half way across the country leaving us all behind. I waited for you for 2 years. I waited 2 years to move begin moving on from you, and you didn’t even wait a month.” Derek was panting hard. he could feel Derek’s hand shaking where it held him by his shirt. Stiles wasn’t sure what came over him but he lurched forward capturing Derek’s lips in his own pulling Derek into him. For a moment Stiles felt whole again. He felt like a hole inside of him had been filled, that couldn’t be filled with one night stands and booze. It only lasted a moment, before Derek pulled himself away stumbling a few feet back. He was breathing heavy and his eyes were wide with shock, and something else that was gone too fast for Stiles to place it. Stiles reached for him only to have Derek jerk back quickly and his face shutting down completely.
“I’ve moved on and I think it’s about time you did too.” Derek turned stalking away from Stiles headed back into the dinner rehearsal leaving Stiles outside alone. He slid down the wall as tears brimmed in his eyes. What was he doing with his life? Making it worse. He thought to himself. He heard a loud chant of Kiss her erupt from the hall only to be soothed a few seconds later by loud cheering. Stiles knew what he had to do. He had done so much harm, and he needed to do something good. Stiles had a lot of work to do to make things right. He got up walking towards the parking lot.
“I’m going to fix it. I promise I will fix it.” He said giving one last look back at the rehearsal where he could see Derek and Lydia holding onto each other looking like the happiest people in the world through the large window. Stiles turned back around heading towards his car missing the moment when Derek turned to look out the window to watch Stiles walk out of his life again.